Lovin' What I SEE!

Today's post is short, sweet, yet EXTREMELY meaningful.

In a nutshell...8 years ago today I visited a RETINA SPECIALIST who pretty much took pictures of my eyes and basically told me that I should NOT be able to see, and would not be able to see for much longer. He didn't tell me how MUCH longer, that would be, nor did he tell me what I could do to save my eyesight.

WORST DOCTOR'S VISIT I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!!!

I left his office depressed and discouraged. That lasted for about two weeks.

After those two weeks were up, I decided that I was going to LIVE my life and take in as much as I could SEE, WHILE I could see.

And here we are...

Folks sometimes wonder why I take so many pictures, or why I often stop dead in my tracks to gaze at something that most would overlook. My answer is simple...I do those things, because I STILL CAN.

Every day that I open my eyes and can STILL SEE is an incredibly amazing gift that I do NOT take for granted.

So on this day every year, January 29th, I celebrate what I call my "Birthdaversary." It's a combination of the day that truly began to see life around me, and my way of always remembering how precious this gift of sight is.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there a medical milestone that you celebrate each year?

If so...Talk to me!

Til next time...

At My Fingertips

Raise your hand if you can remember being asked this question when you were in elementary school:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The typical answers are, teacher, doctor, lawyer, astronaut, along with a host of others.

My answer as a child wasn't much different. I wanted to be a teacher. But who I wanted to teach was a bit more unique.

I wanted to teach "the blind." For some odd reason I was fascinated by Louis Braille. I even learned how to read Braille, and wrote to the Braille Institute several times. I would hand-write my letters and they would respond in Braille. It was so cool! I wish I still had them.

Unfortunately, my dreams took a different path as I got older and I never became the teacher that I had always longed to be. With the teaching dream went my ability to read Braille.

Then, a few weeks ago I was in my local Starbucks and saw that they had gift cards in Braille. I just HAD to get one. I didn't put any money on it...didn't even buy it with the intention of giving it away. I just asked the cashier if I could have one and off I went. Funny how something as simple as this little card brought back such a flood of memories, along with "what ifs."

What if I had stuck with my interest in Braille and had actually become the teacher that I'd dreamt of being as a young girl? How much different would my life have been?

Interestingly enough, for those who know me well and/or have followed The Dialogue Den since 2009, you know that I have "special eyes," and the ability to SEE each day is truly a GIFT that I never take for granted. I have to take special precautions with MY eyes that most folks don't give any thought to. Not many folks my age have ever seen a RETINA SPECIALIST. I have...more times than I care to admit.

I pray that these eyes will always be able to SEE what is before them, but just in case anything ever changes...thanks to Mr. Braille, I know that I will ALWAYS be able to READ.

Oh, and in case you were wondering...the letters on the card (of course) spell Starbucks. That first little dot by itself, way over to the left lets you know that the word is capitalized.

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was YOUR answer to the 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' question when you were in elementary school? Did your dream/goal come true?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Just LOOK Around.

Today is a tough one. It's this kind of day that was the reason for me to do another "30 Days of THANKFULNESS" campaign 29 days ago. I needed something to refocus my mind on the POSITIVE when it seemed that the negative wanted to prevail.

This'll be a short one, but I'm going to go with sustained eyesight. 

Heck I may have already been THANKFUL for that over the past 29 days, but because I am THANKFUL for it EVERYDAY, there's no harm in it being a repeat...if it is. Y'all know how I am about these special eyes of mine. 

So on this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 29" - I am THANKFUL that my eyes still work. I've been getting a lot of headaches lately which have caused them to be fatigued. Waaay too much staring at a computer screen all day. 

Yet they are hangin' in, and for THAT, I am forever THANKFUL. 

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: How was YOUR day? 

Talk to me!

Til next time...

i SEE You!

Anyone who's followed The Dialogue Den for a substantial amount of time, knows that I have very "special" RETINA. Yes, in January 2009 I received some terribly unsettling news about my retina and the fate of my vision. The news was life-changing and sent me into an extremely deep depression.

Over time I bounced back and realized that these eyes of mine were made by God and He will sustain my vision for as long as He wills to do so. Once I came to that understanding and acceptance, I was able to move forward with life.

Since that January in 2009 I have thanked God EVERYDAY for the ability to STILL SEE. For me...that's HUGE!

Most folks wake up each day and don't give a single thought to the fact that their eyes still function. They are probably like I was before my diagnosis. I never gave much thought to functioning eyesight either. It's like that saying, "You never miss what you have until it's gone." Thankfully my eyesight never left me (although I have had some scares), so I haven't had to miss it. I pray that I never will. But the simple THOUGHT that it could possibly one day be gone, had me missing it already.

As I said before, by God's grace, I can still see. And thanks to a news report that I saw this afternoon...even if...(and that's a BIG if)...even IF my sight begins to fail, this AMAZING man has been doing research to help folks with conditions like mine, actually SEE again. PRAISE Jesus!!!

Ever since my diagnosis I've wondered what ANYONE was doing toward the treatment of retinal diseases. Yes, we hear about cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's, diabetes...but we NEVER EVER EVER hear about retinal disease. I mean c'mon folks...shouldn't FUNCTIONING EYESIGHT be up at the top of the priority list? If not the VERY top, then at least in the Top 3.

So I listened to the report about Dr. Mark S. Humayun, MD, PhD, and the work that he has done toward bridging medical science and engineering to restore sight. He was inspired by his grandmother who lost her vision due to diabetes. He wasn't able to help her at the time, but praise be to God, he is able to help many now.

Over the years I have often been asked who my heroes were. There was once a time when my ONLY hero was Jesus. I simply didn't feel that there had been anyone "earthly" who had done anything "heroic" for me.

That changed as I watched my mother in her hospital bed during the last two months of her life, SHE became my "earthly" hero. None of what happened between she and I before those two months mattered. In the days between September 17, 2014 and November 9, 2014 -- my Mother became my "earthly" hero.

After seeing today's news report and discovering Dr. Humayun...I can now say that I have TWO. THIS man has given me hope. Yes, my faith in Christ has given me hope enough to understand that no matter WHAT happens with these eyes...God's got me, and will be WITH me at ALL times. Dr. Humayun has given me a hope that says, just in case these eyes DO fail...HE is working on ways to bring them back.

Right after the job of those who lead souls to Christ, I think that THIS man's job is the 2nd most important of all.

So on this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 17 - I am THANKFUL for Dr.Mark S. Humayun, MD, PhD, and ALL who are doing research in retinal disease. Ways to ultimately halt it, and/or RESTORE vision if the disease has gone too far. May God bless HIM and ALL others who are doing this GREAT (and MUCH NEEDED) work.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Who is YOUR "earthly" hero, and why?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Seven Years Later

My goodness!!! Where has the time gone?

I woke up this morning and realized that I forgot to write a very important post yesterday. Yesterday, January 29, 2016 was my 7 year "Birthdaversary."

Birthdaversary is a mixture of the day my retina specialist told me that losing my eyesight was in my very near future which resulted in me soon thereafter looking at life through GRATEFUL EYES.

Yes, January 29, 2009 very well may have been the worst day of my life, and the news that I was given on that day sent me into a deep downward spiral, and depression.

I mean, how is one supposed to handle the news that their eyes are the worst that the doctor has ever seen in his numerous years of practice, which was quickly followed by him printing out a picture of an eye and then marking the paper with EVERYTHING he saw wrong with mine. Holes and tears all over the place.

I sat frozen after hearing all that he had to say, then finally asked, "What can be done to make things better? How to I fix what's wrong with my eyes?"

His cold, emotionless response was, "Nothing."

He ended the visit and told me to come back in six weeks. Those were the longest six weeks of my life. I didn't know if I was going to lose my vision within those six weeks...I didn't know what to expect. He left me with nothing to help me get through.

So, as I said before...I became severely depressed...to the point of not even being able to get up and go to work. I felt like my life was coming to an end. How would I function without being able to SEE???

Somewhere along the line, maybe week four or five, I began to pray. My prayer in the beginning was, "Lord, please don't let me lose my eyesight." Then it became, "Lord, I know that you are with me in ALL things, and although you know what I want, ultimately, this is about what YOU want. So let YOUR will be done, and help me to accept whatever that is." With that prayer, came a calming peace. I was finally ready to get back to living.

Six weeks were up and it was time for me to see the specialist again. A slew of pictures were taken of my eyes...my retinas actually. The BRIGHT LIGHT of the camera shining RIGHT IN MY EYES was awful. When all the pics were taken, I then proceeded to the examination room and waited for "Mr. No Bedside Manner" to come in and review everything with me.

He came in, looked at the pics, didn't say anything, then called someone else into the room. They talked amongst themselves as though I weren't in the room. I overheard them looking for things that were on the previous pics, that were no longer in the pics that had just been taken. They were baffled.

Finally, the doctor looked at me and asked, "What have you been doing?"

My response, "I've been praying. God made these eyes, and I knew that only He could HEAL them."

They both looked at me like I was speaking a language they didn't understand. I understood completely, and left that office PRAISING God.

That was SEVEN years ago, and these eyes STILL FUNCTION.

Since that day seven years ago, I have developed a deep appreciation for God's beauty around me. Whether it comes in the form of an ocean wave, a sunset, a flower, a bright shiny full moon, a bird, squirrel, snail, people...you name it...when MY eyes see it, I always thank God, and if I am able...I take a picture.

I still have to take precautions with my eyes, like wearing Solar Shield glasses (that senior citizens wear) when I'm out in the sun, even on days when no one around me has their eyes covered, mine MUST be. I'm unable to wear contacts because putting them in and taking them out makes me "see stars", so I've decided that glasses will do just fine. Those are very small prices to pay though toward the preservation of my beloved eyesight.

So...that's my story, and every year I am so happy, and BLESSED to share it. I would say that God is good, but in my life, He is sooo much more than that. I've often told Him that there is no word to adequately describe His goodness. I'm sure He understands exactly what I mean.

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you had any medical scares that God brought you through?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Reading is FUNdamental...and so much MORE!

Question: Is there anything that you do in excess?

Eat?
Watch TV?
Exercise?

Anything???

I have recently come to the realization that I READ in excess. I mean, I just can't get enough. I am devouring books as though they will no longer be available to read.

I've always been a bit of a "bookworm" and now I am a "bookworm" on steroids.

For those who know the story regarding my eyes, then you understand why I read as much as possible. Every day that I open my eyes and can still SEE, is a GIFT. Every time I get to the end of another book...that too is a GIFT.

Between 2009 (when I first found out about my "condition") and 2013, I didn't ready ANYTHING. I was too depressed to pick up a book.

Then, out of the blue, I found a group on Facebook that was about to read "The Purpose Driven Life." I read that book and haven't stopped reading since. My library card is WORN OUT, and I love it!

So as long as God continues to let these eyes of mine function, I will continue to use them to their fullest, admiring the beauty of EVERYTHING I see, and devouring EVERY WORD I read.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the last book you read?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Seeing and BELIEVING

Not everyone knows my story so on January 29th every year I tell it again, as a reminder to some, and as new info to others.

The short and skinny of it is this: On January 29th, 2009 at the suggestion of my optometrist, I went to see a retina specialist because my I had some "interesting things" going on with my eyes.

So I go to the specialist's office and IMMEDIATELY realize that something is wrong. I am the YOUNGEST person in the office, buy AT LEAST 40 YEARS!!!

I get checked in, get my pupils dilated and proceed to have images taken of my eyes all while EXTREMELY BRIGHT LIGHT is being shone in them. My eyes teared, and teared, and teared some more. I think at one point I pleaded with them to stop taking the images, but of course, they couldn't, so they didn't.

After the images were taken I went back into the waiting room until it was my turn to see the specialist.

He calls me in, looks at my images and before he even introduces himself, he comes right out with, "Is there a history of BLINDNESS in your family?"

WHAT?!?

What kind of way is THAT for us to start off???

I tell him no.

He them draws a picture of an eyeball, marks it up and says, "That's what's going on in YOUR eyes. Rips, tears, holes..."

I was numb. Not really knowing what any of that meant.

Finally, I found my voice and asked him, "So what do we do about it?"

His cold response, "Nothing".

"So I'm going to lose my eyesight?"

He replied, "Most people have a 1 in 10,000 chance of losing their vision. YOU have a 1 in 100 chance. I have to tell you, YOURS are the WORST eyes I've ever seen, and I see thousands of patients each year."

The numbness returned.

"So there's nothing I can do?"

"Nothing. Just come in twice a year so that we can monitor the degeneration, but other than that, no...nothing to stop it."

Well alrighty then!

He scheduled for me to come back in 3 weeks, maybe 6 (I can't remember), to do some follow up tests, and sent me on my not-so-merry way.

No sooner than I left his office I IMMEDIATELY fell into a depression. He had just told me that I was going to lose my eyesight, sooner rather than later.

I came home and CRIED. My kids cried with me because they could see how torn up I was. My doctor took me off work, because I stopped functioning. In my mind, I was going blind...and I didn't know when. It was the WORST news I'd ever received in my LIFE!

After a while I realized that I had to "snap out of it". I still had a life to live and children to take care of. I had to get myself together! And I prayed.

Of course, my initial prayer was, "Lord, please don't let this happen."

Over time it became, "Lord, let Your will be done." Now THAT was a difficult prayer to pray!!! That meant that if I kept my eyesight, I would accept it, and if I LOST my eyesight, I would accept that too.

So I go back to the specialist a few weeks later, they take those HORRIBLE bright light images again, and I see "Dr. Doom and Gloom" to go over everything.

He looks over the images...perplexed.

He calls someone else in to look at them...now they're BOTH perplexed...and I'm curious.

"Dr. Doom & Gloom" asks, "Where is the hole?"

The assistant says, "I don't see it."

The doctor says, "It was in the last images. Why isn't it in these?"

I say, "Because I have PRAYED to the Lord who MADE THESE EYES and He has removed whatever was there."

Now they are both looking at me like I am from another planet.

WHATEVER! I know that I serve an omnipotent God and He is able to heal whenever and however He so chooses. THIS I KNOW.

So he sent me away again, and I've NEVER been back. I see my optometrist regularly, but I will NEVER go back to that man. Even if I do need to see another specialist in the future, it won't be he who lacks compassion.

Yes, my eyes still do things that most folks' eyes don't do.
Yes, I have to wear "special" sunglasses even on days when the sun isn't so bright, and I wear them OVER my regular glasses.
No, I can't wear contacts anymore because I "see stars" when I put them in.

But PRAISE BE TO GOD that I CAN STILL SEE!!!

He made these eyes and He has sustained my vision. That's why I notice things than most overlook...because I SEE and APPRECIATE EVERYTHING.

So on this day, January 29th 2015, I am celebrating my 6 year BIRTHDAVERSARY. I call it a birthdaversary because I feel like that was the day that I really began seeing life from a different perspective...and being ever-so-thankful for it.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have any health related BIRTHDAVERSARIES that YOU celebrate each year?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Happy Birth-da-Versary to ME!!!

So...today is a VERY special day for me!

Five years ago, on January 29, 2009 I got some news that shook me to my core.

A few days prior I had go to my optometrist for my annual visit. She dilated my eyes, said a few, "hmmms" and then said, "I'm going to have you see a RETINA specialist because you have some "interesting" things going on with your eyes.

Okay. Fine. So I made an appointment and I went.

It was THE WORST DOCTOR'S VISIT I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!!!I would rather go to the Dentist AND the Gynecologist IN THE SAME DAY, than go to the RETINA specialist!

I get there and as I'm waiting to seep the specialist I notice that EVERYBODY in the room is over 60...EVERYBODY! And then there was me. PROBLEM.

Then, I get called in to have my eyes dilated and am instructed to go sit in this very dark room...again, with a bunch of folks WELL OVER 60! PROBLEM.

As I'm waiting, I notice that many of them have been accompanied by someone else. Why? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T (or can barely) SEE! PROBLEM.

Finally, after who knows how long, I get called into a room where over 50 pictures are taken of my eyes/retinas. I hated it! BRIGHT Lights were shined RIGHT INTO MY EYES and then click, after click after click...

This went on for what seemed like FOREVER and I'm pretty sure that at some point I begged the guy to STOP. Finally...he did. I wanted to cry.

I waited some more and it was finally time for me to see the specialist. He had already reviewed the images of my eyes so when he walked in the room, I don't even think he greeted me...his first words were, "Is there a history of BLINDNESS in your family?"

EXCUSE ME?!?

I told him no.

He then proceeded to show and tell me ALL of the things that are wrong with my eyes and then it's a wonder that I can still see. As if the images weren't bad enough, he whipped out a drawing of an eye and then started marking AGAIN all of the problem areas with mine, followed by, "1 in 10,000 people are at risk for losing their vision...YOU are a 1 in 100 risk".

Well alrighty then!

I asked him what could be done. His reply, "nothing".

He was the worst! No encouraging words. No hope. No help. He basically told me that I SHOULD be BLIND already, and since I wasn't yet...eventually I WOULD be. Then sent me on my merry way.

I left that office more depressed than I had ever been in my entire life. I came home and CRIED. And CRIED. And CRIED. My kids wanted to know what was wrong and I told them. We prayed together and then...we CRIED together.

I fell into a major depression and didn't go to work for a week. I couldn't function. I had to figure out how I was supposed to live my life without EYESIGHT.

But God...

After a week of depression, I pulled myself together and went heavy into prayer mode. First I prayed for God to not let it happen. I asked Him to let me keep my eyesight. I prayed this prayer for a while. Then, my faith shifted to that of Shadrach, >Meshach and Abednego (if you don't know who they are, just open your Bible...they're in there). And my prayer became, "LORD, I know that You are able, yet I accept Your will for me, whatever that may be." And with that prayer, came PEACE.

So here I am, FIVE YEARS LATER and praise be to God, I CAN STILL SEE!!!

Yes, I've had a few scares within the past 5 years. Yes, I've received more bad news about my eyes. Yes, I wear sunglasses (OVER my regular glasses because I can no longer wear contacts) that you typically only find octogenarians wearing...but I CAN SEE! And right now, that's all that matters.

So for those who wonder why I take so many pictures...why I see the beauty in something as menial as a snail slithering by after the rain, and every other little thing that most folks could care less about...well, now you know why. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to see those things, so I soak it ALL in....ALL of it.

No you know my story. So next time January 29th rolls around, feel free to wish me Happy Birth-da-Versary to ME!I call it my Birth-da-Versary because it's the day that life started over for me. The day that I decided to start living life to its fullest while appreciating all that is around me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What would YOU do if you were faced with life-changing medical news?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Happy 3 year "Birthdaversary" to Me!

This was my Facebook post today and I thought I'd share it here with you as well. Today is my 3 year "Birthdaversary" Today...is a GOOD day!

***

3 yrs ago today I had to visit a retina specialist. It was the WORST doctor's visit I have EVER been to. In a nutshell, he basically told me that I shouldn't be able to see, and if I continue to see...it wouldn't be for much longer. When I asked what could be done he shook his head and said "nothing". What a blow! However, I write this today to say that I serve a God who is ABLE! Every morning when I wake up, before my feet hit the floor, I thank Him 1st for another day...then I thank Him for another day of EYESIGHT. I never take for granted the fact that these eyes are STILL working. He made these eyes and He is sustaining the vision in these eyes. And as they well up with tears as I type these words, all I can say is THANK YOU Lord for being the Ultimate DOCTOR who has the FINAL say in all things. Doctors predict...God KNOWS. ~ Matthew 19:26 "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' "

***

There ya have it folks. What more can I say?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Has God ever reversed a bad diagnosis in your life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

PROTECT THE RETINA!!!

Those who know me well know me well, know about my experience that I had back on January 29, 2009 with "Dr. Bad News", the retina specialist.

Before I saw this man I'd never even heard of a "retina specialist".

Anyhoo...I go see him. He takes a zillion pictures of the inside of my eyes, he grabs a sheet of paper with an eyeball on it and starts scribbling away. "You have one of these, and one of those, and a few of these, yadda yadda yadda".

He throws me a bunch of bad news, tells me there's NOTHING that can be done to repair the damage, and sends me on my way.

Boo "Dr. Bad News"!!!

Well, I don't give up that easily. As a matter of fact, I don't give up. I took his bad news and went straight to the CREATOR of my eyes. I laid my need out to Him, then gave it to Him because this was waaay bigger than ANYTHING that I could fix on my own.

I need Him to sustain my eyesight, today, tomorrow, forever. And I believe He WILL!

Now I have changed some things becasue I know that I have a part in my HEALING. I eat dark leafy greens, take lutein and bilberry supplements, and I always...did you hear me...I said I ALWAYS wear sunglasses. ALWAYS.

I believe that these things, along with lots of prayer, are keeping these eyes of mine working. Thank You LORD!

Kinda bothers me though that the medical world doesn't seem to be making much effort in retinal research. It's as if they feel that losing one's eyesight is "no big deal". HELLO!!! It's not a "big" deal, it's a HUGE deal!!!

Eyesight is MAJOR.

I mean really. I heard on the news that there is research being done to stop hair from turning gray. I just had to shake my head. SERIOUSLY?!? People can get by with gray hair. Do they have ANY idea how difficult it is to live in a world without one's eyesight. Come on people...PROTECT THE RETINA!!!


Okay, so there's my soapbox. Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is there anything that you think the medical field should be researching that it's not? I'd LOVE you if you said retinal repair/regeneration. But I will respect whatever YOU feel is just as important.

Talk to me!

Til next time...