AVAILABLE!

Wow! It's been a while since I last posted.

Gotta tell ya...life has been a bit overwhelming, causing me to crawl under the proverbial "rock."

Can't say that things have gotten any better, but I know how important writing is to me, and it's one of the very few things that I can actually control, so...I'M BACK.

Yeah...the results of Tuesday's presidential election have me a bit "concerned" as I had absolutely NO IDEA that "that man" would actually pull it off and win. 

Even before the election though there were many other "concerns" on my plate. The greatest being my unemployment situation.

My goal was to be re-employed before the election as I knew that there would probably be some financial uncertainty with the economy afterward. Well...sometimes we set goals and simply don't reach them. And so...here I am...still unemployed, and seeking.

My question to YOU today is this: Will you help me? PLEASE??

Here's the deal.

I have been diligently seeking employment, have registered with more employment agencies and job recruiting sites than I can count. I have even been on a number of interviews. None of those efforts have resulted in a job offer yet.

I once heard that 80 percent of available jobs aren't even posted. That just reaffirms for me how important it is to "network." These days, the real key to getting a job is "knowing somebody." Otherwise, my resume is sitting in an electronic pile with a host of others. Unfortunately, my "network" is fairly small, however...you all know folks I don't, so I am asking you to reach out to YOUR networks (PLEASE) and SHARE this post so that perhaps someone, somewhere, who's looking for someone like me will contact me regarding a job...SOON.

Please. Don't just read this and then scroll to the next thing. Share this, PLEASE. It won't cost you a thing, yet would help me greatly.

Ideally, I'd love to work for an organization that provides services and assistance to homeless youth and their families. Unfortunately, I've never worked in that field, it's simply what my heart has a passion to do, so I've been unable to get through that particular door.

As a result, I am more than ready to get back to what I've always done (so that I can get back to paying the bills).

For those who are wondering...here are the "Cliffs Notes" version of what that is:

• Inside Sales (no cold-calling, telemarketing, "hunting") / Sales Support / Account Management (Supporting Field Reps who work outside, while I manage the accounts and assist customers on the Inside. This is what I've done well, and do best.)
• FULL TIME Permanent or FULL TIME Temp to Hire
• Within 20 miles of 90706 zip code

If you, or someone you know, are aware of any immediate opportunities that fit that criteria, PLEASE let me know. I would be happy to forward my resume to you, and/or them, for a more detailed view of my experience.

I am an excellent employee who works "smart" while bringing light and positivity to the environment. Just ask any of my former co-workers and they will gladly attest to that fact.

Ok...enough about me. It's now YOUR turn. What cha got?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Who's hiring?

Talk to me (SOON)!

Til next time...

ME Time

Ah...Fourth of July. Hotdogs. Hamburgers. Parks. Beaches. Friends. Family. Fireworks.

For most folks, those are all the things that make up a great Fourth of July. For me, what makes Fourth of July BEST is a DAY OFF OF FROM WORK. A much needed, long awaited DAY OFF. Paid time off is simply something that we don't get enough of in this country. So when I get a "Company Holiday" OFF...I gladly take it, and relish every single solitary second.

I will especially enjoy TODAY because when I go to work tomorrow I have already been assigned to cover someone else's desk. THAT my friends, is the quickest way to have a relaxing three-day-weekend roll right off.

So for these next 20 some hours that belong solely to me, I will do as much as I can doing what I love.

I will write, and sing, and write and write some more.

I'll probably throw some cleaning in there somewhere (not 'cause I love it, but because SOMEBODY'S gotta do it.)

And then I'll write again.

Also gonna carve out some time to get my resume out to a few places. Somewhere out there is my ideal CAREER. The one I was CREATED for. One that does NOT have me sitting in a cubicle listening to the clickety-clack of everyone frantically typing away on their keyboards in an office that is more quite than the library. Some days I just stop, listen, and almost want to cry...knowing that God must SURELY have more for me than THIS.

Somewhere out there, is an employer who is looking for someone with a PASSION and PURPOSE for helping the homeless (especially homeless YOUTH). No...I don't have any "professional" experience in that area. No...I don't have a college degree in that area. But I have the HEART for it...and PLENTY of professional experience that I have gained from my corporate positions. If you ask me...I've got the winning combination. One day, my future employer will realize that too and I will FINALLY be able to make a POSITIVE impact on the lives of others.

So yeah...this DAY OFF is already JAM PACKED. Filled with things that mean something to me. Filled with things that will one day, some day, get me to where I want to be, and that leads me to what I am THANKFUL for today.

On this, "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 21" - I am simply THANKFUL for a DAY OFF...away from "the cubicle."

For the rest of y'all, headin' to picnics, "cookouts", and what not..."throw a shrimp on the barbie" for me ('cause you know I don't eat beef, chicken, goat, lamb, pork, or turkey)...and have a FANTASTIC Fourth of July!!!!

Now, Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's you favorite "song for the summer?" Here's one of mine. Be sure to turn it up!



Then talk to me!

Til next time...

Tassels to the Left

Tonight's post...short and sweet.

Just got home from attending my son's high school graduation (and dinner).

All I can say is that there wasn't a parent more proud of their child than I was of mine. And that's REAL talk!

Not sure what he'll do next. He's a creative type like me so I pray that he finds his way into the CAREER of his dreams...one that matches his God given PURPOSE. And may he never, ever, EVER find himself TRAPPED in a cubicle. Cubicles KILL dreams...or at the very least...defer them considerably.

Seriously. I'm sure that if we polled ALL of the graduates and asked what their dreams and goals are for the future...not a one...not a SINGLE one would say, "I want to work in a cubicle." Nope. NOBODY is going to say that!

Mind you...I'm thankful for my cubicle job. It puts food on our table and keeps a roof over our heads.

Nevertheless, I don't EVER want the dreams of ANY of my children to be KILLED or DEFERRED by "cubicle work." I pray that they all do well...and BETTER than their Mom. After all...isn't that what EVERY parent wants for their child(ren)? For the children to go farther in life than the parents? Yes...it is.

Now...to the Class of 2016 EVERYWHERE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Do well. Show the world what you're made of...and LIVE your PURPOSE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What were YOUR goals when you graduated from high school? Did you fulfill them?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Anywhere But HERE!

Life's gotten pretty heavy (again) lately, and I have found myself on a number of occasions wondering what it would be like to get in my car and just drive away...leaving everything behind.

I want to start over.

I need to start over.

But where would I go?

I have no idea.

Maybe my issue isn't so much that I want to GO anywhere, but moreso that I want to LEAVE some places.

Ok...who am I foolin'? The place that I want to leave is my JOB. Yes...I've only been there a year, but I have that prickling in my spirit that's letting me know that "this ain't it."

From this side of the keyboard I can already hear folks SCREAMING, "Gurrrl...don't you leave that job that you have now! Don't you do it!!"

Yep...I know that's what folks will say. Which leaves me to wonder who I'm really staying there for. I'm NOT happy, and every day that I go in, I fall deeper and deeper into what I know is depression. Yes, I know that's what this is because I've experienced it before. I am absolutely NO stranger to depression.

I'm also stressed, and it's manifesting itself in physical form.

A few years ago my stress manifested itself in the form of alopecia areata. Yep...I developed FIVE quarter-sized BALD spots on my head. Crazy, right?

Well...the stress is back, and this time it has manifested itself in the form of an ugly growing rash on my neck, just under my chin. Have you ever noticed how thin the neck skin is under your chin? Feel it. It's super-thin...which makes it extremely uncomfortable when it's irritated in any way.

Two weeks ago I was on vacation, "footloose and fancy free"...absolutely enjoying life.

I returned to work and the stress was piled on immediately. Like I didn't even get a chance to breathe or re-acclimate myself to the chaos. THIS week has been even worse.

Sadly, even when I try to tell myself to stay calm and NOT stress...my BODY knows better and so...see the pic.

Bottom line is this...I need to get out! I need to get into the career that matches my passion. I need to get into an organization that HELPS others.

I no longer want to be trapped in a cubicle, pushing product that makes others wealthy.

And for me, wealth isn't even the primary motivator. For me, HELPING OTHERS is what matters most.

If I can change the life of a young person for the better...then THAT would mean more to me that ANY money in the bank.

I've gotta figure out how to get there. The tough part is that I've never done that kind of work before. I've always done "cubicle work." But there HAS to be a way in...there just HAS to be. And I am determined to get there, or die trying. After all...what's it gonna hurt? I already feel like I'm dying a little bit each day in my current position. So there's really nothing to lose.

So...how 'bout we Let the DIALOGUE begin: Anybody have any suggestions for what I can put on this rash. It itches and burns. Ouch!

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Longevity

Today I spent the day in "school". I was at work, but today was the day for some of the newer folks like me to get an in depth overview of the company and various departments.

One thing that struck me with many of the folks we met with was how long they had been with the company. 29 years. 23 years. 19 years. 14 years. THIRTY TWO YEARS!!!

As I listened to them tell their stories of how they joined the company and moved up within it, I did some calculations in my mind and thought back to where *I* was 32, 29, 23, 19, 14 years ago.

I've been a lot of places and have had a lot of jobs.

Two of the people mentioned how their resumes made them look a bit "career unsteady" when they interviewed because they hadn't stayed with jobs for long. Well...that was 29 & 32 years ago. Once they got THIS job, it was a wrap!

Then I wondered if *I* would be with the company for 29 & 32 years. Heck, at this point I've only been with the company now for FOUR months. 29 years seems like FOREVER...and would definitely make the this job that I would retire from.

I dunno. It's made me really think about my career path and what I really want.

It also made me realize how wonderful it must be to get in on something at the beginning. That's when opportunity is the greatest. Sure...I can work hard to move up as well, but no one can tell me that that process won't be exponentially more difficult than it was for the folks I met with today.

I'm sure that they are all GREAT at what they do...I just know that TIME

has been on their side.

Oh well.

Overall it was a good day and I'm glad that I got to know more about the company I work for.

Just left me with a whole lot to think about...a WHOLE lot.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How long have YOU worked at YOUR job?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Take Two!!!

Lately I've been re-thinking some decisions that I've made, wondering how things would've been had I done them differently. I tend to have these thoughts most often on a Sunday evening like tonight, where I am thankful to have a job, yet not too thrilled about the one I have to go to tomorrow.

Many times I ask myself, "How did I end up HERE?" Or, "Where did I go wrong?"

In the words of Erykah Badu, "I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere."

Looking back, I can pretty much pinpoint just where things took a wrong turn. It was when I stopped attending college.

Had I stayed in college, I would've continued studying my field of choice (which at that time was TEACHING) and I would have had DECADES of teaching under my belt by now. At the very least, I would've had a degree. Well...I do have an AA, but that's not much better than a high school diploma these days.

Instead, I stopped going...and it has been one cubicle job after another ever since.

Again I say...YES, I am THANKFUL to have a job. And at the same time...probably in the same breath...I know that there is MORE for me. I am supposed to be doing something else. How do I know? Because my spirit is so unsettled, and I don't think that THIS is how I am supposed to be feeling.

Even with my blog, I feel like there is MORE for it than me writing to a handful of readers (for that handful, I am VERY thankful). This is supposed to be BIG. This is supposed to open doors for me. This is supposed to get me out of a cubicle and into the creative world of writing, and stage plays, and televisions series', and movies. THIS is supposed to be THAT.

I don't know. I guess I'm in a "holding pattern" of sorts.

Kinda wondering, what's the difference between regret, and wishing I had done something differently?

Or is there a difference?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's one thing you wish you could do differently that may have changed the course of your life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

4/32

Earlier today I posted the following on Facebook:

"Listening to talk radio and the subject is this:
Would you give up 20% of your pay to only have to work 4 days a week?

I'll answer first: YES!!!"

I must say...I wasn't surprised by the number of people who said NO.

I knew when I posed the question that I would be the "odd man out".

Here's the deal:

I understand that we need money in order to survive.

I also understand that one must WORK for that money.

Where I differ from most is in the fact that I value my TIME more than most value MONEY.

Maybe it's because I've never HAD a lot of money, so giving up a little in order to gain more TIME is a trade-off that I would sign up for all day, any day.

I am happiest when my time is my own. Always.

I've been through 2 "layoffs" and those times were some of the best in my life...because my time was my own. I was able to be FREE and do what *I* wanted to do *when* I wanted to do it. Most look at being laid off as a negative. I have NEVER looked at it that way.

Now don't get me wrong...there's a difference between being laid off, receiving a severance vs. being unemployed with NO money coming in. I have experienced both. And yes...things were extremely difficult during that latter time...so I got my butt back to work. Didn't mean that I wasn't happy though while I was unemployed...I just knew that I needed to get back to work because bills needed to be paid.

So...hopefully everyone is clear on the fact that YES...I understand that one MUST work in order to survive. Got it.

I, however...don't see the need, nor have the desire to work 5 days a week...40 hours a week.

In my "ideal work world", I would only work 4 days each week for 32 hours...Tuesday through Thursday. And I would be utterly, totally, COMPLETELY satisfied with the 20% pay cut. Like seriously...WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?

Who knows...maybe I feel this way because I don't have any time vested into a company, so I have nothing to lose by only working 32 hours a week. I don't have an abundance of vacation time racked up, so maybe those things are what make my decision so easy.

But for others...it's all about the money

...and I get that. To each his own...that's just not me.

So...how 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Would YOU work 4 days a week (4/32) with a 20% reduction in pay?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Weekend

Lots to write about and today I'm gonna cram it all into ONE post. Sooo...here goes:

- I have internet at home again. Not through a portable "jetpack" but REAL internet. Yay me! I may have to sell stuff on eBay to make sure that I can keep up with the monthly payments, but dag-gonnit...I'm keepin' this internet!

- I had a good weekend. Did a lot and got a little rest. Just a little.

- Yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday and she actually led a back-to-school prayer service at church for all of the students returning to school. On her 22nd birthday...she could have been ANYWHERE...yet she chose to be at church, doing something to benefit others. God was smiling, I'm sure.

- I got to see some old high school classmates today. That was cool.

- And...my best friend FINALLY got to meet "Joe". After all these years of he and I being friends, and this past year of us being "a couple", today was the very first time they met. I'd say the meeting went well. Yay!

Now those were all positives and I only have ONE "not-so-positive" to add...I'm back to dreading Mondays. Remember when I used to stay up all night Sunday night to delay Monday morning coming. Well...we're back to that. I have a major issue to tackle tomorrow and I have no idea how things are gonna turn out. All I know is this: "All I can do is all I can do, and all I can do is enough."

That's all folks.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How was YOUR day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

This Way? That Way?? Which Way???

Tonight's post will be short and sweet...mainly because I'm at the library and they'll be closing in 45 minutes.

Yes folks, I'm back at the library using their internet because I don't have internet at home right now. Gotta tell ya...it's really made me scratch my head and wonder WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WRONG? And/or, WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I go to work EVERYDAY, make a "decent" wage...and yet STILL can't get everything paid for when it needs to be.

I get TWO paychecks each month. The first goes ENTIRELY to rent with NOTHING left over. The second goes to all the other stuff: food, gas, bills...AND a little bit of THAT ONE has to be saved for the rent too because that first check doesn't COVER rent...it simply goes TOWARD the rent.

I'm tired.

Tired of not having enough.

So today I realized that I've gotta do something DIFFERENT in order to get DIFFERENT results.

What that is...I don't know exactly...but I'm pretty sure that it will not come in the form of "working for others". I MUST find a way to "do my own thing" and "be my own boss".

Now don't get me wrong, I am thankful to be employed...especially after my recent stint of unemployment (as in ZERO money coming in. Zero, Zilch...NADA). Yet, I'm still not HAPPY. I'm not SATISFIED. I'm just functioning..."goin' through the motions" but not TRULY enjoying what I do.

And contrary to what on of my former bosses once told me...Yes, I CAN enjoy what I do for a living. It IS possible!

I'm fairly certain that whatever I do will come in the form of writing, but who knows...I may explore other opportunities as well. I just know that the longer I work in a cubicle, the less I belong in one.

For those who are wondering...nooo, I won't be making any hasty decisions to leave my current job, but I will be diligently seeking and pursuing that which will make me TRULY happy...that which I was put on this earth to do.

I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere, maybe even MANY wrong turns...but I'll find my way. I WILL!

How 'bout you?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you operating in YOUR true purpose, or are you just "goin' through the motions" too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I AM My Hair

Today I did something bold and daring (at least by MY standards).

I went on a job interview and wore my natural hair...in an AFRO.

I know this might not be a big bold move for most folks, but for ME it was HUGE.

Normally I would go to "the shop" and get my hair straightened (all nice and Corporate-European looking), but since my budget is down to ZERO...that just wasn't an option.

I could have straightened it myself but that just takes sooo much time...and it never comes out very nice when I do it anyway, so I figured, "Why bother?"

The REAL reason why I wore my "Natural" (as my Mom used to call it) was because I am tired of Black women THINKING that we have to go into the interview looking like someone we are not. Sure...I get that there are some Black women who truly do prefer to wear their hair straightened because that is what they like. I get it...and I ain't mad at 'em. But I'm talking about the rest (of us). Why do WE feel that we have to go in "looking' a certain way? Why have we allowed society to do that to us?

So, perhaps in a small act of rebellion against "the establishment", I decided to go in as God created me. The interviewers should have had NO problem with that. My hair was CLEAN...I washed it this morning, and it was NEATLY combed. So...like I said before...there should be NO issue.

As I told my friend Judy yesterday, "If Heidi and Buffy can wear THEIR natural hair to an interview, then why can't I?"

So there...I did it!

As for the interview...I think it went well. The office is a lot further than I prefer to drive though, and once I'm hired (how's that for thinking optimistically), I will probably take public transportation to work because there is NO WAY that my car will be able to handle that drive on a daily basis. So...we'll see.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest thing you've ever experienced in an interview?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

From Slow Simmer to ROARING BOIL

Lately I've been thinking about my life...a LOT. Trying to figure out why things seem to flow so smoothly for other folks while I encounter so many bumps and potholes along the way.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, or that my life shouldn't have any difficulties...we all know that that is simply unrealistic. Yet I do have a lot of "WHYs?" and "HOWs?"

Why haven't I found a job that makes me happy?
Why do I keep ending up in situations that don'

t fit me?
Why do I keep making the wrong choices?
Why am I just "existing" when I should be "LIVING"?

HOW did I end up here?

On most accounts, I'm a pretty decent person. I don't have any drinking or drug habits. I eat too much, but that'll soon be remedied as I can no longer afford food. I'm fairly intelligent, yet I haven't found an outlet yet that matches my abilities. I'm stifled.

With regard to work, I am simply lost.

I have things "in the works" but nothing has come through yet. Like a pot a stew...I have all of the ingredients in the pot on a slow simmer...waiting for things to finally start BOILING. Unfortunately, I don't have a LOT of time. Praying that the fire doesn't go out.

So for anyone who might think I'm at home eating Bon-Bons...nope...far from it. Everyday I am scrambling to figure out where to turn next. It's become quite dizzying...really, it has.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU have on SIMMER that you need to start BOILING?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Slowly Blowing Away

My life has been in a bit of a whirlwind lately and it's about to enter a TORNADO. I've made a decision that NO ONE will agree with, yet my heart and mind have said that it had to be done. As a result of my decision I am going to need some help. Help WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. At this point I can only pray that I will receive the help that I need. Only time will tell for sure.

I am crumbling.

Falling apart.

Smiling on the outside...breaking down on the inside.

As a result of all that has happened and what is about to happen, the dandelion came to mind. Interestingly, as a child, the dandelion always brought joy as I'd blow on the fragile seed head and watch it blow away in the wind. Now I see it differently. I see myself as that seed head...fragile and slowly being blown away by life...blowing away to nowhere. LOST.

I need help (financially and career wise) yet can't seem to get that help from anyone or anywhere. I'm struggling...by myself...on my own...and it's becoming quite difficult. I'm just not this strong.

Am I ready to give up? Check out. No. That's a faithless move.

Am I ready for some doors to start opening so that I can walk through them...YES. Seems like I've been walking FOREVER and haven't even FOUND the door yet.

Oh well. What can I say?

I never thought that life would be this hard, but not one ever promised that it would be easy either.

Aside from financial help, and a new job (that I will enjoy and STICK WITH), I need PRAYER. I've been praying for myself but I don't think they're being heard...or at least not answered. So maybe someone else can get through on my behalf. For those of you reading this who pray IN THE NAME OF JESUS...please say a prayer for me if you will. Although I need prayer in many areas, the two that I've mentioned are the most pressing right now...FINANCES and A JOB (preferably a job that I can make into a CAREER).

That's all I've got for now. Gonna go read my Bible and get some much needed guidance.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you got yourself into a situation that you KNEW folks would negatively judge you for, would you still ask for help?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

P.S.- If you know of any companies that are looking to hire someone IMMEDIATELY for the following positions, PLEASE let me know.

Inside Sales Rep - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Account Manager - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Account Executive - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Customer Service Representative
And/Or ANY position within the Social Service/Human Service field

THANK YOU!

Holding On...barely

So I've been trying to "hang on" but as each day passes the task becomes more and more difficult.

It's funny how some areas of my life are absolutely AMAZING, and other areas (really just ONE) are swirling around like a turd in the toilet. For me, that ONE area is work. I just can't seem to get it right. I can't seem to find what it is that I've been searching for when it comes to a career...and it's beginning to take a toll...a MAJOR toll.

I've fallen back into my depression and I feel like I'm coming undone. I hate this feeling.

Why is it so difficult?

Why is it that some folks are in that dream careers already, and I...I am still scratching and clawing trying to find my way. Clearly I've gone wrong somewhere. Clearly.

Anyhoo...this whole thing has drained me mentally so I'm going to end tonight's post here. Oh, before I close...for all of the folks who will read this and say, "Just be thankful that you have a job." Yes, I get it, and I am...yet I know that God has more planned for me than this...I just know He does. And I want it. I'm ready for it.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you operating in YOUR dream career, or are you still scratching and clawing like me?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Inhale...Exhale...REPEAT...

I did it. It's been a long time coming and I finally resigned from my job. Most folks say "quit", but that word has such a negative connotation and since I have chosen to be positive, I choose "resign."

I've gotta tell ya...it was the most difficult decision I have ever made...EVER. Yet I knew it was one that I had to make.

Do I have a new job? No.
Do I have new job lined up? No.
Has anyone called me for an interview? No.
Have I applied for a new job? Yes...MANY.
Will I receive unemployment? No.
Am I worried? No.
Do I know how I'm going to "make it"? Yes...by FAITH!

For months now (maybe even longer) my spirit has been so unsettled. I was going to a job that just wasn't a fit for me...at all. Day in and day out I'd go in. I was thankful for the job and God knew that. I prayed daily, and everyday I thanked Him for the job knowing full well that there are so many who would love to have it. I did the best I could at making it work. I really did. "Smile and Dial"...that's what I did. Against every fiber of my being, I "smiled and dialed" as every good little telemarketing cold-caller does. Until...

A position opened up in my department that I was far better suited for. An account management position similar to what I had done at previous companies. A position that I had done successfully well. So when it opened up I decided to apply for it. I had no idea that my request to apply would be denied by my immediate supervisor, yet that is exactly what happened. His reasoning, "Well if you don't like THIS, you won't like THAT." The day was May 21st, and from that day on, a little bit of me died each time I sat in my grey cubicle and picked up the phone to dial. I was having anxiety attacks and wasn't sleeping at night because I knew that if I fell asleep, I'd wake up in the morning and would have to go back and Sunday nights were the WORST! So staying up was my way of avoiding the inevitable. Doesn't make sense, I know. But when one is trying to cope, one does everything they can possibly think of just to "make it."

So...I went away for awhile and during my time away I came to a RESOUNDING conclusion...I WAS NOT GOING BACK. With all of the other uncertainties that I was facing, THAT was the only thing I was 100% sure of. Then came the next realization...I was taking up a seat and needed to give it up so that someone else could have it...someone who LOVES "smiling and dialing." I toiled with that one for a while and realized, it was bothering me because it was something that needed to be done. I had to leave.

Eventually, I let my H.R. manager know, and as troubled as she was by my decision (and the fact that I don't have a new job yet), she respected me decision and moved forward with the process. I may be the only person who's ever left the company voluntarily WITHOUT a new job, and without a husband or significant other to help them with what lies ahead. You see...I...have NO> ONE. And even if I were to tell anyone, they would simply think I'm crazy (which I'm not) or try to lecture me about my "terrible decision". Now THAT...would break my spirit, and I'm just not ready for it yet. Let me get some strength back first.

Bottom line is this, if I soar and land on my feet...I will land alone. And if I fall flat on my face...I will fall alone. That's pretty much been my journey...alone. No one knows what I've been going through and no one knows about this recent decision. There just isn't anyone to talk to. Nobody. Thank God for God though. No matter how many other folks have left me or simply don't want to be bothered with my troubles...HE is ever present.

So today was the day. I went in, packed up my stuff in 15 minutes, said goodbye to my team-mates, then met with H.R. to finalize the process.

Interestingly, I am okay with my decision. I have gone into it "head-first" and eyes wide open. Yet my spirit is at peace...complete and utter PEACE.

You see...I am trusting God. I have trusted Him before with major issues in my life and He has ALWAYS made a way. His track record is IMPECCABLE. Yes, I know that I have a HUGE part in this. I must apply for jobs at breakneck speed from here on out, and believe me, I will.

If I were going through this COMPLETELY alone, I'd be in a world of hurt and trouble. But because I am going through it with Him...and Him alone, I know that I will be okay. The road may be bumpy along the way, and I somewhat expect it to be. But with every bump...He'll be with me.

With that, I've taken the first step...a HUGE step...probably the biggest step I've EVER taken (at least as far as my career is concerned), and I have absolutely NO IDEA where the staircase ends. That's okay though...as long as God knows (and I know that He does)...then I have faith that He will lead and guide me...EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

Now for those of you who believe in Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior, PLEASE keep me in your prayers...'cause I need 'em...in a MAJOR WAY...I need them as I move forward. No turning back, I'm moving ahead...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the CRAZIEST career decision you've ever made?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

This Woman's Prayer

Father God,

In the name of Jesus, I come to you before all else to simply say Thank You. Thank You for all that You do and for all that You are.

Now Father God, I am also asking for Your help. Lord, I'm tired. I'm getting discouraged. And it's getting tough for me to hang on.

Lord, You know my heart. You know how greatly I desire to do a good work so that You may be glorified. Lord, I have tried and tried and tried to make things work, yet they continue to fall apart.

Father God, I have asked for WISDOM as Your Word instructs me to do in James 1:5, yet I am still confused. Father God, I feel that I know what you want me to do, yet the move is SO BOLD I'm afraid that if I do it, and this isn't REALLY what You wanted me to do, then I will be in even more of a mess. I trust You enough to make the move, I just need to be sure that I am moving according to Your will, and not mine. My will gets me into trouble. YOUR will is sovereign. Help me to know which way to go.

Lord, I am tired. I have chiseled away for so long and feel as though I've made NO PROGRESS. Friends have tried to help me,yet that has been to no avail. Bless them anyway for their efforts.

Whenever I follow up on an opportunity, after hearing the details I realize that the opportunity is not for me. It's so discouraging and I just don't know what to do.

So I am leaning and depending on You Lord. I have nothing else. I have no ONE else. You Lord are all I have, and You Lord are enough.

Help me PLEASE Lord, help me. Please move in a mighty way as only You can do. And while I am waiting, I will praise You, and Thank You in advance for my breakthrough.

These things I ask, according to Your will, in Jesus' name...amen.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What are YOU praying for today?

Talk to me! And more importantly...talk to God.

Til next time...

The Prescription is TIME

As I sit in front of this keyboard today, I am trying to find exactly the right word to convey my present state. The first word that comes to mind is FRUSTRATED.

For the past month and some change, I have been diligently seeking employment. Meaningful employment.

At the advice of my doctors, I have had to step away from my current position because (as they both agreed), it was "killing me". I had become someone I no longer recognized. Perhaps not so much in physical appearance (although I did gain 26 pounds in the period of ONE year), but more-so in my emotional and mental state.

Although I would go into the office each day, "put on a happy face" and "dial for dollars" which is my job function...with every call I made I felt that I died just a little bit inside. I was a square peg being forced into a round hole. We all know that it will NEVER fit.

I did it for as long as I could until I simply couldn't do it any longer. I was breaking. No. I was broken, and no good to anyone, especially myself.

So I've been away and have been searching for new employment DAILY. Although my primary focus has been toward companies that offer social services to folks in need...I have also applied for Customer Service and Account Management positions. ALL of which I am extremely qualified. Anything but cold-calling/telemarketing...anything but that.

Some people may say, "Oh, just take some medication and that'll make you feel better and give you a different outlook on the situation." My response to that is this: I don't need any mind-altering drugs to help me cope with my situation. The prescription for this situation is TIME. Time away.

So while I've been away I've been searching, and searching, and searching...

Last week I spoke with a friend who basically told me that I need to "suck it up and go back to work". I know that from the outside looking in that sounds like a simple thing to do. But from the inside out, I know that if I go back, nothing will have changed, and I could possibly end up worse than when I left. This is the main reason why so very few people actually know what I'm going through. And I mean VERY few...like maybe ONE person...MAYBE. Like I've said before...unlike other folks who share practically every waking moment and experience with the world...that's just not my thing. The world has its own problems, so why add mine? As we see from the experience that I mentioned above...when I DO open up and share, those are the responses that I get. As if I weren't feeling bad enough...that surely didn't help.

Unfortunately though, I'm getting to the point where I am going to HAVE to ask for help. This is becoming overwhelming and I NEED to get back to work. I WANT to get back to work. Contrary to what some may believe...this has NOT been a vacation. It has been FAR FROM a vacation. On vacation, one is not trying to figure out the next career move. On vacation, one pretty much spends freely, not being concerned with how the rent will be paid in 4 days. On vacation, one gets rest. No folks...this is FAR FROM a vacation. Truth be told...I have NEVER EVER been on a vacation...EVER!

So...although I often feel that I am simply writing for the walls and that nobody is actually reading my blog (most certainly no one ever COMMENTS), I am going to take a bit of a leap and post my skills here. Then I will pray that the right person will happen upon it and either say, "I've been looking for someone like this" OR, "I know someone who's looking for someone like this." In a nutshell...I NEED HELP!!!

CONTRIBUTION STATEMENT
I am a creative thinking solutions provider who thrives on serving the needs of others. My positive demeanor boosts morale in any environment. With several years of successful professional experience, along with my desire to make a positively impactful contribution to my employer and its clientele, I will be a superb addition to your organization.

SKILLS
• Several years of experience in customer service/sales roles
• Excellent interpersonal, written and oral communication skills
• Outstanding telephone skills and the ability to work in a fast paced and dynamic work setting
• Strong work ethic and self-starter, able to effectively manage multiple priorities and adapt to change
• Friendly attitude and able to quickly develop

rapport with internal and external customers
• Experience with Microsoft Office Suite and internet savvy


Times like this are when a HUG sure would help. A hug from someone (preferably a HUSBAND) who would just hold me and say that everything is going to be okay. There is so much healing in a hug and I can't remember the last time I had one. So for now, I will continue to be strong, hold back the tears that I so greatly wish to shed, and will press forward...as I always do.

In spite of my frustration, I continue to hold on to God's Word and His promises. I know that He will come through for me in His own time. It would just be nice if His time matched mine. But that's not how faith works. God is not on MY schedule...I am on His. As difficult as this is for me, I know that NOTHING is too hard for God. In that, I find comfort, hope and peace.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you know anyone in the Los Angeles area who's hiring IMMEDIATELY? If so, please pass on a good word for me...PLEASE, and THANK YOU.

I'm interested in the following:
Account Manager
Customer Service
Sales Support Representative
Inside Sales Rep (NO Cold Calling!)
Member Support Representative
Writer
Personal Assistant

Talk to me (PLEASE talk to me)!

Til next time...

Roadblocks to the Left of me...Roadblocks to the Right of me...

For the past three weeks I have been diligently looking and applying for jobs. Ultimately, I want to work in an organization that provides services that help others. I simply want to serve and operate in my purpose. Doesn't seem like much to ask for yet the results (thus far) would make it seem that I am asking for the IMPOSSIBLE.

I haven't heard anything from anyone. Almost makes me wonder if my internet is working. Maybe my submissions have never even gone out. Nah...that's unlikely, I know.

The other issue that I've run into is that practically EVERYTHING requires a Bachelor's degree. EVERYTHING. Wel...your's truly does not HAVE a Bachelor's degree. However, after realizing that I'm not going to get far without one, I decided to look into re-enrolling back into college.

Two years ago I enrolled in University of Phoenix and that turned into a complete nightmare. I know a few folks who go there and have graduated from there, but if it were up to me...I would tell anyone and everyone to STEER CLEAR.

So I decided to take the traditional route and enroll in one of the state universities. I get there (excited) and ask to speak with a counselor to discuss my educational path. Turns out that the path can not even begin until FALL OF 2015!

Seriously?

I need to be enrolled pronto. A year from now is too far a way.

Registration for Fall 2014 is already closed and it's doubtful at this time if a Spring semester will even be offered. So...Fall of 2015 it is. That was not at all what I was hoping for.

So now what?

I feel so stuck. I'm doing what I need to do to get ahead, yet my efforts aren't getting me anywhere. To say that I am frustrated would be a complete and absolute UNDERSTATEMENT.

I've said this before and I'll say it again...I AM TIRED. Not so much physically tired, but mentally and emotionally tired...to the point of sheer EXHAUSTION. I don't even feel like I'm going through on my own strength anymore, because I really don't have any. If you've ever seen that "Footprints" poem...yeah, that's pretty much where I'm at right now. Tired and being carried by my Heavenly Father. For that, I am ever so grateful.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Are you over 40 and planning on going back to college?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 12/21)

Answering the Questions

So I'm in a bit of a career rut...actually a MAJOR career rut, and I'm doing everything I know to do to get out of it. Searching daily for a new job, praying, and just last Friday and started and FINISHED reading a fantastic book called The Leap, by Rick Smith. If you're in a career rut like me, I HIGHLY encourage you to read this book.

The pages of this book SCREAMED at me, so I've decided to do something with what I've read.

Throughout the book are pages with questions for the reader to answer, in an effort to steer one into the career direction that best suits one's purpose.

I have decided to start answering those questions right here in The Dialogue Den (and I expect YOU to answer them too!)

I'm not going to specifically list the question because I don't want to violate any copyright laws, but I will answer the questions since those words are my own. Perhaps from my answers you can figure out what the questions are.

So, here goes:

My ideal life is one filled with good health, no financial concerns, and operating in my created purpose. A life that will allow me to help others operate in their created purpose. I am ending each day knowing that I have done something (no matter how small) to make this world we live in, a better place. If my ideal life turned out exactly as I wished, I would have someone to share my joys and successes with. That someone would be my HUSBAND. In my opinion, everything is better when you have someone to share it with. I don't know who he is or where he is, but God-willing, he will find me. We would be homeowners instead of renters, lenders instead of borrowers, the head and not the tail. My children would be healthy, wealthy and wise, operating in their purpose. As you can see...this whole PURPOSE thing is pretty big for me. Primarily because I am not yet operating in mine (yet praying daily for the door of opportunity to open), and because I know that life is just so much sweeter when we are allowed to do what we are created to do versus what we HAVE to do just to get the bills paid. In my ideal world, the magic wand would be waved and EVERYONE would be operating in their purpose...waking up EVERYDAY with joy, looking forward to what lies ahead, instead of dreading the day and wishing for 5:00 pm to come when it's only 8:00 am.

And in all that I do, and all that I achieve in my "ideal life", God gets ALL the glory. All of it!

Now it's YOUR turn!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Describe YOUR ideal life.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 6/21)

Fear...yeah, I have one.

So what most people don't know (because I'm very private and don't like putting all my business "out there"), is that my life is in a bit of a whirlwind. Has been for a couple of weeks now. And I could really use some help. Really, I could. But, who do I go to? Where do I go? Everybody has problems of their own, so who's gonna help me with mine? Answer: NOBODY.

For the past two weeks I've been frantically looking for a new job. I mean...I need a new job like PRONTO. But I don't want just any ol' job. I want one with PURPOSE. One that will be fulfilling. One that means something...not just to me, but to others. I want...no, correction...I NEED for my work, my career to MAKE A DIFFERENCE...A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE.

If you ask most people what their biggest fear is, their response will probably be, "dying". Interestingly, that's not my answer. Because I have salvation through Jesus Christ who died on a cross for me and three days later He rose again...and now He LIVES...well, because He lives, I too will live (even after death). That's what I believe. So no...dying is not MY biggest fear.

My biggest fear however, is that I will die BEFORE I am able to fulfill the purpose for which God created me. Every day that I've lived so far has been a day that has not yet been lived in my purpose. 45 years and I'm still not there. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?!? It's extremely frustrating, and far from fun.

So...I'm on a mission...a frantic search to find a career that matches my purpose. And I need to find it quick. The clock is ticking and time is running out. No seriously, I am on a time limit and with each day I am getting closer to my deadline. So something has GOT to come through soon.

Unlike most, I'm not worried. You see, prayer and worry can not coexist. So, I have chosen to PRAY. I do however, wonder. I wonder when the next thing will come through. Where it will be? What will my role be? So yes...I do wonder.

Today was different. After praying and searching and wondering, I heard God tell me to just "be still". Stop moving. Stop searching. Just "be still." So I did. I trust Him enough to know that if I'm "still" He's not. So I gave myself a day off. Many (if they knew my situation would say that I've already had days off. But today was different.) Today, I picked up a book that I've been meaning to read for I don't know how long...and I decided to READ IT...from cover to cover. And that's exactly what I did. I woke up, started reading and finished around 6:00 p.m. Can't remember the last time I read a whole book in a day. As an adult, I don't think I ever have. The book by the way, was "The Leap" by Rick Smith. And I highly recommend it, especially for anyone who is in a career and/or life rut. Highly recommend it.

So...I gave myself the break today. Tomorrow, God willing, I will start back at it.

Something is gonna come through. This I believe. This I must believe, otherwise I may well fall apart.

Times like these I just wish I had a shoulder to lay my head on or someone...no not someone, but a HUSBAND to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be alright. Living this life alone sure ain't easy. Not quite the life I thought I'd be living, but...here I am and it is what is is...at least for now and/or until God says otherwise.

Ok...that's enough from me. Now it's your turn.

Let the Dialogue begin: Are you in a career/life rut? If so, what are you doing to get out of it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 2/21)

Monday Monday

So today is Monday, "Move Monday" from what I could tell based on my FB newsfeed. Unfortunately, I didn't move much. I moved a bit, but not enough to make up for all that I ate today.

Sometime SOON, I'm gonna have to find another way (besides food) to get over my "Monday Blues". I know, I know...most people have the "Monday Blues" and they don't eat their way through the day, so what makes me special. The answer...NOTHING.

Nothing makes me special. I just haven't found a way to overcome that which becomes worse and worse each week. I've said this a zillion times before, yet anytime I say anything that even remotely sounds like me complaining about my job, I make absolutely sure to say the following:

I appreciate my job.

I understand that THOUSANDS would love to have my job.

If I don't like my job, I should find another.

Yes, yes, and yes...I get all that. However, it doesn't negate what I feel. And so...today (as I do most days), I ate through my feelings of being ungratified, unfulfilled, and simply outside of my purpose. For me, it's a struggle. And although I am making efforts daily to change my situation, nothing has changed yet. So here we are.

Bottom line...if it wasn't tied down, I ate it. Yes, I feel awful because I know better, but I don't think about what I know at those moments. I just think about quelling the feeling. Chocolate (and lots of it) does that for me, at least until I find another method to cope.

Yes, there's prayer, and I pray often throughout the day. Most days, my prayer is simply, "Lord, please let me have ONE good day." I feel that if I can have just ONE good day with regard to food, then it's possible to have two, and then three, etc. Today though, wasn't that day.

So...back to "Move Monday". I moved some. I did 20 minutes of Zumba Express.
Yes, I understand that 20 minutes of Zumba can not out-do 23 hours and 40 minutes of bad eating.
Yes, I understand that weight loss is 80% what I eat and 20% excersice.
Yes, I understand that I can not out run my fork.
Yes, yes, yes...I get it. And until I "get my mind right" on Mondays, I fully understand that the cycle will simply continue.

So what's it gonna take for me to "get my mind right?" A new job...yes, please. Non-profit, Education, Social Service, Writing...YES, PLEASE!!! Are you listening out there? I sure hope so.

But until then...what?

At this moment, I really don't know. Prayer? Sure. Changing my attitude? Sure. Continuing to be grateful? Sure.

All of that sounds great until I pick up that phone and start telemarketing all over again. Then I'm right back where I started. So I guess as with all things...nothing will really change until I get sick and tired of what is. As much as I think I'm there, clearly, I'm not.

So...enough about me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What did you move today on "Move Monday"?

Talk to me!

Til next time...