Growth

There's a saying that we have in church that goes a little somethin' like this:

"I'm not who I want to be but I'm so glad that I'm not who I used to be".

That's me, right now.

Most people who know me would pretty much describe me as "fun-loving", "easy-going", "drama-free", yadda yadda yadda.

But there's one person...just ONE, who would say that I'm everything but any of the above.

I don't get it. I mean really...I just don't get it.

He says that he's the only one who know the REAL me, and everybody else just sees the me that I want them to see.

Okay now. I'm just gonna have to take that as the ultimate compliment because I would be a pretty darned good Academy Award Winning actress if I were able to full 99% of the people 99% percent of the time, and only show my TRUE self to him the other 1% of the time. Uh...NO!

As sad as it is for me to think, I really think that he's the one with the issue. One day he likes me, the next day he hates me. One day he says he trusts me, the next day he says he can't. I mean really...which one is it. Take a side for cryin' out loud.

Anyway...I said all that to say...he's done it again and has pulled the "I don't trust you" card. I don't even know where this stuff comes from. Really, I don't. I mean, I could understand it if I had been talking to people about him...you know...saying one thing to his face and another behind his back. But to the contrary, I've done none of that. And if I've said anything at all about him, it's only been good stuff. I just don't get it.

So with this new age of technology, people find it so easy to had behind a nasty text message. He is notorious for this. Cuts me to the quick in a text but doesn't say two words to me to my face.

Okay...so here's where that old church saying fits in.

If this were two years ago, he and I would be in a major texting, email battle. And it wouldn't be pretty. But tonight, I let him send his little bit of nastiness, and I didn't even reply. Oh, I WANTED to reply, but I never did. I let it go. Which can only mean 1 of 2 things.

1. He's wondering when and if I'm going to reply
or
2. He doesn't care if I reply

So why should either of those matter to me? They don't.

Nope, for me, the satisfaction comes in knowing that I (once again) have been the "bigger person" and have chosen to just leave it be. No need to repay evil for evil. The only result of that is two evil people. Nah...I'll pass.

But it's so nice to know that I've grown. Truly grown. I just don't let it bother me anymore. I've got too many other things to figure out in my life than why someone is choosing to harbor bitter and hatred against me for things past. I thought we'd both agreed to move on. Apparently not.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Who's holding a grudge against you? Why? Does it bother you?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

What's in a Dream?

So I've not been sleeping very well lateley. Of course, it's from the overwhelmingly unhealthy amount of stress that I'm under at work. That place is just NOT normal. But I'm dealing with it as best I can, praying that God will make a way. I am trusting and believing that He will, and in that I have hope.

Funny though. My spirit believes that God will make a way and that everything will be alright. But my subconscious believes other wise, and so...every now and then I have trouble sleeping, and...this recurring dream.

Most of my dreams are about work and all of the stuff that's left undone because it's simply IMPOSSIBLE to do everything in a day.

But the dream that keeps coming back has nothing to do with work.

I keep dreaming that we still live at our old apartment, yet we're not supposed to be. We have a new place to live, yet we're "squatting" at our old place. Beds are still there, sewing machines are there. We live there, but we can't let the landlord nor the neighbors know.

It's wierd.

Then I wake up and wonder what it all means. Why do I keep going back there?

Our departure wasn't the friendliest. After living there for 13 years the landlord decided to "give us the boot" and terminated our lease. I paid my rent. Didn't have loud parties. Wasn't a disturbance to the neighbors. We were great tenants. Yet, we...were the ONLY tenants that he put out. He told me that he wanted to renovate the place so we had to move. Interstingly, none of the other tenants had to move and they'd been in their places equally long, if not longer than we had.

Oh, I could get into the reasons why I think we had to go, but I won't play that "card".

Anyway...I digress.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever had a recurrring dream? If so, what was it about? How often does it occur?

Talk to me!

Til next time...