My Fond Farewell to Our 44th

And so...here we are.

I have waited 8 years to write this post. Wasn't sure exactly what I'd say. Just knew that I'd wanna say something. Can't begin to tell you how many times I have teared up in the past week knowing that this day was coming. Although I did not watch the inauguration today, I've seen clips. I watched the footage of President Obama taking one last look around his office, and then heading out. *Tears.*
I watched footage of First Lady Michelle Obama tearing up as her husband said his final farewell as President. **More tears.**
In all my years of watching Presidents come and go...this one has hit home the most and these two fine folks will have a special place in my heart for years to come.

So...with that being said...(deep breath in...now exhale...)

I remember back to the days long before Barack Obama became our 44th President. I'd heard him speak and was simply in awe. Words flowed out of that man's mouth like water. There was so much power and conviction behind what he had to say, and he made me feel as though he were speaking directly to me...about issues that mattered to me. Wow!

Then he ran for the office of the President of the United States. His campaign united folks and brought us together for a common good. We NEEDED this man to win. When HE won, WE won.

His WIN meant much to many, but meant MOST to the Black community. In this United States of America where Black folks have been oppressed, discriminated against, made to feel "less than," and at one time were not even able to VOTE...his WIN gave us a sweet taste in our mouths that overpowered the bitter that had long been there.

His inauguration on January 20, 2009 is still so vivid in my memory. I was at work and took a break to go into the conference room and watch him be sworn in. The room was full and I was the only Black person in there at the time. I cried as I watched, and felt the eyes of others in the room turn in my direction as if to say, "What the heck are you crying for?"

Tears flowed as I thought about my grandparents and ancestors before them who didn't live to see the day that they'd always dreamt about, but never really thought possible. I was watching their dream realized on that television screen and my heart simply couldn't contain itself.

Even though my grandparents and those before them didn't get to see the day...I did...and my children did. We got to see someone who LOOKS LIKE US, hold the highest office in the land. That's HUGE!

I remember praying for him on that day...asking most of all for God to PROTECT him from any hurt, harm or danger. Along with granting him the WISDOM to most effectively do the job, PROTECTION was the highest on my list of requests for him. Eight years later we can thankfully see that God indeed answered those prayers.

My son Terence, even at a young age, has always been an eloquent speaker. He's been asked many times to write and give speeches at various events. He was ten years old when Barack Obama became President and there were times when I'd hear him speak and felt as though I was listening to the President himself. I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom...I'm saying it because the dude is an AMAZING orator. Folks would jokingly call my son "Mr. President," because he sounded like a young Obama.

One of my favorite photos of President Obama is the one where the little boy touched the President's hair to see if it felt like his. IT DOES! That little boy could have been MY son whose hair ALSO feels like the President's. I don't know if folks truly understand how POWERFUL that gesture was, but I'm here to tell you...it was MAJOR and sent a message of HOPE to little Black children all over this country that they too, can be the President if they so choose. Skin color, and hair texture are no longer factors thanks to Barack Obama.

Yes...I understand that he is half-White, so folks may wonder why that's not mentioned here. Well there...I just mentioned it. But what you have to understand is this...his "Whiteness" would never have been an obstacle to becoming President. His "Blackness" was. Thankfully though, that didn't deter him, and he overcame the obstacle by great leaps.

Now there is NO WAY that I can write about Barack Obama without acknowledging his incredible wife, Michelle Obama. She was the BEST part of his presidency for me. I loved seeing this Black woman with outstanding credentials of her own, loving and supporting her husband, her children, and simply "doin' her thang." She never gave off the impression of being "stand-offish," and instead made me feel that if I'd known her in a normal everyday setting, we'd probably be friends. She's just cool like that. And that fact that she was JUST LIKE ME...a Black woman born of TWO Black parents made me connect with her even moreso. I know that most folks don't understand what the big deal is about that, and only a Black woman (born of two Black parents) would understand. But it's HUGE...really, it is.

I love that Barack saw the beauty, intelligence, and every other positive attribute in Michelle. The same attributes that a multitude of Black women possess and wish for men (especially Black men) to recognize. I love the Obama's example of love that was displayed for the world to see. A strong depiction of "Black love" that is simply not seen enough. And before folks go barkin' at me about "love sees no color" and all that... Yes, I get it, and I agree. Love is love. Love is beautiful. Love who you love...and all that jazz. I'm just saying that Black women (who are so often overlooked) need, and want love too. That's all.

I love that their children look like my children. Before Obama's presidency, that had never been seen in The White House...or "The People's House" as Michelle called it.

As I write these words (and YOU read them), I am sure that there are those who have negative things to say about President Obama. I've not said I have agreed with EVERY decision he made while in office. There are many that I did not agree with. MANY.

However, in light of all the opposition he faced FROM DAY ONE, I'd say that he did a heckuva job with what (and WHO he had to work with.) EVERY DAY of these last 8 years have been an upward battle for him because that was "the plan" of those who were against him and wanted to see him fail. So unfortunate that it had to be that way. But he endured. He pressed forward, and he completed the task at hand. That's far more than many would have done if given the same circumstances.

I will miss hearing him speak, especially the way he always says , "Look..." when he gets annoyed.
I will miss seeing his corny style of dance (his moves are pretty much like mine).
I will miss that walk (should've had a 70s soundtrack to go with it).
I will miss that beaming smile and the genuinely "cool" way that he carried himself.
Bottom line...President Barack H. Obama was "smooth like butta." Professional and Presidential at all times...yet still, "smooth like butta."

I don't know what the plans are for our former First Family, all I know is that I will continue to keep them in my prayers (as I've done since the day he took office), and ask God to continue to BLESS them. At the same time, I will ask that God bless this country of ours. We need it now, more than ever.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Talk to me if you want to!

Til next time...

Giving What I Can

On the first day of this new year I posted about things that didn't go so well LAST year, and what changes I wanted to make to ensure a BETTER 2017.

The key factor that I identified as lacking last year was CONSISTENCY.

I wanted consistency with fitness, my writing, and reading my Bible.

I know that we are only ten days into this year but thus far I am happy with my progress.

With regard to fitness, I am now rewarding myself with a dollar for every day that I get at least 10,000 steps on my Fitbit. Mind you, with my current financial situation I don't even have DOLLARS to reward myself with, so for now I put PENNIES in a baggie and once my financial situation turns around (FOR THE BETTER), I will replace those pennies with the dollars that they represent.

To date, there are SIX pennies in the baggie. For me, that's GREAT progress. My goal is to have at least SEVENTEEN 10, 000 step days each month.

With regard to my writing (primarily here at The Dialogue Den), I've written consistently and I think I am only one day short.

And for the MOST IMPORTANT area of change...I have read my Bible EVERYDAY this month, and actually look forward to it now. My daily reading has evolved into something that I did not anticipate when I first delved in.

You see...I thought my daily reading was going to simply be for ME to strengthen my knowledge OF, and relationship WITH God. It has begun to do that, and much more.

Every morning, before I begin reading, I pray. I ask God to SHOW me what He wants me to see and TEACH me what He wants me to learn. Basically...I need Him to SPEAK to me. And...He does.

What happens next has brought much joy to my spirit.

I share on Facebook whatever it was that spoke most to me. I do this because I know for a fact that I am not the ONLY one going through something. I may be the only one with $2.51 in her bank account, praying for a job offer to come through so that some income can once again be generated...BUT...I am not the only one going through something. Trials come in a variety of ways and we encounter one form or another at some point in our lives.

By sharing what God speaks to ME each day (through His Word), I believe that I am sharing HOPE with others who need it just as much as I do. At this point in my life where I have so little to GIVE, yet need to RECEIVE much...I am thankful to be able to give whatever I can, in whatever way I can.

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever set out to do something that you thought would only benefit YOU, and it ultimately ended up benefitting others as well?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

K.S. Phone Home

Yesterday on Facebook I posted the following:

Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope. I pray.

Unfortunately, today was worse.

I have a whole lot going on in my life but the worst right now is not knowing the whereabouts and well-being of a very close friend. He has simply fallen off the radar. His phone goes straight to voicemail...not just when I call, but when anyone calls...and I haven't heard from him since Sunday evening which is HIGHLY unusual.

My prayer is that he has simply "gone off the grid" for a bit to clear his head and will resurface tonight, or tomorrow at the latest.

My worst fear is so bad that I don't even want to put it in writing. My worst fear simply can not be.

So, what am I gonna do?

I imagine that the only thing left to do is to hope and pray again that tomorrow will be a better day. I hope. I pray.

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever had someone close to you suddenly disappear? If so, how long did it take for them to re-appear?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And I Shall Recover It ALL...

Today was my day to visit another church. I gotta tell ya...I am truly enjoying the

experience. 

In the process, God has let me know that HE is in control of this...not I. 

The reason I say that is because there a THREE churches that I am anxious to visit...THREE. Wouldn't you know...those THREE have not been pulled from my bowl yet. It's as if God is saying, "Nope...not yet."

Even when I pulled today's church yesterday, I almost cheated and was going to pull another to see if one of the THREE might come out. Can you believe that?!? Hey, if I'm nothing else, I'm honest.

I quickly remembered though that this is a "team effort." Where I pull, is where HE wants me to go, even if I'm not 100% sure of the reason. 

The only thing that I am certain of is that every church in my bowl is in there because someone I know has worshiped there. Whether they're a member or were just visiting on a particular day is unknown to me, and most of the time I can't even remember which friend it was who went where.  Not that it really matters because I don't go to see friends (although I've said before that if I do...GREAT. But if I don't...that's OK too.)

Well...I didn't cheat yesterday and this morning I went to the church that I pulled. The one that God wanted me to visit today. 

I gotta tell ya. As I sat there in service I realized that I was right where I needed to be. The songs during Praise and Worship spoke directly to my heart, and the message was one that I truly needed to hear. The key point was RESTORATION -- getting back what was once mine...and then some. THAT was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. 

It didn't stop there though. 

This afternoon I attended my own church's 3 Year Anniversary service. Now here's how I know that God is REAL and that NOTHING is by coincidence. 

Our theme for this afternoon's service was "Growing Stronger, Growing Deeper, Reaching Higher," and the message was to come from Isaiah 40:31

Well...the pastor who was selected to deliver the message had agreed to delivering one, but said that he wanted to speak on something else. My pastor agreed, and although we kept our theme, the message came from 2 Samuel 9:1-7, and was titled, "Welcome to The Table of Grace." Wouldn't you know...THAT message was all about (you guessed it) RESTORATION. 

I almost cried. 

Sometimes God speaks so softly to me, I can barely hear Him. Sometimes He's completely SILENT. At other times, like today, He SHOUTS. And I heard just what He's trying to tell me. In this "season" that I am about to go through, He wants me to TRUST Him and know that no matter what I've lost (and may potentially lose), He will RESTORE it ALL...and then some. 

With confirmation like that, how can I worry? I can't, and I won't. 

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you believe in God, or coincidence? 

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Damaged Wings Still Work

Saturday night I had a great time with a friend. We went to the Marina del Rey Christmas Boat Show (BRRR!!!) and then dinner.

My friend is a fantastic photographer. I love her work because she loves nature as much as I do, and does a great job capturing its image.

While we were at dinner she handed me a couple photos that she had taken and urged me to pick the one I liked. The pics were of various butterflies. All beautiful but one in particular caught my attention. It was brown, which is one of my two favorite colors. I told her that if she had taken a pic of a blue and brown butterfly (my favorite color combo) I surely would've chosen that one. Nevertheless, I was happy with the one I chose and immediately named the butterfly "Brownie." I know...not the most creative but that's what I was feelin' at the moment.

My friend looked at the pic and said, "I'm surprised you picked that one. It's wings look like it's been in a fight or something."

We both laughed at the thought of "butterfly fights."

But I said, "No. That's the one I want. I actually want it even more now that I see the damaged wings."

You see, even with its damaged wings, that butterfly is still flying...doing what God created it to do. And much like that butterfly, my wings have also been damaged, by so many things...mostly by the hurtful actions of others, yet...I'm still flying, doing what God created me to do. Living...and trying to be better each day than I was the day before.

So yeah...I'm almost certain that when my friend took the photo, she didn't realize that there would be such a powerful message behind it. But as I've said before, I find lessons and messages from God in so many things...especially in His creation.

This simple little butterfly reminds me to remember the words of 2 Corinthians 4:8

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit."

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's your FAVORITE butterfly?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

From Slow Simmer to ROARING BOIL

Lately I've been thinking about my life...a LOT. Trying to figure out why things seem to flow so smoothly for other folks while I encounter so many bumps and potholes along the way.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, or that my life shouldn't have any difficulties...we all know that that is simply unrealistic. Yet I do have a lot of "WHYs?" and "HOWs?"

Why haven't I found a job that makes me happy?
Why do I keep ending up in situations that don'

t fit me?
Why do I keep making the wrong choices?
Why am I just "existing" when I should be "LIVING"?

HOW did I end up here?

On most accounts, I'm a pretty decent person. I don't have any drinking or drug habits. I eat too much, but that'll soon be remedied as I can no longer afford food. I'm fairly intelligent, yet I haven't found an outlet yet that matches my abilities. I'm stifled.

With regard to work, I am simply lost.

I have things "in the works" but nothing has come through yet. Like a pot a stew...I have all of the ingredients in the pot on a slow simmer...waiting for things to finally start BOILING. Unfortunately, I don't have a LOT of time. Praying that the fire doesn't go out.

So for anyone who might think I'm at home eating Bon-Bons...nope...far from it. Everyday I am scrambling to figure out where to turn next. It's become quite dizzying...really, it has.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU have on SIMMER that you need to start BOILING?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

OUR Dream

Today, on this 3rd Monday in January, our country celebrates and recognizes the life and achievements of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

During his life, Dr. King made many thought-provoking speeches. Yet the four words that resonate the loudest for me on this day are these ever so familiar, "I have a dream..."

Each year we are challenged to ask ourselves how close we've come to making Dr. King's dream a reality. How close have we come to having EQUALITY for ALL? The answer to that question will vary based on those who are asked.

Some will say, "Equality? Why sure, there's equality for all. The dream has been achieved."

Ask most folks I know and the answer will be far different. "Equality has NOT been reached and we are still a long way from it."

I happen to agree with the latter.

As a Black woman I see what many don't. You may not agree with what I see, but that doesn't negate the fact that I see it.

I see the struggles that Black men face when trying to climb the corporate ladder. Sure, the ladder may be there for him to climb, but there are often rungs missing, making the climb that much more difficult. And before he can even begin to climb the ladder, he must make his way into the building(as in...get the job)where the ladder is located. Getting in...that alone is a major feat. Major. I speak not from supposition. I speak from fact, based on what I see and have seen in every corporate position I've worked in. There may be a handful of women in the office who look like me, but far fewer than a handful who look like my son, or dad, or brothers. They just aren't there. And not for lack of intelligence or willingness to work hard, but simply because of the color of their skin. That breaks my heart. And it's frustrating. Extremely frustrating for the Black man who WANTS to provide and do better for his family, yet is denied the opportunity. When these men are afforded career opportunities based on their knowledge and skill...that's when the dream becomes reality.

As the friend of many articulate, intelligent, ready-willing-and-able Black men...it saddens me because corporate America has made it exponentially more difficult for them to make it than it has their counterparts of other races. Heck, even Black women have an easier time getting in the door than Black men. Again...not supposition...fact. I've seen it for 20+ years and it hasn't changed yet. When I begin to see as many Black men in corporate America as I do Black women...that when the dream becomes reality.

As the mother of a young Black male who will one day be an adult Black man...it saddens me every time I have to warn him to be careful when he and his friends go to the movies at a particular mall in a certain neighborhood. He and his friends are intelligent, well mannered young men...future scientists, doctors, lawyers, preachers, etc. Yet in certain neighborhoods, none of that matters because all that's seen is the color of their skin. Our boys are not thugs. They are our children and have the right to become great men in our society...that's when the dream becomes reality.

When our young Black men are no longer shot and KILLED for simply walking through a neighborhood, or knocking on a door for help after a car accident, or having the music playing too loudly in a car...that's when the dream becomes reality.

When certain people are no longer denied the right to vote (yes...this is STILL happening)...that's when the dream becomes reality.


When mothers and fathers stop burying their young sons who were shot and KILLED by someone who looked liked their son...that's when the dream becomes reality.


When mothers and fathers stop burying their young sons who were shot and KILLED period...that's when the dream becomes reality.

So you see...we STILL have a long way to go. A very long way.

What will it take in order to make Dr. King's dream a reality? I think the first step is to make HIS dream OUR dream. Once WE own it, then it becomes personal and we'll work that much harder to make it happen.

Community Service - Yes
Community Activism - Yes
Lifting one another UP instead of tearing each other DOWN - Yes
PRAYER - YES!

These are just a few areas where we can begin to make a difference.

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: What suggestions do YOU have toward making OUR dream a REALITY?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Above the Clouds

I love this picture. I mean, I really really love it. It's such a simple picture yet it has so much meaning. I took this picture while flying home from San Francisco one day in July 2011. I loved the way that we were flying over a sea of clouds yet, just above the clouds was beautiful blue sky. It mad me think about all of the people who were BELOW this sea of clouds. What were they experiencing? Were they being hit with rainfall? Were they simply having a gloomy day because the sun hadn't quite been able to break through? How many of the people BELOW the clouds were aware of the fact that ABOVE the clouds there was this BEAUTIFUL BLUE SKY. It was a great reminder for me that no matter how gloomy things may appear at times, there is ALWAYS a beautiful blue sky just about the gloom. And the gloom doesn't last forever. So, there are two options. 1. Wait for the gloom to go away and before you know it, the sky will be blue again. 2. Look up. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to see some of the beautiful blue poking through. That's it. Just wanted to share my cloud filled blue sky with all of you. After all, something THIS beautiful should not be kept to ones self. Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever taken a picture while flying? If so, what's the coolest picture you've taken?

Talk to me! Til next time...

And yet I will praise Him!

So It's gettin' down to the wire folks. Rent is due. Car payment is due. EVERYTHING is due. And all I have is what you see in the picture. A container full of change. And the container isn't even full. This is a 2.75 cup container that sandwich meat comes in. This particular container once held sliced turkey. Now, it holds my entire life savings. Not sure how much is in there. Maybe $5.00 at the most. And it's all I've got until I receive my first paycheck from the job that I am thankfully starting on Monday. So, we're looking at a good 2-4 weeks probably before I have any more money. What will I do until then? I have absolutely NO idea. Am I stressed? Nope. What good will stressing do? None. As a believer in Christ, my faith tells me to TRUST God. He's kept me thus far...almost 1 year of being unemployed. My finances are not too hard for God to handle. So I give this to Him and I TRUST that He will make a way...He always has. Some may wonder why I "put my business out there" like this. Is it because I want pity? No. Is it because I am seeking help? It sure would be nice to have some help, but that's not why I write. It is simply a way for me to declare my faith. Faith that isn't tested is no faith at all. I am clearly being tested, and I know that my God will not let me fail the test. In that, I can be sure. "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more." Psalm 71:14 (NIV) Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you down to your very last? Where do you find hope? Talk to me! Til next time...

Scrambled Eggs...they're what's for dinner tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day...

Well folks, I've got GREAT news and not so good news. GREAT news: I have a new job!!! I start next Monday, 7/30. That will be 1 year and 1 day after being laid off from my previous job. I am so thankful to God and so excited for this new opportunity. NOT SO GOOD news: EDD stopped my benefits COLD TURKEY! So I have NOTHING! Not a penny to my name. I hate the way that they stop the benefits and then schedule an interview for me to tell them where I am with my job search. Instead, they should send the questionnaire and/or set up an appointment while CONTINUING the benefits. THEN, if AFTER the interview, they determine that I am no longer eligible, THEN they can stop the benefits. They're approach is "shoot first, ask questions later." Well, they got me, and it hurts pretty bad...FINANCIALLY. Rent is due on the 1st, and the electric bill needs to be paid. Oh...and the refrigerator is practically empty. I mean really...I can name everything that's in there. A carton of eggs, a jar of jelly, a container of yogurt, a jar of mayonnaise, 2 cucumbers, one bottle of Italian salad dressing, and a stick of butter. That's all folks. Once all that's gone...it's gone. So I'm in an interesting spot. I am thankful for my new job yet I am still one of America's poor. Kind of oxymoronic. Nevertheless, I am thankful that I was able to have scrambled eggs for dinner. And when the eggs are gone, I will STILL give God praise. Even with a growling stomach...I will give Him praise. Because He is a good God whether I have food in my fridge or not. My circumstances may change, but He NEVER does. He is good, loving, merciful...ALWAYS! So with that, I say...to God be the glory...even if I am evicted from my home...even if I run out of food...even if my car gets repo'd. To God be the glory! Let the DIALOGUE begin: What did YOU have for dinner tonight? Talk to me! Til next time...

T minus 5

So. There 5 days left until rent is due. A letter has not arrived from EDD, nor have they called. And as I stated yesterday, getting through to THEM via phone is impossible. They NEVER answer. What am I going to do? I have no idea. And it's not like rent is the ONLY issue. Nope, there're are car payment(s) to be made, phone bills to be paid, and on and on and on. People have "called it quits" for less than this. I can't. I must hold on. And if all that I have to hold onto is God's hand and my trust in Him, then I'm gonna cling for dear life. I WILL NOT LET GO! Today's post is pretty short and simple. I heard a verse of scripture last night that resonated in my heart. When I woke up this morning, it was still there: Psalm 9:9-10 New International Version (NIV) "9 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." There ya have it. I trust Him and I KNOW that He will not forsake me. Let the DIALOGUE begin: What gives YOU hope?

Talk to me! Til next time...

Drowning, but not DROWNED

Yes folks, I feel like I'm drowning. Having a pretty tough time keeping up with life. Don't get me wrong, I still have joy, regardless of my financial situation. I'm just looking forward to having this thing turn around soon.

The money is gone.

Not sure where I'll be living next month.

Trying to scrape up enough to pay this month's car payment so that it doesn't get re-po'd.

I've made sure that the electricity, internet and phone bills have all been paid as those are my "lifelines". Gotta keep those working so that I can continue to send out resumes and be able to answer any calls that come in regarding jobs.

It's just getting tough. That's all I'm saying.

I was in the grocery store yesterday determined to buy food for a NICE Sunday dinner. Not a frozen pizza or sandwiches, but a NICE Sunday dinner. And that's exactly what I did.

I spent more than I could afford but for the first time in a long time, my daughter and I ate like queens instead of paupers. It was so good.

Mind you, to most people, what I spent wasn't much. But when you don't HAVE anything, and you spend what I did on groceries, it's pretty much considered "breaking the bank".

Nevertheless, God woke me up to see another day, and for that, I am thankful and will make the most of it.

This is my Facebook status today: "Dionne is like an oyster...making PEARLS out of the irritants of life."

That pretty much sums it up. My life is filled with "irritants" lately, but I am going to endure, persevere, and turn those "irritants" into PEARLS, no matter how bad things get.

I may feel like I'm drowning, but as long as I haven't DROWNED, there's still hope.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How's life goin' for you these days? Are you "keeping your head above water"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Breakthrough

The beach called today. I answered.

I've been so caught up with looking for a new job and most days it's just downright frustrating. I'm doing my best to stay prayerful and keep a positive outlook. Really, I am.

Some days though. Some days.

Today was one of those days.

I just needed a minute to breathe. Regroup. Figure out what my next step is going to be.

And so...I headed to the beach.

Practically had the place to myself. It was really nice. For me, there's something about the beach that helps me to feel God's presence even more-so than usual. Something about sticking my feet in the ocean, knowing how HUGE the ocean is, and what as small piece of this earth I am in the grand scheme of things. There's something about knowing that He created that huge mass of water, and me too. So to put my feet in it just does something for me.

When I headed home, I felt good. Refreshed. Like I can go on just a little longer while I work toward my breakthrough. I know it's coming. I just know it is. So I can't quit because I'm just too close.

That career that I want...it's out there. Waiting for me. You know the one...in the non-profit field...the one that's going to allow me to help others and will also give me the flexibility that I need to attend school.

Hey, did I tell you that I've gone back to school?

Yep. I'm going back to earn my BS in Human Services. Since those are the positions that I've been applying for, yet no one has called me for an interview, I had to think "outside the box" and find another way in. If I'm in school earning a degree in the field, maybe, just maybe, they'll look twice at me, instead of throwing my resume in "the round file" as I'm sure they've been doing this far.

So anyway. There you have it. My mind-clearing day at the beach.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Where do you go to clear your head?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

HopeFULL

This one is pretty long, but well worth reading. So grab a cup of coffee if you must, and get comfortable. You're gonna be in The Den for a while.

***

On Monday, one of my coworkers told me that her son's former Spanish teacher died. It was very sudden and no one knew yet what had happened.

Later that afternoon it was confirmed that she had committed suicide.

We all just shook our heads. Regardless of whether we knew her or not, it's just so sad when someone is in such despair that the only way out (at least in their mind) is to end it all.

Many would look at my life and possibly decide that it is a life not worth living. At the very least, no one's lining up to trade their lives for mine. I'm single, raising 3 kids on very little money, living in an apartment that is far too small, driving the cheapest car on the market. I'm fat. I'm Black. And the possibility of anyone loving me is slim to none. No my friends, not many people would trade their lives for mine.

Yet I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's, and I surely wouldn't end it.

Yes, I'm single and although my choice would be to journey through this life with that special man, I'm well aware of the fact that I entered this life alone, and I'll exit alone. So in the meantime, I'm going to do all that I can to make this a life worth living.

Yes, I have very little money. But I know what it's like to have even less. I truly know what it means to have 10 cents to my name, because I've had days where all I had (in the bank and in my pocket) was only 10 cents. But I lived that day with 10 cents, went to sleep and woke up the next day. Not any richer, but ALIVE. And in the end, that's really all that matters. Money will come and money will go, but LIFE can not be replaced.

Yes, my apartment is small and although most of my friends live in homes far bigger and much prettier than mine, I am thankful each and every time I step foot in MY home. Many would love to have this tiny place to call theirs. I, am blessed to be able to do so.

Yes , my car is the cheapest one on the market. Not European made. Not Japanese. Not American. It's just a car. But it gets me where I need to go each day, and for me...that's really all that I need it to do. Yes, a nicer car would be nice, but I'm not trippin' over the fact that I don't have one.

Yes, I'm fat. And I seem to be getting bigger by the day (stress and lack of time for fitness). This alone would cause some to want to "check out", because FAT (according to society's standard) is the worst thing a person could be. A person could be a liar, a cheater, a thief...and people would overlook those characteristics. But to be FAT...WHOA!!!

Yes, I'm Black. And you know what...I can't change that. You wanna know somethin' else...I wouldn't change it even if I could.

Yes, I am journeying through this life alone and would love to be loved, yet love doesn't seem to be heading in my direction. Oh well.

So as you can see, it appears as though the cards are stacked against me. Yet even with those cards, I still find reason to wake up every morning. And I thank God for each and every day that He gives me. With each new day I have new hope. You see, I...am hopeFULL, not hopeLESS.

Regardless of what life throws at you, and life will throw plenty at you...you MUST know that there is ALWAYS hope. ALWAYS. In Christ Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope.

So for anyone who's feeling down and out, feeling like they can't go on...to you my friend, I say this...give tomorrow a chance. Please. Be hopeFULL, not hopeLESS.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What (or Who) gives you hope?

Talk to me!

Til next time...