From Cover to Cover

2016 will soon come to a close and as I reflect on the events of this year, all I can say is:

I WANT BETTER!

I NEED BETTER!!

I WILL HAVE and BE BETTER!!!

Many things went wrong in 2016. Some by my own doing (which I am diligently working to repair) and others that were simply out of my control.

One area where I know I need to improve was that regarding the amount of time I spent with God in His Word. Yes, there were stretches where I was consistent and did alright, but I was not "365 days consistent." That is what I want in 2017.

I need to HEAR from God DAILY (through His Word), and He needs to hear from me DAILY (through PRAYER.)

Perhaps if I had done more of both, CONSISTENTLY, I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now.

So...here are two daily Bibles that I have attempted to get through for the past few years. My goal is to read one first thing each morning, and the other some time each evening.

God's Word is important to me and I need to start SHOWING Him instead of just TELLING Him. Isn't that how all SUCCESSFUL relationships work...by SHOWING and not just TELLING?

My relationship with God (by way of His Son, Jesus) is the MOST IMPORTANT relationship I have. I need to SHOW Him that I am serious and not just giving "lip service."

So there ya have it. I am greatly looking forward to a consistent year with God and His Word.

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever read the Bible from Genesis 1:1 through Revelation 22:21? If not, I invite you to join in with me. We can grow in the Lord TOGETHER.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Three Letter Word

After yesterday's inspiring event, my heart is still full.

One of the things that Shannon told us yesterday is that we have to be willing to say YES to God. That means YES to the things that we need to release so that He can bless us. And YES to the things that we want to receive.

Such a simple little word.

One syllable.

Three letters.

YES.

There's a song by the same name that I have listened to many times since yesterday's event. I listened to it this morning after I read my Bible and will listen to it again before I go to bed. It has become my "meditation song."

I didn't have the best day today, seems like I faced many obstacles. Yet I remain faithful in knowing that God is going to turn this thing around for my good. Until He does, my heart, my mind, and my mouth will continue to say:

YES

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have a "meditation song?" If so, what is it?

Talk to me! Oh, but close your eyes and listen to this song first.



Til next time...

And I Shall Recover It ALL...

Today was my day to visit another church. I gotta tell ya...I am truly enjoying the

experience. 

In the process, God has let me know that HE is in control of this...not I. 

The reason I say that is because there a THREE churches that I am anxious to visit...THREE. Wouldn't you know...those THREE have not been pulled from my bowl yet. It's as if God is saying, "Nope...not yet."

Even when I pulled today's church yesterday, I almost cheated and was going to pull another to see if one of the THREE might come out. Can you believe that?!? Hey, if I'm nothing else, I'm honest.

I quickly remembered though that this is a "team effort." Where I pull, is where HE wants me to go, even if I'm not 100% sure of the reason. 

The only thing that I am certain of is that every church in my bowl is in there because someone I know has worshiped there. Whether they're a member or were just visiting on a particular day is unknown to me, and most of the time I can't even remember which friend it was who went where.  Not that it really matters because I don't go to see friends (although I've said before that if I do...GREAT. But if I don't...that's OK too.)

Well...I didn't cheat yesterday and this morning I went to the church that I pulled. The one that God wanted me to visit today. 

I gotta tell ya. As I sat there in service I realized that I was right where I needed to be. The songs during Praise and Worship spoke directly to my heart, and the message was one that I truly needed to hear. The key point was RESTORATION -- getting back what was once mine...and then some. THAT was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 

It didn't stop there though. 

This afternoon I attended my own church's 3 Year Anniversary service. Now here's how I know that God is REAL and that NOTHING is by coincidence. 

Our theme for this afternoon's service was "Growing Stronger, Growing Deeper, Reaching Higher," and the message was to come from Isaiah 40:31

Well...the pastor who was selected to deliver the message had agreed to delivering one, but said that he wanted to speak on something else. My pastor agreed, and although we kept our theme, the message came from 2 Samuel 9:1-7, and was titled, "Welcome to The Table of Grace." Wouldn't you know...THAT message was all about (you guessed it) RESTORATION. 

I almost cried. 

Sometimes God speaks so softly to me, I can barely hear Him. Sometimes He's completely SILENT. At other times, like today, He SHOUTS. And I heard just what He's trying to tell me. In this "season" that I am about to go through, He wants me to TRUST Him and know that no matter what I've lost (and may potentially lose), He will RESTORE it ALL...and then some. 

With confirmation like that, how can I worry? I can't, and I won't. 

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you believe in God, or coincidence? 

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Choir of ONE

Today at church I had the pleasure of speaking briefly with one of our former members. She moved away a few years ago, happened to be visiting, and decided to attend service with her old church family.

As we were speaking she mentioned how EVERY TIME she hears the song "Because of Who You Are" she thinks of me.

One year for our annual "Women's Day" service, I sang that song. I have always LOVED it because it expresses EVERYTHING I feel about our Lord. It was a sheer BLESSING to have been selected to sing it that year.

She told me that she thought (and still thinks) that I sang it better than Vicki Yohe herself. WOW! That's says a lot because Vicki's voice is simply BEAUTIFUL.

It's no secret to those who know me that I absolutely LOVE music...and I especially love to SING.

No, I'm not the BEST singer in the world, but I sing from my heart and have fun with it. That's all that really matters in the grand scheme of things...right?

So on this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 13" - I am THANKFUL that God puts a song in my heart...EVERY DAY.

As you listen to the this one, close your eyes and let the words penetrate your soul...reflecting on the AWESOMENESS of God and ALL He is.

Then Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's your FAVORITE song to sing? Doesn't have to be Gospel.

Talk to me (or SING to me)!

Til next time...

He LOVES Us

Today was another Sunday for me to visit a new church.

As you may recall, last week I visited a church that I thought was one that my co-worker attends. Service was great although I realized on Tuesday when she returned to work, that I had the right name, but wrong location. No worries.

So I decided to try again today.

I got it right this time!

Still didn't see my friend though. And that's okay. She may have attended the 9:00 service and I was at the 11:00. I'm still on public transportation so making service at 9:00 was a bit of a stretch. Those buses don't run as frequently on Sunday as they do the other days of the week. 11:00 was perfect.

Even though the churches that I have been visiting (and still plan to visit) are those that my friends attend, I don't visit with the intention of actually seeing them. If I do...great. If I don't...great.

Even though I know days in advance where I will be attending service, I never reach out to anyone and say, "Hey...I pulled your church's name out of my bowl...so I'll see ya on Sunday."

Nope. I never do that.

I want my visitation experiences to be as authentic as possible...with God in FULL control. At least on my FIRST visit. So I show up when I show up. Sometimes I see friends...most times I don't.

As with all of the other services that I have attended at previous churches, I enjoyed the experience. Just as with last week...I didn't know a single song during Praise and Worship because they sing Contemporary Christian songs (like you'd hear on The Fish 95.9) I am much more used to Gospel, which we sing at my church and pretty much every other church that I have visited.

This location was a bit more diverse than the one that I attended last Sunday. I was still just a sprinkle of pepper in a sea of salt, yet when we come together for God's glory, all HE sees are His children.

Today's message was #8 in a series titled, "Pray Like This." Basically forming our prayers as Jesus modeled for us in Matthew 6:9-13. In doing so, our prayers will be more effective.

In all that Pastor Larry mentioned during the message, one thing really hit home with me. He was talking about problems and how we often fail to correctly treat a particular problem because we deal with the "symptoms" instead of the "cause." As an example, he mentioned how he used to mow his lawn when he was a young boy and his Mom would ask if he had taken care of the dandelions (pretty as they may be...they're still a weed.) He assured his Mom that he had because he had "mowed" them down. She then corrected him and told him that mowing them down wasn't the same as "taking care of them"...and that they'd be back in two weeks. Why? Because in order to have truly "taken care of the dandelions," he needed to get down to the roots. He hadn't done that. So...as expected, they came back.

This is what so many of us do, and it is especially what I do. I deal with the "symptoms" of my issues, but rarely the "causes/roots." Now that I know better, I will do better.

So you see...for those who may question why I'm doing all this "church hopping"...I am doing it because (A) God instructed me to, and (B) because it has made my worship and learning experience FRESH again. By the way...I personally don't think that "visiting" is the same as "church hopping." I think "church hopping" is when you become a MEMBER here, then leave, then become a MEMBER there, then leave, and continue doing so. THAT, to me, is "church hopping." I'm sure that there are others who will disagree.

Yes...I love my home church. That is family for me. Yet I didn't feel that I was always giving God my best. I had fallen into a routine. God has done too much for me to give Him half-hearted praise, so I knew I needed to change. Now...I go into churches not knowing what to expect. Only knowing that it is a Christian church that is Bible-believing. Those are the only two things that I ever know going in. So far, I have come out better with each visit than when I went in. Learning things from a different perspective...and giving God my best.

With today being Father's Day, we gave praise and honor to God as we THANKED Him for being such a "Good Good Father" to us. Interestingly, I had never heard this song before until last Sunday. Today, I heard it again. It's so very fitting, as He definitely is a "Good Good Father". If you've never heard it before...please take a listen.

Oh, one more thing -- you're probably wondering where I visited for the past two Sundays (I can't remember if I mentioned it last week.) Well...last Sunday I attended Light and Life Church in Downey. Today, I attended Light and Life Christian Fellowship on Downey. BIG difference between those two words, in and on.

Oh, wait -- one more more thing -- on this day, "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 6 - I am THANKFUL for God's LOVE. Love UNCONDITIONAL. I fail DAILY, and yet...He continues to LOVE me. I will NEVER be perfect, and He knows this. All I can do is my best to be BETTER today, than I was yesterday. This is my goal, each and EVERY day.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you listen to Contemporary Christian music? If so, who are your favorite groups?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Just a Prayer Away

My goodness! There is so much going on lately. In my life, and in the lives of my friends. Just a whole lot going on, and not all of it good. As for me, I am still dealing with the ramifications of the car accident that I was in on April 29th (I'll be writing about that soon), and still have some family (and "other") issues that I am working through.

Nevertheless, I still have a reasonable portion of health and strength, so I can not, and will not complain.

Tonight's post will be short and simple. I am asking that you pray for me (in the name of Jesus) as I am praying for others as well (in the name of Jesus).

We serve a God who is able and there is absolutely NOTHING too hard for Him.

Although my prayers are NEVER the same, I have some areas that I try to cover. Not always, but most times.

I always begin with THANKS (although I can NEVER thank God enough for all that He has done, and continues to do).

Then I CONFESS my sins. Note that I did NOT say that I ask for forgiveness. You see...Christ shed His blood on the cross for our sins...ALL of them...past, present and future. In that sacrificial act, He forgave us. So there's no need to keep asking for what has already been granted. There is however, a constant need to CONFESS our sins. Not sugar coating them...but calling them what God calls them. And so...that's what I do.

Then, I present my requests before Him.

Just thought I'd throw that in.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you prefer to pray in the morning, evening, or do you pray throughout the day?

Talk to me (and ESPECIALLY to God)!

Til next time...

Where Are They Now?

So today's post is one that I have wanted to write since last Thursday, but have been reluctant to do so. My spirit however, has continued to be "prickled" and I know that it won't stop until I just go ahead and write the darned thing.

Since the unexpected death of one of our music icons last Thursday, I've felt a bit "troubled" about where he may be now.

One of my friend's posted something on the day of his death and at the end of her post she wrote, "I pray that he was saved." I prayed the same.

As the days progressed, more information about his faith was mentioned.

According to the Christian faith, Jesus is God, Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

According to Romans 10:9, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

From what I understand, this individual's faith did not adhere to such belief. And that makes me sad, because it means that I (along with other followers of Christ) will never see him again. It also means that he is now experiencing ETERNAL separation from God. Something that I can not even BEGIN to imagine.

As much as I believe The Bible to be the TRUE, INERRANT WORD OF GOD...the bottom line is that NONE of us will ever know what REALLY happens after THIS life until we enter the next.

It's really troubling when I think about it. Not just because of this one artist, but because of the many who have died before him. And not just celebrities, but every-day folks who were once here and aren't any longer.

I have many friends who do not believe that Jesus is Lord, and that He died for our sins. They think that's all just part of a "man made" story, taken from the beliefs of other faiths that came before Christianity.

One thing's for sure...we can't ALL be right.

As much I enjoyed the music of the artist who just passed, and have enjoyed hearing about how generous and kind he was...I know that (according to the Word of God), none of that gets one into eternity with God. Belief in Christ is the ONLY way.

The other thing that's certain is that no one knows what happened in the last moments of this individual's life. Perhaps just before his last breath, he actually DID confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believed in his heart that God raised him from the dead. Only he and God know for sure. But I sure hope...with my hope of hopes...that that is how it happened.

With a heavy sigh...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU think? Do all dogs go to heaven? And people too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

EVERYTHING Matters to God

Lately I've been kinda sad.

Sad about about a number of things.

Sad about the financial crunch that I'm in right now. Not understanding how a person who works everyday doesn't even make it from paycheck to paycheck. I make it from paycheck, to a week before the next paycheck, and my savings account carries me through that last week. Yes, I'm thankful for the savings account, but it hurts to watch it depleting, just so I can "live."

Sad at times because I miss my Mom. No, our relationship was not the best, but that doesn't negate the fact that she was my Mom, nor does it negate the fact that I love and miss her.

Sad over the fact that my Dad is really ready to finally get home after MONTHS of being in hospitals and rehab facilities, yet he's still at least 3 weeks away from being released.

Sad about my friend who I said I wouldn't write about anymore, yet the longer that time passes and she doesn't reach out to reconcile our relationship, the more I realize that our friendship didn't mean all that I thought it did to her. And for those who are coming in on the tail end, saying, "Well if it means that much to you then why don't YOU reach out?" I did. Three times. And for an offense that was not my own doing, I think that three times are sufficient.

And then of course, there's "Joe."

As I mentioned in earlier posts, he'd gone to Houston the Wednesday before last and I hadn't heard from him since. Had no idea if he'd gone for good and just didn't have the heart to tell me, or what? I hated not knowing.

So yeah...my heart was feeling a bit heavy.

Friday night, before I went to sleep, I changed the wallpaper on my phone. I changed it to the picture that's here in this post. It's a depiction of Psalm 56:8 which states:

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

That gave me comfort. Knowing that every tear I have cried -- God has bottled, because they mean something to Him.

So I changed my phone wallpaper and went to sleep.

Woke up yesterday morning, started on my weekend chores, and in the middle of all that, God made it very clear to me that He has heard my prayer, AND...He answered, at least one.

That was all I needed.

That was enough to assure me that my prayers are not in vain. God is hearing, and He is answering them in the time that He sees fit. Sometimes He makes me feel as though I am about to hit rock bottom, yet He never lets me get that low. I may get a foot away from the bottom, but He never lets me hit it. This is what I need to remember, because trials, heartaches, and sorrows will continue to come. But as long as I know that God is going to catching me...not matter how long or far down the fall seems, I will be okay.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time God answered one of YOUR prayers?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Sunday Visits

***This one's kinda long. You've been warned.*** :-)

I have been a member of my current church for the past 23 years.

I don't remember the exact day that I first visited, but I do remember (like it was yesterday) the events that led me to my current church.

I had already been a member of a different church, Revival Time Church of God in Christ. One Sunday morning, as usual, I got my daughter Lauren, and myself ready, hopped in the car and headed to service.

Lauren may have been 2 years old at the time.

We arrived at the church, I unfastened her from her car seat and we headed inside.

Before we got to the door, I had a prompting in my spirit that said, "Get back in the car. You won't be worshipping here today."

That was odd, and I didn't understand what was going on. But the command was so clear, I chose to be obedient.

So I secured Lauren back in her seat, got in, started the car and asked, "Lord, where am I supposed to go?"

The answer, "Drive, and I'll tell you when to stop."

So I drove down the street for about ten minutes, not knowing WHERE I was going. Then, "Here. This is where you will worship today."

I was too far down the street to even see the name of the church I was going into. Parking went down the entire block. I just knew that at the end of the block there was a church. I got Lauren out, either carried her on my hip or held her tiny little hand (it was so long ago I really can't remember) and we headed inside to what I discovered was Doublerock Missionary Baptist Church.

We returned Sunday after Sunday, and all these years later, we are still members. Although the church has since moved, and now has new name, it is still our "church home."

It's a great church, lead by God first and foremost, whose message is delivered through our fantastic Teaching-Pastor. I have learned (and continue to learn) so much under this man's teaching and preaching. An example of that is in the way that I now attend service for different reasons than I did in the beginning.

I cringe to even say the following words, but they are the truth, and thankfully I've grown since this time, so...I'll go ahead and say it.

In the beginning of my spiritual walk, I went to church for the MUSIC. Our church had one of the BEST choirs in the city. My my my!!! They were "off da chain" as was the phrase back then.

Although I'd stay for the message, it was always the MUSIC that got my attention. I made sure to be on time for church so that I wouldn't miss any part of "Praise and Worship."

After all that great singing, the message just seemed dry and without any "umph."

Over the years, my spiritual "likes" changed. I didn't care nearly as much about the singing, and had begun to time my church arrival until AFTER "Praise and Worship" was over. I would arrive just before the message was to be delivered, because all I cared about at that time, was the Word.

Awful...I know.

Oh, but God!

I'm sure that there were many-a-Sunday when God would just watch me and shake His head. Thankfully though, like clay on the potter's wheel...He kept shaping and re-shaping me until I began to look and behave the way that He intended with regard to worship.

One day I finally realized that Praise, Worship and the Word ALL go together. They are all a vital part of the service. I needed to arrive at church ON TIME for ALL of it. Now, I do.

After having said all that, we move to "present day" and what I have tagged as my "Season of Visitation." The interesting thing is that I don't know how long this "season" is going to last. Only God knows.

As I said earlier, I have been a member of my current church for 23 years. And I am under the direction of EXCELLENT Bible-Based preaching and teaching. Even with all of that though, for the past two years (maybe longer), I have had a prompting in my spirit to VISIT other churches. I was reluctant to do so because my Pastor has often cautioned against "eating from too many spiritual tables" as one may end up with "spiritual diarrhea." For that reason, I stayed put.

But there is SOMETHING about the Holy Spirit. When He wants you to do something, He will continue to poke and prod until you finally OBEY and follow His direction.

So after two-plus years of hemming and hawing, I finally decided to be obedient and have declared 2016 as my "Season of VISITATION". I have NO IDEA what God has in mind for me in all of this, I just know that it's what He's been wanting me to do, and as I do so, I believe that He will eventually reveal to me what the purpose is in all of it.

I haven't visited too many churches yet, but the three that I have gone to have provided me with wonderful experiences.

When I visit, I go with these things in mind:

Is the presence of God in this place?
I know that may sound like a difficult question to answer, but all I can say is...I've been in services where I knew without a doubt that the presence of God was there, and I've been in others where God was no where to be found, and wouldn't come near the place with a ten foot poll. You can tell...really, you can.

Is this a Bible-believing church, and is the Bible where the message is coming from?
I understand that a lot of preachers are great story-tellers, and they will often tell a story that will lead into the biblical message. I get that, and think it's great. What raises my antennae are preachers who ONLY tell stories and NEVER open the Word of God. For me, that's a "red flag."

How welcomed do the members make me feel?
At my church, I know how important it is to our Pastor that we make visitors feel welcomed, and after the "meet and greet" portion of our service, he actually asks our visitors if they had been made to feel welcomed. He also follows with, "If anyone made you feel unwelcomed, I wanna know." And he means it!

I understand that it may be a bit easier to be greeted personally in a smaller church -- I have a few large churches on my list of churches to visit -- so I'm curious to see how that will go when I visit them.

So far this year I've visited the following:

City of Refuge in Gardena, CA
Carrollton Avenue Baptist Church in New Orleans, LA
and
Rhema Word Bible Church in Long Beach, CA

I have had great experiences at ALL THREE, and for different reasons.

Although this year was not my first time attending City of Refuge -- I've attended their New Year's Eve Watchnight services in the past, but added them to my list because of the option to attend evening service at 6:00 pm. Some Sundays I wanna sleep in, or do other things during the day, yet still hear a word from God. City of Refuge allows me to do just that.
It is a bible-believing church, and although they don't have a special part of the service where they acknowledge visitors (unless I've missed it along the way), I feel welcomed when I'm there. Actually, a more accurate term would be that I "feel at home" when I'm there.
I've only had one experience that I wasn't too keen about which was during "Praise and Worship" at one of the services I attended during their "Revival Week." The Praise Team leader kept referring to the Holy Spirit as "it" versus "He." Throughout the ENTIRE song, she kept saying "it." That bothered me because I know that the Holy Spirit is He, not it. As a "Praise and Worship" leader, I would've thought that she would've known that too. But hey...we're all at different places in our spiritual maturity, and I pray that one day she will come to that knowledge.

When I visited New Orleans last month I knew that attending worship service on Sunday was a MUST. Being in the city for the first time, I had NO IDEA where to go. I googled churches, even found a few within walking distance but was still unsure about where God wanted me. So I prayed on it. He finally directed me -- to a church that I had to take a taxi to -- Carrollton Avenue Baptist Church.

From the moment I walked in I was IMMEDIATELY greeted and welcomed. I took a seat and shortly thereafter we moved into "Praise and Worship." Many of the songs were familiar and some were new. I loved that.

After "Praise and Worship" it was time for the Word. Pastor Webber reminded me a lot of my own pastor in his preaching style. His message wasn't filled with a bunch of "Whoopin' and Hollerin'." Instead, I could tell that he had STUDIED in order to deliver a message that God's flock could learn and grown from.

Overall, it was a wonderful worship experience, and when I go back to New Orleans (yes...I'm going back!) I will be sure to worship there again.

Now we fast forward to the past two Sundays.

In case you've been wondering how I decide where to go -- my method is quite scientific. Okay, not really. My method is the old "pull a name out of a bowl." That's what's pictured here.

Over the past few months I've asked friends where they worship, and have added their churches to my bowl. Other times I'll see a Facebook "church check-in", and I'll add that church to my list. So the list is fluid and continues to grow.

Three Sundays ago, I pulled a name out of the bowl and was on my way. Before heading to the new church though, I headed to my own to take care of a few things. Well...the quick stop at my church resulted in me staying for the entire service. That was a-ok with me. God's plans ALWAYS go before my own. For whatever reason, God said, "Not today" that day.

Last week I decided to try again. I had a church in mind, but couldn't get ready in time to make their 9:00 service, which is the only service they have. So I went with my second draw, Rhema Word Bible Church and was able to attend their 11:00 service. What a GREAT decision! Last Sunday was Valentine's Day and we began service by singing "Love Songs" to God. It was BEAUTIFUL.

After our heartfelt serenades to God, Pastor Johnson delivered a message on "God's Love Language" which made us reflect on how we show our love to God and more importantly, how God WANTS us to show our love for Him. It's all in His word.

I enjoyed the message so much last week, along with the welcoming spirit of the congregation, that I went back THIS morning and attended the 8:00 am service. I was hoping to see a friend there who attends that church, but I don't think she was able to make it as I didn't see. The church is small enough that you can easily see who's in attendance. Overall, RWBC is a wonderful place to worship. Once I've gotten through my list of churches to visit, I may very well drop in for another service one day.

In case anyone's wondering...NO, I am NOT leaving my current church. At least that's not MY purpose for this "Season of Visitation." Although, as I said before, this is not about MY will, this is about God's will. There's a reason why He kept prompting me to do this, and I won't know what His purpose is until He reveals it to me.

Yes, I am still a faithful member of my current church, I contribute financially even when I am not in attendance, and I still serve in ministry. So this is in no way, my way of looking for another church home. I am simply moving as the Spirit leads.

Whew...that was a lot! Going forward, I will simply write about each church individually as I visit. One thing's for sure...I am excited about this journey!

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Where do YOU attend church? Tell me, and you never know when I may show up. :-)

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Anticipation

Lately I've been feeling a bit melancholy. Can't quite put my finger on why. I thinks it's a result of many things.

*1. I miss my Mom.

**2. I'm not satisfied with what I've accomplished thus far in my life.

***3. I've made some terrible decisions regarding "Joe" that I'm trying to bounce back from.

****4. My Dad's been in hospitals and rehab centers since November.

*****5. My former best friend of 38 years has still not bothered to reach out to me to find out what she did to upset me so, which is a clear indication that she just doesn't give a rat's ass about me.

******6. My car needs a lot of work done and I can't afford to pay for any of it.

*******7. It's February -- the month where LOVE is everywhere, constantly reminding me that I am no longer loved. Yes, I know I'm loved by my friends and family (which of course, I'm thankful for). That's not the love I'm talking about.

I've prayed, but I'm kinda wondering if I should put that on hold for a while. Maybe I need to stop talking TO God and start LISTENING more (as in reading His word).

I dunno. I'm just in a funk of some sort.

Can't remember the last time I had a hug...you know, a real "everything's gonna be okay, and even if it's not, I'm gonna hug you anyway" kinda hug.

I just need to pour my heart out to someone who will listen. Not judge (although I have a whole LOT to be judged for), but just listen.

There's one friend I've been wanting to call. He's always been a great listener, and an even greater encourager. He was once a really good friend, but my relationship with Joe changed things, and nothing's the same anymore. That's a shame because he's the only person I really wanna talk to right now. God knows my heart though, so maybe he'll place me upon my friend's heart and he'll call. I really need his ear. I really do.

That's about it for now. Praying that I come out of this soon.

In the meantime, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Who do YOU call when you really need to pour your heart out?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In the beginning...

With the start of another new year, I have once again commenced on a journey through The Bible as I do every year.

Many folks have NEVER read The Bible from cover to cover. I, have done so MANY times.

Some have wondered, "Why do you need to read it AGAIN if you've already read it ONCE?"

That's often a tricky question for me to answer because, unless one truly knows the power of God, and His word, they won't really understand my answer.

You see, for me, The Bible is always FRESH, and never gets old, stagnant or stale. Even though the words on the page NEVER change (because God's word is CONSTANT), what I get from those words CHANGES.

I can read a passage of Scripture today and come away with one meaning. I can go back to that same passage of Scripture a year from now, and take something completely different away from it. So even though I have read The Bible many times, there is ALWAYS something fresh and new to be gained.

I have also had people say to me, "I just don't understand The Bible", or, "Whenever I read, it just puts me to sleep."

I can understand both of those statements because at one time, those too were my experiences.

For the first, "I just don't understand The Bible," I had to do a few things in order to gain a better understanding myself.

One -- I needed to be in a BIBLE BASED church with a Pastor who preached and taught thoroughly and contextually because CONTEXT RULES. For the past 17 years, my Pastor has done just that.

Two -- I needed to understand that understanding was not simply going to come by attending worship service on a Sunday morning and then not opening my Bible anymore during the week. Nope. Doesn't work that way AT ALL.

Understanding comes by attending Bible Study and/or Church School (also known as Sunday school), and (turn the mic up) by STUDYING God's word on your own.

I always say, "The more of God's word I put in, the more of His word will come out...by my deeds, words, and actions toward others."
Similar to a bank account, if you never put any money in, there will never be anything to withdraw. If I never put God's word IN me, then how can I ever pull from it? Simple answer...I can't.

Three -- I always PRAY before I read. I thank God for His word, and ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the word so that I can learn whatever it is that He wants me to learn at this particular time. For me, without praying first, the words are just letters on a page and I often miss what God is trying to tell me.

As for the ones who say, "Whenever I read, it just puts me to sleep." Again, I say...PRAY. I would also suggest reading in a place that's not so comfortable. Perhaps at the kitchen table, versus in your bed right before you turn in for the night. Personally, I always read on my knees at the side of my bed, and I have no problem with getting sleepy. Interestingly, that is the only way that I can read. I have tried reading at the table, or sitting in a chair or on the couch. None of those work for me though. Yet when I go in my room, get on my knees and open my Bible, I can stay there for quite a while, often not realizing how much time has passed.

So this year I am trying a new thing and I am reading The Bible in chronological order -- reading the events in the order in which they occurred. The format is quite different from what I am used to, so this will be an adjustment, yet I look forward to what God will reveal to me as I read it this way.

As I opened my One Year Bible this morning, I remembered buying one for a friend a few years ago. She wanted to strengthen her faith and asked me for some suggestions. She wasn't ready to go to church but still wanted to know more about God. I didn't want to just say, "Read your Bible" because (A) I wasn't even sure if she HAD one, and (B) The Bible is a HUGE undertaking for someone who is at the beginning stages of their faith walk. So I suggested the One Year Bible and even bought it for her. To this day, I have no idea if she's ever even read a page. I'd go to her home and see it on the coffee table, looking as new as the day it arrived. In recent visits I don't even think it was on the table anymore. Who knows? Maybe it found its way onto a shelf (where it will do her absolutely NO good), or possibly even in the trash. I highly doubt that she's reading it because "Super Soul Sunday" on TV has pretty much become her "church." She doesn't seem to think she needs anything else. I've never seen "Super Soul Sunday," so I can't accurately describe the teachings that are broadcasted. I would hope that someone on there is a Bible Teaching Pastor who is sharing the TRUTH about Christ. Otherwise, if it's just a bunch of Iyanla, Deepak, Oprah-esque "Motivational Speakers," the folks will be just as LOST when they tune OUT as they are when they tune IN.

So...that's how I'm kicking off my 2016, with God's word to lead me, guide me, and direct me. Lord knows I need some direction.

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you read The Bible from cover to cover?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Weebled and Wobbled

So here we are, at the close of yet another year.

I wasn't really sure how I would celebrate the occasion.

In years past, I would go to "Watch Night Service" and ring in the new year with praise, worship, and a word from God.

Tonight though, I just want to be home, ALONE, with God.

I've gotta admit, this year just hasn't been the best. It may have been as bad (or possibly worse) than 2014. And in 2014, my Mom passed, so you know that must mean that 2015 was rough.

I dunno.

When I think about most of the tears that were shed this year, they were not over my Mom. When I think of her, most times I actually rejoice (and am a bit envious) because she has graduated from THIS life to the next and all of her pains, sorrows, disappointments are now COMPLETELY gone. No one letting her down. No one telling her that they love her and then disappearing. No friendships ending simply because she asked to be respected. Nope...my Mom doesn't have to deal with any of that any more.

I do though. Or should I say...I did.

When I think about the tears that were shed THIS year, they were over those still living here on earth. Those who were supposed to be for me, yet I discovered the opposite to be true. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it went down, came out the other end and has been flushed away.

I'm not taking any of that with me into the new year.

God has been "cleaning house" for the past 6 weeks and when HE "cleans house" He gets all up in the nooks & crannies. He's revealed a lot to me, and has shown me that some things (people) who I thought were good for me, simply weren't. So He's removed them. Hurts? Of course. But I know that these individuals did not leave as a result of anything that *I* had done, so that means that God moved them out. By the way...this isn't to say that I never do anything wrong in a friendship or relationship. Of course I do! The difference though, is that when it is brought to my attention that I have HURT and/or DISRESPECTED the other person...I acknowledge that, so that things can be made right. Apparently, not everyone feels I deserve that same respect. Unfortunate, but...c'est la vie.

So forward, onward, and upward it is.

Yesterday I was reflecting on what I have been viewing as "losses", and then realized that what (and who) I have left are what I am supposed to have. New people have come into my life. New friendships have developed and it was as though I could hear God say, "Your latter days will be greater than your former. I had to remove the old in order to make room for the new." I believe Him. I don't always understand Him, but I believe Him.

Funny...I was at work today and thought, "I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but for those who can handle strong coffee, I am just right."


Anyway...2015 dealt me some blows that I simply didn't expect AT ALL. But as the words of the song go, "Here I am, I'm still standing..."

I thank God for bringing me through another year, being with me THROUGH IT ALL. And if it be in His will, I look forward to getting through yet another, getting better, growing stronger and wiser.

I am also going to tackle this 365 posts in 365 days again. I only had 164 posts this year (including today's). I didn't have consistent internet access in 2015 and now I have better, so 2016 is already shaping up to have more success, at least where The Dialogue Den is concerned. With all of that said...

Goodbye 2015!

2016, I'm ready for ya!!!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you could choose a song for 2015, what would it be?

Talk to me! Click on the song and sing with me!! Here I am!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!! May it be FILLED with the very best of God's BLESSINGS!

Til next time...

Fed and FULL

This evening after my book club meeting I decided to swing by the nearby Soul Food spot and pick up some dinner.

What I ordered required a 15 minute wait which was fine with me because I always have a book handy to help pass the time.

So I take my seat and begin to read.

A few minutes in, one of the servers turns on some music. No biggie. I can read with music.

Soon thereafter, he starts singing.

Then I hear the lady sitting next to me who's also singing. She was pretty good...and so was he.

Well...he got louder, and the louder he got...the BETTER he got. This dude's singing was OFF DA CHAIN!

I was entranced. I closed my book and just watched him and listened.

Next thing I know, the lady sitting next to me has turned her chair around and asked me, "Who is that? Where's that singing coming from?"

I told her that it was the tall, dark, older gentleman behind the counter. She too agreed that his voice was amazing.

Now I don't know if it was because I'm missing "Joe" while he's out of town (which I'll write about in a later post), but I'll be dag-gone if this dude didn't remind me of him. There was something about the heart and soul that he put into the song...something SPECIAL that he added that made the song his own...just like Joe does. It was like I was listening to Joe 20 years from now. I could have listened to this man ALL NIGHT.

As I continued to wait for my food, the lady told me that she'd heard him singing there before but that she doesn't come too often because she lives in Cerritos. I then told her that I'm also not there often because I live near Cerritos (which is no where near the restaraunt we were at).

I then told her that I tend to stop by after my book club meeting and she soon began asking me about the club. Apparently her daughter has been looking for a book club with predominantly African American women and I told the woman that that is exactly what my club is.

What she said next almost made me cry. She said, "I'm gonna tell my daughter about the book club because if YOU'RE in it, then it's where she needs to be. You have AMAZING energy." That was such a compliment to me. I don't know what it is...perhaps it's the "Jesus in me"...I don't really know. What I do know is that there IS something special in me and people just FEEL it when they're around me. I don't say this to toot my own horn...I've just gotten to a point where I accept and acknowledge whatever this is, and if it makes people want to be around me...or know that I'm someone GOOD to be around...then I'll take it...gladly.

She and I talked some more and next thing I knew, we were exchanging numbers. I know...I know...I don't know her from "Eve" but something about it just felt okay.

She wanted my info so that she could give it to her daughter. Sure, she could have just given her daughter the book club info, but before I knew it, she had my number and sent me a text with her info. Something about her just made me so comfortable.

I'm still waiting for my food, and we start talking about books and authors. She tells me about one that I had JUST heard of earlier today. She told me how FANTASTIC this author's books are and that I really need to check out her work.

Next, she tells me about the book club that she's been in for 30 years. She said that the club isn't perfect, but she's been in it so long...she just decided to stick with. Then, she said something that actually did make me tear up a bit. She told me her age. She's 64.

That's the same age that my Mom would have been if she were still here. 64

And at that moment, that whole encounter made sense to me. God was giving me a little bit of what I needed to make me feel better about the ones I'd been missing.

He gave me Teddy (that's the singing server's name)...to remind me of Joe, and make me smile.

And he gave me Katarina (even if just for those few minutes) to remind me of my Mom, and in an odd way...what a Mother's love feels like. The way that I opened up to her just felt so "natural". Now I think I understand why. God just wanted me to feel that motherly connection, even if it was with a complete stranger.

Who knows. Some folks may call me crazy. But in that brief visit to the Soul Food joint, much more than my body got nourished. My soul was fed...and got FULL.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever encountered a stranger who unexpectedly filled a void?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Thoughtfulness

This evening I went to visit my Dad in the hospital. He's been in and out quite a bit lately. Not many people know because I keep so much to myself. Heck...folks didn't know about my Mom for weeks after she'd been hospitalized. I'm just not one of those folks who shares every waking thought and moment with the world. Here though, for some odd reason, I don't mind sharing.

So I go to visit my Dad, and although I knew I needed to be there, I hated being there at the same time. It's the same hospital where my Mom was before her last days. It's the same hospital that I drove to when I got the call telling me, "Your Mom fell, and she's in the hospital."

I made my way to the hospital only to find her in the Emergency Room, sedated, on life support, and with tubes coming out of everywhere. All this because of a fall?

Turns out that my Mom had fallen as a result of many things. She had a stroke, heart attack, kidneys failed, and had a severe clot in her leg that was pretty much cutting off circulation from her knee down to her toes.

The day that my Mom fell at home and was rushed to the hospital, was the last day that she ever walked.

After many days of sitting by her side in that hospital room, waiting for her to be strong enough for surgery, waiting for her to be prepped for surgery...waiting for her to come out of surgery...waiting for her to be strong enough to breathe on her own...waiting for her to be able to open her eyes and acknowledge me...waiting for her to learn how to swallow again so that she could enjoy a simple cup of water...waiting for her to be strong enough to get out of her bed and into a wheel chair...waiting for her to be well enough to go home...only to realize that she would NEVER go "home"...waiting...

Yes, those are the memories that come to me every time I turn onto the hospital lot, check in at the visitors desk, press the button on the elevator and head toward my Dad's hospital room. THOSE...are my memories...and I can hardly stand them.

Today though, when I pulled into the lot, it was as if God knew that I needed just a little something to lift my spirit. As soon as I parked my car, I saw it...the lovely flower that's pictured here. I got out of the car and it was as though I heard God say, "Look."

There were four flowers. He said, "Look at them all." So I did.

Then He said, "Which one do you like the best?"

And I took a picture of the one that was closest to perfect. I looked at the color, the intricate detail, and was reminded of how creative God is, and how thoughtful He is to stop me before I went into that hospital, so that I could enjoy a few moments of beauty first.

I thanked Him, and then I went in.

As I was leaving, a smile came over my face as I remembered my beloved "Joe", and how loving and caring he was with my Mom when she was there. I will always remember the day that she had her amputation. Before she went in, she was agitated. We could tell. I didn't really know what to do. But Joe...

He always knows what to do.

He got a washcloth, wet it, and gently wiped her forehead to cool her off and calm her down. I believe that should could feel the love in his touch, and in an instant, her nerves were settled. She still wasn't able to speak at that point, but you could see the change come over her face. As if I didn't already love him, my love for him grew exponentially in that moment, with that small gesture.

All in all, I'd have to say that the visit today wasn't all that bad. There were some sweet moments mixed with the bitter.

As for my Dad, he's still there and will probably be moved to another hospital before he gets to go back home. That other hospital is another tough one for me to visit, for similar reasons. That's where we were told that her remaining days were very short...and they were.

Just thought I'd share that. I miss my Mom. Tomorrow will mark the 10 month mark since she left this earth. She came to me in a dream last night. She was her old self. She was healthy, and she was well. I welcomed the visit.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do you cope when you have to visit a place that doesn't bring the fondest of memories?

Talk to me!

Miracles DO Happen!

So...

Last Tuesday I wrote about the horrible experience of finding that my car had been towed. So as not to leave you all on a cliff-hanger, I'll let ya know how that whole thing turned out.

After walking home from the library, and then to the Sheriff's station, I was advised where my car was and that they were closed for the day so I'd have to begin the process of reclaiming my car on the following day.

I wake up on Wednesday morning, and walk to the tow company. They advise me what needs to be done and I realize that I am in for a VERY Long day. My next stop was to walk to the "top secret" location so that I could get my registration (although expired) out of my car so that I could then take it to the DMV.

I arrive at the "top secret" location where I am greeted my a gentleman who ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH. GREAT!!! Thankfully, I know a bit of Spanish but have never had a full-on conversation with anyone. Getting my paperwork was important though, so I made it work. After about 20 minutes, I was inside my vehicle and was able to get the registration.

On my walk to the DMV all I "had a little talk with God", and thanked Him for giving me the words to say IN SPANISH that I didn't even know I knew.

I arrived at the DMV minutes before they opened. I stood in the line that wrapped AROUND THE BUILDING in the hot morning sun. As I stood there, DMV employees came out to advise is that the computers were down STATEWIDE and there was NO ETA as to when they would be back up. GREAT AGAIN!!!

My whole reason for even being at the DMV was to get a "One Day Permit to Move the Vehicle" or something to that effect. Every 20 minutes or so, a worker would come out to update us, with the SAME information. Computers were STILL down, with NO ETA. I was determined to stay, no matter how long it took because I HAD to have my car THAT DAY in order to get done what needed to be done.

Thankfully, after about an hour and a half the computers came up and we were IN.

I got my permit and shortly thereafter, my niece very kindly picked me up to take me to my next spot...the Sheriff's station.

We arrive at the station, I show them my "One Day Permit" and they give me "the clear" to go get my car. So...back to the tow company we go.

There, I paid the RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED FEE to get my car back and we headed to the "top secret" spot once again, this time to retrieve and drive off with my car. Phew!!! Thank God!

Next stop was to get my smog check.

I arrived at the place, the guy looks at my paperwork and says, "I can't do the test here. You have to take your car to a 'Star Certified' station."

What??? What's that?? And WHERE is it?

He told me where the nearest one was and I headed that way, only to get THERE and be told that the gentleman would not do my smog check there because my "check engine" light was on.

Are you kidding me?!?

He told me to take my car to a mechanic, get it fixed and come back. I was about to crumble. I had no money to get ANYTHING fixed on my car...and everything needed to be completed THAT DAY. *TEARS*

So I hop in my car and head home, not knowing what to do next, but knowing that it was HOT and I needed to change clothes.

I get home, changed into something cooler and decided that after all my poor little car had been through, she deserved a bath. So I took her to the drive-thru car wash.

When the wash was over I drove forward and happened to glance at the dashboard. Would you believe...the "check engine" light was OFF! What?!? YES!!!

So I hopped on the freeway, making my way BACK to the smog check station and praying the entire way for the light to STAY off.

I pulled into his shop and said, "Look. The light is off now. You can do the test."

He looked at me and asked, "What did you do to the car?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Who touched it?"

"I didn't touch it. The light went off by itself. Now please, do the test."

"If I do the test and it fails, I'm still charging you."

"Fine. Just do the test. It won't fail."

He did the test, and it PASSED! Thank You LORD!!!

I was so happy! After all that had gone wrong, SOMETHING finally went right.

I drove my clean little, newly smog-checked car home and as I pulled into the driveway I heard an odd noise. I parked the car, got out, walked around the car and found...A FLAT TIRE.

Yep. Flat as a pancake.

At that point I was spent. Didn't even bother to deal with it at that moment. I went inside the house, thanked God for making the "check engine" light go out (HE was the one who 'touched' the car), for getting me home safely, and called it a day. Oh but that's not the end of it...I'll tell you the REST next time.

Now it's your turn. Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do YOU know how to change a flat tire?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The Moon tonight was SUPER!

Tonight we had a "Supermoon" so I thought I'd write about it.

I've always loved the moon. It seems so much less harmful than the sun. I mean, think about it. One can stare at the moon ALL night, with the bare naked eye and have no damage done. The sun...don't even think about it. Stare directly at that bad boy and you're toast.

But the moon...love it.

It's kinda of interesting, but surely no coincidence that I love the moon and the ocean. And my goodness...let me be at the beach on the night of a full moon...that's the perfect combo.

Although I don't believe in astrology (because I believe in He who CREATED the stars...not in the stars themselves), I do find some of the information accurate and interesting. For example, based on my date of birth I am what's called a "Moonchild". Here are some "Moonchild facts" taken from Astrology.com (http://www.astrology.com/cancer-sun-sign-zodiac-signs/2-d-d-66919):

"Cancer
June 22 - July 22

Cancer, the fourth sign of the zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this sign are 'roots' kinds of people, and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others. More than likely, their family will be large, too -- the more, the merrier! Cancers will certainly be merry if their home life is serene and harmonious. Traditions are upheld with great zest in a Cancer's household, since these folks prize family history and love communal activities. They also tend to be patriotic, waving the flag whenever possible. A Cancer's good memory is the basis for stories told around the dinner table, and don't be surprised if these folks get emotional about things. Those born under this sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them.

The mascot of Cancer is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancers are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in. That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.

Cancers are ruled by the Moon -- the Great Mother of the heavens in ancient times. Here on Earth, this is manifested in the Crab's maternal instincts and desire to protect home and hearth. This may appear smothering at times, but that's the Crab for you. The Moon is associated with fertility, too, a quality that is most pleasing to Cancers. The Moon is also the ruler of moods, and Cancers have plenty of those. These folks can cry you a river if they're so inclined, and they usually are. They can be overly sensitive, easily hurt and prone to brooding. Even so, Crabs find it easy to be sympathetic to others and are quick to show their affection. Their intuition is also a great help to them, especially in times of stress.

The element associated with Cancer is Water. Like the rolling waves of the sea, the Crab's emotions can make quite a splash. These folks tend to pick up on things and bring them in, with the outward result ranging from sentimentality to possessiveness. Crabs need to resist the temptation to become selfish or to feel sorry for themselves, since this behavior won't help. On the bright side, Cancers are good with money (although some consider them too thrifty), probably because they value a sense of security. Crabs are also quick to help others and tend to avoid confrontation. In keeping with their nurturing bent, those born under this sign are a whiz with food. A hearty picnic in the park is heaven-on-earth to most Crabs.

Cancers often find that a robust workout session is just the tonic for their touchy feelings. Team sports are always nice, since they offer a sense of community; water polo should be elemental to aquatic Crabs. What are their team colors? The Moon is silver and white. Since Cancers have a tendency to be lazy, however, they may need someone to push them out the door. When it comes to the game of love, eager Crabs are devoted, romantic and able to get things going on their own. Crabs are wise to listen to their gut, since this sign rules the stomach.

The great strength of the Cancer-born is the tenacity with which they protect their loved ones. These folks don't ask for much, either: a comfortable home and sense of peace about sums it up. It's that nurturing instinct which makes Cancers a pleasure to be with."

Yep. That about sums me up. Again...I am fascinated by the accuracy yet at the beginning and end of the day, I believe in my Lord Jesus, Creator of ALL. (John 1:3, Colossians 1:16)

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time YOU stepped outside and looked at the moon?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 17/21)