Unforgettable

Sang this song with "Joe" the other day. That's all I'll say about that.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/n1j8Ra4rQnk

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's your favorite male/female duet song?

Talk to me (or SING to me if you'd like)!

Til next time...

Moving Forward

Today I attended service for the 2nd time at the church that I visited last week.

I must say...with every church I visit, God reveals something new to me. And I really feel that He's saying, "You're doing the right thing. Don't stop. Keep visiting."

For those who've followed The Dialogue Den for a while, you know that I was reluctant to embark upon my "Season of Visitation" because my pastor has always warned against "eating from too many spiritual tables." He says that the result can lead to "spiritual diarrhea." So for that reason, I waited at LEAST two years before I began my journey. What I realize now though, is that I'm not actually "eating from too many spiritual tables." I am still "eating" what is being served by Christ, by way of The Bible.

Now maybe if I were visiting places of worship of other faiths, then perhaps I would get "sick" and confused. But I have been attending CHRISTIAN, Bible-believing, Bible-teaching churches...so it is well with my soul.

Interestingly, I believe that I am actually growing SPIRITUALLY in ways that I would not have been had I not decided to do this.

So...back to today's visit.

This one actually has a story behind it. That story centers around "Joe."

As you may recall..."Joe" and I had a bit of a "falling out" and I hadn't seen nor heard from him since May 24th. Something happened that I was having an EXTREMELY difficult time forgiving him for.

There have even been times when I wanted to write a SCATHING letter to him...telling him how I felt, and a whole lotta other stuff that wasn't very "Christ-like." I never wrote it though.

Oh, I wrote, and re-wrote it HUNDREDS of times IN MY HEAD...but I never put the words to paper. Didn't mean that I didn't WANT to...just meant that I hadn't gotten around to it.

So we fast forward to the Friday before last which was the day that I selected the next church to visit from my bowl.

Wouldn't you know it. The church I selected was the one that "Joe" pretty much grew up in. Attended service, sang in the choir, etc.

I went last Sunday on what I think was the new Pastor's very first day of delivering the message. The church is 66 years old and he is only the 3rd Pastor they've had there. That's pretty good as churches go.

I enjoyed the message, and looked forward to returning this Sunday.

Days passed and I went on about my merry way. Still no word from "Joe"...and I still hadn't written the letter.

On Thursday night though..."something" happened. I actually posted about this a couple days ago, but I'll briefly recount it here as well.

Before our "falling out", I prayed for "Joe" DAILY. Asking nothing less than for God to BLESS him. Since the "falling out", those prayers became less and less frequent until I finally just stopped praying for him altogether. I didn't pray for any harm to come to him...I just stopped praying PERIOD.

Until...last Thursday night.

I was tired, but couldn't sleep. Found myself up waaay later than I should have been for a work night.

I eventually headed to bed and before I got in, I knelt down beside it and prayed...for "Joe." Even though I didn't know where he was or how he was doing...God knew. Interestingly, I found myself once again praying for him to be BLESSED.

Now if you knew what he had done to me, (and only THREE people do), you would say, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? You really want God to BLESS him?!?"

I know...it doesn't make sense in a "worldly" sense, but from the Christian standpoint, I had to forgive him, and...ask that he be BLESSED, not CURSED. "The world" doesn't understand that, and never will. "The world" is all about hurting them as badly or worse than they hurt you. "The world" is all about VENGEANCE.

Christ however, understands it fully, and since He is the ONLY one I need to answer to, it behooves me to do things as He would do, and not "the world."

So, I said my prayer and went to sleep.

Hours later, the phone rang. I didn't get to it in time. I looked to see who it was, and rolled back over.

It rang again. It was "Joe" and I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say, nor did I want to hear what HE had to say (at least I didn't think so.)

It rang again. This time I answered.

I didn't say much. I may have only said "Hello."

He did most of the talking. As he spoke I realized that the call was as much for him as it was for me. Maybe even moreso for him. As I listened to the words flow from his mouth to my ears, I realized then why I hadn't written the letters. I realized then, why I had forgiven him even when I didn't know if I'd ever hear from him again. I needed to release the anger, bitterness and hurt, so that there could be room for love, kindness and understanding.

I wish I could share all the things he said, but some things are only meant for the two parties involved (and God.) All I know is that it changed things...positively.

I don't know where he and I will go from here. I just know that wherever we go, either separate or together...we can go with forgiveness and love leading the way.

Was it an accident that "Joe's" church was the one that was pulled from my bowl? If you know me, then you already know my answer.

Maybe God needed me to sit in the place where "Joe" once did, so that I could feel a connection...ANY kind of connection that would soften my heart toward him. What better place to be re-connected than in the same place where he once praised and worshiped God. With God, there are no mistakes, or accidents. Everything happens for a reason.

As I do each time I visit, I'll have you to know that today (and last Sunday), I attended Greater Ebenezer Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. Who knows. Maybe today wasn't my last time. Perhaps one day I'll go again...with "Joe."

On this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 27" - I am THANKFUL Christ being the PERFECT example of FORGIVENESS.
Without His example, I'd be holding on to a WHOLE LOTTA stuff that would slowly be eating me up inside. That my friends, is simply no way to live.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there anyone you need to forgive. Or are you harboring unforgiveness because in YOUR mind...what that person did to you is simply UNFORGIVEABLE? Think about that before you answer. Then think about ALL that Christ has forgiven YOU for. Then answer.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Hello God? It's Me...

A funny thing happened on my way to sleep last night.

Yesterday was a rough day. TERRIBLY rough. The world seemed to being going mad and it was all a bit too much.

As a result of the unrest going on around the country, I found myself staying up much later than usual for a work night.

Finally, I decided to turn everything off and head to bed.

Before I got into bed, I knelt down next to it and PRAYED. My prayer was considerably longer than usual because I just had so much on my heart and mind.

In the midst of my prayer I found myself praying for "Joe." Remember him?

I hadn't heard from, nor seen him since May 24th. At this point, I'd finally resigned myself to the fact that he was simply GONE.

Since he's been gone I've experienced a gamut of emotions. I've been sad, angry, concerned...you name it.

I guess lately I've been more in the angry phase and I stopped praying for him and his well-being. I had removed him from my prayers altogether. That was...until last night.

For some reason, last night I was compelled to pray for him heavily. And so I did. Then crawled into bed and went to sleep.

Now remember...I haven't head from, nor seen "Joe" since May 24th. That's been over a month ago.

Well...last night, as I was deep into my REM sleep...the phone rang.

The ringtone was familiar, yet unfamiliar and since I wasn't quite awake, I didn't answer.

It rang again.

This time I looked and the phone and saw that it was (you guessed it!) "Joe."

I didn't answer because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, of if I had anything to say AT ALL. "Missed Call."

It rang again...I answered.

We spoke for a while. Actually, "Joe" did most of the talking. I quietly listened...while thanking God for yet another prayer answered. As I said a couple posts ago...sometimes He answers RIGHT AWAY, and then there are other things that I am STILL waiting to manifest.

So what does Joe's call mean? Who knows. I'm not trying to dissect it. I'm simply glad that it occurred. I was relieved to hear his voice. Things still aren't what or where he needs them to be. I pray, for his sake, that one day soon they will.

But on this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 25" - I am ever so THANKFUL for God's prompt answer to my prayer.

I know that He's REAL. I know that He HEARS. And I know that He ANSWERS.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there anyone in your life whom you've lost touch with and would love to reconnect?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Happy Birthday "Joe"!

For the past thirteen years June 2nd has been a special day for me.

Over the course of these thirteen years, whether "Joe" and I were together or not, June 2nd, HIS birthday, has always been special.

Why?

Because it's the day that God brought him into the world...for me to love.

Today was a tougher June 2nd than those of the past.

If you've followed The Dialogue Den for any length of time, then you know that the months between August 2014 and November 5, 2015 were the BEST that "Joe" and I have spent together. Those months were unlike any others...incredibly AMAZING. Had I died on November 4, 2015, I would have died a very happy woman because life (at that time) was simply BEAUTIFUL.

But, I didn't.

Since November 5, 2015 our road has been terribly rocky. There've been some smooth spots along the way, but for the most part, the spots have been as rocky as they've been smooth.
I know..."TMI", but hey, it is what it is and I have always been transparent here. One thing I don't ever need to do is "sugar coat" my life for you "Dialogue Den'ers." Y'all know that I am a "work in progress",so...


Last Tuesday was the breaking point for me. "Joe" did something that (although forgivable), warrants some MAJOR explaining and conciliatory action. No...he didn't hurt me (at least not physically), and he didn't hurt any of my kids. So you can rule those two out. Nevertheless, he knows that I need answers, yet he hasn't come by to offer any. As a result, I've had to make some serious changes and decisions. They don't feel good, yet I know that they are in my best interest.

It's now 9:03 p.m. and as much as I would have LOVED to call "Joe" and wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I simply will not. I did however say a prayer for him this morning, and if he shows up before his birthday is over, I will wish him well.

That's all I have for now. Gonna go make the most of the rest of this day...June 2nd...one of my FAVORITE days of the year.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What did YOU do today on this June 2nd?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "JOE"...wherever you are. I love you.

Is it REALLY?

For some reason, this phrase (the one in the picture) popped into my head today...and it stuck.

It really has me wondering if it truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At this particular moment in time I would have to disagree.

Yes, you've guessed it...this is another post about "Joe."

I just can't stop thinking about him. I'm always wondering.

Wondering if he decided to stay in Houston after he flew there last Wednesday.
Wondering if it was him who sent me the awful text message on Monday telling me that the pic I sent was "scary."
Wondering if "someone else" got to his phone and sent the message in an effort to make me think it was him.
Wondering what he what he was calling about after he sent the awful message. I missed the call, and he never leaves messages...so I still have no idea. Sure, I could pick up the phone and call him, but just this once...I want him to make the effort to show me that he's thinking about me and cares. I can't keep being the only one.
Wondering if he's actually back here in Cali, and if so...does he plan on staying.
Wondering if he's back in Cali, but only came to pack his things and head back to Houston...permanently.
Wondering if we will ever be more than we've ever been.

Wondering.

Now you see why I'm on the side of it being better to have not loved, than to have loved and lost.

I have loved, and I have lost...sooo much. In a variety of ways, I have lost.

I sometimes think about all that I would still have, had I not loved "Joe."
And then I think about all that I have had, as a result of loving "Joe."

I imagine that at the end of the day it comes down to this:
Did loving him and having him in my life bring me more joy than I now have with him being gone?

Tough question, and not one to be answered easily or quickly. Definitively something to think about.

What say you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How would YOU answer the question? Do you believe that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

You ARE the Father!

A couple nights ago I dreamt about "Joe."

Since that whole November 5th debacle, I've actually seen him more lately. Not nearly as much as I used to before November 5th, but more than I did in the one or two months after.

Things are not 100% what they were back then, but they are better than I thought they'd be -- at least up until last night when I did something that probably has him upset with me now. But if history is any indicator, he'll be upset, and then eventually, he'll cool off.

So anyway...back to the dream.

I dreamt that he had a brand new car. It was actually the same model as his current car, but it was brand new shiny.

I hopped in and we drove around for a bit.

Next thing I knew, we were at a house somewhere. It may have been OUR house. Like in the dream we were either married or living together.

So we're at the house, talking in one of the rooms. I leave that room and go into another where I pick up our two day old son who's swaddled on a beautiful turquoise blanket. His eyes were closed and he had a head full of hair.

I picked up the baby -- which had been the very first time since the baby was born, and I took him to Joe.

I don't even think Joe looked at the baby. He just said, "I don't want it."

I said, "What do you mean, you don't want it? This is the baby we've both been wanting."

Again, Joe said, "I don't want it."

I asked, "Well what are we supposed to do with him?"

Joe told me to get in the car. So I did.

He then proceeded to drive until we found an adoption agency to take the baby to. I couldn't believe this was happening. And I couldn't believe how easily I went along with what he wanted. I mean, this was MY baby too. I didn't want to give him up, but I also didn't want to raise Joe's son without Joe.

I'm not sure exactly how things turned out because I woke up.

I saw Joe this morning and meant to tell him about the dream. Didn't get a chance. But I will. I'm curious to hear what he'll think about it.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest dream that you've had recently?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

2 Hours and 22 Minutes Left!

Today is February 14th and in 2 hours and 22 minutes I can officially say, "I survived Valentine's Day!" My LEAST FAVORITE Day of the year.

All week long I've been seeing Facebook posts from folks who've been excited about the events leading up to today. To all of that I've said, "Bah Humbug!"

If I had my druthers I would've slept this day away.

Thankfully, I went against my druthers, got myself dressed, visited a new church, heard a great message about God's LOVE, had lunch and dessert with my youngest daughter (she paid!), and went to visit my Dad in the hospital (where he's been since November).

I scrolled through my Facebook feed today and saw all of the romantic outings and dinners being posted -- there was even one engagement. In all honesty, I really am happy for those who have a "significant other" in their lives -- be it in the form of husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, Boo, etc.

I love LOVE and I'm encouraged to see that it still exists.

Unfortunately, it has passed me by time and time again. I refuse to give up on it though, and on its chance of finding me. I simply must believe that God is preparing the man He has for me, and He's preparing me to be ready to receive whoever it is that He has for me.

In the meantime, I shall continue to work on ME and be patient.

I won't lie and say that I don't miss "Joe", because in actuality...I do...a LOT. We talk occasionally, even see each other occasionally, but things are not at all the way they were this time last year...or even this time four months ago. So much has changed.

I pray for him daily, wishing the very best.

If it's in God's will for us to be together then so shall it be. The key words there were, "God's will." Only time will tell.

I'm sure that on this day many love songs have been played. The only song I'm feeling today is this one. I hate to be "Debbie Downer," but this is just where I am right now.



I pray that next year at this time I'll have a different song to sing.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR favorite love song?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The Little Things

My goodness! So much has happened in the past seven days.

The biggest and BEST thing is that "Joe" came back home after being in DC for four days. As I expected (and hoped), he had a GREAT time.

I think I mentioned in my last post that I recorded the entire event...partly to find out what it was all about, and mostly to spot Joe in the crowd. Well...with all those folks there, I couldn't find him. When we watched it together he IMMEDIATELY pointed out where he was...FOURTH ROW!

He said, "You couldn't find me because you expected to see me in the back. You should know that I was NOT gonna be in the back." He's right. Knowing him...I should've known.

He came back with lots of great pic, stories, and some keepsake items. All in all it was a good trip and I am sooo glad that he went. Even gladder that he's back.

Yesterday was a really good day for us. Not that everyday isn't, it's just that some days are sweeter than others. It's interesting because he's not the "romantic type" AT ALL, yet every now and then he says something that just knocks me off my feet.

Yesterday, he told me that he told God that he loves me.
Then, as he went to leave, he bid me adieu by saying, "I lovest thou." Silly, I know, but I love it when he says that.

And going back to Wednesday he said something that made me realize that my love for him only grows and never lessens. He told me that when he is with me his struggles don't feel like struggles. That may be the best thing he's EVER said.

He struggles a LOT and all that I can ever really do is "be there" to make the struggles a bit easier to bear. Apparently I'm doing that, and that makes my heart happy.

That's about it for now. I could write tons more when it comes to Joe, but for now I'm tired, and I have a whole LIFETIME to write about him...right?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the best part of YOUR week?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Much Needed and Overdue

Yesterday marked the 20th anniversary of the Million Man March in Washington DC.

I'm not sure what the theme was 20 years ago but I know that yesterday's theme was "Justice or Else". We'll get to that in a bit.

I remember quite clearly the march that took place 20 years ago. At that time my girls were 6 and 3. Days before, if not THE day before, our little family of four spent a day at the park before "Daddy" hopped on the plane to DC. He was so excited to go with his buddies to stand up for "the cause".

On the night of the march I was listening to KJLH and "Levi" had people calling in to tell him what it meant to them. I called in, got through, and shared my feelings. I was glad to be a part of the march, even though remotely.

If memory serves me correctly, that march was specifically for MEN, as it was titled The "Million MAN March", and I think somewhere during the course of the event, the men pledged to honor family, and be positive contributors to society...or something along those lines.

Now we fast forward to 20 years later.

This time my remote participation came by way of "Joe". He's been there since Thursday and I am counting down the hours until he gets back tomorrow. Tick! Tock!!

I remember a few months back when he first heard about the event, he said, "I've gotta go. I don't know HOW I'm gonna get there, but I've gotta go. I missed the last one and I am NOT missing this one." To that, my response was, "You'll get there." For the past few weeks he's been attending committee meetings and has been greatly involved in the process. As I think I've mentioned before, he is pulled in a LOT of directions and I know that at times those have been a distraction for him...almost a deterrent. So I'd find myself having to "reel him back in" and assure him that whatever is here when he goes, will be here when he gets back. No matter what...he was going to DC. I was gonna see to it.

Wednesday night rolled around, I watched him pack (Man...I was SHOCKED by how much stuff he was able to fit into his carry-on...SHOCKED!), and as he zipped the last zipper, he sat back and said, "I can't go. There's too much for me to do here. I'm not going."

I think my neck may have swung a bit at that point and I very quickly, reminded him that he had a plane to catch at 7:25 the next morning and his arse was gonna be on it! Period!! Neither of us said much about it after that.

A few hours later I bid him adieu and headed home, leaving him with whatever decision he was going to make.

At 2:05am he sent a text...and my neck was finally able to stop swingin'. He was going.

He's been there since Thursday and every time we've talked I can just hear the smile and relaxation coming through the phone. Even more than needing to be a part of this event...he needed to GET AWAY from all that weighs him down here at home. Maybe I was a bit selfish in all of this, but my main concern was HIM, and his ability to take in some deep cleansing breaths...if only for a few days.

I told him today that the march was televised on CSPAN and that I recorded it. Told him that I kept trying to spot him but it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. He told me where he was positioned (which was a fairly prominent spot), so I'll fast-forward through all 8 hours of it and see if I can find him this time.

The difference between yesterday's march and the one from 20 years ago was that this one was far more diverse, culturally speaking. And women were present. BIG difference from last time.

I understand the JUSTICE part of the march, but I'm a bit unclear on the "OR ELSE" part. That's definitely something that Joe and I will have to talk about when he gets back, because all I keep thinking is, "Or else WHAT?"

I'm sure he'll school me on that quick, fast and in a hurry. He's good at that...spittin' knowledge and "stuff".

I didn't watch ALL eight hours yesterday, and in the small bits that I did watch, there was a lot said that I do NOT agree with. Hopefully as I sit down and watch more attentively, there will be more that I will find agreement with, than what I didn't.

That's about it. I find it a bit of a coinky-dink that two main men in my life have both attended the march, but...God makes no mistakes. I was where I was supposed to be and with who I was supposed to be with back then...and most certainly NOW.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When you think of JUSTICE, what's the FIRST thing that comes to mind?

Talk to me!

Til next time!!!

Fed and FULL

This evening after my book club meeting I decided to swing by the nearby Soul Food spot and pick up some dinner.

What I ordered required a 15 minute wait which was fine with me because I always have a book handy to help pass the time.

So I take my seat and begin to read.

A few minutes in, one of the servers turns on some music. No biggie. I can read with music.

Soon thereafter, he starts singing.

Then I hear the lady sitting next to me who's also singing. She was pretty good...and so was he.

Well...he got louder, and the louder he got...the BETTER he got. This dude's singing was OFF DA CHAIN!

I was entranced. I closed my book and just watched him and listened.

Next thing I know, the lady sitting next to me has turned her chair around and asked me, "Who is that? Where's that singing coming from?"

I told her that it was the tall, dark, older gentleman behind the counter. She too agreed that his voice was amazing.

Now I don't know if it was because I'm missing "Joe" while he's out of town (which I'll write about in a later post), but I'll be dag-gone if this dude didn't remind me of him. There was something about the heart and soul that he put into the song...something SPECIAL that he added that made the song his own...just like Joe does. It was like I was listening to Joe 20 years from now. I could have listened to this man ALL NIGHT.

As I continued to wait for my food, the lady told me that she'd heard him singing there before but that she doesn't come too often because she lives in Cerritos. I then told her that I'm also not there often because I live near Cerritos (which is no where near the restaraunt we were at).

I then told her that I tend to stop by after my book club meeting and she soon began asking me about the club. Apparently her daughter has been looking for a book club with predominantly African American women and I told the woman that that is exactly what my club is.

What she said next almost made me cry. She said, "I'm gonna tell my daughter about the book club because if YOU'RE in it, then it's where she needs to be. You have AMAZING energy." That was such a compliment to me. I don't know what it is...perhaps it's the "Jesus in me"...I don't really know. What I do know is that there IS something special in me and people just FEEL it when they're around me. I don't say this to toot my own horn...I've just gotten to a point where I accept and acknowledge whatever this is, and if it makes people want to be around me...or know that I'm someone GOOD to be around...then I'll take it...gladly.

She and I talked some more and next thing I knew, we were exchanging numbers. I know...I know...I don't know her from "Eve" but something about it just felt okay.

She wanted my info so that she could give it to her daughter. Sure, she could have just given her daughter the book club info, but before I knew it, she had my number and sent me a text with her info. Something about her just made me so comfortable.

I'm still waiting for my food, and we start talking about books and authors. She tells me about one that I had JUST heard of earlier today. She told me how FANTASTIC this author's books are and that I really need to check out her work.

Next, she tells me about the book club that she's been in for 30 years. She said that the club isn't perfect, but she's been in it so long...she just decided to stick with. Then, she said something that actually did make me tear up a bit. She told me her age. She's 64.

That's the same age that my Mom would have been if she were still here. 64

And at that moment, that whole encounter made sense to me. God was giving me a little bit of what I needed to make me feel better about the ones I'd been missing.

He gave me Teddy (that's the singing server's name)...to remind me of Joe, and make me smile.

And he gave me Katarina (even if just for those few minutes) to remind me of my Mom, and in an odd way...what a Mother's love feels like. The way that I opened up to her just felt so "natural". Now I think I understand why. God just wanted me to feel that motherly connection, even if it was with a complete stranger.

Who knows. Some folks may call me crazy. But in that brief visit to the Soul Food joint, much more than my body got nourished. My soul was fed...and got FULL.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever encountered a stranger who unexpectedly filled a void?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Allow me...Or not.

Are you the type of person who is always ready to jump in and help, even when it's not solicited?

I am.

And that annoys "Joe".

Yesterday, he was trying to do something and it took everything in me to not do it for him. But I knew better.

So I kept my nose in the book I was reading and patiently waited...and waited...and waited.

Finally, I heard, "How do you...?"

I didn't get up and go over to do it for him, I simply told him how, and he did it himself.

For me...that was huge.

Yet by doing that, things flowed so much more smoothly than they typically do.

I don't know if I've been alone for so long that I just don't know how to let someone else do "anything", but I one thing I know for sure is that most men (especially Joe) don't want women doing things for them. Instead, they need to "be the man" and figure it out. That's exactly what Joe did yesterday. He figured it out, as I knew he would.

I'm learning. We're growing. And that's a good thing.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you one to jump in and help without anyone asking, or do you patiently wait for help to be requested?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Well Wha'da'ya Know?!?

Isn't funny how you can hear something, or read something, or watch something and develop your own thoughts about it. Then you speak with someone about the same thing and come away with a completely different perspective.

That happened to me today.

My masseuse and I somehow got into a discussion about our "Gemini men".

At one point she had me nervous because she was describing my "Joe" to a tee. Finally, she told me her guy's birthday and I think she even let his name slip a time or two and I was able to exhale.

One of the things that both our guys have in common is the way that they are like light switches...almost "Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde-ish". The moods switch on and off IN AN INSTANT. Although Joe and I have been friends for 13 years, it's only been over this past 13 months that I've discovered how to handle him and the mood switches. Now that I know how he operates, and how I should react, things have been sooo much easier...and better.

As she and I continued the discussion, she says, "You know, there's a song about a woman who's in love with a man and he's like two people in one body. It's old skool."

I said, "Do you mean that 'Two Lovers' song?"

"YES! That's the one!!"

Wow, I've heard that song so many times and never realized that the "two lovers" are the same person. Now that I've read the lyrics, it makes TOTAL sense, and it most definitely describes me & Joe.

Here they are in case you're curious:

Mary Wells - Two Lovers

"Well, I've got two lovers and I ain't ashamed
Two lovers and I love them both the same

Let me tell you 'bout my first lover
He's sweet and kind and he's mine all mine
He treats me good like a lover should
And makes me love him
I really, really love him, oh I love him so
And I'll do everything I can to let him know

But I've got two lovers and I ain't ashamed
Two lovers and I love them both the same

Let me tell you 'bout my other lover
Well, you know, he treats me bad, makes me sad
Makes me cry but still I can't deny
That I love him, I really, really love him, oh I love him so
And I'll do everything I can to let him know

Darlin', well, don't you know I can tell
Whenever I look at you that you think that I'm untrue?
'Cause I say that I love two but I really, really do
'Cause you're a split personality
And in reality, both of them are you, baby

Well, I've got two lovers and I ain't ashamed
Two lovers and I love them both the same
Two lovers and I ain't ashamed"



How 'bout that!?!

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever heard a song that you thought meant one thing, only to later discover that it meant something completely different?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Thoughtfulness

This evening I went to visit my Dad in the hospital. He's been in and out quite a bit lately. Not many people know because I keep so much to myself. Heck...folks didn't know about my Mom for weeks after she'd been hospitalized. I'm just not one of those folks who shares every waking thought and moment with the world. Here though, for some odd reason, I don't mind sharing.

So I go to visit my Dad, and although I knew I needed to be there, I hated being there at the same time. It's the same hospital where my Mom was before her last days. It's the same hospital that I drove to when I got the call telling me, "Your Mom fell, and she's in the hospital."

I made my way to the hospital only to find her in the Emergency Room, sedated, on life support, and with tubes coming out of everywhere. All this because of a fall?

Turns out that my Mom had fallen as a result of many things. She had a stroke, heart attack, kidneys failed, and had a severe clot in her leg that was pretty much cutting off circulation from her knee down to her toes.

The day that my Mom fell at home and was rushed to the hospital, was the last day that she ever walked.

After many days of sitting by her side in that hospital room, waiting for her to be strong enough for surgery, waiting for her to be prepped for surgery...waiting for her to come out of surgery...waiting for her to be strong enough to breathe on her own...waiting for her to be able to open her eyes and acknowledge me...waiting for her to learn how to swallow again so that she could enjoy a simple cup of water...waiting for her to be strong enough to get out of her bed and into a wheel chair...waiting for her to be well enough to go home...only to realize that she would NEVER go "home"...waiting...

Yes, those are the memories that come to me every time I turn onto the hospital lot, check in at the visitors desk, press the button on the elevator and head toward my Dad's hospital room. THOSE...are my memories...and I can hardly stand them.

Today though, when I pulled into the lot, it was as if God knew that I needed just a little something to lift my spirit. As soon as I parked my car, I saw it...the lovely flower that's pictured here. I got out of the car and it was as though I heard God say, "Look."

There were four flowers. He said, "Look at them all." So I did.

Then He said, "Which one do you like the best?"

And I took a picture of the one that was closest to perfect. I looked at the color, the intricate detail, and was reminded of how creative God is, and how thoughtful He is to stop me before I went into that hospital, so that I could enjoy a few moments of beauty first.

I thanked Him, and then I went in.

As I was leaving, a smile came over my face as I remembered my beloved "Joe", and how loving and caring he was with my Mom when she was there. I will always remember the day that she had her amputation. Before she went in, she was agitated. We could tell. I didn't really know what to do. But Joe...

He always knows what to do.

He got a washcloth, wet it, and gently wiped her forehead to cool her off and calm her down. I believe that should could feel the love in his touch, and in an instant, her nerves were settled. She still wasn't able to speak at that point, but you could see the change come over her face. As if I didn't already love him, my love for him grew exponentially in that moment, with that small gesture.

All in all, I'd have to say that the visit today wasn't all that bad. There were some sweet moments mixed with the bitter.

As for my Dad, he's still there and will probably be moved to another hospital before he gets to go back home. That other hospital is another tough one for me to visit, for similar reasons. That's where we were told that her remaining days were very short...and they were.

Just thought I'd share that. I miss my Mom. Tomorrow will mark the 10 month mark since she left this earth. She came to me in a dream last night. She was her old self. She was healthy, and she was well. I welcomed the visit.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do you cope when you have to visit a place that doesn't bring the fondest of memories?

Talk to me!

Sincerely, Yours truly...and all that jazz.

So I'm reading this book, and in it two of the characters correspond with each other via email. Now these two characters aren't just random people who happen to pass by each other on the street one day and are sending casual correspondence. No...these two are ENGAGED! She just happens to be in India at the time, while he is home in The States.

So there've been a number of emails so far and the one that I just read left me screaming at the page. The male character ended his email with "Take care."

Take care?!?

These two are ENGAGED...living together...and all he can say is "Take care"???

That is a relationship pet peeve of mine. When I am in a relationship with someone and we end a conversation, or get ready to part from one another...there's got to be an "I love you" or a kiss, or a hug. Kinda like a "til we meet again" sorta thing.

But "take care"?!?

Nope. Sorry. That wouldn't cut it for this girl.

Who knows...maybe that's just ME being too "mushy" as "Joe" puts it. But hey...in the words of Popeye, "I yam what I yam."

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Would YOU be okay with "take care" from your Honey, Boo, Significant Other, Spouse?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Weekend

Lots to write about and today I'm gonna cram it all into ONE post. Sooo...here goes:

- I have internet at home again. Not through a portable "jetpack" but REAL internet. Yay me! I may have to sell stuff on eBay to make sure that I can keep up with the monthly payments, but dag-gonnit...I'm keepin' this internet!

- I had a good weekend. Did a lot and got a little rest. Just a little.

- Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday and she actually led a back-to-school prayer service at church for all of the students returning to school. On her 22nd birthday...she could have been ANYWHERE...yet she chose to be at church, doing something to benefit others. God was smiling, I'm sure.

- I got to see some old high school classmates today. That was cool.

- And...my best friend FINALLY got to meet "Joe". After all these years of he and I being friends, and this past year of us being "a couple", today was the very first time they met. I'd say the meeting went well. Yay!

Now those were all positives and I only have ONE "not-so-positive" to add...I'm back to dreading Mondays. Remember when I used to stay up all night Sunday night to delay Monday morning coming. Well...we're back to that. I have a major issue to tackle tomorrow and I have no idea how things are gonna turn out. All I know is this: "All I can do is all I can do, and all I can do is enough."

That's all folks.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How was YOUR day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Because I'm HAPPY!!!

With all the bad news that's reported each day, I thought I'd write about something HAPPY. I don't have anything specific to write about except the fact that I am incredibly happy.

What I have come to realize in my happiness is that happiness is "relative". For example, some folks would need a WHOLE LOT more than what I have right now in order to be happy.

I have very little money in the bank...hanging on til I get paid again. Although more money (and no financial struggles) would make life much easier...I have learned to have MUCH joy even in times like this (of VERY LITTLE MONEY). It will get better though...this I believe. This I know.

My internet is currently off at home (again) until I can pay the bill (so I have once again found myself at Starbucks).
My little Kia is almost 9 yrs old (but I'm THANKFUL that it still works).
I live in a very small 2 bedroom apartment (but I'm THANKFUL for a roof over my head...to call my own)
And I've been working crazy long hours at work...without getting paid overtime, because I am a salaried employee (yet I am THANKFUL to be working).

Even without all the monetary stuff, I am BLESSED by all the things I have which money can not buy.

I have three amazingly incredible children who are intelligent, well-mannered, healthy, and simply good people.
I have great friends, great family, and "Joe" who absolutely LOVES me.
I have my health, and can take care of myself physically. My mind works, and so do ALL of my senses.

If I could bottle up how I feel, the bottle would glow like the sunniest day, 'cause that's how I feel inside...like SUNSHINE. If a picture could describe how I feel, it would be the one I've posted here (which by the way, I took myself). Can you see how peaceful it is. That's where I am right now...at peace...content.

I am happier that I have been in a very LONG time...maybe happier than I've EVER been...and I love it. I feel like I am FINALLY becoming who I was meant to be...FINALLY.

I pray that this feeling lasts FOREVER and that I am able to spread my joy to others, 'cause a feeling like this is just too good to keep to one's self.

Now it's YOUR turn: Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you were happy...TRULY happy?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Rewinding the Clock

Ever had one of those days that you wish you could re-live over and over and over again?

Yesterday was one of those days for me. As you can guess, the day involved "Joe". I just LOVE that dude!

He invited me over early yesterday morning. I got there and we just loafed around. At about 10:30 we realized that it was time to get the day started so we headed to the kitchen. He wanted to make breakfast but had a sink full of dishes, so I decided to wash them. While I washed the dishes he cranked up the tunes. I love the way that he loves music as much as I do. As I continued to wash the dishes, he rustled through the cupboards and fridge for what he was going to make, and peppered me with random kisses, which I loved.

After I finished the dishes I headed to the table and whipped out my computer so that I could finish up on some work. I worked, he sang and cooked. Before I knew it, he was moving my computer and laid a delicious turkey-veggie omelet in front of me with a glass of tea. Awww. He takes such good care of me.

After breakfast, we loafed around some more and then I told him that I had to leave for a 2:00 meeting.

Oh, the look on his face.

"You didn't tell me you had to leave."

"I know. But I'll be back right after."

"I won't be here. I've got some runs to make."

Awww.

So...we said our farewells for the day, and I left with a big smile on my face, as I always do whenever I'm with him.

He just makes me happy. And even when we do absolutely nothing...as long as we're doing nothing TOGETHER...it's the BEST nothing EVER.

All day today, all I wanted was to go back to yesterday.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the best day that you've ever spent with YOUR "Boo"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Who said that?

This morning while at work, "Joe" popped into my thoughts (as he so often does).

I was thinking about the rough day that he had yesterday and how I was hoping that today would be much better. Yesterday was a REALLY bad day for him.

I spent most of the evening with him, doing what I could to encourage him and keeps his spirits high. As the night got late he shooed me off to my car, kissed me goodnight, told me he loved me, and instructed me to call to let him know that I got home safely (which I did).

But this morning he remained heavy on my mind. I know that life is full of curve balls but it just seemed like he got hit with more than his share yesterday. I wished there was somethin

g I could do to help. Unfortunately, there wasn't much, except "be present."

There was something about seeing him the way that he was yesterday, hearing the change in his voice, that just made me love him more than I already did. Something in me just wanted everything to be right in his world. And the feeling that I had made me realize that as much as I know I love him, there's always room for MORE. That doesn't mean that I am loving him less than I should because if my love for him were something that could be visibly seen, it would be absolutely overflowing EVERYWHERE. Yet, and still...I grew to love him just a bit more yesterday.

Then I got to thinking about my kiddos. I loved them BEFORE they were born. When they were the size of a pencil eraser...then became "baby bumps"...then got big enough to elbow me in the ribs and use my bladder as a "bouncy bounce". Seems that the love just grew and grew with each phase. Then they arrived...and I got to hold them, hug them, watch them grow. And now...25+ years later, they STILL do things that make me love them even MORE.

The same goes with my friends and family.

There's just something so INFINITE about LOVE. Seems that the more you GIVE...the more there is to be GIVEN.

So all of that made me think of the following...which I Googled and apparently am the FIRST person to ever say these words. So I guess that would make this an ORIGINAL phrase...to be quoted for YEARS, DECADES, and all ETERNITY.


"Every day is an opportunity to LOVE a little more than you did the day before."

Who said that?

I DID!!!

I think it's BEAUTIFUL, and it expresses exactly what I had been feeling. So for my "Joe" and everyone else in my life...I hope you all "feel the love". Thankfully, there's plenty more where that came from.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite quote?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Between You, Me & The Fence Post

So I've got this little secret, which really won't be much of a secret at all after this post (and depending on how many folks actually READ my posts).

The soon-to-be-not-so-secret-secret is that I have been "in a relationship" for the past 11 months. I know, I know...this is "pearl clutching news" to most folks. Breathe.

He and I have been friends for over 12 yrs and just last August began seeing each other on a consistent basis. He's fantastic! Makes me laugh, wipes my tears when I cry, is super-friendly (I don't think he's EVER met a stranger), extremely intelligent, tall, dark, handsome, and a whole lotta other stuff. Up until now, he's been my "well kept secret". There are probably only 10 people who know about us, if even that many. And I like it that way. We both do.

So yesterday, someone asked me why I haven't changed my relationship status on Facebook. My reply was, "What's the big deal? If it's not on Facebook does that mean that it doesn't exist?"

Her response was, "Yeah. If it's not on Facebook, then it doesn't count."

How comical is that?!?

Like, how did relationships exist BEFORE Facebook? Unlike many folks who post EVERY TIME they are IN and then OUT and then IN and OUT of relationships...I'm just not that person.

I saw a quote that said, "Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to 'Unstable'." Makes sense to me.

Anyhoo...There you have it folks. I am very happily in a relationship with my "Joe" and that's all that matters.

If I EVER change my status it will be changed to say "MARRIED". For me, any status other than that isn't anything to write home about.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR status?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Let's Talk about Hair!

So a couple weeks ago I went and got my hair done professionally. The last time I had my hair done was November 22, 2014 -- the day of my Mom's Homegoing service.

Although I love wearing my hair pressed...my pressed hair doesn't love me. When pressed, my hair now goes from Europe back to Africa in about 60 seconds flat. It just doesn't wanna stay straight anymore. I don't know if it's because I've been wearing it "natural" since March 1, 2013, or if my hair has simply changed. Who knows?

Anyhoo...back to my visit to the salon a couple weeks ago.

I got my hair in a "rod set." It was something that I'd been curious about for a while so finally went ahead a did it. Cost me $45 and I loved the immediate result. What I didn't expect (although I should have since this hair has been on my head for 40+ years now, so nothing it does should surprise me) was how quickly it got fuzzy. I even bought one of those satin bonnets. My hair wasn't havin' it and STILL frizzed up. And it got sooo kinky. The coils from the rods just got tighter and tighter until they were just these tiny little kinks all over my head. And they were sooo difficult to untangle. Even when I washed my hair, they were still there. *Sigh*

Finally, after I don't know how many washes later, I got rid of the tangles. Finally.

I still wasn't ready to press my hair again, and I also didn't have another $45 to get my hair done (I just got paid on the 30th and I am OUT OF CASH until the 15th. Sad...I know...but 100% true.)

So last night I thought I'd try something new. I washed my hair and twisted it in little sections. I think in "natural hair" terms that's called a "twist out".

So I twisted it and hoped that it would dry. My hair is super thick and takes FOREVER to dry.

So here I am with all these little twists all over my head and wouldn't you know it..."Joe" shows up. That dude! Funny...when he got here he asked why I hadn't called him earlier. I didn't say anything...just pointed to my head. He shook his. I know that how my hair looks doesn't matter to him, but it matters to me, so...

At about 2:00 I decided to see the final result. Let me tell YOU...it came out KEE-YOOT!!! I love it! I love the fact that #1...it was FREE, and #2...it actually looks nice. No tight kinky coils, just waviness all over my head. Joe used an interesting adjective...he said it looked "comfortable". That was new. But he liked it. He loves my hair anyway I wear it but I think he really does like natural styles the best. He's not really a weaves and braids kinda guy, and I love that about him. Actually, it's one of the MANY things that I love about him...but I'll write about that more later.

I was gonna post a pic of my hair, but I'm too laze to work on getting the right angle. Then I thought I'd look for one on Google Images and use that. But...I can't find one that looks EXACT. What I did learn though by looking for a pic is that my hair is 4A natural, with a patch of 4C (maybe even D) in the middle. That stuff is NAPPY. It trips me out because the rest of my hair is not like that. Just that patch in the middle that's straight outta Africa. That patch just doesn't play well with the rest of my hair. It's about 2 inches shorter than the rest and so very coarse. I just don't get it.

Anywhoo...for my natural sistahs out there...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What type is YOUR natural hair and do you style it yourself or go to a salon regularly?

Talk to me!

Til next time...