At My Fingertips

Raise your hand if you can remember being asked this question when you were in elementary school:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The typical answers are, teacher, doctor, lawyer, astronaut, along with a host of others.

My answer as a child wasn't much different. I wanted to be a teacher. But who I wanted to teach was a bit more unique.

I wanted to teach "the blind." For some odd reason I was fascinated by Louis Braille. I even learned how to read Braille, and wrote to the Braille Institute several times. I would hand-write my letters and they would respond in Braille. It was so cool! I wish I still had them.

Unfortunately, my dreams took a different path as I got older and I never became the teacher that I had always longed to be. With the teaching dream went my ability to read Braille.

Then, a few weeks ago I was in my local Starbucks and saw that they had gift cards in Braille. I just HAD to get one. I didn't put any money on it...didn't even buy it with the intention of giving it away. I just asked the cashier if I could have one and off I went. Funny how something as simple as this little card brought back such a flood of memories, along with "what ifs."

What if I had stuck with my interest in Braille and had actually become the teacher that I'd dreamt of being as a young girl? How much different would my life have been?

Interestingly enough, for those who know me well and/or have followed The Dialogue Den since 2009, you know that I have "special eyes," and the ability to SEE each day is truly a GIFT that I never take for granted. I have to take special precautions with MY eyes that most folks don't give any thought to. Not many folks my age have ever seen a RETINA SPECIALIST. I have...more times than I care to admit.

I pray that these eyes will always be able to SEE what is before them, but just in case anything ever changes...thanks to Mr. Braille, I know that I will ALWAYS be able to READ.

Oh, and in case you were wondering...the letters on the card (of course) spell Starbucks. That first little dot by itself, way over to the left lets you know that the word is capitalized.

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was YOUR answer to the 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' question when you were in elementary school? Did your dream/goal come true?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Tassels to the Left

Tonight's post...short and sweet.

Just got home from attending my son's high school graduation (and dinner).

All I can say is that there wasn't a parent more proud of their child than I was of mine. And that's REAL talk!

Not sure what he'll do next. He's a creative type like me so I pray that he finds his way into the CAREER of his dreams...one that matches his God given PURPOSE. And may he never, ever, EVER find himself TRAPPED in a cubicle. Cubicles KILL dreams...or at the very least...defer them considerably.

Seriously. I'm sure that if we polled ALL of the graduates and asked what their dreams and goals are for the future...not a one...not a SINGLE one would say, "I want to work in a cubicle." Nope. NOBODY is going to say that!

Mind you...I'm thankful for my cubicle job. It puts food on our table and keeps a roof over our heads.

Nevertheless, I don't EVER want the dreams of ANY of my children to be KILLED or DEFERRED by "cubicle work." I pray that they all do well...and BETTER than their Mom. After all...isn't that what EVERY parent wants for their child(ren)? For the children to go farther in life than the parents? Yes...it is.

Now...to the Class of 2016 EVERYWHERE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Do well. Show the world what you're made of...and LIVE your PURPOSE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What were YOUR goals when you graduated from high school? Did you fulfill them?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

You ARE the Father!

A couple nights ago I dreamt about "Joe."

Since that whole November 5th debacle, I've actually seen him more lately. Not nearly as much as I used to before November 5th, but more than I did in the one or two months after.

Things are not 100% what they were back then, but they are better than I thought they'd be -- at least up until last night when I did something that probably has him upset with me now. But if history is any indicator, he'll be upset, and then eventually, he'll cool off.

So anyway...back to the dream.

I dreamt that he had a brand new car. It was actually the same model as his current car, but it was brand new shiny.

I hopped in and we drove around for a bit.

Next thing I knew, we were at a house somewhere. It may have been OUR house. Like in the dream we were either married or living together.

So we're at the house, talking in one of the rooms. I leave that room and go into another where I pick up our two day old son who's swaddled on a beautiful turquoise blanket. His eyes were closed and he had a head full of hair.

I picked up the baby -- which had been the very first time since the baby was born, and I took him to Joe.

I don't even think Joe looked at the baby. He just said, "I don't want it."

I said, "What do you mean, you don't want it? This is the baby we've both been wanting."

Again, Joe said, "I don't want it."

I asked, "Well what are we supposed to do with him?"

Joe told me to get in the car. So I did.

He then proceeded to drive until we found an adoption agency to take the baby to. I couldn't believe this was happening. And I couldn't believe how easily I went along with what he wanted. I mean, this was MY baby too. I didn't want to give him up, but I also didn't want to raise Joe's son without Joe.

I'm not sure exactly how things turned out because I woke up.

I saw Joe this morning and meant to tell him about the dream. Didn't get a chance. But I will. I'm curious to hear what he'll think about it.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest dream that you've had recently?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Sweet Serenade

The older I get, and the longer my Mom is away, I realize that I am more like her than I ever knew. I find that quite interesting because other than the fact that I look JUST LIKE HER, I always thought that was where the similarities ended.

The first realization came when she was in the hospital and kept a spiral notebook so that she could write. I never even knew that she liked writing. That realization became very clear as I read her "handwritten obituary." So detailed and filled with emotion.

I also learned that she liked to sing (as do I). She would often joke about her "frog voice" but she sang anyway.

Last night, there was nothing "froggy" at all about her voice. It was STRONG and CLEAR as she serenaded me with just ONE verse from a song I'd often hear her sing:

"Run away child, running wild
You, better go back home where you belong
Run away child, running wild
You, better go back home where you belong..."

She sang that over and over and over...

I woke up wishing that that the song would continue. If she kept singing then that meant she was still here with me. I didn't want the song to end.

As I look at the rest of the lyrics they speak so loudly to me, especially the last verse:

"Mama, mama, please, come and see about me!
But she's much too far away; she can't hear a word you say
You're frightened and confused; which way will you choose?"


I miss my Mom...yesterday, today...EVERYDAY.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR Mother's favorite song?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Fearless '14

So I've never been much of a rap fan but every now and then a lyric or a beat will get stuck in my head. As a result of the wonderful things that have taken place for me today, THAT is exactly what has happened.

Today, I got to experience what it feels like to share a dream, and have folks support and encourage me in that dream. Had I known it would be like this, I would've stepped out a long time ago. Maybe.

For the handful of you who have followed The Dialogue Den since its start back in June of 2010, you know that I haven't done much promoting of the blog, nor was I very consistent.

But I gotta tell ya...when that clock struck 12:00 a.m. on January 1, 2014...SOMETHING happened. SOMETHING in my heart and mind said THIS year, be FEARLESS(and consistent).

So "Fearless '14" is what I've actually named the year.

For too long (most of my life to be exact), I've always been afraid.

Afraid to speak up.
Afraid to try new things.
Afraid that people might not like me if I disagreed with what they thought.
Afraid.
Afraid.
Afraid.

Finally, I've said NO MORE! Fear has had to leave because FAITH has moved in.

So now, I'm stepping out on FAITH (I know that sounds cliché), and I've begun to LIVE. Live a life that's MINE...not a life that I think others want for me. Sure, some of my choices may ruffle feathers but the fact of the matter is...I can't please everybody. You'd think after all these years I would've figured that out by now. But hey, as intelligent as I am, I'm also a "slow learner" and most lessons take me a bit longer to get than others. Better late than never though, so here I am.

Sharing my blog with the world was just the tip of my iceberg. There a so many grand things that I need to do in this lifetime and NOW, I am ready.

Do I regret that I've wasted so much time? Nope.

Regret would only come if at the end of this life I had chosen to do nothing.

Who knows, tomorrow could very well be the end for me (none of us really know for sure), and even if it were, I still wouldn't have any regrets about the time that has passed, because at least...I did THIS much TODAY.

Now for those of you who are new to The Dialogue Den, I'll give you a brief overview.

1. This is a DIALOGUE, NOT a monologue. So I throw stuff out there and would LOVE it if you would talk back to me.

2. I'm not a political blogger, spiritual blogger, relationship blogger...and then again...I could be ALL of those. The posts here are as random as my thoughts, and for those who know me...they will attest that my thoughts tend to be quite random. Simply put, I've got a lot swirlin' around in this pretty little head of mine and it would be selfish for me to keep all this to myself.

3. My writing style is a lot like me...goes with the flow...not too serious. If I place a punctuation mark in the wrong place, or don't have the quotation marks where they should be, or use waaay too many ellipses (I use ellipses a LOT), you can point those things out to me if you'd like, but I probably won't change. Once this stops being fun, I'd possibly stop writing, and since we don't want that to happen (do we), let's just keep it fun and understand that I am a "work in progress".

I think that's about it.

As for the pic that posted...that's my 2014 Vision Board and I LOVE IT! Especially the phrase right smack dab in the middle that says "MAKE IT HAPPEN". You see, I made a vision board for 2013, and it sat on the floor behind a couch all year long. Needless to say, not many (if any) of those visions came to be.

This year is different though. I have that "MAKE IT HAPPEN" staring me right in the face, and as a result, I am DETERMINED to make stuff happen (good stuff, long awaited stuff), THIS year.

"Fearless '14" is gonna be FABULOUS! I just know it!

Oh, and as for that lyric that's been in my head all day, it's from that great rap lyricist, Ice Cube, when he says "today was a good day." Indeed it was!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What are YOU ready to do that you've been holding back on for far too long? What can I (we) do to help "MAKE IT HAPPEN"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Did I even get a wink?

Last night's sleep was rough. I would almost say that I didn't go to sleep but I know that I did because I had two very unusual dreams.

Usually my dreams are like vapor and as soon as I wake up, they're gone. So I find it quite interesting that at 6:09 p.m., I STILL remember them.

In the first one I dreamt that a man knocked at the door and for some dumb reason, I answered...BY OPENING THE DOOR.

I NEVER do that!!!

In real life I either DON'T open the door (unless I'm expecting a visitor) or, I MAY look out the peep hole first. But never EVER to I just OPEN IT.

Anyhoo...I open the door and he asks me if I work. As I stood there trying to figure out what that meant, he forced the door open, stepped inside, shut it...and began BEATING ME! I knew I was in trouble.

He'd beat me for a while, then stop, then beat me some more, then stop. He never stole anything. His sole purpose was to beat me. I don't know how that one ended, I just know that it wasn't good.

In the second dream, I was on a business trip for work. There were about 50 of us on that trip. We were in Las Vegas and there weren't any hotels that could accommodate all of us. Then, somebody found us a place. It was some top secret hotel that very few knew about. So we get there and I totally understood why very few knew about the place. There was some really freaky stuff goin' on there. All out in the open. It was gross! And I'm not a prude, but some stuff just DOESN'T need to be seen. We proceeded to walk by it as though it were just another walk in the park. Not any park that I'd ever hope to find myself in.

Then I woke up.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What did YOU dream about last night?

Talk to me!

Til next time...