Happy Birthday "Joe"!

For the past thirteen years June 2nd has been a special day for me.

Over the course of these thirteen years, whether "Joe" and I were together or not, June 2nd, HIS birthday, has always been special.

Why?

Because it's the day that God brought him into the world...for me to love.

Today was a tougher June 2nd than those of the past.

If you've followed The Dialogue Den for any length of time, then you know that the months between August 2014 and November 5, 2015 were the BEST that "Joe" and I have spent together. Those months were unlike any others...incredibly AMAZING. Had I died on November 4, 2015, I would have died a very happy woman because life (at that time) was simply BEAUTIFUL.

But, I didn't.

Since November 5, 2015 our road has been terribly rocky. There've been some smooth spots along the way, but for the most part, the spots have been as rocky as they've been smooth.
I know..."TMI", but hey, it is what it is and I have always been transparent here. One thing I don't ever need to do is "sugar coat" my life for you "Dialogue Den'ers." Y'all know that I am a "work in progress",so...


Last Tuesday was the breaking point for me. "Joe" did something that (although forgivable), warrants some MAJOR explaining and conciliatory action. No...he didn't hurt me (at least not physically), and he didn't hurt any of my kids. So you can rule those two out. Nevertheless, he knows that I need answers, yet he hasn't come by to offer any. As a result, I've had to make some serious changes and decisions. They don't feel good, yet I know that they are in my best interest.

It's now 9:03 p.m. and as much as I would have LOVED to call "Joe" and wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I simply will not. I did however say a prayer for him this morning, and if he shows up before his birthday is over, I will wish him well.

That's all I have for now. Gonna go make the most of the rest of this day...June 2nd...one of my FAVORITE days of the year.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What did YOU do today on this June 2nd?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY "JOE"...wherever you are. I love you.

You're Speakin' My Language!

This past Valentine's Day I visited a church and was introduced to the book, "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary D. Chapman.

I don't know how I'd never heard of the book before, but for whatever reason, I hadn't until that day.

Of course, I read it.

In doing so I discovered something about myself, and about "Joe." Yes...sorry folks, but this is yet another post about "Joe." What can I say? I love the dude.

Anywhoo...

As I read the book it was extremely easy for me to identify my primary and secondary love languages...quality time and physical touch.

Even more interesting was identifying "Joe's" primary love language, and realizing that the other 4 all pretty much tie for secondary. His primary language is acts of service.

The funny part is that he's never said this out loud, but in watching what he does and listening to the comments he makes, I have discovered what things please him.

He LOVES a clean house and food in the fridge. SIMPLE.

He never comments on anything else but those two things...and they are the two things that I don't have.

Although my place is not "Hoardsville" (he would beg to differ though), it's not Good Housekeeping tidy either.

He actually called me a hoarder recently and I quickly corrected him. I told him that in hoarder homes, there is barely space to walk through halls in order to get from one room to the next. My home has PLENTY of walking space. He wasn't convinced though. He still called me a hoarder. His reasoning is because I have piles of things in various corners. No...they're not knee-high STACKS, or anything taller than that. They are simply old papers that I need to go through before throwing them out...or better yet...before I shred them.

His response to that was, "Just throw the stuff away. What are you worried about?"

My response, "Identity theft."

His response, "Nobody wants your identity. Throw that stuff away."

One day, he actually threatened to throw it away and I think I felt my heart race. The thought of it caused me a bit of anxiety. It's not that I mind parting with the stuff, because I don't. I just it discarded of safely and securely.

More recently he said that he was gonna take pics and post them on Facebook.

To that I replied, "Fine. Wouldn't matter to me since we're not friends on Facebook, so no one will know who I am."

That silenced him.

But tonight...I sat down next to one of the piles and went through it. Shredding what needed to be securely discarded and tossing what could simply be tossed. That's ONE pile down and about ten more to go.

I gotta admit, that one little corner does look a LOT a better.

My goal is to do a pile a day and surprise him with my tidiness the next time he comes over. I can already see the big beautiful smile that'll spread across his face when he sees it. Heck...he might just ask me to marry him after that!

As for food in the fridge...sometimes we have it, other times we don't. If you catch me between the 15th and 22nd of each month, there's a good chance of finding some pretty delectable dishes around here. Between the 1st and the 15th though...you can hang it up. During that time it's "whatever is in the cupboard," and that's pretty slim pickins.

When it comes to "Joe" though, I think that old adage about, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," rings pretty true for him. I'd better get cookin'!

Ok...gotta get back to those piles now, but in the meantime...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do YOU define hoarding?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Is it REALLY?

For some reason, this phrase (the one in the picture) popped into my head today...and it stuck.

It really has me wondering if it truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At this particular moment in time I would have to disagree.

Yes, you've guessed it...this is another post about "Joe."

I just can't stop thinking about him. I'm always wondering.

Wondering if he decided to stay in Houston after he flew there last Wednesday.
Wondering if it was him who sent me the awful text message on Monday telling me that the pic I sent was "scary."
Wondering if "someone else" got to his phone and sent the message in an effort to make me think it was him.
Wondering what he what he was calling about after he sent the awful message. I missed the call, and he never leaves messages...so I still have no idea. Sure, I could pick up the phone and call him, but just this once...I want him to make the effort to show me that he's thinking about me and cares. I can't keep being the only one.
Wondering if he's actually back here in Cali, and if so...does he plan on staying.
Wondering if he's back in Cali, but only came to pack his things and head back to Houston...permanently.
Wondering if we will ever be more than we've ever been.

Wondering.

Now you see why I'm on the side of it being better to have not loved, than to have loved and lost.

I have loved, and I have lost...sooo much. In a variety of ways, I have lost.

I sometimes think about all that I would still have, had I not loved "Joe."
And then I think about all that I have had, as a result of loving "Joe."

I imagine that at the end of the day it comes down to this:
Did loving him and having him in my life bring me more joy than I now have with him being gone?

Tough question, and not one to be answered easily or quickly. Definitively something to think about.

What say you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How would YOU answer the question? Do you believe that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

2 Hours and 22 Minutes Left!

Today is February 14th and in 2 hours and 22 minutes I can officially say, "I survived Valentine's Day!" My LEAST FAVORITE Day of the year.

All week long I've been seeing Facebook posts from folks who've been excited about the events leading up to today. To all of that I've said, "Bah Humbug!"

If I had my druthers I would've slept this day away.

Thankfully, I went against my druthers, got myself dressed, visited a new church, heard a great message about God's LOVE, had lunch and dessert with my youngest daughter (she paid!), and went to visit my Dad in the hospital (where he's been since November).

I scrolled through my Facebook feed today and saw all of the romantic outings and dinners being posted -- there was even one engagement. In all honesty, I really am happy for those who have a "significant other" in their lives -- be it in the form of husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, Boo, etc.

I love LOVE and I'm encouraged to see that it still exists.

Unfortunately, it has passed me by time and time again. I refuse to give up on it though, and on its chance of finding me. I simply must believe that God is preparing the man He has for me, and He's preparing me to be ready to receive whoever it is that He has for me.

In the meantime, I shall continue to work on ME and be patient.

I won't lie and say that I don't miss "Joe", because in actuality...I do...a LOT. We talk occasionally, even see each other occasionally, but things are not at all the way they were this time last year...or even this time four months ago. So much has changed.

I pray for him daily, wishing the very best.

If it's in God's will for us to be together then so shall it be. The key words there were, "God's will." Only time will tell.

I'm sure that on this day many love songs have been played. The only song I'm feeling today is this one. I hate to be "Debbie Downer," but this is just where I am right now.



I pray that next year at this time I'll have a different song to sing.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR favorite love song?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The Little Things

My goodness! So much has happened in the past seven days.

The biggest and BEST thing is that "Joe" came back home after being in DC for four days. As I expected (and hoped), he had a GREAT time.

I think I mentioned in my last post that I recorded the entire event...partly to find out what it was all about, and mostly to spot Joe in the crowd. Well...with all those folks there, I couldn't find him. When we watched it together he IMMEDIATELY pointed out where he was...FOURTH ROW!

He said, "You couldn't find me because you expected to see me in the back. You should know that I was NOT gonna be in the back." He's right. Knowing him...I should've known.

He came back with lots of great pic, stories, and some keepsake items. All in all it was a good trip and I am sooo glad that he went. Even gladder that he's back.

Yesterday was a really good day for us. Not that everyday isn't, it's just that some days are sweeter than others. It's interesting because he's not the "romantic type" AT ALL, yet every now and then he says something that just knocks me off my feet.

Yesterday, he told me that he told God that he loves me.
Then, as he went to leave, he bid me adieu by saying, "I lovest thou." Silly, I know, but I love it when he says that.

And going back to Wednesday he said something that made me realize that my love for him only grows and never lessens. He told me that when he is with me his struggles don't feel like struggles. That may be the best thing he's EVER said.

He struggles a LOT and all that I can ever really do is "be there" to make the struggles a bit easier to bear. Apparently I'm doing that, and that makes my heart happy.

That's about it for now. I could write tons more when it comes to Joe, but for now I'm tired, and I have a whole LIFETIME to write about him...right?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the best part of YOUR week?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Thoughtfulness

This evening I went to visit my Dad in the hospital. He's been in and out quite a bit lately. Not many people know because I keep so much to myself. Heck...folks didn't know about my Mom for weeks after she'd been hospitalized. I'm just not one of those folks who shares every waking thought and moment with the world. Here though, for some odd reason, I don't mind sharing.

So I go to visit my Dad, and although I knew I needed to be there, I hated being there at the same time. It's the same hospital where my Mom was before her last days. It's the same hospital that I drove to when I got the call telling me, "Your Mom fell, and she's in the hospital."

I made my way to the hospital only to find her in the Emergency Room, sedated, on life support, and with tubes coming out of everywhere. All this because of a fall?

Turns out that my Mom had fallen as a result of many things. She had a stroke, heart attack, kidneys failed, and had a severe clot in her leg that was pretty much cutting off circulation from her knee down to her toes.

The day that my Mom fell at home and was rushed to the hospital, was the last day that she ever walked.

After many days of sitting by her side in that hospital room, waiting for her to be strong enough for surgery, waiting for her to be prepped for surgery...waiting for her to come out of surgery...waiting for her to be strong enough to breathe on her own...waiting for her to be able to open her eyes and acknowledge me...waiting for her to learn how to swallow again so that she could enjoy a simple cup of water...waiting for her to be strong enough to get out of her bed and into a wheel chair...waiting for her to be well enough to go home...only to realize that she would NEVER go "home"...waiting...

Yes, those are the memories that come to me every time I turn onto the hospital lot, check in at the visitors desk, press the button on the elevator and head toward my Dad's hospital room. THOSE...are my memories...and I can hardly stand them.

Today though, when I pulled into the lot, it was as if God knew that I needed just a little something to lift my spirit. As soon as I parked my car, I saw it...the lovely flower that's pictured here. I got out of the car and it was as though I heard God say, "Look."

There were four flowers. He said, "Look at them all." So I did.

Then He said, "Which one do you like the best?"

And I took a picture of the one that was closest to perfect. I looked at the color, the intricate detail, and was reminded of how creative God is, and how thoughtful He is to stop me before I went into that hospital, so that I could enjoy a few moments of beauty first.

I thanked Him, and then I went in.

As I was leaving, a smile came over my face as I remembered my beloved "Joe", and how loving and caring he was with my Mom when she was there. I will always remember the day that she had her amputation. Before she went in, she was agitated. We could tell. I didn't really know what to do. But Joe...

He always knows what to do.

He got a washcloth, wet it, and gently wiped her forehead to cool her off and calm her down. I believe that should could feel the love in his touch, and in an instant, her nerves were settled. She still wasn't able to speak at that point, but you could see the change come over her face. As if I didn't already love him, my love for him grew exponentially in that moment, with that small gesture.

All in all, I'd have to say that the visit today wasn't all that bad. There were some sweet moments mixed with the bitter.

As for my Dad, he's still there and will probably be moved to another hospital before he gets to go back home. That other hospital is another tough one for me to visit, for similar reasons. That's where we were told that her remaining days were very short...and they were.

Just thought I'd share that. I miss my Mom. Tomorrow will mark the 10 month mark since she left this earth. She came to me in a dream last night. She was her old self. She was healthy, and she was well. I welcomed the visit.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do you cope when you have to visit a place that doesn't bring the fondest of memories?

Talk to me!

Sincerely, Yours truly...and all that jazz.

So I'm reading this book, and in it two of the characters correspond with each other via email. Now these two characters aren't just random people who happen to pass by each other on the street one day and are sending casual correspondence. No...these two are ENGAGED! She just happens to be in India at the time, while he is home in The States.

So there've been a number of emails so far and the one that I just read left me screaming at the page. The male character ended his email with "Take care."

Take care?!?

These two are ENGAGED...living together...and all he can say is "Take care"???

That is a relationship pet peeve of mine. When I am in a relationship with someone and we end a conversation, or get ready to part from one another...there's got to be an "I love you" or a kiss, or a hug. Kinda like a "til we meet again" sorta thing.

But "take care"?!?

Nope. Sorry. That wouldn't cut it for this girl.

Who knows...maybe that's just ME being too "mushy" as "Joe" puts it. But hey...in the words of Popeye, "I yam what I yam."

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Would YOU be okay with "take care" from your Honey, Boo, Significant Other, Spouse?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Because I'm HAPPY!!!

With all the bad news that's reported each day, I thought I'd write about something HAPPY. I don't have anything specific to write about except the fact that I am incredibly happy.

What I have come to realize in my happiness is that happiness is "relative". For example, some folks would need a WHOLE LOT more than what I have right now in order to be happy.

I have very little money in the bank...hanging on til I get paid again. Although more money (and no financial struggles) would make life much easier...I have learned to have MUCH joy even in times like this (of VERY LITTLE MONEY). It will get better though...this I believe. This I know.

My internet is currently off at home (again) until I can pay the bill (so I have once again found myself at Starbucks).
My little Kia is almost 9 yrs old (but I'm THANKFUL that it still works).
I live in a very small 2 bedroom apartment (but I'm THANKFUL for a roof over my head...to call my own)
And I've been working crazy long hours at work...without getting paid overtime, because I am a salaried employee (yet I am THANKFUL to be working).

Even without all the monetary stuff, I am BLESSED by all the things I have which money can not buy.

I have three amazingly incredible children who are intelligent, well-mannered, healthy, and simply good people.
I have great friends, great family, and "Joe" who absolutely LOVES me.
I have my health, and can take care of myself physically. My mind works, and so do ALL of my senses.

If I could bottle up how I feel, the bottle would glow like the sunniest day, 'cause that's how I feel inside...like SUNSHINE. If a picture could describe how I feel, it would be the one I've posted here (which by the way, I took myself). Can you see how peaceful it is. That's where I am right now...at peace...content.

I am happier that I have been in a very LONG time...maybe happier than I've EVER been...and I love it. I feel like I am FINALLY becoming who I was meant to be...FINALLY.

I pray that this feeling lasts FOREVER and that I am able to spread my joy to others, 'cause a feeling like this is just too good to keep to one's self.

Now it's YOUR turn: Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you were happy...TRULY happy?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Rewinding the Clock

Ever had one of those days that you wish you could re-live over and over and over again?

Yesterday was one of those days for me. As you can guess, the day involved "Joe". I just LOVE that dude!

He invited me over early yesterday morning. I got there and we just loafed around. At about 10:30 we realized that it was time to get the day started so we headed to the kitchen. He wanted to make breakfast but had a sink full of dishes, so I decided to wash them. While I washed the dishes he cranked up the tunes. I love the way that he loves music as much as I do. As I continued to wash the dishes, he rustled through the cupboards and fridge for what he was going to make, and peppered me with random kisses, which I loved.

After I finished the dishes I headed to the table and whipped out my computer so that I could finish up on some work. I worked, he sang and cooked. Before I knew it, he was moving my computer and laid a delicious turkey-veggie omelet in front of me with a glass of tea. Awww. He takes such good care of me.

After breakfast, we loafed around some more and then I told him that I had to leave for a 2:00 meeting.

Oh, the look on his face.

"You didn't tell me you had to leave."

"I know. But I'll be back right after."

"I won't be here. I've got some runs to make."

Awww.

So...we said our farewells for the day, and I left with a big smile on my face, as I always do whenever I'm with him.

He just makes me happy. And even when we do absolutely nothing...as long as we're doing nothing TOGETHER...it's the BEST nothing EVER.

All day today, all I wanted was to go back to yesterday.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the best day that you've ever spent with YOUR "Boo"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Who said that?

This morning while at work, "Joe" popped into my thoughts (as he so often does).

I was thinking about the rough day that he had yesterday and how I was hoping that today would be much better. Yesterday was a REALLY bad day for him.

I spent most of the evening with him, doing what I could to encourage him and keeps his spirits high. As the night got late he shooed me off to my car, kissed me goodnight, told me he loved me, and instructed me to call to let him know that I got home safely (which I did).

But this morning he remained heavy on my mind. I know that life is full of curve balls but it just seemed like he got hit with more than his share yesterday. I wished there was somethin

g I could do to help. Unfortunately, there wasn't much, except "be present."

There was something about seeing him the way that he was yesterday, hearing the change in his voice, that just made me love him more than I already did. Something in me just wanted everything to be right in his world. And the feeling that I had made me realize that as much as I know I love him, there's always room for MORE. That doesn't mean that I am loving him less than I should because if my love for him were something that could be visibly seen, it would be absolutely overflowing EVERYWHERE. Yet, and still...I grew to love him just a bit more yesterday.

Then I got to thinking about my kiddos. I loved them BEFORE they were born. When they were the size of a pencil eraser...then became "baby bumps"...then got big enough to elbow me in the ribs and use my bladder as a "bouncy bounce". Seems that the love just grew and grew with each phase. Then they arrived...and I got to hold them, hug them, watch them grow. And now...25+ years later, they STILL do things that make me love them even MORE.

The same goes with my friends and family.

There's just something so INFINITE about LOVE. Seems that the more you GIVE...the more there is to be GIVEN.

So all of that made me think of the following...which I Googled and apparently am the FIRST person to ever say these words. So I guess that would make this an ORIGINAL phrase...to be quoted for YEARS, DECADES, and all ETERNITY.


"Every day is an opportunity to LOVE a little more than you did the day before."

Who said that?

I DID!!!

I think it's BEAUTIFUL, and it expresses exactly what I had been feeling. So for my "Joe" and everyone else in my life...I hope you all "feel the love". Thankfully, there's plenty more where that came from.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite quote?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Between You, Me & The Fence Post

So I've got this little secret, which really won't be much of a secret at all after this post (and depending on how many folks actually READ my posts).

The soon-to-be-not-so-secret-secret is that I have been "in a relationship" for the past 11 months. I know, I know...this is "pearl clutching news" to most folks. Breathe.

He and I have been friends for over 12 yrs and just last August began seeing each other on a consistent basis. He's fantastic! Makes me laugh, wipes my tears when I cry, is super-friendly (I don't think he's EVER met a stranger), extremely intelligent, tall, dark, handsome, and a whole lotta other stuff. Up until now, he's been my "well kept secret". There are probably only 10 people who know about us, if even that many. And I like it that way. We both do.

So yesterday, someone asked me why I haven't changed my relationship status on Facebook. My reply was, "What's the big deal? If it's not on Facebook does that mean that it doesn't exist?"

Her response was, "Yeah. If it's not on Facebook, then it doesn't count."

How comical is that?!?

Like, how did relationships exist BEFORE Facebook? Unlike many folks who post EVERY TIME they are IN and then OUT and then IN and OUT of relationships...I'm just not that person.

I saw a quote that said, "Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to 'Unstable'." Makes sense to me.

Anyhoo...There you have it folks. I am very happily in a relationship with my "Joe" and that's all that matters.

If I EVER change my status it will be changed to say "MARRIED". For me, any status other than that isn't anything to write home about.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR status?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Behind or Beside?

NEWSFLASH!!!

I'm no expert at love although I love being in love and I absolutely love LOVE.


With that said...I'm a little curious.

In a relationship, is it better for a woman to "stand behind" her man, or "stand by" him?

Seems to me that if she's "behind" him, then he's making all of the decisions and she is simply following. From a Christian standpoint, that's the way it's supposed to be. She follows her husband and he follows Christ.

If we take Christianity out of them mix though, then we are back to: is it better for her to be behind him or beside him.

Something about walking beside him just screams EQUAL PARTNERSHIP, whereas walking behind doesn't seem as EQUAL.

I'm not sure if there's a right or wrong answer, simply me and my curiosity.

What say you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you think there is a difference in a relationship between standing behind or beside your partner? If so, what's the difference and which do you prefer?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In Sickness and In Health

I wasn't able to focus at home so I decided to work at one of the local coffee spots. Everyone here is pretty much doing what I'm doing..."working on the next great novel, screenplay, script."

Actually...that's not ALL I'm doing. I'm primarily here using the free Wi-fi so that I can submit job applications online. Next week my plan is to actually go to the agencies IN PERSON, drop off my resume and HOPEFULLY meet with someone to discuss job opportunities.

But for now...here I am.

So I'm minding my own business (freezing, because they keep these places so darned cold!) and in walks an "older" couple. At least in their 60s...maybe older. HE looks ok. SHE does not. She's frail, fragile, delicate.

They sit down at the table with me (it's a long family style table), she pulls out her tablet...he whips out a paper back...they just sit and read. Not saying much of anything to each other. Just "hanging out."

As I often do with most couples, and especially older ones, I wonder..."What's THEIR story?"

Have they been together since they were young?
Did they go through a marriage or two BEFORE they met each other?
Is she really sick, or does she just look sick?
What do they do for fun other than chillin' at the coffee spot?
Is this their fun?
Sooo many questions.

Whatever the questions...whatever the answers, I still find it a blessing to be with someone at their age to share life and grow old with. I pray that I will be as blessed...one day. Really, I do.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How old is the OLDEST couple you know?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

LOVE...and other things

Lately I've been thinking a lot about HAPPINESS, and how differently we each attain and define it.

Maybe I've been thinking about it because I've been so very happy recently. Unlike most folks though, my happiness has not come from anything tangible. Even though I got paid on Friday, I have NO money to even get me through this week...yet I am happy.

I need an oil change, a smog check, tags are expired on the car, rent's late...and yet...I'm happy. Don't get me wrong...having money would make me happier because there's no joy in struggling, yet I don't find my situation to be an "end of the world" type thing. Truth be told, if I thought I could ask friends and family for some money to help me get through, I would...in a heartbeat. I just don't think anyone would be willing (and I'm referring to those who are VERY able...not those who are struggling as I am).

What makes ME happy is LOVE. Having SOMEONE to love, and having someone to love BACK. Teddy Pendegrass said it best:

"It's so good, loving somebody and somebody loves you back..."

That's plenty for me. Love helps me make it through these hard times.

Interestingly, you can pretty easily determine what makes folks happy by looking at their Facebook posts. For LOTS of folks, it's ALCOHOL. For others, it's DINING out...a LOT. Then there are those who appear to be happy based on what they HAVE. And others, on what they've ACCOMPLISHED.

I'm not knocking any of that. Those things make those folks happy and that's what makes us all UNIQUE.

Some folks couldn't care less about love, being loved and having someone to love. I feel that way about alchohol. You can keep it 'casuse it does NOTHING for me.

But having someone to love and being loved in return...oh my! Now we're talkin'!

So how 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: What makes YOU happy?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I'm Feelin' Fine...

So tonight I'm gonna write about yesterday.

Yesterday was special...REALLY special.

As you've probably guessed, yes...it involved "Joe", and this time some of his family. I wish I could share EVERYTHING that went on yesterday, but the timing isn't quite right just yet.

I will say this...I swung by his place and when I arrived, his Mom and some close family friends were already there. As soon as I walked in one of them said, "Well hello. You're the one he's been waiting for...checking the door every 2 minutes. We've heard a LOT about you."

I took that to mean that they've heard GOOD things.

So I hung out with them all for a bit and had a really good time, with some "interesting" topics of conversation. Again...not yet ready to share what those were...I'll just say that I left with an ear-to-ear grin and on top of "Cloud 9".

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time something (or someone) made you feel like you were on "Cloud 9"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The Main Ingredient is...

So I'm a fairly private person and don't much of my business "out there". But every now and then, something AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL happens and I just have to share. Tonight's post was inspired by my beloved "Joe" and what he did for me yesterday. I'll start off with our phone conversation:

5:16 p.m., phone rings {I'm still at work}
Me: Hey.
Joe: Hey, what's goin' on?
Me: Not much. Just workin'.
Joe: You're still at work?
Me:Yep
Joe: For how long?
Me: Not long. Maybe another 15 mins.
Me: What are you up to?
Joe: Not much. Just over here at my sister's house.
Me: The one near me?
Joe: Yep
Me: Well, if you're that close you should swing by.
Joe: Yeah, I think I will. I'm kinda hungry.
Me: There's plenty of food for you to make a sandwich, or if you want something hot, there's leftover spaghetti.
Joe: Do you have garlic bread?
Me: Yep.
Joe: Cool. I'm gonna do that. I'll probably be there before you though.
Me: That's fine. You have a key.
Joe: Yeah, I know. Alright, I'll see you when you get home.

***20 minutes later***
{phone rings}
Me: Hey.
Joe: Have you left yet?
Me: Yep, I'm on my way now.
Joe: Alright then.
Me: See you in a bit.

***

So I get home, open the door, and there's Joe, just chillin'. His presence always puts an IMMEDIATE SMILE on my face.

We "greeted" each other.
I asked him if he had eaten.
He said no.
I asked why, there's plenty of food.

At that moment he gets up, takes my hand, escorts me to the kitchen and motions for me to have a seat. So I do. I'm still not 100% sure about what's going on but whatever it is, I'm enjoying it. I'm thinking that we're gonna have the leftover spaghetti together.

He then grabs some dishes from the cupboard, heads over to the stove and proceeds to "plate" my dinner. Dinner that HE cooked! He made chicken fettucini alfredo with broccoli, garlic bread, and prepared a salad!

So he brings my plate to me, then serves up his own, and we dined and conversed by the light of the candle that he had placed in the center of the table. WHAT?!? Yes!!!

It was better than any restaurant experience we could've had.

After we finished eating I thought for a minute and said, "You were already here when you called me, weren't you?" He said, "Woman I'd been here for hours. Got here, ascertained the situation then went out and bought everything."

He could tell that my eyes were asking, why.

*cue the music and get your tissue for this next part*

He proceeded to tell me, "You work hard and I wanted you to just come home and rest without having to do anything...because you deserve it. *tear*

At this very moment...24 hours later, I am STILL smiling!

He just never ceases to amaze me. Last night's dinner was so much more than a meal. It was LOVE served on a plate...and it was DELICIOUS!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Ladies...what is the most THOUGHTFUL thing a man has ever done for you, and how long ago was it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

A Fond Farewell

So here we are...with just a few hours left of the year 2014.

This is the first time in a very LONG time that I have not gone to a "Watch Night Service" at church. I'm a bit bummed about that. I typically go to one that starts at 7:00 and that same church has another that begins at 10:00. Since I missed the 7:00 I really should try to get to the 10, but I try to avoid driving at night so that I won't get pulled over. My tags are expired (well...I've paid the registration, but still need a SMOG check), and one of my headlights are out. So...I'm thinking I'd better play it safe and stay home. As much as I love being in fellowship with other Believers on New Year's Eve, I know full well that I can praise the Lord right here in my own home and He'd be just as pleased. My daughters and my niece went though, and that makes me happy. They're all grown yet still go to church willingly and with glad hearts. That's the best that I could ever hope for for any of my children and/or family members.

So yeah...2014 coming to a close.

What a year it has been!

Let me say that again...WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN!!!

The first half was rocky and as a result I made some DRASTIC changes in the second half. 99% of folks who know me don't know that in June of this year I resigned from my job...WITHOUT HAVING A NEW JOB TO GO TO. Who does that?!? I do...and I did. After being in a position that didn't suit me, and being denied by my direct supervisor the opportunity to apply for a position that was a better fit, I just couldn't take anymore...and walked away. The handful who knew what I'd done all pretty much thought I was crazy. In a sense, they were right. To be quite honest...my head wasn't on completely straight at the time and I realize now that I was in a pretty deep depression. So my choices weren't that of a "clearheaded thinker".

Although that decision has cost me dearly by way of my bank account, where funds are practically non-existent (even as I type, I don't have enough money for tomorrow's rent), it did things for me that money just can not buy.

My decision to leave gave me PEACE. It gave me FREEDOM. It gave me TIME. It gave me JOY. And it gave me weeks to spend with my Mom that I will cherish FOREVER.

Had someone told me on January 1st of this year that my mother would not be here to see January 1st of 2015, I would have covered my ears, closed my eyes, shook my head and demanded that they take the words back.

Then again...maybe I would have accepted the words and made sure that EVERY DAY from January 1st through November 9th would have been the happiest days of my Mom's life. Maybe. Who knows?

I'll tell you who knows. GOD...in His omniscience. He knows.

He knew on January 1st of this year that He would call my Mom home on November 9th. Her departure from this life may have been an unwelcomed reality for those she left behind, but it was no surprise to God. I can imagine Him whispering in her ear as she lay in bed that night, "Rebecca, My daughter. Rebecca, come with Me now. I'm taking you home." That was the day that my Mother LIVED for...the day that she would go home to dwell with the Lord ETERNALLY.

Yet with all of the trials that life has put me through this year, the bitter was ALWAYS overcome by the sweet. God's Word is the sweetest of all, and because of that, I was able to get through EVERYTHING. Even in the loneliest and saddest of times, I had the assurance of knowing that He's with me.

And He was kind enough to give me someone in the physical sense to hold me up during the most difficult of times. He sent "Joe", and Joe has been my ROCK. My shoulder to cry on. My hand to hold. My tear-wiper. My encourager. My support. When things got to be too much, he was there to take over and handle what I couldn't. When I became irritable and lashed out and the most trivial of things, he understood where it was all coming from, and instead of getting angry with me, he became that much more patient. It takes a special kind of person to react that way. Joe...IS that special person for me. An absolute blessing he has been, and I make sure that he knows it.

So...less than 4 hours left. How will I spend it?

Well...I'm home alone (Joe is working tonight...*insert sad face here*), so I will probably spend it meditating on the goodness of God. Why? Because He deserves ALL of my praise, honor and glory. That's how I choose to handle the lemons that life hands me. He got me through this year, knowing all along that it would be one of the toughest ones of my life. All I can do is lift my hands and say, "Hallelujah!"

Like David, I will bless the Lord at ALL times!
Like James, I will count it ALL joy when I fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of my faith produces patience.
Like Paul, I will be confident in knowing that NOTHING can separate me from the love of Christ.
So you see folks, no matter what...it's all good! God is good!! Life...is good!!!

Just as I didn't know what 2014 had in store for me, I have no idea what's to come in 2015. But God knows...and that's ALL I need to know.

Quick question before I end tonight's post: If your Mom left her earthly life this year, raise your hand. *** Now for everyone who raised their hand, I give you the LARGEST, LOVING-EST, MOST SINCERE HUG that you can receive via computer. I know how you feel, and it's a feeling that no one else understands unless and until their Mom's are no longer here. Stay encouraged, and hold tightly to the memories. They'll get you through the tough times. This, I know.

Goodbye 2014. It's been real.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the BEST thing that happened to you in 2014?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Cup Runneth Over

Today is Christmas. My first one without my Mom. She left this life just 46 days ago and began her eternal life on the other side.

Since she's been gone (I still can't get myself to say the "D"-word), I've made it through Thanksgiving and her birthday (12/12). And now...Christmas.

How am I doing?

Pretty darn good.

I had a moment of sadness yesterday, but that quickly passed once I realized that she is now WITH the One who Christmas is all about. She now LIVES in the presence of the Lord! WOW!!! As I began to think about that, all I could do was rejoice.

With all of the uncertainty about the ACTUAL day of Jesus' birth, I was telling my daughter Lauren this morning, "Wouldn't it be funny if on Christmas morning, Jesus gathers all the "newcomers" around and says, 'Look y'all...let me clear this up. No, I was NOT born on December 25th. The real date of my birth was {fill in the blank}."

Like seriously...HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?

I can hear the deep sighs now as everyone FINALLY learns the REAL date. I've always said that it doesn't matter to me WHAT day Jesus was born, all that matters is that He WAS born (and I believe 1000% that He was), and that He died, and on the 3rd day He rose again. Oh, but it doesn't end there...ONE DAY He is coming BACK to get ME, and ALL who believe. Ooh Wee!!!

So yeah...things like that keep me from becoming (and/or staying) sad for too long.

And then there are friends. Special friends.

One sent me a message yesterday, just to see how I'm doing. And get this...he and I have NEVER met...NEVER spoken on the phone. We just happen to be in this AMAZING group together on Facebook where EVERYBODY is like family. The connection in this group is SO genuine. Before joining the group I knew ONE person in it, and was acquainted with two others. The one I know well is the one who added me. BEST group on Facebook...HANDS DOWN! Since being in it I've met many more of the members, and just as we do virtually, we connect in person as though we've all known each other forever. So...one day I will meet my friend who's been checking up on me. In the meantime, I am simply thankful for folks like him who just randomly check in.

Then there was an old school friend. She also sent a note, simply to say that she was thinking about me today. Such a small gesture...yet it means the world to me. Others sent text messages, and one actually sang a song.

Last, but certainly not least, is "Joe" who made sure that I was not alone on this day. Even though he worked last night and was tired this morning, he STILL came by just to hang with me and keep a smile on my face. And in the brief moment when the smile almost turned into tears, he turned it around and had me smiling again. Not that I'm not expected to cry (because I am), but it hurts him to see me hurt, so he turns it around whenever he can. And I appreciate that.

It's amazing how life works sometimes. In the areas where today could have felt EMPTY...LOVE filled them up. For that...I am so very grateful.

So for those who celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus...to YOU, I say: Merry CHRISTmas!

And for those who simply see today as a day to spend with friends & family...to YOU too, I say: Merry CHRISTmas!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the BEST thing that happened to YOU on this Christmas day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Right On Time

Yesterday I was feeling a bit blue. I imagine that that's to be expected.

But God...

God always gives me just what I need, right when I need it.

In the middle of my "blue-ness" the phone rang. It was "Joe". Calls from "Joe" immediately put a smile on my face. Throughout this whole experience with my Mom he has been everything to me, here on Earth. My encourager. My supporter. My shoulder to cry on. The one who so naturally makes me laugh. My comforter. My rock. Yes, aside from God, he has been my everything.

So we're talking on the phone and next thing I know, he walks in the door. I didn't even realize that I'd left it unlocked. My smile then became an ear-to-ear grin. I was "cheese'in". So so happy to see him.

He hands me the guest book from my Mom's service (I accidentally left it in his car), and a small little round container. Told me that the container was for me. So I opened it.

Inside were a pretty pair of brown earrings, with a matching ring. WHAT?!?

He said, "I remembered that you said brown was one of your favorite colors and I saw these and wanted to get them for you."

Awww. Be still my heart. No...don't be still, then I'd be dead...and I wanna enjoy this for a while.

As if I didn't already love this dude...

I put the earrings on. Pretty.

I put the ring on and although it too is very pretty, it's a bit big, so I'll need to have it re-sized. Funny how a "big girl" like me has dainty little fingers.

I gotta tell ya...I have no idea how much the earrings and ring cost, and none of that even matters. What matters is that "Joe" got me something that I will cherish forever.

He's always surprising me. Not so much with material things, but simply in the things that he does. Ways that he shows his love for me. Ways that I don't expect, but ways that I completely appreciate. I wonder what he'll think of next. Hmmm...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the best surprise that YOU'VE received recently.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Right on Time

Today was a good day.

Even though tears were shed, as they will continue to be for who knows how long, it was still a good day.

I spent some much needed time with my friend "Joe" who simply let me lay my head on his shoulder while he held me. There is something so powerfully poignant in being held. As we lay there in stillness, one tear trickled down my face, which led to another, and then another, and ultimately what "Joe" called "A shower of tears". Cleansing tears are what they were. Tears that I'd been holding in in my efforts to "stay strong". Tears that could no longer be fought back. Tears that won.

As "Joe" consoled me he began to sing a song. I love hearing him sing.

This was a song I'd never heard before. He was surprised and told me that I had to have it...right now.

So we downloaded it, and listened to it over and over.

It couldn't have been more timely. As I was preparing to go through the pics of my Mom so that I can work on her obituary, I knew that the task at hand would be quite daunting, and emotional to say the least. Yet I must remain steadfast to the fact that God is preparing me for something I can not handle.

He's keeping me as each day passes. I miss my Mom. I will always miss my Mom. But one thing I don't ever have to do again is pray for her. Not a single prayer will I ever have to utter on my Mom's behalf. And in that, there is a praise. She now dwells with THE Prayer Answerer. She now dwells with the Almighty God. And she is safe, loved, and experiencing exceeding joy. I am so happy for my Mom I can hardly stand it. And one day...I WILL see her again. "Joe" assured me of that today. Of course, I already knew it, but as he wiped the tears from my face, he too let me know that I WILL see her again.

Thank you Lord for preparing me for something that I can not handle. Because You love me, and You care for me.

Let the Dialogue begin: Is there a certain song that gets YOU through difficult times?

Talk to me!

Til next time...