K.S. Phone Home

Yesterday on Facebook I posted the following:

Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope. I pray.

Unfortunately, today was worse.

I have a whole lot going on in my life but the worst right now is not knowing the whereabouts and well-being of a very close friend. He has simply fallen off the radar. His phone goes straight to voicemail...not just when I call, but when anyone calls...and I haven't heard from him since Sunday evening which is HIGHLY unusual.

My prayer is that he has simply "gone off the grid" for a bit to clear his head and will resurface tonight, or tomorrow at the latest.

My worst fear is so bad that I don't even want to put it in writing. My worst fear simply can not be.

So, what am I gonna do?

I imagine that the only thing left to do is to hope and pray again that tomorrow will be a better day. I hope. I pray.

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever had someone close to you suddenly disappear? If so, how long did it take for them to re-appear?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The Fruit of Friendship

I was at the store yesterday and passed by a bin full of persimmons which quickly reminded me that yes, it is indeed "persimmon season."

I love persimmons!

For those who are wondering what a persimmon taste like, well, they have a flavor all their own. But if I had to make a comparison, I would say that they taste like a cantaloupe and an apple had a baby.

Although they look like tomatoes, they are actually firm (like apples) and sweet (like cantaloupe).

Persimmon season is now a bit bittersweet time for me.

I love the fruit, yet it brings back reminders of the "best friend" I once had, yet haven't heard from in almost a year now.

Her parents had a persimmon tree in their backyard and would graciously pick them for me. That is how and where I got my first taste.

As I just mentioned, I haven't heard from my former "best friend" in almost a year, so it's pretty much guaranteed that the only persimmons I will be enjoying this season are the ones I buy from the store.

As for the friendship, I have said this a number of times before. If she were to call me, or show up at my door today...I would welcome her with open arms and we could start over. That simple act would let me know that she actually does value me and our friendship, more than she values being "right" even in a situation where she was clearly WRONG.

And for those who are saying, "How 'bout YOU be the 'bigger person' and call HER, or show up at HER door?" (I know y'all are saying that), I did...a number of times. My attempts were ignored. Maybe I'm not the best person to say this because of course I'm a bit biased, but I think I'm a decent enough person that I don't have to beg for anyone to "be my friend." Maybe folks who know me would be able to attest to than better that I, with less bias.

So there ya have it. Welcome to "Persimmon Season!"

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever tried a food that looked unusual and then ended up LOVING it?

Talk to me (while I go eat a couple persimmons)!

Til next time...

Spontaneous Sunday

Earlier today, my plan was to go visit a new church, and then head back home. Simple enough, right?

Well...I made my way to the church, enjoyed the service, and when it was over, I checked my phone.

I saw that I had a "missed call" and a text from the same person. Before I headed home I gave my friend call.

She said she figured that I was in church (my friends know me well) and was hoping that I'd call when I got out. She wanted to invite me to a Los Angeles Sparks game.

I hemmed and hawwed for a moment because my original plan was to just go home.

She told me that another friend was already at her place and that they had discussed who to invite. Mine was the ONLY name that came up. Oh, the pressure. Well at that point, how could I say no?

So I told her I'd be on my way.

Got to her house, we all jumped in her car and headed to the Staples Center.

All I can say is..."Oh what a time we had!"

I hadn't been to a Sparks game in YEARS. One thing that I really enjoyed was the fact that it was "family friendly," as in...families can actually AFFORD to go...and they do.

You'd have to search pretty hard to find a FAMILY...especially one with an income similar to MINE, at a LAKER game. Nope. It costs a pretty penny, and then some, for even ONE person to go to a Laker game...let alone a WHOLE FAMILY.

So yeah, I enjoyed that aspect of the Sparks game.

And I greatly enjoyed the fact that the Sparks WON! That always makes attending the game just a wee bit sweeter.

So yeah...that was my "Spontaneous Sunday" adventure. I'm glad I went.

And on this "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 20" - I am THANKFUL for the fact that I am the type of person who folks actually ENJOY being around. I know that I enjoy MY company...I'm glad that OTHERS do too!

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you attended a professional ball game...be it baseball, basketball, football, soccer, tennis...or even hockey?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

What Can I Say...and Who Can I Say It To?

Life has been so crazy these past few weeks...THIS week especially. Yes, I know...I just came back from vacation. So how can things be crazy? Believe ME...they are! Just hours after landing back on Cali soil Monday morning, sh!t hit the fan. You know how messy THAT can be.

Times like these are when I really miss having a "Best Friend" to talk to. One that I can tell EVERYTHING to as I used to do when I had a "best friend." I know that I still have friends who are willing to lend an listening ear, but I'm just not at the point where I can tell EVERYTHING...because EVERYTHING includes some pretty crazy "stuff".

Instead, I am left to keep it all to myself, and that's just so uncomfortable. I have no outlet.

As crazy as some of the "stuff" was that I'd been through and done in the past, she never judged me, or threw the "Christian card" in my face (even though some of my choices didn't, and still don't sometimes match up with my faith). Instead, she would just listen and respond with, "Oh D." Even with that though, I never felt judged. I knew that many times her "Oh D" meant, "I can't BELIEVE you did that...or did that AGAIN," but she was always supported ME (maybe not my DECISIONS), but ME in WHATEVER choices I made...good, bad or indifferent. And when the pieces broke, she was there to help me pick them up and piece them back together.

Lately, I have made some choices that would make her hair curl...but I know that even with THESE choices, she'd still just sigh, say "Oh D", and we'd keep it pushin'.

So for now, I guess it's just me & God. I'm certain that I've made HIS hair curl...which isn't anything that I'm proud of...I just know that because He sees ALL...He has SEEN ALL.

In other news...there was a knock at the door tonight...well, more like a call from the front gate. In the past I always knew who it was and automatically pressed the buzzer to open it. Tonight was different. I answered the call, but didn't say anything...nor did whoever was at the gate say anything. About ten seconds passed, I didn't press the buzzer, and finally hung up the phone.

Who was at the gate? I have no idea. Could it have been "Joe?" Maybe. Would I have wanted it to have been "Joe?" Of course. When/if I see or speak to him, I'll be sure to ask. Til then it will remain a mystery.

So...deep breath in...and EXHALE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have someone you can tell EVERYTHING to? And I don't mean God. I mean an earthly human being. If so, it sure must be nice.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Friendship Never Grows Old

A couple days ago I received a new friend request on Facebook.

I clicked to to see who it was from and almost fell out of my seat.

For YEARS, I've been wondering where two of my former classmates were. I hadn't been able to find them on Facebook and anytime I asked about them, no one had any info.

Well...I now longer have to inquire about my friend Gretchen because SHE has now found ME and thanks to FB, we have now reconnected.

I met Gretchen in the 4th grade after my family moved to a new city and I enrolled in a new school. We proceeded to attend junior high (that's what we called it back then), and high school together. Kept in touch for a short while after graduating high school, and then...nothing.

She was such a good friend back then, and she is a good friend today.

Folks often complain about Facebook and the negativity that is often displayed there, but for me...it's all GOOD.

My Facebook friends are the BEST, and they've now gotten BETTER.

Now if I could only reconnect with Dwight Sims, the other half of the duo I'd been inquiring about. He went to junior high with me, had beautiful dark chocolate skin, and an afro to beat all afros...perfectly shaped with not a hair out of place.

So if any of you know his whereabouts, holla at cha girl!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you recently reconnected with anyone you'd been searching for?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Got Glue?

Yesterday I heard from a very good friend whom I hadn't heard from in a while.

I've been very upset with this person for reasons that I can't get into. But I felt that my feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness were warranted.

For those who've ever been on the other side of my anger, you know what I do when I am upset...I WRITE...LETTERS.

I think I've said before (even quite recently) that writing is my VOICE because it's the ONLY way I can ever get people to REALLY listen.

So I wrote a letter to this person expressing my feelings. I honestly didn't expect a reply. I simply needed to get my feelings "out there."

Well...to my surprise, I got a reply. It wasn't a nice one, but you know what...it was much better than being IGNORED. I absolutely HATE being ignored!!!

So the person told me how upset they were when they received my letter, and at one point even called me "evil." That's how upset they were. It's ok. I got it. And if I expected MY feelings to be heard AND ACKNOWLEDGED, then I owed this person the very same respect. So I listened. Name calling and all. Didn't interject. Didn't rebut. I simply listened.

When the person was done I said, "I wrote that letter because you hurt me."

To which they replied, "You hurt me."

Ok.

Then I asked, "Why did you hurt me?"

To which they asked, "Why did you hurt me?"

We could have gone on like this for HOURS, and I realized that we simply weren't going to get any further. At that moment, we were two broken people who each wanted the other to hurt more than the other had hurt them. *That sentence probably wasn't grammatically correct, but it flowed well in my mind, so I went with it.*

Oh, and what a fine job we did at hurting one another. Quite shameful really. As I reflect now on how poorly we treated one another, I can't help but hear the phrase, "Hurt people hurt people."

That's who we were and that's what we were doing. Now that we've acknowledged it, we can move forward in LOVE (as it should be) and not HURT (as it never should have been).

I don't really know where we go from here. There are a lot of pieces to pick up and piece back together. All we can really do is pick them up one at a time and glue them back together as best we can. The unfortunate part about that though is that no matter how well something once broken is glued back together, the cracks will always be there. Even if the item is glued back so well that the cracks are not visible to the naked eye...they're still there if you examine the item closely...microscopically.

Nevertheless, I'd rather have a cracked friendship pieced together by love than NO friendship at all. I pray that my friend and I can get past the hurt. I know I can, but this is a two-way street, so...

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever broken an item and had to glue it back together? If so, was it as strong as it was before the break? Was it still functional, or were there leaks that made it no longer able to use?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Apology NOT Received

Weeks have passed. The apology has not come. The apology won't come because she is simply too stubborn to admit her wrong.

In spite of all that, it is well with my soul.

I have forgiven her (so that I can be FREE of bitterness and anger), lifted her up in prayer and have given her to God.

THIRTY EIGHT years worth of friendship down the toilet because she didn't care enough about my feelings to even ASK about my feelings, when she KNEW that she had disrespected my feelings.

It meant more for her to become "friends" with someone she didn't even know, than to remain friends with ME...someone she'd known all her life.

That's her choice and if she feels that she made the right decision, then as I told her when she asked...my feelings don't really matter, do they?

It's been said that TRUST takes years to BUILD, seconds to BREAK, and forever to REPAIR. That pretty much sums it up. I will not write about her again...EVER.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: How long did it take you to forgive the last person who broke your trust?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Me, Myself and I

A couple months ago some of my girlfriends got together for a "Girls Weekend" away. I wasn't invited.

Within the past month, I've had to pull away from someone very close to me because I came to the realization that she doesn't really care about me or our friendship the way I thought.

Tonight, at this very moment actually, those same girlfriends (and a few more) are all dining at a local restaurant (that I've always wanted to try), having a "Girls Night Out." I wasn't invited.

It's interesting really. I'm pretty nice to folks and my nature is to give them the level of kindness and respect that I would expect in return. I don't get into altercations. I don't create drama. I approach folks with love because that is how I desire to be approached.

Yet...

Something is being lost in the connection. How is it that an entire group of women (when I truly consider to be friends) would not even mention the events when they are being planned. Somehow, I am a complete oversight...heck, based on the way things have played out, I'm not sure that I've even come up in their thought process.

Am I angry about being left out (more than once)? No.
Am I hurt? Not really.

For some reason, which I don't fully understand, God is separating me from folks. It doesn't mean that I don't care about them, but for whatever His reasons are, He's pulling me away. And I think I'm okay with that...I think.

Maybe He wants me to create new friendships. Or maybe He's trying to show me that I didn't need as many as I thought I did. I just don't know. All that I do know is that there's been a shift. I can either go against the shift, or with it. I choose to go with because my curiosity desires to see where it leads.

So at this point, who knows? Perhaps He's not finished pulling (or pruning) and even more relationships will "change." Seems that I'm getting pretty experienced at this whole thing, so if and/or when it happens, I'm sure I'll recognize it for what it is.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there a restaurant that you've been wanting to try? If so, which one?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Friends?

EPIPHANY: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

Life gives us many "light bulb moments." It gave me one just recently and it made things so much more clear for me.

With the advent of Facebook, many relationships have developed. Quite possibly, just as many have ended. Folks spark friendships with people they've never even met in person. Yes, even I have done it. I must say though, some of my very dearest friends today are those I met on Facebook FIRST, then later down the line we met and "hit it off" just as naturally.

Then there are other folks (really only ONE comes to mind) who I met on Facebook, but never met in person, and absolutely COULD NOT STAND! The "friendship" with this person was so strained. Anytime I'd see her comment on a post my stomach would knot up because I knew it would be NEGATIVE...especially if it was a post that I created. She was DESPICABLE! Called me a "manipulative piece of work" once when I deleted her negative comments from my page. She recently commented negatively on something else I posted and my spirit said, "That's it! She's gotta GO!!" I had to block her. Yep, I think she may be the first person (and hopefully the last) that I've ever had to block. Sure, I could've just "unfriended" her, but I'd still be able to see her posts in some of the groups that she and I were in together...and she'd still be able to "tag" me in stuff (unless I change my settings). For me, it was just easier, and best for us both, to simply block her. Now, she will NEVER have to see my name ANYWHERE...nor will I have to see hers. So you see...some Facebook friendships are never meant to develop into anything, and if they fizzle out, there's really no love lost 'cause you didn't really know the person anyway.

Next, we have the friendships that started out IN PERSON, and had their run on Facebook, only to end on Facebook...but not so much in real life. I have 2 relationships like that. For one of those people, it's really best that we NOT be Facebook friends, and for the other...although I still desire a friendship with this person in "real life", I NEVER want to be friends with them again on Facebook. It simply does NOTHING to enhance our friendship, and at this very moment, has actually created a divide.

So...if that second person ever decides to reconcile, I'm here. No, I'm not gonna go running TO that person to reconcile because it's not my responsibility THIS TIME. That person did ME wrong, so THAT person has to fix this. Plain and simple. I've reached out. That person did not reach back. My part is done.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are there people in your life who you would never want to be friends with on Facebook?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I'm Still Here

I sat here at the computer this morning with the intention of writing about one thing, but as I scrolled through my Facebook feed, I came across this photo and decided to switch gears.

It made me think about the folks I've recently distanced myself from as a result of some disrespectful things that were done to me by them, and they have not reached out even ONCE to find out how to repair the situation (that they created). As the days go by, I'm really beginning to realize that in spite of what they've told me in the past, when the rubber hits the road -- I really don't matter in their lives. Maybe at one point I did, but at this particular juncture in time, I simply don't.

Hurts? Sure. But, my middle name is RESILIENT

(or at least it should be), so...as with every other offense committed against me...I will get over and through this as well.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there anyone in your life who you used to be close with, and have since had to part ways? If so, how long has it been, and do you even remember what caused the riff?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Weekend

Lots to write about and today I'm gonna cram it all into ONE post. Sooo...here goes:

- I have internet at home again. Not through a portable "jetpack" but REAL internet. Yay me! I may have to sell stuff on eBay to make sure that I can keep up with the monthly payments, but dag-gonnit...I'm keepin' this internet!

- I had a good weekend. Did a lot and got a little rest. Just a little.

- Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday and she actually led a back-to-school prayer service at church for all of the students returning to school. On her 22nd birthday...she could have been ANYWHERE...yet she chose to be at church, doing something to benefit others. God was smiling, I'm sure.

- I got to see some old high school classmates today. That was cool.

- And...my best friend FINALLY got to meet "Joe". After all these years of he and I being friends, and this past year of us being "a couple", today was the very first time they met. I'd say the meeting went well. Yay!

Now those were all positives and I only have ONE "not-so-positive" to add...I'm back to dreading Mondays. Remember when I used to stay up all night Sunday night to delay Monday morning coming. Well...we're back to that. I have a major issue to tackle tomorrow and I have no idea how things are gonna turn out. All I know is this: "All I can do is all I can do, and all I can do is enough."

That's all folks.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How was YOUR day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Remember to Look on The Back

Here was my Facebook post from this morning:


"Arrived at church this morning and a lovely gift was waiting for me. Hand-decorated by one of my church-family members. She even included my FAVORITE verse of Scripture. It's sooo me...and I love it!!!"

And the stone that you see pictured here went along with the post.

I can not fully express how OVERJOYED I was to receive this stone. I love it for so many reasons.

1. It was THOUGHTFULLY created.
2. It was UNIQUELY designed JUST FOR ME.
3. It symbolizes things that I love...SINGING, and God's Word (my FAVORITE Scripture, Psalm 34:1).

Now I was happy with just those three things.

Then...

My friend "Kay" walked in.

As I was thanking her for the gift she told me that she had gotten the stone from one of my favorite hiking trails...one of my "peaceful places." Those who know me well know that this place MUST be near the ocean...and it is. Wow! As if it weren't already meaningful enough...that just added to it.

But like a Ginsu Knife commercial, I have to say, "Wait...there's MORE!"

As she continued to tell me about the stone, I happened to flip it over and noticed that she had written a special message on the

back (get out your tissue folks!)

I was done!

It read:

"Truly, you are such an amazing person. I am so inspired by you and blessed to say that I know you.
Love you,
"Kay"
7-15-15"

I really don't know what to say to that. All I know is that I try to "let my light shine" and try to treat others the way I want to be treated...with kindness, love, understanding, and every GOOD thing that should be shared.

Of course, I am flawed, and "miss the mark" DAILY...but the goal each day is to be a little bit better than I was the day before.

None of what I do is of my own accord, but it is because of the Holy Spirit who dwells within, who allows me to inspire, encourage, and lift up the spirit of others however and whenever I can.

I am sooo very thankful for the wonderful folks whom God has placed in my life who, "know me" and "get me" and my sister-friend "Kay" does. Many "know me", but very few "get me". As easy-going of a person as I am, that part often baffles me, because I'm really not that difficult "to get".

Anyhoo...I will be taking my stone with me to work tomorrow, and there it shall remain as a daily reminder for me to "Just Keep Singing" and to bless the LORD at ALL times, continually keeping His praises in my mouth.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the most meaningful hand-decorated gift you've ever received?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Right on Time

Today was a good day.

Even though tears were shed, as they will continue to be for who knows how long, it was still a good day.

I spent some much needed time with my friend "Joe" who simply let me lay my head on his shoulder while he held me. There is something so powerfully poignant in being held. As we lay there in stillness, one tear trickled down my face, which led to another, and then another, and ultimately what "Joe" called "A shower of tears". Cleansing tears are what they were. Tears that I'd been holding in in my efforts to "stay strong". Tears that could no longer be fought back. Tears that won.

As "Joe" consoled me he began to sing a song. I love hearing him sing.

This was a song I'd never heard before. He was surprised and told me that I had to have it...right now.

So we downloaded it, and listened to it over and over.

It couldn't have been more timely. As I was preparing to go through the pics of my Mom so that I can work on her obituary, I knew that the task at hand would be quite daunting, and emotional to say the least. Yet I must remain steadfast to the fact that God is preparing me for something I can not handle.

He's keeping me as each day passes. I miss my Mom. I will always miss my Mom. But one thing I don't ever have to do again is pray for her. Not a single prayer will I ever have to utter on my Mom's behalf. And in that, there is a praise. She now dwells with THE Prayer Answerer. She now dwells with the Almighty God. And she is safe, loved, and experiencing exceeding joy. I am so happy for my Mom I can hardly stand it. And one day...I WILL see her again. "Joe" assured me of that today. Of course, I already knew it, but as he wiped the tears from my face, he too let me know that I WILL see her again.

Thank you Lord for preparing me for something that I can not handle. Because You love me, and You care for me.

Let the Dialogue begin: Is there a certain song that gets YOU through difficult times?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Abundantly Above...

So today was another rough one, but instead of writing about what brought me down, instead I will write about another experience that lifted me up.

With all that has happened with my mother recently, and even some personal things that happened before that, I have been saddened and disappointed by the lack of care and concern by people who I always thought would be right by my side during times such as these. But I have more greatly comforted, encouraged and surprised by the care and concern that has come from those who have chosen to be right here with me, even when I haven't asked.

One such surprise came on Sunday.

I left church a bit late and as I was about to leave when my phone rang.

It was "Joe".

I answered and he asked me where I was. I told him.

I asked where he was and he responded with, "Oh, just hangin' out here at the hospital keeping your dad company."

WHAT?!?

Gosh, I felt awful. I wasn't even at the hospital yet, and certainly hadn't expected him to be.

And I still had to go home to change clothes before I would even be ready to head over. I told him that.
He didn't mind waiting. Wow!

So I went home, changed clothes and made my way to the hospital.

We visited with my mom for a while and I let Joe know that I had to pick my brother up from the airport. Guess what! Joe offered to drive me there.

So went to pick up my brother and Joe very patiently waited as the plane was parked on the runway (hadn't even made it to the gate yet), and as the carousel, that had my brother's luggage, broke.

After that, we grabbed a bite to eat and made our way back to the hospital.

I was floored...by the kindness, and helpfulness that Joe displayed. It was sooo refreshing. It's as if God has been watching all that I have gone through alone, the hurt, the abandonment, the burdens...and decided to give me a break by having someone show me love. Not "affectionate love", but the kind of love that says, "I'm here for you and I'm not going to leave you because I know that you need someone here, at this moment." THAT kind of love.

So there you have it. In my drought of loneliness, God has allowed drops of love to rain down. And for that, I am so greatly appreciative.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you had a loved-one in the hospital, what would you hope someone would do for you as an act of kindness?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Blessings Unexpected

This past week has been an absolute blur. Now that things have calmed down a bit, I can actually take time to write about them.

Last Wednesday, 9/17, my mom was hospitalized after suffering a heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, and a clot that stopped circulation in her right leg. Since then, my days have been spent at the hospital 20 miles away from my home (one way).

Little by little she went from being completely sedated, to mildly sedated, to knowing who we were, to realizing and understanding that her leg needed to be amputated. Yes...AMPUTATED.

So...with the improvement of her health, yesterday was "the day". The amputation was on schedule.

Because of my faith in Christ, I wasn't as scared as most probably would be. I had a peace and calm that truly comes only from Him. And I also had a good friend by my side, which provided more comfort that I could have imagined possible.

I've been friends with "Joe" (that's what we'll call him) for years, and after his actions yesterday, I am realizing that there is so much more to him than I ever knew.

Wednesday evening he told me that he would go to the hospital with me and spend time with my mom. Okay.

We weren't able to ride to the hospital together so he told me he'd meet me up there. Okay.

I got to the hospital sometime yesterday morning and a couple hours later, Joe called to see how things were going. I told him.

Shortly after that, in walks Joe, with lunch FOR ME. Okay. I wasn't expecting that AT ALL. It was just a simple little lunch, but felt like a king's feast.

Then he went in with me to see my mom.

He could see that she was uncomfortable, so he wet a cloth and wiped her forehead. I watched in awe.

Soon after, she was rolled into the O.R. and we (me, Joe, my dad, and my cousin) headed to the waiting room.

This is where I thought Joe would make exit, but nooo...he stayed...for the entire duration of the surgery. WHOA!!!

Again, I was in awe.

He made the 2 hour wait feel like 5 minutes. Had he not been there, 2 hours would have felt like 12. I was so thankful to have him there.

And at one point when my dad got a bit overwhelmed, Joe walked outside with my dad...just the two of them, to help calm his nerves.

All I can say is...WHAT A BLESSING my friend Joe is!!!

And yesterday, after all these years of wondering if Joe loves me...I realized yesterday, that he actually DOES. He may not be the type to take me to fancy places, or shower me with flowers, but the little things that he does (like moving the hair out of my face), or big things like staying with me yesterday, are HIS WAY of displaying love.

And although it doesn't come in the packaging that *I* expect it to...doesn't mean that love is not "in the box". No, it's in there, and I receive it. Whether it's packaged in a pretty blue Tiffany box, or newspaper...it's in there, and I receive it.

In case you're wondering...no, Joe and I are not in a relationship with each other. At this point we are simply two good friends who enjoy each other's company when we get a chance to spend time together (which isn't very often). If it be in God's will to change our "status" then so be it, but for now, I am simply BLESSED to have Joe in my life.

Oh and as for my mom...her surgery went well. The road to recovery will be long, but she has plenty of love and support to be with her every step of the way.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What does love look like to you?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Changing Seasons

Here's what I know: Some people relish in anger and bitterness. They thrive on it. The need to be right (even though there is no right or wrong in a particular issue) outweighs the need to reconcile. When forgiveness is an option, they decline it because they would rather harbor the anger than heal the hurt.

Here's what I also know: I am NOT one of those people. As a follower of Christ, I can't be.

I've said that to say this. I have a "friend" (we'll call her "Friend A") who has chosen to end our friendship over $58.OO. Yep, that's right...FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS!

Fifty eight dollars that she assumed I wasn't going to repay her. Fifty eight dollars that I offered to pay her since another friend of mine could not afford to. Now...for anyone who knows my current financial situation, I do NOT have fifty eight dollars (or any dollars) to spend on ANYTHING that I can't use. But when I was informed that "friend B" simply couldn't afford to pay, instead of footing "freind A" with the bill, I willingly offered to pay it. Although I have text messages between myself and "Friend B" stating just that, "Friend A" jumped straight to the conclusion that she wouldn't get her money and hasn't spoken to me in over a month, almost 2. I have even mailed money to "Friend A" to reimburse her for the expense and she is now returning the mail. I'm sure that she's not returning it as a way of saying, "It's ok. I understand your situation, so I want you to keep the money." No...this is her way of flipping the finger at me and saying, "You can keep your effing money!"

At this point, I am DONE. I have sooo many other issues that warrant my attention right now, and I have cried too many tears over what I lies ahead. Trying to figure out what I did wrong "this time", and without her actually picking up the phone and telling me...is just more than I can handle right now. In every friendship/relationship, I am ALWAYS the one to reach out and do "damage control"...ALWAYS. At this point, I am tired of trying to fix what I don't even know is broken. I have nothing to apologize for because I have done NOTHING wrong. I have attempted to make things right...because I valued our friendship. What I now know is that to "Friend A", our friendship was only worth FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS. I was only worthy FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS.

That's ok. The book of Ecclesiastes states that "to everything there is a time and a season." Apparently, (by her choice and behavior), our season is over. I never thought we'd end up here, and this is never what I wanted. Yet I'm not going to force ANYONE to stay in a friendship with me that they do

n't want to be in. That's not friendship. Yet, as hurt as I am by this whole thing, I move on without any ill-will or hard feelings. I pray that God continues to bless her and her remaining friendships. One thing I know with absolute certainty though is this: I am a good person, a loyal and loving friend. NO ONE can deny that about me...NO ONE.

So as I deal with changes that I have experienced since June 13th, the MAJOR change that happened yesterday and HUGE life-changer that is to take place tomorrow...I will continue to pray for her (whether she wants me to or not), because again...that is what Christ, my Lord and Savior COMMANDS me to do in Matthew 5:43-48.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."

And for any of you who may be reading this right now...those of you who believe and pray in the name of JESUS...please lift me up in prayer if you would. God has heard from me an awful lot recently, and it seems that I need Him more and more each day as I face things that are completely out of my control. Nevertheless, I believe in His sovereignty and ask that His will be done.

So...if you knew even HALF of what I'm dealing with right now (alone and by myself), you would understand why I must forgive, and move on. I simply can not harbor unforgiveness and expect God to hear and answer my prayers (Matthew 6:12). I need Him to hear and answer every prayer...every single one.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What MAJOR life-changing events are YOU facing right now? Whatever they may be, rest assured that God has ALL things in control...ALL things.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Hello!

I may be by myself in this one but, I am a firm believer that an email beats a text message, and a phone call beats a text, and face-to-face conversations beat EVERYTHING.

In this age of technology it seems that face-to-face conversations and phone calls are quickly becoming things of the past.

You see, face-to-face and voice conversations reflect ones TRUE emotions, and these days, no one wants to show their true selves anymore. So instead, they opt for the "power" behind the keyboard. I think that's lame!

Although I admit that I will write a letter quick, fast, & in a hurry...but that's because my experience has been that people don't HEAR me, nor take the TIME to HEAR me when I am actually SPEAKING to them. My experience has been that people tend to be so defensive that, instead of HEARING what I have to say...they are mentally formulating their argumentative comeback...so my words end up being LOST completely. I have had this happen waaay too many times in my life, and for that reason...I write letters which is the ONLY way that I can get my thoughts out completely, and uninterrupted. THEN...the person can respond, either by calling or writing back. But at least I've been HEARD.

Anyhoo...I said that to say this.

Within the past week I have received two very special phone calls from two very special men. I'm not romantically involved with either of them, they're actually both in relationships with women that appear to be making them happy...and that makes me happy. They are simply really good friends and I am so blessed to have them in my life.

Interestingly, one shares my faith, so he's always filled with encouragement...spiritually and otherwise, which I always appreciate.

The other can't quite get with all of the "restrictions" that seem to come with Christianity, so although we don't share the same faith completely, he fully respects that I believe what I believe.

So...they both called...one last Tuesday (the day after my birthday), and the other yesterday. Both asked how I was...not in the customary, "How are you doing?" way, but in the genuine, "How are you doing...really?" way. To one, I told the truth. To the other, I chose to change the subject. He pried for a bit because he realized what I was doing, and then he said, "Ok. If you don't wanna tell me what's going on, I'll stop asking." He knows me well enough to know that when I'm ready, I'll talk, but until then...well.

Either way...it was sooo refreshing to speak to them. In my conversations I got what I so greatly crave and desire pretty much daily...MALE COMPANIONSHIP. I mean, even though they weren't physically present...for those brief moments in time with each of them, I had a man's ear, and a man had mine.

Now I have tons of "sister-friends" who I can call anytime, and if I can't get 'em on the phone I have other ways to reach them. So, female companionship, shoulders to lean on, listening ears...YES...I have that in them and I am grateful.

Yet there's just a different dynamic when the conversation is with a man. That's what I miss...that male/female dynamic.

So anyway...as I always say...it doesn't take much to make this girl happy. Something as simple as a phone call from two of my very special male friends has put a smile on my face for however long it'll last.

Sister-friends are GREAT...yet EVERY woman needs A FEW GOOD MEN in her life to make her feel just a little extra special. I'm still praying for that one GREAT man, whom God will send to me in the form of my HUSBAND (whoever, and wherever he may be), and in the meantime I will thank Him for the good male friends who are here already. I truly thank Him for them.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: To all the LADIES out there...do you have any male friends (not relatives) who you are close to and confide in, but are not romantically involved with?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Mutual Friends

Today's post is a bit of a tough one for me to write, but it's been a long time coming...like 33 years coming.

I'm not even sure how this post is gonna end. I'm just going to let the words flow from my fingertips and let the emotions fall where they may.

The year was 1980. I was in the 6th grade and my best friend (or at least one of them) was Nadine. We sat next to each other in class and I'd spend the night at her house often. We had lots of fun together. She doesn't even know this, but she introduced me to the movie that would become my all time favorite.

The day was a Friday and we were asking each other about weekend plans. She told me that she was going to see a movie. I asked her which one and she replied with, "Fang". I hadn't heard of it. Then she said, "No, not FaNG...FaME." Ohhh.

I'm not sure if we saw it together, but I do know that I saw it because I fell in love with that movie. In my mind...I WAS Coco Hernandez...and I wanted to go to that school. To this day, if FAME comes on TV, I drop EVERYTHING and watch...while singing along LOUDLY, of course.

The school year came to an end and we culminated to middle school. We were still friends, but what I didn't realize was that with a new school comes new FRIENDS. So, our circle grew as new friends were added.

By the time we entered 8th grade, things began to change. Things I didn't like. What seemed to be my "growing" circle of friends was actually shrinking, and I was very subtly pushed out of the circle. Nadine was no longer MY best friend, and instead had become very close with Olivia. I was actually pretty close to Olivia too. But Nadine and Olivia...they did EVERYTHING together. Pretty soon, I was no longer hanging out with either one. They didn't want me or my friendship anymore...or at least that's how it appeared.

I remember when Olivia got mad at her parents for not letting her go to a concert and she ended up running away from home. Everybody was looking for her. Nadine was the one who found her. Olivia went through a really "weird" phase after that...(and I mean REALLY weird...like SPIRITUALLY weird), and little by little our relationship became pretty much non-existent.

The next year we graduated from middle school and the three of us went to separate high schools. Nadine and Olivia stayed close though.

Thanks to the creation of Facebook, in our adult years we've been able to reconnect. Through our re-connection I'm beginning to realize that although it hurt me back then to be "thrown aside", "discarded", "kicked to the curb"...I sometimes think that it was probably best for me, and God, of course, knew that.

The spiritual paths that we've taken have been quite different. I am a follower of Christ and I will shout it from the mountain tops ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Nadine doesn't believe in Christ AT ALL, and feels that people like me are enslaved and don't think for ourselves. Olivia was once a Christian yet today, I'm not so sure. She kinda borders on "New Age" and Christianity...but it's really really hard to tell. From what I understand, she took a trip to an impoverished country a while back and "lost Jesus" while she was there.

Now I've said all that to say this...I don't like "sharing" my friends. Maybe it stemmed from those experiences back in middle school...who knows? That may also be part of the reason why I have my friends "hidden" on Facebook. I don't need people going through my friend's list and then "friending" my friends. I like keeping that private. Interestingly, I have some FANTASTIC Facebook friends, and I'm in some of the BEST "secret" groups on FB. I love that they're secret because that keeps folks from scouting them out and then next thing you know...all of a sudden, they're friends with someone who you KNOW only knows them through you. By the way...those groups are nothing that I'd be embarrassed to tell anyone about, they're simply groups where grown folks can openly and maturely share what's going in in their live, without all the immature drama that's found in most other FB groups.

As technology continues to make advancements, it's inevitable that new connections will continue to grow from "mutual" ones, and maybe by that time I will be more at ease with it. Right now though, I like to keep "this group" over here and "that group" over there and keep them as separate as I can, for as long as I can. That's just me though. Maybe I'm being selfish, but it is what it is.

Oh, and there's also a weirdness about Facebook friends (or should I say POTENTIAL friends) that I have YET to understand. Months ago (maybe even years), I sent a "friend request" to someone I went to middle school AND high school with. I even saw him a few years back at a restaurant and we had a great conversation. We have over 50 "mutual friends" and I'm even friends with his brother and cousin. We have well over 50 "mutual friends". All this and he never responded to my request. He's always been a bit "boozhy" so I guess it makes sense. Until...I saw that he was friends another friend of mine and this has only happened recently...like within the last six months. What's up with that?!? No biggie though. It's not a popularity contest (at least for me it's not), and the LAST thing I'm about to do is go BEGGIN' for friends...especially people who snub their noses at my request, like I'm not good enough for them to be friends with. It's his loss though. My Facebook posts are positive, encouraging, uplifting, funny and most folks enjoy them. Unless he sends ME a request one day, he'll just never know.

Phew...that felt good! Clearly, I needed to get that out.

Now it's YOUR turn. Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you're on Facebook, do you have your friends hidden, or do you not care if your friends start "friending" other friends?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And the Winner is...

So I had this thought the other day and I don't know if anyone has ever said it before, but it's exactly how I'M feeling, so I'M gonna say it now:

In a relationship and/or friendship, when one person always has to be right, BOTH people lose.

And here's why I say that.

Last year, around this time I had plans to celebrate my birthday with the two people who at that time were my "best friends". We were going to ride in the Beach Babe Bicycle Classic which was happening ON my actual birthday. I thought it would be fun and something different for us to do. So we all registered for the ride.

Sometime after registering I decided that I would rather celebrate my birthday at church because my church family, after 18 months, had finally found a new "church home". I didn't want to miss being there so I told my two friends that there was a change in plans and, that I no longer wanted to do the ride, and that I would reimburse them for their race fees since they weren't refundable. Mind you, I make the least amount of money of the 3 of us, and Lord knows I could not afford to reimburse them their fees, but I did it anyway and thought that would be good enough.

Well...one of the friends got so upset about the change in MY OWN birthday plans that she hasn't spoken to me since. Can you believe that. I changed MY birthday plans and that was enough for her to end our friendship. To this day, I still don't understand it, and if it was for any other reason, she won't talk to me to tell me.

Mind you...I did what I truly believe was the "right" thing. Gave her her money back, and asked..."What did I do wrong?" I value friendship enough to want to make things right when they go wrong. Clearly, it didn't mean as much to her because she has yet to respond. So...I was discarded like yesterday's garbage. Didn't feel good, but what can I do.

Now we fast forward to THIS year. A few weeks ago, my remaining "best friend" did something that upset me. I didn't tell her what it was because there really was no point. She wouldn't have understood my viewpoint, and I'm not one to get into a shouting match, or texting war...or whatever. That's not my M.O. When texts start rolling in, I delete them without even reading. Arguing via text message is what kids do. Grown adults, speak via phone, or meet face to face (as I attempted to do).

As I've said before, when someone upsets me, I just close up, and don't say a THING until I'M ready. I do this for two reasons. One...if I speak too soon it is pretty much a guarantee that I am going to say something that's not very "Christ-like" because I will be speaking from my flesh, and not from the Spirit of Christ. So...I wait for my feelings to cool off.

Two...I don't say anything because it's pointless to try to argue a fact when you KNOW that it will be misunderstood. You know this with 100% certainty. So why bother. I didn't.

Once I was ready though, and had HUMBLED myself enough to reach out, I did. I guess I'm being "taught a lesson" because now SHE'S not responding. And to that, I say fine. Be stubborn. Be "right", if there even IS a "right" in this situation, which there's not.

So going back to my first point, when one person ALWAYS has to be right, both people lose. That's how I feel right now.

I valued the friendship enough to HUMBLE myself and reach out even when I wasn't the offender.

So what's the lesson that I've learned? It's this: One can not resolve a "worldly" issue with Biblical principles. You see, I was trying to resolve the matter the way that Jesus tells us to in Matthew 18. However, that chapter is addressing "Division within the "CHURCH". This issue is OUTSIDE of the church but because we are both followers of Christ, I thought the application would be the same. I was wrong.

Oh well. I still love her just as I love the other one who kicked me to the curb last year. Why? Because it's what Christ, my Lord and Savior has COMMANDED me to do in Matthew 5:44-48,

"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."

It seems the older I get, the lonelier the road that I travel. That's alright though, Jesus is with me whether I have 1000 friends or none. And He LOVES me UNCONDITIONALLY. Even when I get angry at Him (which isn't too often, but it has happened), He STILL LOVES ME, and FORGIVES ME. He gives me more than ONE chance. He doesn't hold grudges, and as Christians, we are not to hold them either.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the most hurtful thing that a good friend has ever done to you? Have you addressed it with them or are you harboring the hurt inside?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 15/21)

I Come in Peace. I Go in Peace.

Question: When you get into disagreements with friends, are you typically the one to reach out and reconcile, or do you stubbornly wait for them to reach out to you?

Question: When you get into disagreements with friends, are you vocal and argumentative about why you are upset, or do you silently process what's going on until you've had enough time to come back around?

Question: Are you allowed to ever have a disagreement with a friend, or is ONE chance all you get before that friend "writes you off"?

I posed those questions because apparently I am not allowed to get upset. I only get one chance and then I'm cut off. Pretty high standard to live up to, ain't it? I am not perfect (nor have I ever professed to be), and I am entitled to get upset about things. Everyone processes anger differently. Some are extremely vocal when they are upset. I am the complete opposite. I close up like a clam until I have cooled off. Sometimes I cool off in hours, sometimes days, other times weeks. It just depends on which chord was struck. Now...I may FORGIVE the offense right away, yet still may not be able to communicate with anyone about it that quickly. That's just me.

Anyhoo...I am one of the least confrontational people that most folks know. I simply don't do "drama".

Over the past couple of weeks, my Pastor has been preaching on "division in the church", what causes it, and how to resolve it. The main thing that he has pointed out is that, when it comes to reconciliation of a relationship, MY responsibility to MAKE THE ATTEMPT at reconciling. How the other person responds is NOT my responsibility.

Now...this is NOT to be confused with forgiveness. I say that because I know at least ONE person who seems to be confused so surely there are others. Matthew 18:21 is in reference to how many times a person is to forgive another. I get that completely and I have already forgiven. My issue is in reaching out, attempting to "make things right", only to have the other person be stubborn, or feel that they are "gonna teach me a lesson" by not responding. I am not responsible for their response and do not feel that I need to KEEP reaching out and begging. I mean really, why would I be the one begging when I was the one who was offended? Doesn't make sense, does it?

So...I extended the olive branch and in essence, it got pooped on. Maybe this is how it works when I try to apply a Biblical principle to an issue that is OUTSIDE of the church. Who knows?

Once again, it hurts to know how easy it is for people to discard me like yesterday's garbage, but it's not the first time. I guess I could say that I'm used to it, but this isn't really a feeling that one should ever have to be "used to".

I find it interesting that children tend to act up around Christmas, and I tend to lose friends around my birthday. What's up with that?

Oh well. Just as I still love the friend who "wrote me off" at this time last year, I will continue to love the one who has "written me off" this time. Some friendships end because one person has an affair with the other person's significant other. That's a pretty big offense and worth ending a friendship over. In my case, friendships end when I display a very human emotion that everyone else is okay to display. Never knew that the rules were different for me and only me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the smallest, trivial, menial thing that someone ever ended a relationship with you over?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 13/21)