Change of Scenery

This morning we turned our calendars to yet another new month: FEBRUARY.

For most, a new month is no big deal. For me...as soon as that calendar changes I start wondering about NEXT MONTH'S RENT and PRAYING that THIS will be the WEEK when I am offered a NEW JOB.

Instead of being overwhelmed by situations that I am diligently trying to change, yet have had no success with as of yet...I decided to "step away from the vehicle" and do something that would take my mind off of ME, and allow me to focus on SOMEONE ELSE, if only for a few hours.

So...I hoped on a bus just before 7 a.m. and headed to the local Meals On Wheels where I helped package meals for those who are unable to prepare their own. WHAT A BLESSING!

Those couple of hours did me sooo much good!

I've always said that if I could be a "professional volunteer," (as in...volunteer DAILY while still being able to pay my bills), THAT'S what I would be. I get so much gratification from helping others. I mean really...it is medicine for my soul. And it gives me a much-needed sense of purpose.

Sitting at home everyday, applying for countless jobs...praying for a positive response yet often receiving just the opposite has truly begun to wear on me. As a result, I could feel myself slipping into that dark place that will only keep me where I've been for the past few months.

Because I am so familiar with that feeling, I now know how to "head it off at the pass." And so...I found myself at the nearest place that would allow me to "make a difference."

Not sure at this point how many times per week I'll be able to volunteer, as the ideal goal is to have my days filled with INTERVIEWS and ultimately A NEW JOB. We shall see.

For now...I'm back home and the search continues. Pray for me please, if you will (in the name of Jesus) that THIS WEEK a job offer will come through. PLEASE!!!

Now before we part, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Which organizations do you like to volunteer with?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Three Letter Word

After yesterday's inspiring event, my heart is still full.

One of the things that Shannon told us yesterday is that we have to be willing to say YES to God. That means YES to the things that we need to release so that He can bless us. And YES to the things that we want to receive.

Such a simple little word.

One syllable.

Three letters.

YES.

There's a song by the same name that I have listened to many times since yesterday's event. I listened to it this morning after I read my Bible and will listen to it again before I go to bed. It has become my "meditation song."

I didn't have the best day today, seems like I faced many obstacles. Yet I remain faithful in knowing that God is going to turn this thing around for my good. Until He does, my heart, my mind, and my mouth will continue to say:

YES

How 'bout you? Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have a "meditation song?" If so, what is it?

Talk to me! Oh, but close your eyes and listen to this song first.



Til next time...

Exit Here

Earlier today I attended a powerfully inspiring event that reaffirmed my desire to LIVE in my PURPOSE.

Very few folks know my current situation yet one thing I can say with certainty is that it in NO WAY resembles what I'm supposed to be doing and where I want to be in life. At this point, my current situation and my PURPOSE are polar opposites. That's heartbreaking.

During the event there were so very many things said that made me want to burst into tears. Somewhere along this journey of mine I have become a bit stoic, so I suppressed pretty much every tear that tried to fall. That was until...

The event ended, thanked the host Shannon Yvette and headed to my car.

As soon as I got in the first tear was allowed to fall. That one was followed by countless more.

I started my car, turned off the radio and began my tear-filled chat with God.

The gist of the conversation was around my disappointment at where I am at this point in my life. How I am desperately seeking a career opportunity that will allow me to help others as my heart so greatly desires, yet I feel that I am failing because it just hasn't manifested itself yet and I am simply LOST.

So I'm having this heartfelt talk with God and get on the freeway.

Once I get on I realize that I need to quickly moved into the lane to my left otherwise I will end up exiting the freeway. Not what I wanted to do.

So I'm still pleading with God, tying to figure out why nothing I've done thus far has had any meaning or value. No one's life has been positively changed as a result of my interaction.

The tears fell even quicker.

And no one was letting me get over.

So...I angrily ended up exiting the freeway. Great! Now I'm crying and angry at the same time.

I get to the bottom of the off-ramp and there's a homeless person standing there with a  sign. I reached over to my passenger seat and gave them the prepared "blessing bag" that I keep in my car for such occasions. Then I circled the block so that I could get back on the freeway.

About thirty seconds into my circling the "light bulb" went off and I said, "Ok God. I see what you did there."

Even though my plan was to get on the freeway and go straight home...God's plan was for me to get off at the "wrong" exit so that I could be a blessing to someone who otherwise may not have been. It was as if God was saying, "I hear you and YES...you ARE living in your PURPOSE...even NOW. No, this isn't ALL that I have destined you for, but as long as you keep doing what you can with what you've got...even though you feel LOST and that NOTHING is making an impact...the little things that you do 'in the meantime' ARE making an impact."

At that point the tears stopped falling.

I get it.

I need to keep working toward where I'm trying to go, and I need to be patient in the process.

Am I where I want to be yet in this journey called "life"? NO.
Am I doing little things along the way as I strive to get there? "YES.

What exactly is it that I ultimately want to do with this life of mine? I'm glad you asked. Here's the list:

• Write books
• Become a Motivation Speaker (with a specific focus)
• Create a Non-Profit Organization that promotes literacy
• Work for (or create) an organization that provides services to homeless youth and their families

That all sounds pretty well and good, right? The interesting thing is that "career wise," I have never done any of the above, yet my heart SCREAMS to do them all. I pray that one day, I will. Dear Lord, PLEASE!

Now...it's late, so Let the DIALOGUE begin: What (if anything) is holding you back from doing what you know you were created to do? Let's work on it together.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Kintsukuroi

At this moment there are about 100 other things I need to be doing. But after the morning (and afternoon) I've had, the most IMPORTANT thing to do at this time is WRITE about how INSPIRED I have become.

This morning I attended a brunch featuring women who were willing to share their stories and knowledge with others (like myself) so that we too could get to the lives that God has purposed for us. The PowHERful Brunch was the exact name.

There were no gimmicks or "get rich quick" tips...there were simply testimonies of where these women have come from, how they got to where they are today, and again...how WE can get to where WE are desiring to go.

There were authors, entrepreneurs, a woman in the entertainment industry, all in a room FULL of ENCOURAGEMENT. These women were of various backgrounds but the one thing that they shared in common was that they LISTENED TO GOD. What He said DO, they DID...sometimes reluctantly because His direction didn't always make sense, but ultimately they were OBEDIENT, and as a result, He has BLESSED them and their endeavors.

I gotta tell ya...I wasn't sure what to expect when I paid a couple weeks ago to attend today's event. Wasn't sure if I could financially afford to go. Wasn't really sure what I was going to get out of it...wasn't really sure what I wanted to get out of it. But...God knew.

I arrived this morning EMPTY.

I had eaten breakfast, so I'm not speaking of a physical emptiness. I'm speaking however, in terms of an emotional, mental emptiness.

With the recent changes in my life (that only a small few even know about), I have struggled...mostly with DEPRESSION, but with a host of other feelings as well. SHAME ranks pretty high up there on the list. I know that there is LOTS for me to be doing, yet I have not had the WILL to do ANY of it.

It's been said that "you can't pour from an empty cup." Well, my cup has not only been EMPTY, but CRACKED...so even if anything went into the cup it would've leaked out. As a result, I've poured NOTHING in.

So yes...although I arrived with a smile on my face (the same fake smile I've been passing on to everyone for MONTHS), I wasn't smiling much on the inside.

Until...

The brunch began.

Now when I think of "brunch" I immediately think of FOOD. Yes, there was food (DELICIOUS food I might add), but along with the FOOD were the INCREDIBLY AMAZING panelists. And even before the panelists began to speak, a lovely young lady rendered Mariah Carey's "Through The Rain" to us in sign language. It was simply BEAUTIFUL.

The panelists began to speak, and as they did, not only did I hear God speak to me with regard to what I need to do...but He SHOWED me what I WILL do as I watched and listened to each of the women. What THEY were doing is what I will do.

He told me that I have a story, and that MY story is meant to INSPIRE others as the ones that I was hearing today were inspiring me. He assured me that there is ROOM for me and what I have to say, so I don't need to worry that so many others are already doing it. THEIR story is not MINE and MINE (just as theirs) NEEDS to be told...in a setting just like the one we were in today. A setting with women (and even men) who can be HELPED by what I have to say.

YES, I can ENCOURAGE.
YES, I can INSPIRE.
YES, I can MOTIVATE.

And...I WILL.

I read online that "when the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful."

That, I believe, is what God is doing to me. He is "filling my cracks" with gold. Interestingly, the cracks will still be visible, and that's okay. Every crack has its own story so I wouldn't want them to be made invisible. The visible cracks will be a constant reminder of where I have come from, and gone through, lest I forget. That's a BLESSING. And now...I can hold what's needed, instead of having it all leak out. NOW, I can pour into others from a FULL cup.

No, my "situation" has not magically changed from this morning until now. I still need help (LOTS of it), but I can say that I now have hope that I didn't have this morning. I've experienced a shift in my thinking and that, I believe, will bring about change in other areas of my life that so greatly need it.

Ok...enough about me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What goals are YOU pursuing? What's YOUR purpose? Are you functioning in that purpose yet, or still working your way there. If you haven't gotten there yet, keep pressing, stay encouraged, and allow me to cheer you on along the way.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

This Way? That Way?? Which Way???

Tonight's post will be short and sweet...mainly because I'm at the library and they'll be closing in 45 minutes.

Yes folks, I'm back at the library using their internet because I don't have internet at home right now. Gotta tell ya...it's really made me scratch my head and wonder WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WRONG? And/or, WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I go to work EVERYDAY, make a "decent" wage...and yet STILL can't get everything paid for when it needs to be.

I get TWO paychecks each month. The first goes ENTIRELY to rent with NOTHING left over. The second goes to all the other stuff: food, gas, bills...AND a little bit of THAT ONE has to be saved for the rent too because that first check doesn't COVER rent...it simply goes TOWARD the rent.

I'm tired.

Tired of not having enough.

So today I realized that I've gotta do something DIFFERENT in order to get DIFFERENT results.

What that is...I don't know exactly...but I'm pretty sure that it will not come in the form of "working for others". I MUST find a way to "do my own thing" and "be my own boss".

Now don't get me wrong, I am thankful to be employed...especially after my recent stint of unemployment (as in ZERO money coming in. Zero, Zilch...NADA). Yet, I'm still not HAPPY. I'm not SATISFIED. I'm just functioning..."goin' through the motions" but not TRULY enjoying what I do.

And contrary to what on of my former bosses once told me...Yes, I CAN enjoy what I do for a living. It IS possible!

I'm fairly certain that whatever I do will come in the form of writing, but who knows...I may explore other opportunities as well. I just know that the longer I work in a cubicle, the less I belong in one.

For those who are wondering...nooo, I won't be making any hasty decisions to leave my current job, but I will be diligently seeking and pursuing that which will make me TRULY happy...that which I was put on this earth to do.

I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere, maybe even MANY wrong turns...but I'll find my way. I WILL!

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you operating in YOUR true purpose, or are you just "goin' through the motions" too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Fear...yeah, I have one.

So what most people don't know (because I'm very private and don't like putting all my business "out there"), is that my life is in a bit of a whirlwind. Has been for a couple of weeks now. And I could really use some help. Really, I could. But, who do I go to? Where do I go? Everybody has problems of their own, so who's gonna help me with mine? Answer: NOBODY.

For the past two weeks I've been frantically looking for a new job. I mean...I need a new job like PRONTO. But I don't want just any ol' job. I want one with PURPOSE. One that will be fulfilling. One that means something...not just to me, but to others. I want...no, correction...I NEED for my work, my career to MAKE A DIFFERENCE...A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE.

If you ask most people what their biggest fear is, their response will probably be, "dying". Interestingly, that's not my answer. Because I have salvation through Jesus Christ who died on a cross for me and three days later He rose again...and now He LIVES...well, because He lives, I too will live (even after death). That's what I believe. So no...dying is not MY biggest fear.

My biggest fear however, is that I will die BEFORE I am able to fulfill the purpose for which God created me. Every day that I've lived so far has been a day that has not yet been lived in my purpose. 45 years and I'm still not there. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?!? It's extremely frustrating, and far from fun.

So...I'm on a mission...a frantic search to find a career that matches my purpose. And I need to find it quick. The clock is ticking and time is running out. No seriously, I am on a time limit and with each day I am getting closer to my deadline. So something has GOT to come through soon.

Unlike most, I'm not worried. You see, prayer and worry can not coexist. So, I have chosen to PRAY. I do however, wonder. I wonder when the next thing will come through. Where it will be? What will my role be? So yes...I do wonder.

Today was different. After praying and searching and wondering, I heard God tell me to just "be still". Stop moving. Stop searching. Just "be still." So I did. I trust Him enough to know that if I'm "still" He's not. So I gave myself a day off. Many (if they knew my situation would say that I've already had days off. But today was different.) Today, I picked up a book that I've been meaning to read for I don't know how long...and I decided to READ IT...from cover to cover. And that's exactly what I did. I woke up, started reading and finished around 6:00 p.m. Can't remember the last time I read a whole book in a day. As an adult, I don't think I ever have. The book by the way, was "The Leap" by Rick Smith. And I highly recommend it, especially for anyone who is in a career and/or life rut. Highly recommend it.

So...I gave myself the break today. Tomorrow, God willing, I will start back at it.

Something is gonna come through. This I believe. This I must believe, otherwise I may well fall apart.

Times like these I just wish I had a shoulder to lay my head on or someone...no not someone, but a HUSBAND to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be alright. Living this life alone sure ain't easy. Not quite the life I thought I'd be living, but...here I am and it is what is is...at least for now and/or until God says otherwise.

Ok...that's enough from me. Now it's your turn.

Let the Dialogue begin: Are you in a career/life rut? If so, what are you doing to get out of it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 2/21)

2014 - A Focused Year of...

So I just got home from what was a WONDERFUL time with four AMAZING people! The interesting part about these folks is that for the most part I've only known them for 4 months.

I had no idea back in September when I signed up to read a book with them for 40 days, that they people would come to mean so much to me. We met on Facebook and we are now LIFELONG friends!

For me, the connection with the group came right on time, or as I prefer to say...was orchestrated by God.

I was on a friend's Facebook page one day and I happened to click on the profile of one of her friends and the very first thing I saw was that a group was going to begin reading "The Purpose Driven Life" the next day. Hmmm.

I sat there for a few minutes, knowing that I'd always wanted to read the book, knowing that in my numerous attempts before I'd never finished the book, knowing that I was ready to try again...with THIS group of strangers.

I sent a message to the person who was forming the group, expressed my interest and asked if I could join. Next thing you know...I was in!

I was heading to North Carolina the very next day and knew that I didn't wanna fall behind. We were gonna be at this for 40 days...I was determined to keep up because I knew that if I fell behind I probably wouldn't stick with it.

So I scrambled to find the book. First, at the "Dollar Store". They were all out. Tried Target. Nothing. Walmart. Nada. I was running out of time because I still hadn't packed for my trip or anything, and my flight was scheduled to leave early the next morning.

Finally, I found it at a Barnes and Noble. Yes, I paid FULL price (which I rarely do). No, I didn't care. I HAD to have that book before takeoff.

On September 4th, me & my copy of "The Purpose Driven Life" made our way to Charlotte, North Carolina.

Now it wasn't just enough to READ the book. The whole PURPOSE of the group was to share our thoughts DAILY. And that's what I did. Although I didn't pack my laptop, I did pack my tablet. It wasn't ideal, but it served its PURPOSE, and I was able to contribute from the other side of the map.

Again, I had no idea when we began, just how close we would all become by Day 40. One of the "rules" of the group was to be transparent and to openly share our thoughts, struggles, and whatever else we were comfortable with. We did just that. And at the end of Day 40 I had a heart full of THANKS and LOVE for these people. Yep, it happened just like that.

Those who know me well know that I don't believe in coincidence. EVERYTHING happens for a reason and a PURPOSE. I believe that these four (and two others who weren't able to attend our gathering today)were placed in MY life by God, for a reason and a PURPOSE.

I entered the group confused and frustrated because I wasn't really sure of my PURPOSE. All that I really knew was that I'm not yet operating in it. At least, that's what I thought.

What I now know is that my PURPOSE is to GLORIFY GOD in ALL that I do. Yes folks, it's that simple.

So even if my current job doesn't match what I think I should be doing, somewhere in the process, I can still glorify God. Afterall, I wasn't called to "let my light shine" only WHEN and WHERE I think it should shine. It's supposed to shine at ALL times and EVERYWHERE I go...that includes my "9 to 5" telemarketing job. And that's just ONE of the many things that I learned while journeying through the book with these very special.

I love the way that we started out as a fairly sizable group of about 30 folks, and in the end, there were "just us". God knew from the very beginning that WE needed each other and that WE would get to the end TOGETHER. There are no mistakes and nothing happens by accident.

I could say so much more about those 40 Days and our experiences together, but instead, I will simply leave it at this:

Nick - THANK YOU for answering God's call to put this group together. You are loved and appreciated more than you know.
Oliver - THANK YOU for opening your doors and making us feel right at home.
Tonia - THANK YOU for your energy, your smile, your passion for God, and for sharing that lovely little girl of yours with us.
Randy - THANK YOU for being such an inspiration physically and spiritually. You always have such kind words for me and I appreciate them ALL.
Toya - THANK YOU for sharing your life experiences with us. I admire your creativity and desire to reach your goals.
Andrea - THANK YOU for your abiility to bring calm and clarity to a situation. Your peaceful spirit can be felt across the miles.

This was us. Our group of SEVEN...the number that represents COMPLETION.

As I close today's post, I'll end with the the words of our group's eloquent leader: "Purpose Driven Life friends. This has been a great year so far and part of the reason for that is because of you guys. 2014 is a focused year of purpose."

My sentiments exactly. Well said Nick, well said.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have YOU read "The Purpose Driven Life"? If so, how has it changed YOUR life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...