This Way? That Way?? Which Way???

Tonight's post will be short and sweet...mainly because I'm at the library and they'll be closing in 45 minutes.

Yes folks, I'm back at the library using their internet because I don't have internet at home right now. Gotta tell ya...it's really made me scratch my head and wonder WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WRONG? And/or, WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I go to work EVERYDAY, make a "decent" wage...and yet STILL can't get everything paid for when it needs to be.

I get TWO paychecks each month. The first goes ENTIRELY to rent with NOTHING left over. The second goes to all the other stuff: food, gas, bills...AND a little bit of THAT ONE has to be saved for the rent too because that first check doesn't COVER rent...it simply goes TOWARD the rent.

I'm tired.

Tired of not having enough.

So today I realized that I've gotta do something DIFFERENT in order to get DIFFERENT results.

What that is...I don't know exactly...but I'm pretty sure that it will not come in the form of "working for others". I MUST find a way to "do my own thing" and "be my own boss".

Now don't get me wrong, I am thankful to be employed...especially after my recent stint of unemployment (as in ZERO money coming in. Zero, Zilch...NADA). Yet, I'm still not HAPPY. I'm not SATISFIED. I'm just functioning..."goin' through the motions" but not TRULY enjoying what I do.

And contrary to what on of my former bosses once told me...Yes, I CAN enjoy what I do for a living. It IS possible!

I'm fairly certain that whatever I do will come in the form of writing, but who knows...I may explore other opportunities as well. I just know that the longer I work in a cubicle, the less I belong in one.

For those who are wondering...nooo, I won't be making any hasty decisions to leave my current job, but I will be diligently seeking and pursuing that which will make me TRULY happy...that which I was put on this earth to do.

I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere, maybe even MANY wrong turns...but I'll find my way. I WILL!

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you operating in YOUR true purpose, or are you just "goin' through the motions" too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Day 1...Again

Today was the day that I decided to turn over a new leaf. Hmmm...what exactly does that mean??? I don't think I've ever actually turned over a leaf of any kind...new or old. I might just have to research that one.

But...what I did do was start my healthy lifestyle again. It came by way of joining "Weight Watchers at Work". For the next 12 weeks I will be working on the "new and improved" me, and my goal is to have 10% less of me to show for it.

Now I have to admit...my eating wasn't the BEST today, but going forward, it will be.

Oh, and in addition to joining "WW" I also rejoined my Black Girls RUN! crew and got in 2.88 miles. Felt like the toughest 2.88 miles I've ever don

e, but I got 'em in. There was once a time when I would've kept going until that distance read 3.00 miles, but tonight was NOT the night for that.

So...I'm excited about where these next 12 weeks will lead me. Hopefully into a more confident me. Hopefully.

How 'bout you...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What steps are you currently taking toward your health and wellness?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

One Step at a Time

I posted the following on my running group's page this evening. Thought I'd share it here with all of you. Once again, my beloved mother has made an appearance in my thoughts...I don't think a day has gone by that she hasn't. And I am a-ok with that. Anyhoo...here it is:

"After being absent for the past 3 months, tonight I "got back out there" with the The Lakewood Lovelies. I've gotta say, these were the most emotional 2.93 miles I've ever done. With every step I thought about the reason that kept me away for so long...my Mom. My Mom who walked HER last STEP on 9/17/14, had her right leg amputated on 9/25/14 and took her last BREATH on 11/9/14. All I could think about tonight was how much she would've LOVED the opportunity to have done what I was doing. So tonight's 2.93 miles were dedicated to my Mom. It wasn't my fastest pace, nor my longest distance, and once again...I came in last...but FINISHED. That's all my Mom would've cared about...FINISHING. And it would've been enough to make her proud. Sooo good to be back with my "sole sisters" again...who welcomed me with the LOVE and encouragement that is BGR!"

Sometimes we "leave it all on the pavement" and other times, like tonight, the pavement GIVES us more than we anticipated. Either way...it's all good.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you a runner? If so, do you typically run solo, or with a group?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Hair that Scratched Back

If you've been following along here in The Dialogue Den, then you know about the career rut I've been in for YEARS and how I'm very diligently looking for a new job. Preferably in the Social Service/Human Service arena where I can best utilize my professional skills and passion for serving others.

Every day I apply to who knows how many jobs. Every day...I get no response.

It's enough to have one questioning life, and the meaning thereof. I mean really, it can make a person really wonder, "What's wrong with me?"

Nevertheless, I have my FAITH and that's what gets me through each day. I'm doing my part by searching, and searching, and searching. I believe that God will do His part and open the door that He intends for me to walk through next. So, I shall live by
Matthew 6:26-34 and wait patiently for my breakthrough.

While I'm waiting however, I've realized that some things needed to be changed like YESTERDAY. One of those things was my hair. Again...if you've been following the blog, you may recall that I cut ALL of my hair off on March 1, 2013. I mean, I went to the barber shop, sat in the chair and said, "Chop it!" And "chop it" he did. I don't even think I had an eighth of an inch of hair. That was fine with me. Well...until it started growing back. My goodness! My hair went through so many different stages and phases while it was growing back. In some spots it grew in quite nicely. But in other spots, it didn't grow in well at all. More specifically, the patch right in the middle of my head toward the back. It was crazy! Like that hair was made up of completly different DNA than the rest of the hair on my head. It was a totally different texture, and grew at a MUCH SLOWER rate.

I couldn't take it any more. The straw that broke the camels back was when I straightened my hair last week. WOW! It turned out TERRIBLY! My hair felt like brillo. The ends were so rough and course...just plain UNHEALTHY.

So...yesterday I walked into my nearby hair salon and told the stylist that I wanted it cut down to the healthiest level. It took her a minute to understand what I was talking about and when she finally got it, she realized that she was about to do a whole lotta cuttin'. You see...most of my hair had grown to about 6 inches in length. But that middle patch was only about 1 inch long. So...down to 1 inch it all went and I'm now back to sportin' a "TWA". For those who don't know...that's a "Teeny Weeny Afro."

Yeah, it kinda sucks that I had to cut it all off again, but...I'm not trippin'. As Ms. India.Arie so eloquently puts it..."I Am Not My Hair." So I'm good.

And...I've learned quite a lesson. Just because I wear my hair "natural" does NOT mean that I can go without maintaining it regularly...as in, regular trims. It probably would have grown a lot quicker and healthier if I had gotten it trimmed regularly. As with every other lesson that I've ever learned in life...I've learned this one the hard way. Nevertheless...lesson> learned.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Aside from medical reasons, have you ever cut off all your hair? If so...how did that work for ya?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 7/21)

I'm Baaack

Yes, it's been a while, but I'm back. As some of you may know, I had another blog under a different name, but to be quite honest, I felt like I was talking to myself and that's no fun, so I decided to start all over again here, at "The Dialogue Den", where hopefully YOU will join me in the conversation. Hence, the word...DIALOGUE.

So what shall we talk about today? I know...how about "fresh starts", "starting over", and all that good stuff.

This blog is a great example. For months I've been wanting to start over and get back to blogging. But fear from the way that the first blog turned out kept me from starting this one. I thought, "Hmmm, if I couldn't get people to be interactive on the first go round what makes me think that they'll chime in this time". Mind you, I didn't give it much time. Maybe people needed time to warm up. This time, I'm just going to keep coming back...even if I'm the only one that I'm talking to. One of these days I'll get you to come out of your shell :-)

What I've found during my time away is that my experience with the first blog isn't much different than everyday experiences that people go through. Especially when it comes to relationships. More specifically, relationships that have the potential of being rekindled. Yet one person (sometimes both, but usually just one), has so many memories of "things gone wrong" from the past relationship that they're not willing to step out and try again. Even when it's clear that the issues that were present the first time around are now long gone, people choose to live in the past, giving up all possibilities of "what could be". And "what could be", could actually be pretty nice. But until that fear of the past is conquered "what could be" will never be. How unfortunate...to give fear that much power. I choose to believe that the PRESENT has far more power than the PAST. But that's just me.

And that's how it is with this our new blog. I say "our" because WE are in this together. The only way that it'll work is with YOUR interaction.

I refused to let the fear of failure from my previous blogging attempt keep me from trying again. Who knows, maybe people didn't quite get what the first blog was all about (it was about Everything and Nothing...just like this one). Maybe people were just shy and afraid to post comments (Thank you to the two of you who DID post...you know who you are). And for you Mr./Ms. Shy...I've got a solution for you...YOU can post anonymously.

So with that being said...Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is there anything that you want to try again with a fresh start? If so, why haven't you? What's holding you back?

Talk to me.

Til next time...