Remembering ME

*** This post was originally drafted some time after November 9, 2014 and before April 23, 2016. Not sure of the exact date. Just realized that I never published it so thought I'd add the finishing touches.***

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. That tends to happen when someone you know and/or love passes away.

Soon after someone passes, if they are one of your friends on Facebook, you immediately begin to see the outpouring of love for that person. Memories are shared. Pictures are shared. And they give me a quick jolt of reality that one day, I too will die. That thought always leaves me to wonder what people will say about me when that happens? What pictures will they share (if any)? What kind words will they say about me (if any)? What impact will I have made on their lives (if any)?

I mean, these are things that I would like to know NOW while I am still alive, so that I can make improvements in areas that may need them. Although my hope is that when I die, I will have touched EVERYONE I know in a POSITIVE way that will have them more blessed for having known me, than if they had not. I would want people who "hear about me" to say, "Wow! Sounds like she was pretty special. Too bad I never got a chance to meet her."

But the reality is...not everybody will have flowery words to say. For those folks, I pray that God would pierce their hearts and make them realize that I wasn't who they thought I was. Had they taken time to actually get to know and UNDERSTAND me, they would have discovered that.

Two years before my Mom passed, she wrote her own obituary. She also knew who she WANTED to speak at her service, and who she DIDN'T. For the most part her wishes were honored...except for ONE person who I wish had kept his mouth shut, although even he acknowledged that his relationship with my Mom wasn't the best...so my thought was, WHY then did you get up to speak? Ugh! The things we do though to avoid "drama", so I let him have his 2 minutes and thankfully he was done.

I too have a list of those who I know could GENUINELY speak about me, and then there are others who don't really know me at all but would try to speak as if they did. Thank goodness I won't have to see any of that. I say that because I don't believe in "looking down from Heaven." I mean really...once one gets to Heaven...why on Earth would they EVER wanna "look down" and see all of the sadness and sorrow that occurs here? I mean, yeah...it would be cool if we could "look down" and only see "the GOOD stuff," but I just don't think that's how it works. I know that the majority of folks believe differently, and they get comfort in thinking that their loved ones "look down." If that gives them comfort, then so let it be.

But back to my original question. When my time comes, what WILL folks say about me?

I would hope that most would say the following:

• She loved helping and serving others.
• She loved children.
• She loved reading.
• She loved reading to children.
• She loved writing.
• She loved music.
• She loved to sing...and sang EVERYDAY.
• She loved to laugh and often made us laugh.
• She was downright funny.
• She was a loyal friend. If you told her something in secret, it stayed with her.
• She was trustworthy.
• She was forgiving (even to those who betrayed her the worst).
• She didn't have much to give financially, but what she could give, she did give.
• She tried to live a life that was pleasing to God.
• She failed at living a life that was pleasing to God...yet she continued to try.
• She prayed daily.
• She prayed for many.
• She prayed for those who loved her, and for those who SAID they loved her (but really didn't...she knew).
• She loved her kiddos: Lauren, Jordan and Terence.
• She may not have been the BEST Mom, but she did her best to be the best to them.
• She loved LOVE, even though love eluded her and never stuck around for very long.
• When she loved, she loved completely. And it took a LOT for that love to diminish. A WHOLE LOT.
• She loved nature.
• She saw the beauty in God's creation in many things that most folks overlooked.
• She appreciated every day that she had functioning EYESIGHT, as one of God's greatest gifts.
• She LOVED the ocean (her "Place of Peace").
• She always felt that she was living a life that was much too small for her.
• She hoped and prayed that she would one day grow into the life that God had purposed for her.
• Her presence was felt and brought positive energy to any space she occupied.
• Her presence was missed when she wasn't around.
• Her presence will be missed from this day forward.
• She loved the Lord with all her heart, mind and soul. She may not have always acted accordingly, but really, she did.
• Although she's no longer here on Earth, she is now happier that she ever was when she was here. This life was not always the kindest to her, and now those hurts will be no more.
• For those who loved her and want to see her again, BELIEVE in Christ as she did. Acknowledge that you are a sinner saved by grace. Confess that Jesus is Lord. Do those things and this will not have to be goodbye. It will simply be "see you later" and you WILL see her again.

So yeah. As morbid as this post may be to some, death is a reality for us ALL. But how many get to share...in advance...what they would like to be remembered for?

Think about it.

Then...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU want folks to remember about YOU?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Wobblin'

This post'll be a short one.

I've been going through a lot lately...and I do mean a LOT.

My recent trials have brought to memory a childhood toy that I once played with...WEEBLES.

Their tagline was:

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."

That's how I've been feeling. I've been wobbling, yet I'm not down. I actually BELIEVE that I am on my way back UP, and the wobbling will soon cease.

Hoping that I'll be able to share some good news with you all in the coming days. In the meantime, please keep me in your prayers if you will...in the name of Jesus. All glory and honor, even while I am in the midst of my storm, go to Him.

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you remember Weebles? Did you have them when you were a child?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Just Keep Posting. Just Keep Posting. Just Keep Posting, Posting, Posting...

Somebody hand me a tissue...I think I'm about to cry!

I had just finished writing today's post about a completely different topic than this one.

As soon as I posted it, I had an urge to check and see how many more posts I had to go before reaching 600. I knew I had to be close. Well wha'da'ya'know...THAT WAS my 600th POST!!!

WHOA!!!

Once I realized that, I knew I had to start over and write THIS one.

600 POSTS!!!

May not mean much to any one else, but to ME...WOW!

This blog, The Dialogue Den, has been like a fourth child.

I haven't tended to it as well as I should have. At times I have been neglectful...going WEEKS...maybe even as long as a MONTH without posting. The reason...was DISCOURAGEMENT. I had periods where I simply felt like NO ONE was reading. And since this blog was created to spark DIALOGUE, it became disheartening when there was no outside interaction. I was simply talking to MYSELF. The DIALOGUE felt more like a MONOLOGUE.

Here lately, more folks have commented. To each and EVERY one, I say THANK YOU!!!

I still have for more posts WITHOUT comments, than those WITH. That's okay.

I finally came to the acceptance and realization that even if I am only writing to "An Audience of One", I must continue. That "Audience of One" is God. He is the one who gave me the desire as a very young girl, to write. So I must HONOR what He gave me.

On the days when I don't write...I don't feel right. I become restless. Writing is my therapy (although thankfully much cheaper). Good day, bad day, otherwise...I pour it all out right here...and feel so much better after.

I still wonder why it's been so difficult to get folks to support me in my writing efforts. I'm not talking strangers. I'm talking about folks who actually know me. I've made numerous pleas on Facebook...simply asking that they "like" the page. Doesn't cost a single solitary penny...just "click the button" PLEASE. That's all. That one simple (yet HUGE) act of support would mean so very much to me. It would mean that folks have faith in what I am doing and want to see me do well with it. After all...that's what friends do, right?

I have other friends with blogs and I admit...my style is quite different from theirs.

One writes a lot about female empowerment...knowing and exploring one's body. Loving "freely", and things of that nature.
The other writes in flowery philosophical prose.
I, write about anything and everything.

The beauty of us ALL is that we do not HAVE to write in the same manner. Our writing styles are as unique as each of us are. So there's a little somethin' for everyone.

Anywhoo...I am proud of myself and my accomplishment. 600 posts have been no easy feat. To YOU, my fellow Dialogue Den'er...I THANK YOU for reading. Maybe you pop in occasionally...maybe you read EVERYDAY. Either way...I want you to know how greatly appreciated YOU are.

I am very excited about the future ahead. One day, SOMEONE is gonna land on this blog and say, "Hey...this chick's got skills. I like the way she thinks. Let's work with her." THAT'S the day that I look forward to. That's the day that I must continue to BELIEVE is coming. Until then...I will keep writing.

Now...enough about me. Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have a blog? And does it have a Facebook page? If so...how 'bout YOU "like" mine, and I'LL "like" yours. Deal?

Talk to me!

Til next time (post # 601)...

Where Are They Now?

So today's post is one that I have wanted to write since last Thursday, but have been reluctant to do so. My spirit however, has continued to be "prickled" and I know that it won't stop until I just go ahead and write the darned thing.

Since the unexpected death of one of our music icons last Thursday, I've felt a bit "troubled" about where he may be now.

One of my friend's posted something on the day of his death and at the end of her post she wrote, "I pray that he was saved." I prayed the same.

As the days progressed, more information about his faith was mentioned.

According to the Christian faith, Jesus is God, Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

According to Romans 10:9, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

From what I understand, this individual's faith did not adhere to such belief. And that makes me sad, because it means that I (along with other followers of Christ) will never see him again. It also means that he is now experiencing ETERNAL separation from God. Something that I can not even BEGIN to imagine.

As much as I believe The Bible to be the TRUE, INERRANT WORD OF GOD...the bottom line is that NONE of us will ever know what REALLY happens after THIS life until we enter the next.

It's really troubling when I think about it. Not just because of this one artist, but because of the many who have died before him. And not just celebrities, but every-day folks who were once here and aren't any longer.

I have many friends who do not believe that Jesus is Lord, and that He died for our sins. They think that's all just part of a "man made" story, taken from the beliefs of other faiths that came before Christianity.

One thing's for sure...we can't ALL be right.

As much I enjoyed the music of the artist who just passed, and have enjoyed hearing about how generous and kind he was...I know that (according to the Word of God), none of that gets one into eternity with God. Belief in Christ is the ONLY way.

The other thing that's certain is that no one knows what happened in the last moments of this individual's life. Perhaps just before his last breath, he actually DID confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believed in his heart that God raised him from the dead. Only he and God know for sure. But I sure hope...with my hope of hopes...that that is how it happened.

With a heavy sigh...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU think? Do all dogs go to heaven? And people too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Outgrowing My Comfort Zone

It's been a little over two months since I visited the magical city of New Orleans. I brought back so many memories that I will continue to reflect on until I find myself there again. YES...I am going back!

One memory to speaks to me quite loudly, and often, is that of the street performers. Oh, how I loved their amazing talent. They were EVERYWHERE. One night I found myself enjoying the music so much that I stood on a corner in POURING RAIN, and listened for about an hour. I figured, "Hey...if the rain isn't stopping them from playing, it's certainly not gonna stop me from listening."

Although the various groups played different styles...similar, yet still subtly different, one commonality was their BOLDNESS in soliciting money from the crowds. As fantastic as they were, these performers were not entertaining "for their health." This was their LIVELIHOOD. And just as I get PAID for going to work each day...THEY expected (and DESERVED) the same.

So they all had a box placed in front of them on the ground for folks to toss in some cash. That box didn't stay on the ground for long though. Nope. Somewhere between songs, WHILE STILL PLAYING THEIR MUSIC...a member of the group (sometimes two or three) would pick up the box (or boxes in some cases) and take it TO the audience...practically FORCING folks to give. I LOVED THAT!!!

You see...these performers understood their worth...and if the audience was not going to voluntarily acknowledge that worth in the form of a monetary contribution, then they would be MADE to acknowledge the worth.

Don't get me wrong...the perfomers weren't holding guns to folks' heads and DEMANDING money, yet going around the audience and TAKING the box TO THEM, versus WAITING for folks to make a decision that they may not have made otherwise, is a much subtler approach, yet yields better results than just waiting for folks to contribute in their own time.

Seeing that happen, time and time again, made me realize that I must become as BOLD as those performers with regard to my blog, The Dialogue Den. I have been BEGGING folks to 'Like' the page on Facebook and STILL haven't reached 200. It's been so difficult for me to understand because in MY case, I'm not even asking for MONEY...I am simply asking for SUPPORT.

No...I may NOT be someones FAVORITE writer/blogger...but if we are FRIENDS (which I can say for ALL of my Facebook friends, because I don't accept nor send requests unless I know you in some way, shape or form)...then your SUPPORT toward my writing efforts should come easily. At least I would hope so. After all...friends support friends, right?

Writing is what I love to do...so why would anyone hesitate so encourage me in that...especially when it doesn't cost a PENNY to do so.

Even though I've wanted to make this bold move since my visit to New Orleans, I've been reluctant. Wondering what will happen if I do this and NOTHING happens. Then what? What I now realize is this...I will NEVER know that the results COULD be if I don't try.

So..."What's the bold move?" you're asking.

I have decided to select the option on Facebook that says, "Invite Friends to Like This Page." You have NO idea how far out of my "comfort zone" it will be for me to do that, but as the quote states:

"If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done."

I'll never grow if I don't do something different, so...here goes.

Oh, but before I go and "push the button"...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you made a BOLD move in an effort to get something you wanted, and how did it work out for you?

Talk to me...

Oh...and if YOU like The Dialogue Den, I'm gonna make another bold move and ask you to please spread the word for me. I would appreciate that more than you can imagine.

Til next time...

TGIGF!!!

Today is Good Friday and for ME, it's doubly good.

Today is my son's 18th birthday and it is an absolute blessing to be his mom. Yeah, he's made me sprout a few more grey hairs than I'd like to have, but...I imagine that comes with the territory of parenting a male teenager.

On a global scale, to day is "Good Friday" because it's the day that Christians remember Christ's ULTIMATE sacrifice for us. On that day some two thousand plus years ago, He was pierced in His side, had nails hammered into His hands and feet...had a crown of thorns jammed onto His head...and much much more. And he felt ALL OF THE PAIN...ALL OF IT! He endured pain that I simply can not imagine. And He did it for ME...as unworthy as I am...yet He loved me enough, and deemed me to be worthy enough, that He would die FOR ME.

Just thinking about that, brings me to tears. Especially at a time when I'm not feeling very "worthy" to certain folks. Christ's death on the cross, ASSURES ME that I am.

WHEW!!!

Something about today made me think back to when I first accepted Christ, and as a young girl of only ten years old, I asked Him to "come into my heart."

I began attending church at a very young age with my grandparents, as members of Trinity Baptist Church in Los Angeles.

I still remember how we would stop by the little store next door (not even sure if it's there anymore), and I would be allowed to either get a roll of Life Savers or a box of Luden's Wild Cherry Cough Drops (which were really just cherry flavored CANDY). I think I'd go through an entire box of those through service. Awful...I know.

As the years went by, the Lord began moving upon my heart in the way that He sees best suited for a child.

I remember going to a play, I think it was called "The Great White Throne Judgement," and something in that play made me want to know God. I wanted Him to LOVE me, and I wanted to be with Him in heaven one day. That's a whole lot to process for a ten year old child, but I knew that those things were what I wanted.

Then one day I heard a song on the radio. That song spoke to my heart like no other song ever had before. I listened to it, and my heart was ready. Ready to tell folks that I loved Jesus and wanted to be baptized.

And so it was.

On that first Sunday in January, 1979...I was BAPTIZED, as an outward showing of my inward faith in Christ.

So much has changed since that day.

I wish I could say that I have lived a life that reflects my decision so many decades ago, but the truth of the matter is...I haven't. I know that none of us are perfect, nor will we ever be...yet some of us have strayed further off the "Christian path" than others. I am one of the "some."

That's a huge part of what makes "Good Friday" so important.

On my own, and with the life I've led...there simply would not be a chance for me to see heaven. My life has been one that, without Christ, would have me heading straight to hell after this life is over.

Oh, but the blood. The precious blood of Jesus.

Because of Him, I have been redeemed...bought for a price that I could NEVER afford to pay.

Because of the blood that Christ shed for me...when I close my eyes for that last time in this life...I will open them in the presence of God in the next...for ALL ETERNITY. And THAT is worthy of a HALLELUJAH!!!

Now I would be remiss if I failed to say that Christ's death on the cross was not the end of the story. Yes, it is mind-blowing to think about the fact that He loved me (and YOU) enough to endure the agonizing pain that He did...even unto death. But what makes me lift my hands in worship and open my mouth with praise, is the fact that His death on that cross was not THE END. Nope. Not in the least.

Three days later...early one Sunday morning, He rose...with all power in His hands. He walked amongst the people and proved to them that He was who He told them he was before His crucifixion. You see...I don't serve and worship a DEAD Savior. I serve and worship a Savior who LIVES. That fact gives me more comfort than most folks can imagine.

I could go on and on about how THANKFUL I am, and how GRATEFUL I am...but we'd be here all day, and then some. The beauty though, is that God knows, and He is all who matters.

So...I'll leave you with the song that moved me to accept Christ, and still moves me every time I hear it. I wish I could say that it was a powerful sermon that grabbed me, but MUSIC has always spoken to my soul when words could not. So it's no surprise that God chose MUSIC to be the path which ultimately led me to Him. I'm not sure that this song has EVER been played or sung in a church, and I don't care. God, in His OMNIPOTENCE can make ANYTHING and EVERYTHING work for His good. So even though this was a song sung by a "secular" group, it still gives God His glory...and brought THIS soul to Christ.

Enjoy...and remember...Jesus is LOVE.

After the song, let the DIALOGUE begin: How were YOU led to Christ? Through song, a sermonic message, missionary work? Or something else?

Talk to me, and more importantly...talk to God!

Til next time...

Bold and Encouraging

Out of all the various social media platforms, Facebook is my favorite and the one that I am on DAILY.

I've often heard folks say that Facebook is filled with a lot of garbage and negativity which has driven them away. I've always said that Facebook is as good as the people in your news feed...also known as your FRIENDS.

If your news feed is filled with garbage and negativity, it may be time to delete some friends. I'm jus' sayin'.

Thankfully, MY news feed is often filled with humor, encouragement, and positivity.

One thing that I particularly enjoy are the strong Men of Faith who I have as friends. There aren't many, but for the few that there are, I am thankful.

These men, who I have named the "Magnificent Seven" (y'all know how I am about sevens), boldly proclaim their faith in Christ and strive to encourage others. Although I would LOVE to mention them by name, I'm not sure how they'd feel about that, so I will simply list them by initials. Hopefully, if they EVER read my blog, they will recognize themselves in this post.

Anywhoo...here they are:

JS
EB
KH
TD
MP
EB
VC

Yes, two of them have the same initials, so no...that wasn't a mistake.

As thankful as I am to have to receive encouragement from my sisters in Christ, it's an extra blessing to know that I have these strong men as well who I can look to for spiritual encouragement. I wish I could link them all together because they would be one POWERFUL force if they all knew each other.

JS knows TD, VC and KH.

TD knows JS and VC, however KH does not know TD nor VC.

The two EBs know each other. And MP doesn't know any of the others.

Sounds like a math word problem, doesn't it?

Like I said, in my perfect world they'd ALL know each other because "iron sharpens iron."

That's it for now.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: For the Christian women who are reading this -- how important is it for YOU to have strong men of faith as part of your spiritual circles. Do you need them at all, or are your sisters in Christ enough?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Weebled and Wobbled

So here we are, at the close of yet another year.

I wasn't really sure how I would celebrate the occasion.

In years past, I would go to "Watch Night Service" and ring in the new year with praise, worship, and a word from God.

Tonight though, I just want to be home, ALONE, with God.

I've gotta admit, this year just hasn't been the best. It may have been as bad (or possibly worse) than 2014. And in 2014, my Mom passed, so you know that must mean that 2015 was rough.

I dunno.

When I think about most of the tears that were shed this year, they were not over my Mom. When I think of her, most times I actually rejoice (and am a bit envious) because she has graduated from THIS life to the next and all of her pains, sorrows, disappointments are now COMPLETELY gone. No one letting her down. No one telling her that they love her and then disappearing. No friendships ending simply because she asked to be respected. Nope...my Mom doesn't have to deal with any of that any more.

I do though. Or should I say...I did.

When I think about the tears that were shed THIS year, they were over those still living here on earth. Those who were supposed to be for me, yet I discovered the opposite to be true. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it went down, came out the other end and has been flushed away.

I'm not taking any of that with me into the new year.

God has been "cleaning house" for the past 6 weeks and when HE "cleans house" He gets all up in the nooks & crannies. He's revealed a lot to me, and has shown me that some things (people) who I thought were good for me, simply weren't. So He's removed them. Hurts? Of course. But I know that these individuals did not leave as a result of anything that *I* had done, so that means that God moved them out. By the way...this isn't to say that I never do anything wrong in a friendship or relationship. Of course I do! The difference though, is that when it is brought to my attention that I have HURT and/or DISRESPECTED the other person...I acknowledge that, so that things can be made right. Apparently, not everyone feels I deserve that same respect. Unfortunate, but...c'est la vie.

So forward, onward, and upward it is.

Yesterday I was reflecting on what I have been viewing as "losses", and then realized that what (and who) I have left are what I am supposed to have. New people have come into my life. New friendships have developed and it was as though I could hear God say, "Your latter days will be greater than your former. I had to remove the old in order to make room for the new." I believe Him. I don't always understand Him, but I believe Him.

Funny...I was at work today and thought, "I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but for those who can handle strong coffee, I am just right."


Anyway...2015 dealt me some blows that I simply didn't expect AT ALL. But as the words of the song go, "Here I am, I'm still standing..."

I thank God for bringing me through another year, being with me THROUGH IT ALL. And if it be in His will, I look forward to getting through yet another, getting better, growing stronger and wiser.

I am also going to tackle this 365 posts in 365 days again. I only had 164 posts this year (including today's). I didn't have consistent internet access in 2015 and now I have better, so 2016 is already shaping up to have more success, at least where The Dialogue Den is concerned. With all of that said...

Goodbye 2015!

2016, I'm ready for ya!!!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you could choose a song for 2015, what would it be?

Talk to me! Click on the song and sing with me!! Here I am!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!! May it be FILLED with the very best of God's BLESSINGS!

Til next time...

Damaged Wings Still Work

Saturday night I had a great time with a friend. We went to the Marina del Rey Christmas Boat Show (BRRR!!!) and then dinner.

My friend is a fantastic photographer. I love her work because she loves nature as much as I do, and does a great job capturing its image.

While we were at dinner she handed me a couple photos that she had taken and urged me to pick the one I liked. The pics were of various butterflies. All beautiful but one in particular caught my attention. It was brown, which is one of my two favorite colors. I told her that if she had taken a pic of a blue and brown butterfly (my favorite color combo) I surely would've chosen that one. Nevertheless, I was happy with the one I chose and immediately named the butterfly "Brownie." I know...not the most creative but that's what I was feelin' at the moment.

My friend looked at the pic and said, "I'm surprised you picked that one. It's wings look like it's been in a fight or something."

We both laughed at the thought of "butterfly fights."

But I said, "No. That's the one I want. I actually want it even more now that I see the damaged wings."

You see, even with its damaged wings, that butterfly is still flying...doing what God created it to do. And much like that butterfly, my wings have also been damaged, by so many things...mostly by the hurtful actions of others, yet...I'm still flying, doing what God created me to do. Living...and trying to be better each day than I was the day before.

So yeah...I'm almost certain that when my friend took the photo, she didn't realize that there would be such a powerful message behind it. But as I've said before, I find lessons and messages from God in so many things...especially in His creation.

This simple little butterfly reminds me to remember the words of 2 Corinthians 4:8

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit."

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's your FAVORITE butterfly?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Endings and Beginnings

Tonight I finished a 9 week course in learning how to handle my finances "God's way" and ultimately become "debt-free". I found it a bit ironic that my LAST class would fall on my FIRST day of being unemployed.

It's kinda difficult to manage money when one has NO income...and I mean NO INCOME. I do not qualify for unemployment benefits so I am COMPLETELY on my own this time.

I wish I knew what to say but nothing I say will make sense to anyone so I simply haven't said anything at all, and probably won't. At this point all I can do is PRAY (I do believe that prayer works) and VERY ACTIVELY pursue new job opportunities.

Perhaps in a separate post I will write about how I arrived at this point, but for now, I am simply drained and just don't have the mental energy to type the words.

Am I afraid? Not yet.
Should I be? Probably.

But for now, I will pray, then lay my head down, go to sleep, and if the Lord sees fit to wake me in the morning, try again.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How close are YOU to being debt-free?

Talk to me (and pray for me if you will...in the name of Jesus)!

Til next time...

Seeing and BELIEVING

Not everyone knows my story so on January 29th every year I tell it again, as a reminder to some, and as new info to others.

The short and skinny of it is this: On January 29th, 2009 at the suggestion of my optometrist, I went to see a retina specialist because my I had some "interesting things" going on with my eyes.

So I go to the specialist's office and IMMEDIATELY realize that something is wrong. I am the YOUNGEST person in the office, buy AT LEAST 40 YEARS!!!

I get checked in, get my pupils dilated and proceed to have images taken of my eyes all while EXTREMELY BRIGHT LIGHT is being shone in them. My eyes teared, and teared, and teared some more. I think at one point I pleaded with them to stop taking the images, but of course, they couldn't, so they didn't.

After the images were taken I went back into the waiting room until it was my turn to see the specialist.

He calls me in, looks at my images and before he even introduces himself, he comes right out with, "Is there a history of BLINDNESS in your family?"

WHAT?!?

What kind of way is THAT for us to start off???

I tell him no.

He them draws a picture of an eyeball, marks it up and says, "That's what's going on in YOUR eyes. Rips, tears, holes..."

I was numb. Not really knowing what any of that meant.

Finally, I found my voice and asked him, "So what do we do about it?"

His cold response, "Nothing".

"So I'm going to lose my eyesight?"

He replied, "Most people have a 1 in 10,000 chance of losing their vision. YOU have a 1 in 100 chance. I have to tell you, YOURS are the WORST eyes I've ever seen, and I see thousands of patients each year."

The numbness returned.

"So there's nothing I can do?"

"Nothing. Just come in twice a year so that we can monitor the degeneration, but other than that, no...nothing to stop it."

Well alrighty then!

He scheduled for me to come back in 3 weeks, maybe 6 (I can't remember), to do some follow up tests, and sent me on my not-so-merry way.

No sooner than I left his office I IMMEDIATELY fell into a depression. He had just told me that I was going to lose my eyesight, sooner rather than later.

I came home and CRIED. My kids cried with me because they could see how torn up I was. My doctor took me off work, because I stopped functioning. In my mind, I was going blind...and I didn't know when. It was the WORST news I'd ever received in my LIFE!

After a while I realized that I had to "snap out of it". I still had a life to live and children to take care of. I had to get myself together! And I prayed.

Of course, my initial prayer was, "Lord, please don't let this happen."

Over time it became, "Lord, let Your will be done." Now THAT was a difficult prayer to pray!!! That meant that if I kept my eyesight, I would accept it, and if I LOST my eyesight, I would accept that too.

So I go back to the specialist a few weeks later, they take those HORRIBLE bright light images again, and I see "Dr. Doom and Gloom" to go over everything.

He looks over the images...perplexed.

He calls someone else in to look at them...now they're BOTH perplexed...and I'm curious.

"Dr. Doom & Gloom" asks, "Where is the hole?"

The assistant says, "I don't see it."

The doctor says, "It was in the last images. Why isn't it in these?"

I say, "Because I have PRAYED to the Lord who MADE THESE EYES and He has removed whatever was there."

Now they are both looking at me like I am from another planet.

WHATEVER! I know that I serve an omnipotent God and He is able to heal whenever and however He so chooses. THIS I KNOW.

So he sent me away again, and I've NEVER been back. I see my optometrist regularly, but I will NEVER go back to that man. Even if I do need to see another specialist in the future, it won't be he who lacks compassion.

Yes, my eyes still do things that most folks' eyes don't do.
Yes, I have to wear "special" sunglasses even on days when the sun isn't so bright, and I wear them OVER my regular glasses.
No, I can't wear contacts anymore because I "see stars" when I put them in.

But PRAISE BE TO GOD that I CAN STILL SEE!!!

He made these eyes and He has sustained my vision. That's why I notice things than most overlook...because I SEE and APPRECIATE EVERYTHING.

So on this day, January 29th 2015, I am celebrating my 6 year BIRTHDAVERSARY. I call it a birthdaversary because I feel like that was the day that I really began seeing life from a different perspective...and being ever-so-thankful for it.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have any health related BIRTHDAVERSARIES that YOU celebrate each year?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I Pray for You, You Pray for Me...and Watch God Change Things

This one's gonna be short and sweet tonight because my heart is simply too heavy for anything more. For those of you who pray IN THE NAME OF JESUS, please, if you will...say a prayer for me. No need for me to go into detail...God already knows. Please and Thank You.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What can I pray for on your behalf?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Spiritual Divide

Today I write with a heavy heart.

No, no one has died, yet at the same time I am saddened by the fact that some folks will, and I will NEVER see them again. Why? Because our spiritual beliefs are vastly different.

I am a believer in Christ. I confess Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I believe that Jesus is THE way, the truth and the life. THIS is what I believe.

With the advances of social media I am sadly realizing that many folks I know simply don't believe the same. Some never believed. Some used to and have chosen not to any longer. Others believe in Jesus and someone/something else. For me...based on my Bible, Jesus is IT. He stands alone. HE is ALL we need in order to obtain salvation. This is what I believe, yet I fully understand that there are many who would argue my beliefs...and that's okay. We all have the FREEDOM to choose.

What I often find fascinating is how siblings can be brought up in the same household, under the same spiritual teaching, and become adults who believe completely different from each other. I wonder...how does that happen? And then I go back to, FREEDOM of CHOICE and it all makes sense. As a result, I am reminded of Matthew 10:34-39. Bottom line...Jesus knew that there would be division amongst family and friends. So since none of this division is a surprise to Him, I imagine that it shouldn't be for me either.

Nevertheless, it makes me sad. More and more I am seeing the rejection of Jesus and it just makes my heart heavy.

Thankfully though, there's still hope. And the same hearts that have been hardened AGAINST Christ, can also be softened before those folks take their last breaths. Until then...it's not too late.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you are a believer in Christ, have you noticed a rejection of Christ lately. If so, how do YOU feel when that happens?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

God's Got Me!

So today is the FIRST Sunday of 2015 and I must say, it's been a good day.

I spent most of it with "Joe" and went to an evening service at one of the local churches to kick my new year off right. Man am I glad I made that decision.

The message tonight was from Psalm 73:1-17 and it was one that I really needed to hear.

It was about the Psalmist being envious of others, specifically those who aren't living a life as "righteous" as his, yet they are being blessed. I was totally able to relate.

I read my Bible daily, pray multiple times a day, forgive those who do me wrong, and just try to live my life in a "Christ-like" manner. Yet, I am STRUGGLING...BIG TIME. I mean STRUGGLING!

Then I look around and see folks who rarely, if EVER go to church, nor do they profess to have any faith in Christ. They may say that they "believe in God", which is good and all, but faith in CHRIST is the way to salvation. But...that's another topic for a different day.

Bottom line...some folks seem to be blessed hand over fist without having any "visible" relationship with God (and/or Christ), and then there are people like me who diligently seek and serve Him, yet never seem to get ahead. I just don't get it.

Well...neither did the Psalmist until verse 17, "Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end."

So the takeaway was that I need to STOP looking "vertically" at what's going on around me with others, and I need to look UP to God. When I keep my focus on God, I won't be so concerned with what others have. Makes sense to me.

So now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you often find yourself envious of others? If so, what (if anything) do you to do "snap out of it"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In the Beginning...

For the past 10 years or so I have journeyed through my "One Year Bible" which allows me to read the ENTIRE Bible in a year by reading it in "bite-sized pieces".

Some folks have NEVER read the Bible from cover to cover, and others have and said that ONCE was good enough for them. To each his own. Even though I've read the entire Bible a number of times, God shows me something NEW every time. That's because His Word is not stale, stagnant or dead. His Word is ALIVE, so there is ALWAYS something to gain from it.

More than just reading and rushing through the Word each day (which takes of minimum of 20 minutes), I actually STUDY. I always read with a pen nearby because so many questions come up and I like to make note of them. I also like to underline passages as they jump out at me.

I am only 2 days in and my book is already marked up. Sometimes I end up with more questions than answers, and when this happens I rely on the various commentaries that can be found online. If nothing else, they show me that I'm not the first person to have some of questions that I have.

So here's what's jumped out at me and has me scratching my head in just two days:

Genesis 2:18-23 New International Version (NIV)

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

My question was this: Why didn't God make the woman FIRST? Why did He make all of those animals to be the "suitable" when surely, with He being God, knew that only WOMAN would be sufficient? I just don't get it.

Then there was this:

Genesis 3:14 New International Version (NIV)

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock
and all wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.

It made me wonder...how did the serpent get around BEFORE being cursed to crawl on its belly? Did it walk, fly, swim???

And this:

Genesis 3:22 New International Version (NIV)

And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

I said, "Wait a minute! I thought they already ate from the tree!"

This prompted me to go BACK to Genesis 2:9 where I realized that there was a "tree of life" AND "a tree of the knowledge of good and evil" Wow! I'd never even paid attention to that before!!! And this is what I mean by how God will show me something NEW every time I journey through His Word.

Genesis 2:9 New International Version (NIV)

"The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

So there you have it folks. God-willing, I will get through the Bible yet again,and I am excited! Excited about the encouragement that I will receive, the wisdom, the peace, the knowledge, and so much more.

And if you don't believe what I have said about God's Word being "alive" and "fresh", just read what God Himself has to say about it:

Hebrews 4:12 New International Version (NIV)

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Psalm 119:105 New International Version (NIV)

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path."

Romans 10:17 New King James Version (NKJV)

"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."

Before I close, I'll ask these questions: How was your 2014? How has your life been? Has it been full of sorrow, heartache, confusion, sadness. Has it lacked joy? Have you searched for answers and still haven't found any?

If your answer to ANY of those questions was not what you wanted it to be, then I encourage you to pick up a One Year Bible and commit to reading it each day. Notice, I didn't say STUDY, as I do...I simply want you to READ. Because even in just READING God's Word, He WILL speak to you and give you what it is that you are lacking.

Let the DIALOGUE: Where do YOU turn when you need answers to life's issues?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Be BLESSED!

A Fond Farewell

So here we are...with just a few hours left of the year 2014.

This is the first time in a very LONG time that I have not gone to a "Watch Night Service" at church. I'm a bit bummed about that. I typically go to one that starts at 7:00 and that same church has another that begins at 10:00. Since I missed the 7:00 I really should try to get to the 10, but I try to avoid driving at night so that I won't get pulled over. My tags are expired (well...I've paid the registration, but still need a SMOG check), and one of my headlights are out. So...I'm thinking I'd better play it safe and stay home. As much as I love being in fellowship with other Believers on New Year's Eve, I know full well that I can praise the Lord right here in my own home and He'd be just as pleased. My daughters and my niece went though, and that makes me happy. They're all grown yet still go to church willingly and with glad hearts. That's the best that I could ever hope for for any of my children and/or family members.

So yeah...2014 coming to a close.

What a year it has been!

Let me say that again...WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN!!!

The first half was rocky and as a result I made some DRASTIC changes in the second half. 99% of folks who know me don't know that in June of this year I resigned from my job...WITHOUT HAVING A NEW JOB TO GO TO. Who does that?!? I do...and I did. After being in a position that didn't suit me, and being denied by my direct supervisor the opportunity to apply for a position that was a better fit, I just couldn't take anymore...and walked away. The handful who knew what I'd done all pretty much thought I was crazy. In a sense, they were right. To be quite honest...my head wasn't on completely straight at the time and I realize now that I was in a pretty deep depression. So my choices weren't that of a "clearheaded thinker".

Although that decision has cost me dearly by way of my bank account, where funds are practically non-existent (even as I type, I don't have enough money for tomorrow's rent), it did things for me that money just can not buy.

My decision to leave gave me PEACE. It gave me FREEDOM. It gave me TIME. It gave me JOY. And it gave me weeks to spend with my Mom that I will cherish FOREVER.

Had someone told me on January 1st of this year that my mother would not be here to see January 1st of 2015, I would have covered my ears, closed my eyes, shook my head and demanded that they take the words back.

Then again...maybe I would have accepted the words and made sure that EVERY DAY from January 1st through November 9th would have been the happiest days of my Mom's life. Maybe. Who knows?

I'll tell you who knows. GOD...in His omniscience. He knows.

He knew on January 1st of this year that He would call my Mom home on November 9th. Her departure from this life may have been an unwelcomed reality for those she left behind, but it was no surprise to God. I can imagine Him whispering in her ear as she lay in bed that night, "Rebecca, My daughter. Rebecca, come with Me now. I'm taking you home." That was the day that my Mother LIVED for...the day that she would go home to dwell with the Lord ETERNALLY.

Yet with all of the trials that life has put me through this year, the bitter was ALWAYS overcome by the sweet. God's Word is the sweetest of all, and because of that, I was able to get through EVERYTHING. Even in the loneliest and saddest of times, I had the assurance of knowing that He's with me.

And He was kind enough to give me someone in the physical sense to hold me up during the most difficult of times. He sent "Joe", and Joe has been my ROCK. My shoulder to cry on. My hand to hold. My tear-wiper. My encourager. My support. When things got to be too much, he was there to take over and handle what I couldn't. When I became irritable and lashed out and the most trivial of things, he understood where it was all coming from, and instead of getting angry with me, he became that much more patient. It takes a special kind of person to react that way. Joe...IS that special person for me. An absolute blessing he has been, and I make sure that he knows it.

So...less than 4 hours left. How will I spend it?

Well...I'm home alone (Joe is working tonight...*insert sad face here*), so I will probably spend it meditating on the goodness of God. Why? Because He deserves ALL of my praise, honor and glory. That's how I choose to handle the lemons that life hands me. He got me through this year, knowing all along that it would be one of the toughest ones of my life. All I can do is lift my hands and say, "Hallelujah!"

Like David, I will bless the Lord at ALL times!
Like James, I will count it ALL joy when I fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of my faith produces patience.
Like Paul, I will be confident in knowing that NOTHING can separate me from the love of Christ.
So you see folks, no matter what...it's all good! God is good!! Life...is good!!!

Just as I didn't know what 2014 had in store for me, I have no idea what's to come in 2015. But God knows...and that's ALL I need to know.

Quick question before I end tonight's post: If your Mom left her earthly life this year, raise your hand. *** Now for everyone who raised their hand, I give you the LARGEST, LOVING-EST, MOST SINCERE HUG that you can receive via computer. I know how you feel, and it's a feeling that no one else understands unless and until their Mom's are no longer here. Stay encouraged, and hold tightly to the memories. They'll get you through the tough times. This, I know.

Goodbye 2014. It's been real.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the BEST thing that happened to you in 2014?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Right on Time

Today was a good day.

Even though tears were shed, as they will continue to be for who knows how long, it was still a good day.

I spent some much needed time with my friend "Joe" who simply let me lay my head on his shoulder while he held me. There is something so powerfully poignant in being held. As we lay there in stillness, one tear trickled down my face, which led to another, and then another, and ultimately what "Joe" called "A shower of tears". Cleansing tears are what they were. Tears that I'd been holding in in my efforts to "stay strong". Tears that could no longer be fought back. Tears that won.

As "Joe" consoled me he began to sing a song. I love hearing him sing.

This was a song I'd never heard before. He was surprised and told me that I had to have it...right now.

So we downloaded it, and listened to it over and over.

It couldn't have been more timely. As I was preparing to go through the pics of my Mom so that I can work on her obituary, I knew that the task at hand would be quite daunting, and emotional to say the least. Yet I must remain steadfast to the fact that God is preparing me for something I can not handle.

He's keeping me as each day passes. I miss my Mom. I will always miss my Mom. But one thing I don't ever have to do again is pray for her. Not a single prayer will I ever have to utter on my Mom's behalf. And in that, there is a praise. She now dwells with THE Prayer Answerer. She now dwells with the Almighty God. And she is safe, loved, and experiencing exceeding joy. I am so happy for my Mom I can hardly stand it. And one day...I WILL see her again. "Joe" assured me of that today. Of course, I already knew it, but as he wiped the tears from my face, he too let me know that I WILL see her again.

Thank you Lord for preparing me for something that I can not handle. Because You love me, and You care for me.

Let the Dialogue begin: Is there a certain song that gets YOU through difficult times?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Brother Alex

When I was little

the Emergency Broadcast System would perform tests through the television. Maybe they still do. I haven't had television in so long I simply can't remember. Anyway, they would start off with a high pitched beep followed by these words:

"This is a test. For the next sixty (or thirty) seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test."

Well...my life has been a bit of a test lately. I know that it has. Between my employment situation, my mom's major health situation, AND my car, I just pray that I pass.

This evening, on the way home from another day at the hospital, my car once again decided to overheat. I was on the freeway and noticed the temperature gauge climbing higher and higher. I exited the freeway, turned on my hazards, and slowly drove to the nearest gas station. I sat there for about 20 minutes letting the car cool off. Then I decided to try again and head home.

Well...I got a few blocks down the street and it started climbing again. Sooo...into another gas station I went.

As I'm sitting in my car I hear this odd noise.

I turn my head to see a man washing my windows.

So I open the door and tell him, "Thank you, but no thank you...I don't need my windows washed, I'm just waiting for my car to cool off. And...I don't have any money." I knew he wasn't washing the windows for his health or my good looks. He needed money.

He said, "It's okay if you don't have any money. I'm washing them out of friendship." Hmmm...I'd never met this man before so we certainly weren't "friends". I was stuck though, so he proceeded to wash the windows.

As he was doing this, he's telling me what I needed to do to get my car up and running to make it home. Then he says, "I'll help you." And he did.

When he was finished, I thanked him and he started walking away. I called him back over so that I could at least give him what change I had. He was grateful.

Then I asked his name. Alex.

I told him mine.

As I got ready to leave I said, "Thank you again Alex, and God bless you."

He said, "You've already blessed me and in 3 days God is going to give you at least 3 times more than what you gave me." Then he came really close...close enough for me to smell the hint of alcohol on his breath and he asked, "Do you believe it?"

Before I could answer, he asked, "Do you believe in Jesus?"

That threw me for a loop. I wasn't expecting to be asked that at all. Ok, honestly...I wasn't expecting HIM to ask me that at all.

I answered.

"Yes, Alex. I most certainly believe in Jesus."

Then he said,"In 3 days, when you receive your blessing...honk your horn 3 times."

I hadn't heard him correctly, and I said, "Honk my horn 3 times, right now?"

He said, "No. In 3 days, honk it 3 times."

"Okay Alex, I will. Thank you again, and God bless you."

You know what...I am going to wait in expectancy for my blessing in 3 days. After all, it never hurts to believe, right?

As I began to drive away, I thanked God for placing Alex in my life at that moment in time. Not only did he help me with my car, but HE ministered to ME in a way that I wasn't expecting. Brother Alex was proof that we just never know where our blessings will come from.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time a stranger did something nice for you?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Changing Seasons

Here's what I know: Some people relish in anger and bitterness. They thrive on it. The need to be right (even though there is no right or wrong in a particular issue) outweighs the need to reconcile. When forgiveness is an option, they decline it because they would rather harbor the anger than heal the hurt.

Here's what I also know: I am NOT one of those people. As a follower of Christ, I can't be.

I've said that to say this. I have a "friend" (we'll call her "Friend A") who has chosen to end our friendship over $58.OO. Yep, that's right...FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS!

Fifty eight dollars that she assumed I wasn't going to repay her. Fifty eight dollars that I offered to pay her since another friend of mine could not afford to. Now...for anyone who knows my current financial situation, I do NOT have fifty eight dollars (or any dollars) to spend on ANYTHING that I can't use. But when I was informed that "friend B" simply couldn't afford to pay, instead of footing "freind A" with the bill, I willingly offered to pay it. Although I have text messages between myself and "Friend B" stating just that, "Friend A" jumped straight to the conclusion that she wouldn't get her money and hasn't spoken to me in over a month, almost 2. I have even mailed money to "Friend A" to reimburse her for the expense and she is now returning the mail. I'm sure that she's not returning it as a way of saying, "It's ok. I understand your situation, so I want you to keep the money." No...this is her way of flipping the finger at me and saying, "You can keep your effing money!"

At this point, I am DONE. I have sooo many other issues that warrant my attention right now, and I have cried too many tears over what I lies ahead. Trying to figure out what I did wrong "this time", and without her actually picking up the phone and telling me...is just more than I can handle right now. In every friendship/relationship, I am ALWAYS the one to reach out and do "damage control"...ALWAYS. At this point, I am tired of trying to fix what I don't even know is broken. I have nothing to apologize for because I have done NOTHING wrong. I have attempted to make things right...because I valued our friendship. What I now know is that to "Friend A", our friendship was only worth FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS. I was only worthy FIFTY EIGHT DOLLARS.

That's ok. The book of Ecclesiastes states that "to everything there is a time and a season." Apparently, (by her choice and behavior), our season is over. I never thought we'd end up here, and this is never what I wanted. Yet I'm not going to force ANYONE to stay in a friendship with me that they do

n't want to be in. That's not friendship. Yet, as hurt as I am by this whole thing, I move on without any ill-will or hard feelings. I pray that God continues to bless her and her remaining friendships. One thing I know with absolute certainty though is this: I am a good person, a loyal and loving friend. NO ONE can deny that about me...NO ONE.

So as I deal with changes that I have experienced since June 13th, the MAJOR change that happened yesterday and HUGE life-changer that is to take place tomorrow...I will continue to pray for her (whether she wants me to or not), because again...that is what Christ, my Lord and Savior COMMANDS me to do in Matthew 5:43-48.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."

And for any of you who may be reading this right now...those of you who believe and pray in the name of JESUS...please lift me up in prayer if you would. God has heard from me an awful lot recently, and it seems that I need Him more and more each day as I face things that are completely out of my control. Nevertheless, I believe in His sovereignty and ask that His will be done.

So...if you knew even HALF of what I'm dealing with right now (alone and by myself), you would understand why I must forgive, and move on. I simply can not harbor unforgiveness and expect God to hear and answer my prayers (Matthew 6:12). I need Him to hear and answer every prayer...every single one.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What MAJOR life-changing events are YOU facing right now? Whatever they may be, rest assured that God has ALL things in control...ALL things.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Let's Talk About SEX!!!

Okay...now that I have your attention...no, we WON'T be talking about SEX. However, we WILL be talking about DEPRESSION.

I'm sure that I've written on the subject before, but with the recent celebrity suicide, I felt the need to write about it again.

I have heard so many rumors about what the reason may have been for this celebrity's suicide. But the bottom line is...who really knows? I've heard that he may have left a note which could possibly provide some insight, but even then...how much can a note really explain?

Then I got to thinking about myself. My world is currently spiraling faster that I can withstand. And as I've said before, all that I really have to hold onto, is my FAITH. Yes, my faith is the glue that holds me together when my world is falling apart.

I am thankful for my faith, yet realize that so many others don't share in the same, or don't participate in any faith at all. It leaves me to wonder...what holds THEM together when their world is crumbling?

Anyway...I made a bold move today and told a friend about my current situation and the circumstances that led up to it. Immediately, after I told him, I felt like a weight had been lifted. It just felt so good to talk to someone who wasn't being PAID to listen to me. I've been needing that for sooo long. A listening ear. His response, "You're depressed." I was like, "Um, yeah." He asked if I was on "meds" and I told him no. Nor do I want to be. I don't need my mind altered to cope with what I'm going through...I need TIME. And time is what I'm taking.

I wish that others would take the same.

There were lots of Facebook posts yesterday and today about depression, yet the one I found most interesting was between two of my friends...one, a believer in Christ...the other, not.

In a nutshell, the "non-believer" was wondering if believers never get depressed since our answer to everything tends to be: PRAY.
The believer said, "No. We do get depressed. We pray AND we seek help."

For the most part, I would say that's true. Yet there are still too many in the church who are depressed and not telling anyone about it. I happen to be one. NONE of my church members know about my current "life situation". NONE. Why not? Because I fear that they will "look at me sideways" and/or at the very least...think I've flipped my lid. So...I keep a happy face and don't say anything to anybody. Life just seems easier that way.

Mind you, I have no problem admitting that I see a therapist (which I do), who's been helping me develop coping strategies for my job. And every now and then she asks about other life issues, but 90% of our sessions have been work related.

So...I've said all that to say this...if you need help...GET IT. There is NO SHAME in getting help. NONE. Let the weight be lifted.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do YOU handle depression when it hits?

Talk to me!

Til next time...