Tender Headed

So I've been in a bit of a "hair rut" lately and needed to do something drastically different.

The choices were:

A. Cut it ALL off (as I have done several times before), and start over.
Or...
B. Get it braided (which I've only done TWICE in my entire life. Once when I was a teenager, my mom very tightly French braided it. And again when I was thirty-something, a co-worker braided it. The hair was so heavy though, I ended up taking the braids out after only one week. I know...I know...WHO DOES THAT?!?)

I went with option B.

Although it came out cute, my head hurts like the dickens. These braids are sooo tight!

I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm not used to braids that they feel tight to me, but MY GOODNESS!!!

I actually feel like my head has swollen up as a result of trauma.

It's 6:30pm and I have absolutely NO IDEA how I am ever going to go to sleep tonight. The entire surface of my scalp hurts so there is no "good side" for me to sleep on.  UGH!!!

My daughter Lauren told me that it should loosen up in about three days, or at least not hurt as much. I sure hope so!

It's funny how I have given birth three times, NATURALLY, no C-Section, no drugs...and was able to tolerate THAT pain.

THIS on the other hand...Good LAWD! Even my baby hair got braided. My BABY HAIR (non-Black folks might wanna look that up)!!!

I'm not sure if I was "tender headed" as a child (non-black folks might wanna look that up too), but as a forty-something woman, I most assuredly am.

I'd post a pic, but I don't like posting pics of myself, sooo...I can tell you that it's in about 15 French braids going back and in a right-side bun at my neck. Other than that, we'll just have to run into each other in the street somewhere so you can see it in person.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever had you hair in braids (individual or French braids)? If so...did they hurt? And if so, for how long?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Big Chop-aversary!

Three years ago today, I walked into a barber shop, hopped in the chair, showed the barber a picture of Solange Knowles with a VERY short hair cut, and said, "That's what I want."

The barber looked at the picture, then at me...with hair past my shoulders, and said, "Are you sure?"

I said, "Yep."

"Alright then. Let's do this."

I still remember the faces of the other men in the shop. They sat in wonderment waiting to see what was about to happen to my flowing head of hair. After the first buzz...they knew EXACTLY what was about to go down.

If there had been any second thoughts, they all went out the window after that first buzz. There was NO turning back. I wasn't sure what to make of the barber's excitement. It almost felt a bit uncomfortable...kinda awkward.

Once he was finished he handed me the mirror and I sat in awe at the fact that my hair was now about a quarter of an inch long...if even that. I LOVED IT!

It was as though I were starting all over again.

I had to learn how to care for my new short cut. As time progressed, I had to learn how to care for it during the "transitional" phases. And ohhh...there were MANY transitional phases.

By the time March 1, 2014 rolled around, I was HATING my hair. It was four different textures, and the patch in the middle of my head was noticeably shorter than the rest of my hair. I couldn't understand what was happening.

My hair was pretty decent BEFORE I'd cut it all off. But the way it grew back was TERRIBLE. My fellow "naturalistas" suggested product after product to try. NOTHING WORKED.

Finally, July 1st rolled around and I couldn't take it anymore. I went to a local salon and asked the stylist to cut my hair down to its healthiest length. She did, and I walked out with my hair about an inch long.

After that I continued to try various hair products in the search for what would work with MY hair.

A couple years later, I have now discovered that my hair LOVES the Cantu line of products, and just this morning (Yes, I'm still trying stuff out), I learned that my hair also loves COCONUT OIL. Who knew?!?

After months of hating my hair, I am now at a point where I absolutely LOVE it. I love the versatility most of all. I can "wash and go" and love it, or get it pressed at the salon, and love it. Either way I wear it works for me.

So for all the women out there who are considering the "big chop," I would say, "DO IT!" Just know that there will be many phases and transitions during the "growing back" process...some you'll love, and others...not so much.

In case you were wondering...that's the back of my head in the pic, taken on 3/1/13.

Now, let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite hair care product?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Lovely Hair Garden

On March 1st, 2013 I walked into a barber shop, hopped in the barber's chair and ask him to cut my hair off...ALL of it. He did, and I walked out with about an eighth of an inch of hair all over my head -- just one step away from being completely bald.

It was a bold move, but I needed a change and hair just seemed to be the easiest way to go. If the change didn't work out, the hair would grow back and I could start over.

Well the hair did grow back, but not the way I'd expected. The texture was waaaay off and the length was different all around. My hair was having a SERIOUS identity crisis. So in July of 2014, I went to a local hair salon and asked the stylist to cut my hair down to the healthiest length. She did, and I left the salon with about half an inch of hair all around.

Fast forward to today and although I have no idea how long my hair is now, I know that it's a bit longer than half an inch, longer than one inch -- probably longer than two.

I go between wearing my hair "natural" as in "no chemicals, no heat", and wearing it "pressed", which means "no chemicals and LOTS of heat."

Although I prefer to wear my hair pressed, it really slows down my fitness efforts. I sweat a LOT and through my head. So wearing my hair pressed while working out is a waste...of time and money. So..."natural" it is, until I get to a desirable weight and don't have to work out as much as I have been.

Since I've been wearing my hair "natural" I've found myself in a bit of a "hair rut" and have decided that I need to switch things up. I've never been much of a braid or weave wearer so my switch needed to be simple, INEXPENSIVE, and something I could do myself.

After some thought, and trying out a few looks, I decided that FLOWERS were the way to go. I love 'em!

I now style my 'fro as usual, add a flower on the side, and VOILA!

I picked up three basic flowers a couple days ago, black, beige and white. Today I went on a "flower hunt" and got six (yes SIX) more! They were on sale, "Buy 3 get 3 Free," so I couldn't pass 'em up. ALL of my lovely new hair flowers are pictured here. Ain't they purrrdy? ;-)

Now it's YOUR turn...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do you do with YOUR hair when you fall into a "hair rut?"

Talk to me...

Til next time!

Salt and Pepper

Today as I was combing my hair, I kept seeing hairs that seemed "out of place". I'd slick them down, but something still wasn't quite right.

I slicked. I brushed. And then I got right up on the mirror to figure out, "What the heck is this in my hair?"

Turns out that what's "in my hair" isn't really "in my hair" at all...it actually IS my hair, and my hair has almost overnight become increasingly grey.

Now...I knew that I had a patch of about maybe 10 strands on the right side of my head, midway between the front and back. Those have been here for YEARS and those 10 little strands seemed to be just fine where they were.

Then, maybe a year ago, I noticed 2 little strands right at my forehead. No biggie. Most times I'd let them be, and occasionally, I'd just pluck them out. Of course, they grew back.

But today...

Today I found about 7 new strands right at my temple. WHEN DID THOSE GET HERE?!?

I mean seriously, it seems like they just sprouted overnight.

So it lead me to wonder: Am I becoming grey-er because my body knows its chronological age (even though I don't FEEL anywhere CLOSE to my age)? Or is it happening because I am under an unusual amount of STRESS at work. I'm talking crazy, "I've never been under this much stress" stress.

Once I was under stress at another job and instead of going grey, my hair just decided to bail altogether and I ended up with 5 quarter-sized bald spots in my head where the hair just fell clean out. Thankfully, it grew back.

Now I'm wondering what I'll do with all this new grey-ness.

How much more will there be?

If it stays at the current amount, then I'm ok...no dye needed.

But if I start seeing PATCHES of it throughout my head...we may need to figure something out.

I guess only time will tell.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have YOU started greying, and if so...are you just letting nature takes its course, or do you keep those roots colored?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Let's Talk about Hair!

So a couple weeks ago I went and got my hair done professionally. The last time I had my hair done was November 22, 2014 -- the day of my Mom's Homegoing service.

Although I love wearing my hair pressed...my pressed hair doesn't love me. When pressed, my hair now goes from Europe back to Africa in about 60 seconds flat. It just doesn't wanna stay straight anymore. I don't know if it's because I've been wearing it "natural" since March 1, 2013, or if my hair has simply changed. Who knows?

Anyhoo...back to my visit to the salon a couple weeks ago.

I got my hair in a "rod set." It was something that I'd been curious about for a while so finally went ahead a did it. Cost me $45 and I loved the immediate result. What I didn't expect (although I should have since this hair has been on my head for 40+ years now, so nothing it does should surprise me) was how quickly it got fuzzy. I even bought one of those satin bonnets. My hair wasn't havin' it and STILL frizzed up. And it got sooo kinky. The coils from the rods just got tighter and tighter until they were just these tiny little kinks all over my head. And they were sooo difficult to untangle. Even when I washed my hair, they were still there. *Sigh*

Finally, after I don't know how many washes later, I got rid of the tangles. Finally.

I still wasn't ready to press my hair again, and I also didn't have another $45 to get my hair done (I just got paid on the 30th and I am OUT OF CASH until the 15th. Sad...I know...but 100% true.)

So last night I thought I'd try something new. I washed my hair and twisted it in little sections. I think in "natural hair" terms that's called a "twist out".

So I twisted it and hoped that it would dry. My hair is super thick and takes FOREVER to dry.

So here I am with all these little twists all over my head and wouldn't you know it..."Joe" shows up. That dude! Funny...when he got here he asked why I hadn't called him earlier. I didn't say anything...just pointed to my head. He shook his. I know that how my hair looks doesn't matter to him, but it matters to me, so...

At about 2:00 I decided to see the final result. Let me tell YOU...it came out KEE-YOOT!!! I love it! I love the fact that #1...it was FREE, and #2...it actually looks nice. No tight kinky coils, just waviness all over my head. Joe used an interesting adjective...he said it looked "comfortable". That was new. But he liked it. He loves my hair anyway I wear it but I think he really does like natural styles the best. He's not really a weaves and braids kinda guy, and I love that about him. Actually, it's one of the MANY things that I love about him...but I'll write about that more later.

I was gonna post a pic of my hair, but I'm too laze to work on getting the right angle. Then I thought I'd look for one on Google Images and use that. But...I can't find one that looks EXACT. What I did learn though by looking for a pic is that my hair is 4A natural, with a patch of 4C (maybe even D) in the middle. That stuff is NAPPY. It trips me out because the rest of my hair is not like that. Just that patch in the middle that's straight outta Africa. That patch just doesn't play well with the rest of my hair. It's about 2 inches shorter than the rest and so very coarse. I just don't get it.

Anywhoo...for my natural sistahs out there...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What type is YOUR natural hair and do you style it yourself or go to a salon regularly?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I AM My Hair

Today I did something bold and daring (at least by MY standards).

I went on a job interview and wore my natural hair...in an AFRO.

I know this might not be a big bold move for most folks, but for ME it was HUGE.

Normally I would go to "the shop" and get my hair straightened (all nice and Corporate-European looking), but since my budget is down to ZERO...that just wasn't an option.

I could have straightened it myself but that just takes sooo much time...and it never comes out very nice when I do it anyway, so I figured, "Why bother?"

The REAL reason why I wore my "Natural" (as my Mom used to call it) was because I am tired of Black women THINKING that we have to go into the interview looking like someone we are not. Sure...I get that there are some Black women who truly do prefer to wear their hair straightened because that is what they like. I get it...and I ain't mad at 'em. But I'm talking about the rest (of us). Why do WE feel that we have to go in "looking' a certain way? Why have we allowed society to do that to us?

So, perhaps in a small act of rebellion against "the establishment", I decided to go in as God created me. The interviewers should have had NO problem with that. My hair was CLEAN...I washed it this morning, and it was NEATLY combed. So...like I said before...there should be NO issue.

As I told my friend Judy yesterday, "If Heidi and Buffy can wear THEIR natural hair to an interview, then why can't I?"

So there...I did it!

As for the interview...I think it went well. The office is a lot further than I prefer to drive though, and once I'm hired (how's that for thinking optimistically), I will probably take public transportation to work because there is NO WAY that my car will be able to handle that drive on a daily basis. So...we'll see.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest thing you've ever experienced in an interview?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Time Flies...

On this day 25 years ago I received a welcomed surprise.

At 5:59 a.m. I got the meet the little baby I'd been calling "Matthew" for the previous 9 months. I had only had ONE ultrasound during the pregnancy and that was VERY early on...so in my mind, we were having a BOY.

"It's a girl!", the nurse announced.

I was like, "Huh???"

So they said it again.

Hmmm...

As I was processing the fact that my "Matthew" was actually a GIRL...the next thing I hear is, "Look at this baby's hair!"

What? What about her hair? What's wrong with her hair? Can I see it???

They actually took her OUT of the delivery room to show her hair to the other nurses.

I'm still laying there waiting for MY TURN to see MY BABY that I had just given birth to.

So...they bring her back in and I see what all the fuss was about. I had a little "readhead." A BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE little REDHEAD.

That was another thing for me to process.

Where did the RED hair come from? NO ONE in the family had red hair...at least no one living. And there hasn't been anyone since.

I gotta tell ya...that hair has been quite the attention-getter...from day one even until now. EVERYWHERE Lauren goes, that hair turns heads.

I still remember the STUPIDITY of people who would come up to me, holding my brand spanking new baby in my arms, or pushing her in the stroller and they'd ask, "Is that her NATURAL color?"

I would just look at them with a face that said, "Are you SERIOUSLY asking that question? SERIOUSLY?!?"

They'd soon get what I was givin' and would realize the ignorance of their question.

This went on for years! Now she gets women who wanna know "What box number" her hair color is...as in DYE. Folks still don't get it.

Anyhoo...my little redhead is 25 years old today and she has made me EXTREMELY proud over the years.

She's a really sweet young lady, loves the Lord, loves children...especially those with special needs. She's a hard worker and just got accepted to Grad school. Yep...my kid's pretty cool, and it is an absolute BLESSING to be her Momma.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: For those of you who are parents, did you get any "surprises" with any of YOUR children?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And...HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY LAUREN!!!

Hair that Scratched Back

If you've been following along here in The Dialogue Den, then you know about the career rut I've been in for YEARS and how I'm very diligently looking for a new job. Preferably in the Social Service/Human Service arena where I can best utilize my professional skills and passion for serving others.

Every day I apply to who knows how many jobs. Every day...I get no response.

It's enough to have one questioning life, and the meaning thereof. I mean really, it can make a person really wonder, "What's wrong with me?"

Nevertheless, I have my FAITH and that's what gets me through each day. I'm doing my part by searching, and searching, and searching. I believe that God will do His part and open the door that He intends for me to walk through next. So, I shall live by
Matthew 6:26-34 and wait patiently for my breakthrough.

While I'm waiting however, I've realized that some things needed to be changed like YESTERDAY. One of those things was my hair. Again...if you've been following the blog, you may recall that I cut ALL of my hair off on March 1, 2013. I mean, I went to the barber shop, sat in the chair and said, "Chop it!" And "chop it" he did. I don't even think I had an eighth of an inch of hair. That was fine with me. Well...until it started growing back. My goodness! My hair went through so many different stages and phases while it was growing back. In some spots it grew in quite nicely. But in other spots, it didn't grow in well at all. More specifically, the patch right in the middle of my head toward the back. It was crazy! Like that hair was made up of completly different DNA than the rest of the hair on my head. It was a totally different texture, and grew at a MUCH SLOWER rate.

I couldn't take it any more. The straw that broke the camels back was when I straightened my hair last week. WOW! It turned out TERRIBLY! My hair felt like brillo. The ends were so rough and course...just plain UNHEALTHY.

So...yesterday I walked into my nearby hair salon and told the stylist that I wanted it cut down to the healthiest level. It took her a minute to understand what I was talking about and when she finally got it, she realized that she was about to do a whole lotta cuttin'. You see...most of my hair had grown to about 6 inches in length. But that middle patch was only about 1 inch long. So...down to 1 inch it all went and I'm now back to sportin' a "TWA". For those who don't know...that's a "Teeny Weeny Afro."

Yeah, it kinda sucks that I had to cut it all off again, but...I'm not trippin'. As Ms. India.Arie so eloquently puts it..."I Am Not My Hair." So I'm good.

And...I've learned quite a lesson. Just because I wear my hair "natural" does NOT mean that I can go without maintaining it regularly...as in, regular trims. It probably would have grown a lot quicker and healthier if I had gotten it trimmed regularly. As with every other lesson that I've ever learned in life...I've learned this one the hard way. Nevertheless...lesson> learned.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Aside from medical reasons, have you ever cut off all your hair? If so...how did that work for ya?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 7/21)

I Whip My "hair" Back and Forth

So...where have I been? I've been in a rut. A major life rut. Can't seem to shake it but also couldn't go another day without writing. So, here I am.

Got a lot of heavy stuff going on so I thought I'd write about something light, like hair.

As a Black woman, hair is quite a struggle.

I like wearing my hair straight (also known as "pressed") but doing so limits my workout activities. One good workout and my straightened hair goes right back to Africa. Then I have to straighten it again, and that takes time.

Then I was wearing it "natural" for a while which means that there was no heat applied so it was "kinky-coily-nappy". Works for me but I get the "side-eye" at work, and sometimes even at church. What's a girl to do???

Well, I'll tell you what THIS girl did. I bought a wig! Yes siree-bob. I sure did. Last Wednesday I bought a wig...and I wore it to work Thursday. It got rave reviews and I really liked it except for the fact that the bangs are a little long and got in my eyes causing one eye to be completely blood shot by the end of the day. For those who know about my eye issues, you know that I couldn't have that sooo...Thursday after work I went right back to the wig store and bought ANOTHER WIG. This one was a short pixie style. I like that one too, actually makes me look younger (or at least I think it does).

What I like about the wigs are that I can have a nice straight style with my "natural" hair underneath. So when I want to work out, I can. And when I want my hair straight, I just throw on one of my new friends and voilà, instant straight hair.

It's all quite interesting.

I never thought I'd be a "wig-wearer", but there are so many other things about this life of mine that I also never thought would be, so wearing a wig is the least of my surprises. I used to think that wigs were for old ladies, or something to be embarrassed about. I mean, even if I were to wear a wig, certainly I shouldn't tell anyone that it's not my own hair. At least that's what I used to think. Pssht! Skip that. As soon as someone compliments me on "my hair", I instantly tell them that it's a wig. I have absolutely NO SHAME. I mean really...why hide behind a lie?

So there you have it. That's the fun I've been having in my life to break up some of the rut-monotony that I've got going on.

Still trying to find my place in the world. Still trying to get to a place, a CAREER, where I can help people and make a positive difference with this life that God has given me.

For now though, I'm still in a cubicle, chiseling away with a toothpick. Hoping and praying that one day soon I will make my way out and into my career of purpose. Hoping and praying.

So how 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever worn a wig? If not, would you? If not, why not?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Finding my Inner "Naturalista"

So...what's new? I'll go first. Twelve days ago I decided to get rid of my hair. I just hopped in a barber's chair and said, "take it off." He did. So far I really like it. It's the first time in my life (at least that I can remember) that I've worn my hair short AND natural. No chemicals. No heat. Just MY hair the way God grows it. I gotta admit, I was a little nervous about how this would turn out because my natural hair sits at the intersection of "nappy" and "not so nappy." But I decided that nappy or not, this is MY hair, and I have to embrace it because it's a part of me. And here we are. With leave-in conditioner and some good oil, it leans more toward the side of "not so nappy." But when that stuff dries up...WATCH OUT! I look like a "Soul Train Flashback." So there you have it. I've posted the before and after pics so that you can get a feel for what a drastic change this was for me. I'm not stressin' though. It's just hair. It'll either grow back, or it won't. No biggie. So now it's YOUR turn. Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the most drastic thing you've ever done to YOUR hair? Talk to me! Til next time...

Maybe I AM my Hair

So the science project continues and I think I've finally gotten it right. I "wet-set" my hair last night and rolled it up on little curlers. Let my hair "air dry" overnight and took the curlers out this morning. LOVED the result. Super curly, still a bit "big" for my taste, but waaay cute. I've got this cute curly afro goin' and as my kids say, "It's poppin'".

Went to my parents house to wish my dad a happy birthday and my mom said, "Aww, look at your hair, it's so cute. Did you get it done?" That made me feel sooo good. I said, "Nope. I did it myself". She really liked it. Said that she could never wear her hair like this though cause she's got so much hair and the curls would just fall...which is absolutley true with her hair.

She asked me how I did it and I told her. She just shook her head when I told her that I washed it last night and it was dry by this morning...without sitting under a dryer. That is an absolute IMPOSSIBILITY for my mom. If she ever "air-dried" her hair it would be wet for days. Way too long...and waaay too thick.

So all in all, it was a GREAT day for my hair. Now for the challenge. I've been on vacation for a while and I go back to work tomorrow. This is not quite the hair style for "Corporate America", but since I don't service customers face-to-face, I'm thinkin' that it'll be okay. I mean, if Black women in our office wear braids, I don't see why I shouldn't be able to wear my hair "natural". We'll see.

But all of this hair stuff got me to wondering...maybe I AM my hair. Mind you, I didn't trip when it fell out a while back, and I was totally open to the fact that I may have had to start wearing wigs because of the hair loss, but the thought never bothered me. Hair or no hair, I was still the same person.

Now, with all of the changes that I've had with my hair, I kinda feel like the changes are somewhat reflective of me. Some days it's straight and I wear it down, letting it blow in the wind. Other times, it's straight but I wear it in a ponytail (my most common style). Other times, I do wear it "natural", but it's all tied down because it's really big if not tied down. And now, I'm wearing it "natural" and free. Not tying anything down. Just lettin' it "do what it do". And I LIKE it.

So just as my moods sometimes change like the wind, I guess my hair is entitled to do the same. As much as I like the India Arie song, "I am not my hair"...maybe, just maybe...I AM my hair...and that's not such a bad thing.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you been wearing the same hairstyle for years? If so, do you want to change it? And if so, what's keeping you from changing it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Science Project

As a Black woman I have many challenges with this stuff that grows out of my head...my HAIR.

As a little girl, I, like most little Black girls, wished I had "good hair". My mother (who does have "good hair"), would snap back at me and say, "Stop saying that! You DO have "good hair". If you have hair on your head then you have "good hair". So I don't want to hear that anymore!"

Well...that settled that.

Over the years I've had many many styles. Long, short, straight, relaxed, braids (once), never a weave...unless you count the extra hair that was added when I had my braids (which by the way, I only left in for a week because they were waaay too heavy on my head. I don't know HOW women wear those things for months). If so, then I guess we can check off "1" in the weave category.

I like my hair and I am thankful for it. For those who've followed the blog for any time you'll recall my hair loss a little over a year ago as a result of great stress that I was under at work. Never in my life had I experience anything like that. First, one patch. Then another. Then another. And it stopped with patch #4. FOUR huge bald patches in my hair because my body didn't know how to react to the stress that it was abnormally under.

Thankfully, my situation at work changed and with the change, my hair grew back. What a "coinky-dink".

Usually, I wear my hair straight. "Pressed" as Black people call it. And when it's "pressed" it's long and flowy...bouncin' and behavin'. Really pretty.

But recently, with the onset of Summer, I thought I'd try a "new thing". I thought I'd try wearing my hair "natural"...the way it grows out of the follicle. No heat applied.

Gotta tell ya...this has been a REAL science project. Who knew that wearing my hair "natural" was going to be such a challenge.

Yeah, I could do the "wash & go" thing, but when I do that, it's not pretty. Maybe after years of "pressing" my hair it's lost it's natural curl. So it ends up just looking stringy, like rats have sucked on it. Not quite the look I'm goin' for.

My kids keep describing my new look as "wild". Ummm,no...wild isn't gonna work for me.

I've asked some of my friends who wear their hair natural to advise me on the hair care products they use. I'VE TRIED THEM ALL. My bathroom looks like a beauty supply store. Yet I've still not been able to get my desired result.

I've even watched You Tube videos of women applying the product and showing their end result, but the problem with that is that the women are either "mixed" so they have naturally curly hair anyway, or they have very kinky hair. My hair lives at the intersection of the two.

So the search continues and through lots of "trial and error" I will hopefully get the naturally curly look that I'm goin' for...before Fall sets in (which is when I will probably go back to straightening my hair). We shall see.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is there a hair style that you've been trying to get but haven't quite been able to perfect it yet?

Talk to me!

Til next time...