Remembering ME

*** This post was originally drafted some time after November 9, 2014 and before April 23, 2016. Not sure of the exact date. Just realized that I never published it so thought I'd add the finishing touches.***

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. That tends to happen when someone you know and/or love passes away.

Soon after someone passes, if they are one of your friends on Facebook, you immediately begin to see the outpouring of love for that person. Memories are shared. Pictures are shared. And they give me a quick jolt of reality that one day, I too will die. That thought always leaves me to wonder what people will say about me when that happens? What pictures will they share (if any)? What kind words will they say about me (if any)? What impact will I have made on their lives (if any)?

I mean, these are things that I would like to know NOW while I am still alive, so that I can make improvements in areas that may need them. Although my hope is that when I die, I will have touched EVERYONE I know in a POSITIVE way that will have them more blessed for having known me, than if they had not. I would want people who "hear about me" to say, "Wow! Sounds like she was pretty special. Too bad I never got a chance to meet her."

But the reality is...not everybody will have flowery words to say. For those folks, I pray that God would pierce their hearts and make them realize that I wasn't who they thought I was. Had they taken time to actually get to know and UNDERSTAND me, they would have discovered that.

Two years before my Mom passed, she wrote her own obituary. She also knew who she WANTED to speak at her service, and who she DIDN'T. For the most part her wishes were honored...except for ONE person who I wish had kept his mouth shut, although even he acknowledged that his relationship with my Mom wasn't the best...so my thought was, WHY then did you get up to speak? Ugh! The things we do though to avoid "drama", so I let him have his 2 minutes and thankfully he was done.

I too have a list of those who I know could GENUINELY speak about me, and then there are others who don't really know me at all but would try to speak as if they did. Thank goodness I won't have to see any of that. I say that because I don't believe in "looking down from Heaven." I mean really...once one gets to Heaven...why on Earth would they EVER wanna "look down" and see all of the sadness and sorrow that occurs here? I mean, yeah...it would be cool if we could "look down" and only see "the GOOD stuff," but I just don't think that's how it works. I know that the majority of folks believe differently, and they get comfort in thinking that their loved ones "look down." If that gives them comfort, then so let it be.

But back to my original question. When my time comes, what WILL folks say about me?

I would hope that most would say the following:

• She loved helping and serving others.
• She loved children.
• She loved reading.
• She loved reading to children.
• She loved writing.
• She loved music.
• She loved to sing...and sang EVERYDAY.
• She loved to laugh and often made us laugh.
• She was downright funny.
• She was a loyal friend. If you told her something in secret, it stayed with her.
• She was trustworthy.
• She was forgiving (even to those who betrayed her the worst).
• She didn't have much to give financially, but what she could give, she did give.
• She tried to live a life that was pleasing to God.
• She failed at living a life that was pleasing to God...yet she continued to try.
• She prayed daily.
• She prayed for many.
• She prayed for those who loved her, and for those who SAID they loved her (but really didn't...she knew).
• She loved her kiddos: Lauren, Jordan and Terence.
• She may not have been the BEST Mom, but she did her best to be the best to them.
• She loved LOVE, even though love eluded her and never stuck around for very long.
• When she loved, she loved completely. And it took a LOT for that love to diminish. A WHOLE LOT.
• She loved nature.
• She saw the beauty in God's creation in many things that most folks overlooked.
• She appreciated every day that she had functioning EYESIGHT, as one of God's greatest gifts.
• She LOVED the ocean (her "Place of Peace").
• She always felt that she was living a life that was much too small for her.
• She hoped and prayed that she would one day grow into the life that God had purposed for her.
• Her presence was felt and brought positive energy to any space she occupied.
• Her presence was missed when she wasn't around.
• Her presence will be missed from this day forward.
• She loved the Lord with all her heart, mind and soul. She may not have always acted accordingly, but really, she did.
• Although she's no longer here on Earth, she is now happier that she ever was when she was here. This life was not always the kindest to her, and now those hurts will be no more.
• For those who loved her and want to see her again, BELIEVE in Christ as she did. Acknowledge that you are a sinner saved by grace. Confess that Jesus is Lord. Do those things and this will not have to be goodbye. It will simply be "see you later" and you WILL see her again.

So yeah. As morbid as this post may be to some, death is a reality for us ALL. But how many get to share...in advance...what they would like to be remembered for?

Think about it.

Then...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU want folks to remember about YOU?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

When MY Time Comes

Today I attended a service to CELEBRATE the life of one of our church members who has gone HOME to be with the Lord. Yes, for believers in Christ, when one of our brothers or sisters leaves their life on earth, we CELEBRATE because we KNOW that they are now living ETERNAL LIFE in the presence of God and we WILL see them again one day. For THAT, we rejoice.

As with EVERY homegoing service I attend, I always leave wondering what folks will say about ME at MY service.

I would HOPE that they would say KIND things.
I would HOPE that MY life has in some way helped to make theirs BETTER.
I would HOPE that they were BLESSED to have known me than to not have known me at all.
I would HOPE that MY presence has brought LIGHT to some not-so-bright places.
I would HOPE that they would speak of how I have made them laugh.
I would HOPE that they would speak of how I have ENCOURAGED them somewhere along the way.
I would HOPE that, without a doubt, they would know how much I loved the Lord Jesus.

These are just a few things that I hope folks will remember ME by when I am no longer living life here on Earth.

Yes, EVERYTIME we bid farewell to one who has gone on before us, THESE are the things I think about. I am not perfect, nor do I profess to be. I simply hope that folks will remember me for more of the GOOD that I've done, than the bad.

Mind you...it would EXTREMELY NICE to hear some of those things while I am still here...while I can enjoy and appreciate them. As the song goes, "Give me my flowers while I yet live..." Kind words are wonderful after-the-fact, but every now and then...I sure could benefit from hearing them NOW. They would be the difference in making some "not-so-good-days" actually "GOOD days." Really, they would.

With that, Let the DIALOGUE begin: If no one has told YOU today, allow ME to tell you that you are IMPORTANT, SIGNIFICANT, and LOVED. YOU Matter...to ME! Now go tell somebody else!


Then...

Talk to me!

Til next time...

On This Day...

On this day one year ago, we said our final "public" farewell to my Mom.

I still remember all of the stress that led up to the day. Never before had I had to make "arrangements" for anyone. I had simply attended Homegoing services, but never PLANNED one. There was so much to be done, and I was barely one month into my new job so I couldn't take time off. Everything pretty much had to be handled when I got of work. It was EXHAUSTING!!!

Figuring out when and where the service would be held was probably my biggest disappointment. I really really (can I say really one more time) wanted MY pastor to officiate the service at so that my church family could attend. Unfortunately, my church already had a big event planned for the day that my Dad wanted to have the service, so NO ONE from my church was able to attend. The event that day was MANDATORY and ALL MEMBERS had to be in attendance. To this day, that still hurts. I know that it wasn't planned that way intentionally, but my Mom was only going to have ONE Homegoing service. That was pretty big deal to me and my family. But...as with so many things, I had to "suck it up", "put on my big girl pants" and understand that nothing was going to change, so we had to proceed as planned. Thankfully, some of my former church members were able to attend and in that, I found comfort.

We decided to have the service at my brother's church, and his pastor officiated. All in all, (although he arrived QUITE late), it all worked out.

Getting the obituary done...that was difficult. Two years before my Mom passed, she had already written it. Just as my mother was UNIQUE and unlike anyone else you'll ever meet in you life...so too was her obituary.

Getting it put into the format that she had written, along with including pictures was quite a task...and EXPENSIVE.

Flowers. Do you have any idea how much floral arrangements cost...in addition to WHERE one is supposed to get said floral arrangement? Well it turns out that the best deal on pretty much ANYTHING is Downtown L.A. So that's where I heady. The area was a bit "seedy" but hey, I needed these flowers...and...I got 'em.

Then there was the repast. Where would that be held. Thankfully, my cousins opened up their home and we all had a very nice gathering in honor of my Mom.

I was a mess...a stressed out mess!

And then there was "Joe." Poor Joe. I remember one day he called, and I may have said "Hello?", which was followed by him asking how I was doing, and just like that...the floodgates opened and I dumped EVERYTHING on him. Once I was done and he did what he could to calm me down, he proceeded to tell me that he had been in an accident that day. I felt like such an ass.

I had spent so much time whining and complaining about MY problems, it never dawned on me to ask how things were going with him. Thankfully he was hurt in the accident...his car just had a few bumps. Even with my mood swings and high stress levels, he was right by my side the entire day of the service. Picked me up that morning, told me everything would be okay, brought me home that night and still told me that everything would be ok. I thank God for him EVERYDAY.

So much has happened from that day until now. I miss my Mom somethin' awful. It's a feeling that I just can't describe and as shallow as it sounds, I just don't think that anyone other than someone whose Mom has passed can truly understand. There's just an empty space that my Mom used to fill and nothing else can fill it.

Nevertheless, I still rejoice in knowing that she is not in any more pain. For the past year and 13 days, she has experienced joy, UNSPEAKABLE JOY. Knowing that, I can truly say that it is well with my soul.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever had to plan a funeral...or as we Christians call it...a Homegoing service? If so, how did it go?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Gone HOME!

Yesterday we said our public goodbyes to my Mom who passed away 14 days ago. I warn you now that many of my future posts will be about my mother. Partly because there's just so much to remember, and partly because writing about her is extremely therapeutic.

I gotta tell ya...planning a homegoing service is HARD WORK. I've attended many, but have never planned one. My goodness!!!

Oh, and for those who don't know...a homegoing service is what most folks call a funeral. In the Christian faith however, we believe that when another believer in Christ dies, their body may die (or sleep), but their SOUL goes HOME to be with the Lord. Hence the term...Homegoing. And we CELEBRATE life with singing and hand-clapping and sharing, and of course with a Word from God. We rejoice because we have HOPE that we will see our loved ones again, and dwell eternally in the presence of the Lord once it is OUR time to be called.

We don't believe in being sorrowful and mournful, somber and gloomy. No...that's what funerals are for. You can miss me on that funeral stuff.

But...back to the homegoing...

There's so much to be done.
Where will the service be held?
Who will create the program for the service? Meaning, what will be DONE at the service, and who will write all of that up and create a printed Funeral Program to memorialize the individual?
Flowers. Who will get them , and from where?
Music?
The Repast. Where will it take place?

And so much more.

It's overwhelming to say the least. Oh, and to plan all of this while working a full time job every day. Yeah...so that meant that the planning didn't even take place until after the workday was done. Who has anything left after a workday? I certainly don't. Or didn't. And that is when I knew that I simply was no longer operating in my OWN strength, but by the strength that God was pouring into me.

Yesterday though, all of the hard work paid off and my Mom's service was lovely. It wasn't "over the top" as some services that I've attended have been. It was fitting, and just as my Mom would have wanted. Family and friends gathered together. She always loved having family and friends gathered together. Thinking about that at this very moment makes me cry. Anytime I think about the things that she liked, I begin to cry.

They're never tears of sadness, because I am absolutely ecstatic over the fact that she is no longer in pain. She is COMPLETELY HEALED.

I cry because of the memories. "Memorial Tears" I imagine I will call them, that are triggered by little things that pop into my mind every now and then.

I didn't shed too many tears yesterday, although I did shed a few. For the most part my day was filled with laughter and joy as I was surrounded by those I love, those who love me, and those who loved my Mom.

All in all...yesterday was a good day.

Let the Dialogue begin: What was the most memorable homegoing service you've ever attended?

Talk to me!

Til next time...