Make Me Wanna Holler!

Some days feel like déjà vu. Today is one of them and I'm not happy about it AT ALL.

With the senseless killing of yet another Black man in the news I am fed up. Simply FED UP!

I've seen a few friends post that it appears to be "hunting season" on Black men, and I gotta tell ya...I'm beginning to wonder.

I mean really...

• Alton Sterling
• Philando Castile
• Micheal Brown
• Eric Garner
• Trayvon Martin
• Tamir Rice
• and now we add Terence Crutcher.

These are just a few (a very small few) whose lives have been cut short at the hands of "trigger happy" folks. If I listed them all this post would be PAGES long.

Every time I hear of yet another Black male life being lost I immediately think of my son. Only 18 years old, good kid, hard working, never been in any trouble. Yet the police don't know that when they see him. All they see when they see my son is a "Black male."

Here's the thing...

I could give him a whole list of "DOs" and "DON'Ts" when confronted by law enforcement, yet these days it seems that those things don't even matter.

Now I have to worry about how TALL he gets...how BIG he gets (weight wise), because then his SIZE (without doing ANYTHING at ALL) can be viewed as a threat.

So yes...

As a mother of a young Black male...I'm pissed.
As a woman who has brothers who are Black males...I'm pissed.
As the daughter of a Black male...I'm pissed.
As a woman who simply loves, and values Black men in general...I'm pissed.

WHEN will the "hunt" be over, and WHY does it exist in the first place?

I mean really...Somebody PLEASE tell me just WHAT exactly is so threatening about the Black male? PLEASE! Because quite honestly...I don't see it.

When I see Black males I see:

• Strength (to carry the weight of all that this unjust society places upon them)
• Intelligence
• Resilience
• Sex Appeal
• Power
• Love
• "Swag"

None of those equate to THREATS as I see them.

So really...what is it that "other folks" see that make them think the Black man has to be "taken down" like a rabid animal. Seriously...I wanna know. I need to know. Because I just don't get it.

My prayer is that we will NEVER have to hear another report of a Black male whose life has been unnecessarily taken for ANY reason. And please note that I said unnecessarily. After all, I am fully aware that this is not a utopian society that we live in. There are, and will be times when someone is truly posing a threat to others and as a result, that situation needs to be handled accordingly. But...sooo many of the accounts that we've heard lately did not fall within that criteria.

Seems to me that Black men are disproportionately killed when in a confrontational situation (and often times when NOT in a confrontational situation.) Yet "other" folks are merely wounded, and live to tell their side of the story. For the Black man...too many stories never got the chance to be told.

Then I've heard folks say, "Well...officers aren't trained to wound; they're trained to kill." Really? So why is it then that Black men always seem to be the ones who end up killed, when again, "others" get wounded? SOMETHING is terribly wrong with that picture!

Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that I want "others" to be killed at the hands of law enforcement as Black men do. What I want is for Black men to STOP being killed at the hands of law enforcement. That's all. I want them to have the opportunity to LIVE just as"others" do. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Anwyay...I'm heated and heartbroken at the same time. I didn't bring my son into the world so that his life could be cut short by the hands of ANYONE. I'm 100% certain that the mothers of all the Black men we've lost lately, didn't want that for their sons either.

The killing has got to STOP, and the Black male deserves the opportunity to LIVE.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU propose as a solution to this heartbreakingly angry issue?

Talk to me (because I need some answers)!

Til next time...

The Dates Beside The Dash

Yesterday I went to Inglewood Park Cemetery with a friend.

While I waited for my friend to conduct some business there I decided to take a look around. Not so sure if that was a good idea.

I know that I will probably get this wrong but here goes anyway.

I headed over to the wall (I think it might be called a burial vault, but not sure), and began looking at the dates on the outside of each, seeing how long each person lived and noticing the relationships between individuals. Husbands buried with wives. Children buried with parents, etc.

Then I got to a section where the dates next to the dash were much closer...too close. These were babies and young children.

Some only had a month's difference between the first and second date.
Some had a few years.
Others only had one date...with no dash.

My goodness! It was heartbreaking.

As I continued to walk by I wondered how the families are today. Are they still hurting from the loss? Did they have more children after the loss of the ones who were gone? What caused the little ones to go so soon? Illness? Accident?

Finally I just had to stop and say a prayer for them all...that they were able to find comfort and peace somewhere along the way.

My friend came back out and could tell that I was a bit "shaken up." I didn't realize how strongly I had been affected by the loss of those tiny individuals I'd never known. Funny how that happens. I think what got me the most was the fact that every single person buried in that cemetery had a story. EVERY ONE. Young and old. I hope that in their absence, someone thought enough to tell it.

One thing's for sure...aside from the ocean, cemeteries are the most peaceful places on earth. Other than yesterday, I'd never been to a cemetery beside those times when saying a final goodbye to someone.

I've never been one to "visit" anyone's grave because for me, the memory is in my mind and heart...so I have no desire to go to an actual site. Everyone's different though. We all grieve, mourn, and remember differently. That 's absolutely fine.

Anywho...I'm not really sure about what more there is to say with regard to cemetery visits. So, I'll just say this: Let the DIALOGUE begin: Today is Friday. What are your weekend plans?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

When MY Time Comes

Today I attended a service to CELEBRATE the life of one of our church members who has gone HOME to be with the Lord. Yes, for believers in Christ, when one of our brothers or sisters leaves their life on earth, we CELEBRATE because we KNOW that they are now living ETERNAL LIFE in the presence of God and we WILL see them again one day. For THAT, we rejoice.

As with EVERY homegoing service I attend, I always leave wondering what folks will say about ME at MY service.

I would HOPE that they would say KIND things.
I would HOPE that MY life has in some way helped to make theirs BETTER.
I would HOPE that they were BLESSED to have known me than to not have known me at all.
I would HOPE that MY presence has brought LIGHT to some not-so-bright places.
I would HOPE that they would speak of how I have made them laugh.
I would HOPE that they would speak of how I have ENCOURAGED them somewhere along the way.
I would HOPE that, without a doubt, they would know how much I loved the Lord Jesus.

These are just a few things that I hope folks will remember ME by when I am no longer living life here on Earth.

Yes, EVERYTIME we bid farewell to one who has gone on before us, THESE are the things I think about. I am not perfect, nor do I profess to be. I simply hope that folks will remember me for more of the GOOD that I've done, than the bad.

Mind you...it would EXTREMELY NICE to hear some of those things while I am still here...while I can enjoy and appreciate them. As the song goes, "Give me my flowers while I yet live..." Kind words are wonderful after-the-fact, but every now and then...I sure could benefit from hearing them NOW. They would be the difference in making some "not-so-good-days" actually "GOOD days." Really, they would.

With that, Let the DIALOGUE begin: If no one has told YOU today, allow ME to tell you that you are IMPORTANT, SIGNIFICANT, and LOVED. YOU Matter...to ME! Now go tell somebody else!


Then...

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Livin' the GOOD Life!

Today has been a tough one.

Interestingly, days like today are ones that make me think of my Mom the most. Oh how I envy her and long to be where she is.

No, I don't hope to die anytime soon. However...if I did, I can truly say that it would be well with my soul.

THIS LIFE IS HARD...and FULL of DISAPPOINTMENTS.

That's been my experience lately.

So when it comes to my Mom, I think about how she no longer experiences disappointment from ANYONE. She is experiencing the fullness of JOY, in the presence of God, ETERNALLY. Who wouldn't be envious of that?

Often times I will overhear conversations where one person asks another how they're doing. The response is, "Well, I woke up on this side of the grass, so I'm doin' alright." Every time I hear that...and I mean EVERY TIME...I think to myself, "Even if I woke up on the other side of the grass, I'd be doin' alright, because that would mean that I have FINALLY made it to heaven...my ULTIMATE destination...where there is no more pain, sorrow, hurt, disappointment, evil, hatred, lying, cheating, living paycheck to a few days BEFORE paycheck (because my checks don't even meet)..and everything else that we experience in this life."

So yeah...I'm having a tough time right now, and I'm not afraid to admit it. No smoke and mirrors here. What you see is what you get. Some days my truth is simply a bit more difficult to swallow than others. Nevertheless, I know that God will get me through it. That doesn't make the burdens any lighter...it simply gives me assurance that I'm not alone. Sometimes that's all we need to know, is that we are NOT alone.

And sometimes...nothing else matters, but seeing Jesus.

On this day, "30 Days of THANKFULNESS: Day 15 - I am THANKFUL for my hope in Christ. Sometimes it feels like the ONLY thing I have.

How 'bout you...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What could someone do for YOU to make your life easier? I know what MY answer is. I posted it about it last week. Today's YOUR turn.

While you think about it...listen to this song:

then...

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Tassels to the Left

Tonight's post...short and sweet.

Just got home from attending my son's high school graduation (and dinner).

All I can say is that there wasn't a parent more proud of their child than I was of mine. And that's REAL talk!

Not sure what he'll do next. He's a creative type like me so I pray that he finds his way into the CAREER of his dreams...one that matches his God given PURPOSE. And may he never, ever, EVER find himself TRAPPED in a cubicle. Cubicles KILL dreams...or at the very least...defer them considerably.

Seriously. I'm sure that if we polled ALL of the graduates and asked what their dreams and goals are for the future...not a one...not a SINGLE one would say, "I want to work in a cubicle." Nope. NOBODY is going to say that!

Mind you...I'm thankful for my cubicle job. It puts food on our table and keeps a roof over our heads.

Nevertheless, I don't EVER want the dreams of ANY of my children to be KILLED or DEFERRED by "cubicle work." I pray that they all do well...and BETTER than their Mom. After all...isn't that what EVERY parent wants for their child(ren)? For the children to go farther in life than the parents? Yes...it is.

Now...to the Class of 2016 EVERYWHERE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Do well. Show the world what you're made of...and LIVE your PURPOSE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What were YOUR goals when you graduated from high school? Did you fulfill them?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Me, Myself and I (again)

So I just got home from a lovely dinner and movie -- the makings of what most folks would call "Date Night." The only difference is that I was my own date.

Yep. Gone are the days of me sitting home alone wishing I were out doing something else. Quite honestly, those days left long ago, like back when my kids were old enough to stay home alone.

So much of life gets wasted by folks who wait for someone to come along before they will do the things they enjoy. As if it's taboo to do things alone in public.

As nice as companionship is, not all of us have it. Heck, even when "Joe" was around, I still didn't have it fully because he wasn't a movie kinda guy, at least not in theaters. So if I wanted to see a movie, I'd either go alone or with my girlfriends.

So this evening I headed to the theater (thanks to discount tickets from my job), and I was HUNGRY.

Instead of buying a "snack pack" that probably would've run me around ten dollars, I decided to stop in one of the eateries near the theatre and was able to enjoy a nice MEAL for a little under eight bucks. Not too shabby.

Yeah, it would be nice having "Date Night" with a love interest, but that may not ever happen for me, so I've gotta live NOW and enjoy life NOW, even if I am enjoying it alone.

As for the movie -- it was okay. I could've waited for it to hit video, but overall, the evening was nice.

One good thing about doing things alone is that I know what I like, and I'm never disappointed. That's a pretty good deal if ya ask me, and I will be perfectly content with life as it is until God so chooses (if He chooses...I sure hope He chooses) to send love my way.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you treated yourself to a date? Have you EVER taken yourself on a date?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Weebled and Wobbled

So here we are, at the close of yet another year.

I wasn't really sure how I would celebrate the occasion.

In years past, I would go to "Watch Night Service" and ring in the new year with praise, worship, and a word from God.

Tonight though, I just want to be home, ALONE, with God.

I've gotta admit, this year just hasn't been the best. It may have been as bad (or possibly worse) than 2014. And in 2014, my Mom passed, so you know that must mean that 2015 was rough.

I dunno.

When I think about most of the tears that were shed this year, they were not over my Mom. When I think of her, most times I actually rejoice (and am a bit envious) because she has graduated from THIS life to the next and all of her pains, sorrows, disappointments are now COMPLETELY gone. No one letting her down. No one telling her that they love her and then disappearing. No friendships ending simply because she asked to be respected. Nope...my Mom doesn't have to deal with any of that any more.

I do though. Or should I say...I did.

When I think about the tears that were shed THIS year, they were over those still living here on earth. Those who were supposed to be for me, yet I discovered the opposite to be true. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it went down, came out the other end and has been flushed away.

I'm not taking any of that with me into the new year.

God has been "cleaning house" for the past 6 weeks and when HE "cleans house" He gets all up in the nooks & crannies. He's revealed a lot to me, and has shown me that some things (people) who I thought were good for me, simply weren't. So He's removed them. Hurts? Of course. But I know that these individuals did not leave as a result of anything that *I* had done, so that means that God moved them out. By the way...this isn't to say that I never do anything wrong in a friendship or relationship. Of course I do! The difference though, is that when it is brought to my attention that I have HURT and/or DISRESPECTED the other person...I acknowledge that, so that things can be made right. Apparently, not everyone feels I deserve that same respect. Unfortunate, but...c'est la vie.

So forward, onward, and upward it is.

Yesterday I was reflecting on what I have been viewing as "losses", and then realized that what (and who) I have left are what I am supposed to have. New people have come into my life. New friendships have developed and it was as though I could hear God say, "Your latter days will be greater than your former. I had to remove the old in order to make room for the new." I believe Him. I don't always understand Him, but I believe Him.

Funny...I was at work today and thought, "I'm not everybody's cup of tea, but for those who can handle strong coffee, I am just right."


Anyway...2015 dealt me some blows that I simply didn't expect AT ALL. But as the words of the song go, "Here I am, I'm still standing..."

I thank God for bringing me through another year, being with me THROUGH IT ALL. And if it be in His will, I look forward to getting through yet another, getting better, growing stronger and wiser.

I am also going to tackle this 365 posts in 365 days again. I only had 164 posts this year (including today's). I didn't have consistent internet access in 2015 and now I have better, so 2016 is already shaping up to have more success, at least where The Dialogue Den is concerned. With all of that said...

Goodbye 2015!

2016, I'm ready for ya!!!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you could choose a song for 2015, what would it be?

Talk to me! Click on the song and sing with me!! Here I am!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!! May it be FILLED with the very best of God's BLESSINGS!

Til next time...

Damaged Wings Still Work

Saturday night I had a great time with a friend. We went to the Marina del Rey Christmas Boat Show (BRRR!!!) and then dinner.

My friend is a fantastic photographer. I love her work because she loves nature as much as I do, and does a great job capturing its image.

While we were at dinner she handed me a couple photos that she had taken and urged me to pick the one I liked. The pics were of various butterflies. All beautiful but one in particular caught my attention. It was brown, which is one of my two favorite colors. I told her that if she had taken a pic of a blue and brown butterfly (my favorite color combo) I surely would've chosen that one. Nevertheless, I was happy with the one I chose and immediately named the butterfly "Brownie." I know...not the most creative but that's what I was feelin' at the moment.

My friend looked at the pic and said, "I'm surprised you picked that one. It's wings look like it's been in a fight or something."

We both laughed at the thought of "butterfly fights."

But I said, "No. That's the one I want. I actually want it even more now that I see the damaged wings."

You see, even with its damaged wings, that butterfly is still flying...doing what God created it to do. And much like that butterfly, my wings have also been damaged, by so many things...mostly by the hurtful actions of others, yet...I'm still flying, doing what God created me to do. Living...and trying to be better each day than I was the day before.

So yeah...I'm almost certain that when my friend took the photo, she didn't realize that there would be such a powerful message behind it. But as I've said before, I find lessons and messages from God in so many things...especially in His creation.

This simple little butterfly reminds me to remember the words of 2 Corinthians 4:8

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit."

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's your FAVORITE butterfly?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Rule XV

Every morning when I wake up I begin my day with prayer. For the past couple of weeks I have also incorporated reading a chapter from Og Mandino's, "A Better Way to Live."

There are so many great principles in that book...seventeen to be exact. He calls them "rules."

This morning I read "Rule XV" and it spoke so loudly to me based on things, or more specifically, PEOPLE I've been dealing with lately. It helped justify some of my recent decisions and reinforced the fact that although some decisions may be painful, they're necessary in order for me to maintain a positive level of health and wellness.

Bottom line (and I'm paraphrasing):
I do not have to allow negativity into my space. If someone is bringing me down, intentionally hurting me, unintentionally hurting me (but when I make them aware of the offense they CHOOSE to do nothing about it), and/or only speaking negativity into my life...the decision is up to me with regard to how close I let them get to me.

At this point in my life, I can only have those around me who are here to support, encourage, uplift (and most certainly NOT smile in my face while STABBING me in the back).

My circle may be growing smaller, and folks may be hating and/or calling me everything but a "Child of God." That's ok I imagine. I have spent ALL of my life trying to make other folks happy...walking on eggshells so as not to offend them or "make them mad" at me. But where has that gotten me? It's gotten me disrespected and having folks think they can treat me any old way. Well...NEWSFLASH...those days are GONE.

As I said in a previous post, the older I get, the more I become like my Mother. She spoke her mind ALWAYS. If someone offended her, she confronted them. If they walked out her life afterward as a result, she was ok with that. She didn't suppress her feelings for the sake of "being liked." You either liked my Mother for the "real deal" that she was, or you stepped. No skin off her nose, as she would say...and none off mine either.

As Porky Pig would say..."That's All Folks!"

It's a BEAUTIFUL morning, and my day is JAM PACKED with FANTASTIC people I love spending time with. I've been looking forward to this day for WEEKS. So I'm about to get out there and "let it do what it do!" I hope you do the same.

For those who love me...and I mean GENUINELY love me...I love you right back! MUAH!!!
And for those who don't...I love you too (because Christ commands me to). You've simply taught me that I need to love YOU from a distance.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU have planned for this lovely Saturday?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Hanging on by a very Thin Thread

So many things have happened to me in the past month. Yet more and more keep happening. Some things I've shared with others. Some, I've shared with none. Yet God has seen EVERYTHING that has happened and He (I believe) has been orchestrating ALL of it. I say that because many of the things that have happened have gone way beyond my comprehension. Things so unexpected.

Some things, I never THOUGHT would happen...did.

Others, I never WANTED to happen...they did too.

And people. People have been so very mean, nasty, and disrespectful. I'm talking, "going for the jugular" mean. And I'm not just talking ONE person. At this moment at least THREE come to mind. Like they really want to see me crumble to the ground. It's hurtful, and at the same time, it has my guard WAY UP. I don't profess to be a saint, and I am FAR from perfect. But I do my best to treat people right, and with RESPECT. If I know that you are hurting as a result of something I have done...I'm gonna fix it...because that's the RIGHT thing to do. What I will NEVER do is know that I have hurt you and let you keep hurting. That's just WRONG. I'm not made that way. I'm just not.

Then there's this other thing...this thing that's been nagging at me. Someone very close to me has a secret. A secret that would break me if I knew about it. I'm pretty sure that I know what it is, but I will wait for God to reveal it, and will deal with it at that time. It's been said, "That which does not kill me only makes me stronger." But this secret that I'm waiting to be revealed, will come pretty darned close. I can't worry about it though. God knows ALL. He knows the things that I have done to hurt others, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and he knows what these individuals have done to hurt ME...in a MAJOR way. They are probably laughing about it, but He knows, and my spirit knows too.

In spite of everything, I have (and will) continue to pray. I also know that I have folks praying on my behalf, in the name of Jesus. I know that God is hearing those prayers, (although I'm not sure if mine are going any higher than the ceiling) and though things appear to be getting worse, I know that I'm not going through them alone.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4

That's about all I can write about tonight. My head is cloudy which means I need to go spend even more time with God.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever encountered people who were just mean to you for no reason?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Lemons, Sugar and Water

Life's been kinda crappy for me lately. Especially in the past month. Especially these past few days. That's alright though. The lower folks try to kick me down, the higher up I bounce.

One thing's for sure...I am really getting tired of always being the one reaching out to repair messes that I didn't even create. Always the peacekeeper. For what?!?

Contrary to what people may think, I am NOBODY'S doormat. Never have been. Never will be. People mistake my kindness for weakness, but I assure you...there's NOTHING weak about ME. I am RESILIENT. I get knocked down more than most folks I know, but my God continues to lift me up, He always will.

There's that old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well I have a whole ORCHARD of lemons and I'm doing something far better with them than making lemonade. Although I would REALLY love to squeeze them in the eyes of some folks, as the picture suggests...that's not how I roll.

When I'm wrong, I admit that I'm wrong. That's what ADULTS do. But when I have BEEN wronged (no matter how small the offense), I expect for others to acknowledge their wrongdoing. If they choose not to, that simply means that I never meant anything to them...not now, not ever.

SO (inhale, exhale...breathe), Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU do when life gives YOU lemons?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Take Two!!!

Lately I've been re-thinking some decisions that I've made, wondering how things would've been had I done them differently. I tend to have these thoughts most often on a Sunday evening like tonight, where I am thankful to have a job, yet not too thrilled about the one I have to go to tomorrow.

Many times I ask myself, "How did I end up HERE?" Or, "Where did I go wrong?"

In the words of Erykah Badu, "I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere."

Looking back, I can pretty much pinpoint just where things took a wrong turn. It was when I stopped attending college.

Had I stayed in college, I would've continued studying my field of choice (which at that time was TEACHING) and I would have had DECADES of teaching under my belt by now. At the very least, I would've had a degree. Well...I do have an AA, but that's not much better than a high school diploma these days.

Instead, I stopped going...and it has been one cubicle job after another ever since.

Again I say...YES, I am THANKFUL to have a job. And at the same time...probably in the same breath...I know that there is MORE for me. I am supposed to be doing something else. How do I know? Because my spirit is so unsettled, and I don't think that THIS is how I am supposed to be feeling.

Even with my blog, I feel like there is MORE for it than me writing to a handful of readers (for that handful, I am VERY thankful). This is supposed to be BIG. This is supposed to open doors for me. This is supposed to get me out of a cubicle and into the creative world of writing, and stage plays, and televisions series', and movies. THIS is supposed to be THAT.

I don't know. I guess I'm in a "holding pattern" of sorts.

Kinda wondering, what's the difference between regret, and wishing I had done something differently?

Or is there a difference?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's one thing you wish you could do differently that may have changed the course of your life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Because I'm HAPPY!!!

With all the bad news that's reported each day, I thought I'd write about something HAPPY. I don't have anything specific to write about except the fact that I am incredibly happy.

What I have come to realize in my happiness is that happiness is "relative". For example, some folks would need a WHOLE LOT more than what I have right now in order to be happy.

I have very little money in the bank...hanging on til I get paid again. Although more money (and no financial struggles) would make life much easier...I have learned to have MUCH joy even in times like this (of VERY LITTLE MONEY). It will get better though...this I believe. This I know.

My internet is currently off at home (again) until I can pay the bill (so I have once again found myself at Starbucks).
My little Kia is almost 9 yrs old (but I'm THANKFUL that it still works).
I live in a very small 2 bedroom apartment (but I'm THANKFUL for a roof over my head...to call my own)
And I've been working crazy long hours at work...without getting paid overtime, because I am a salaried employee (yet I am THANKFUL to be working).

Even without all the monetary stuff, I am BLESSED by all the things I have which money can not buy.

I have three amazingly incredible children who are intelligent, well-mannered, healthy, and simply good people.
I have great friends, great family, and "Joe" who absolutely LOVES me.
I have my health, and can take care of myself physically. My mind works, and so do ALL of my senses.

If I could bottle up how I feel, the bottle would glow like the sunniest day, 'cause that's how I feel inside...like SUNSHINE. If a picture could describe how I feel, it would be the one I've posted here (which by the way, I took myself). Can you see how peaceful it is. That's where I am right now...at peace...content.

I am happier that I have been in a very LONG time...maybe happier than I've EVER been...and I love it. I feel like I am FINALLY becoming who I was meant to be...FINALLY.

I pray that this feeling lasts FOREVER and that I am able to spread my joy to others, 'cause a feeling like this is just too good to keep to one's self.

Now it's YOUR turn: Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you were happy...TRULY happy?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Time Keeps on Slippin'...

So much has gone on since I was last here. Way too much to remember or keep track of, but I'll try. Things didn't happen in this order, but they happened. I'll jot them down now and will perhaps circle back at a later date and write about each one individually. For now, here goes:

* I cried out for help and was heard. For that, I am truly blessed.
** Had lunch with my 7th grade English teacher.
*** Found a beautiful horse along the walking trail in my neighborhood (with "Joe"). Touched the horse (my first time EVER), and fed the horse apples (also a first).
**** Got my first pair of Adidas running shoes (courtesy of "Joe")
***** A bird made a nest RIGHT OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR, and has been "nesting" on two beautiful little eggs. I'm so excited to see the little "hatchlings."
****** I went on an interview (I've actually been on a few) and was told that "my personality wasn't a good fit for that particular office." What exactly does THAT mean?!?
******* I went on a BEAUTIFUL hike. Thought I was gonna pass out since I'm now carrying 30+ pounds more on my frame than I did the last time I hiked.

That's about it for now. Pretty much the "Cliff's Notes" version of what's gone on with me lately. I've got some other stuff to share, but I'll get to that when I get to it.

For now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's been going on in YOUR world lately?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In Sickness and In Health

I wasn't able to focus at home so I decided to work at one of the local coffee spots. Everyone here is pretty much doing what I'm doing..."working on the next great novel, screenplay, script."

Actually...that's not ALL I'm doing. I'm primarily here using the free Wi-fi so that I can submit job applications online. Next week my plan is to actually go to the agencies IN PERSON, drop off my resume and HOPEFULLY meet with someone to discuss job opportunities.

But for now...here I am.

So I'm minding my own business (freezing, because they keep these places so darned cold!) and in walks an "older" couple. At least in their 60s...maybe older. HE looks ok. SHE does not. She's frail, fragile, delicate.

They sit down at the table with me (it's a long family style table), she pulls out her tablet...he whips out a paper back...they just sit and read. Not saying much of anything to each other. Just "hanging out."

As I often do with most couples, and especially older ones, I wonder..."What's THEIR story?"

Have they been together since they were young?
Did they go through a marriage or two BEFORE they met each other?
Is she really sick, or does she just look sick?
What do they do for fun other than chillin' at the coffee spot?
Is this their fun?
Sooo many questions.

Whatever the questions...whatever the answers, I still find it a blessing to be with someone at their age to share life and grow old with. I pray that I will be as blessed...one day. Really, I do.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How old is the OLDEST couple you know?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Ashes to Ashes...

My mother's ashes finally have a home.

Only her ashes though. Her spirit is at home with the Lord. It arrived there the moment she took her last breath here on Earth on November 9, 2014.

Her shell though...her body...still needed a place to be kept. My choice would have been to sprinkle her ashes but my Dad wanted to keep her close, and have them placed in an urn. I respect that, and so that is where they will be kept.

I think he did a great job of choosing one. I was going to pick one out but didn't have the money to actually order it, so I think he got tired of waiting on me and just did it himself. Once again, my financial situation was an obstacle. Had I chosen, I probably would've gotten this one too.

I love the blue, and the birds...which I will call doves...symbols of peace.

It's amazing to think that this small vessel will hold what was once such a grand woman...the woman who nurtured me, raised me, loved me. But then again, it's only her body (or the remains thereof) that are in there. My MOTHER...will not be in that vessel. My MOTHER is in Heaven, and one day I will see her again. Not recognized by ashes, but by the essence of who she was. I will know her the moment I see her. That thought gives me more joy than anyone can possibly imagine.

Now,Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever had to choose an urn for anyone? If so, what did it look like?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Slowly Blowing Away

My life has been in a bit of a whirlwind lately and it's about to enter a TORNADO. I've made a decision that NO ONE will agree with, yet my heart and mind have said that it had to be done. As a result of my decision I am going to need some help. Help WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. At this point I can only pray that I will receive the help that I need. Only time will tell for sure.

I am crumbling.

Falling apart.

Smiling on the outside...breaking down on the inside.

As a result of all that has happened and what is about to happen, the dandelion came to mind. Interestingly, as a child, the dandelion always brought joy as I'd blow on the fragile seed head and watch it blow away in the wind. Now I see it differently. I see myself as that seed head...fragile and slowly being blown away by life...blowing away to nowhere. LOST.

I need help (financially and career wise) yet can't seem to get that help from anyone or anywhere. I'm struggling...by myself...on my own...and it's becoming quite difficult. I'm just not this strong.

Am I ready to give up? Check out. No. That's a faithless move.

Am I ready for some doors to start opening so that I can walk through them...YES. Seems like I've been walking FOREVER and haven't even FOUND the door yet.

Oh well. What can I say?

I never thought that life would be this hard, but not one ever promised that it would be easy either.

Aside from financial help, and a new job (that I will enjoy and STICK WITH), I need PRAYER. I've been praying for myself but I don't think they're being heard...or at least not answered. So maybe someone else can get through on my behalf. For those of you reading this who pray IN THE NAME OF JESUS...please say a prayer for me if you will. Although I need prayer in many areas, the two that I've mentioned are the most pressing right now...FINANCES and A JOB (preferably a job that I can make into a CAREER).

That's all I've got for now. Gonna go read my Bible and get some much needed guidance.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you got yourself into a situation that you KNEW folks would negatively judge you for, would you still ask for help?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

P.S.- If you know of any companies that are looking to hire someone IMMEDIATELY for the following positions, PLEASE let me know.

Inside Sales Rep - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Account Manager - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Account Executive - No Cold-Calling/No Telemarketing
Customer Service Representative
And/Or ANY position within the Social Service/Human Service field

THANK YOU!

Who REALLY Has the Last Word?

So a couple days ago a friend of mine posted on Facebook about this new thing where you can designate someone to have access to your page and post on your behalf AFTER DEATH.

I thought it was a joke. I mean really...what's the point? Why would anybody want that?

Well...today ANOTHER friend posted in more detail about the subject and apparently it's REALLY an option. It's called a "Legacy Contact" and so that you can see what it's all about for yourself, I will include the link to the info at the bottom of this post.

But it really made me think. Personally, I find it a bit creepy. When I die, that's it...I don't want ANYBODY posting on my behalf. I mean...who can say what I say better than me? NOBODY. I have my own voice and wouldn't want anyone else trying to mimic it.

And let's be honest...folks don't "get me" as it is while I'm alive...I can only imagine someone trying to "get me" after my earthly life is over. NO THANKS, I'LL PASS.

Now, I understand that even without this whole "Legacy Contact" thing, folks would still be able to post on my page, and I have no problem with that. My only issue is having folks post AS ME.

From what I understand, sometimes families will want a deceased person's page removed (for whatever reason), and I understand that too. But I think it's also kinda nice to just leave the page "as is".

When I think about my own page, I think of it as the "legacy" that I will leave behind for others to remember who I was and what I was about in this life. This is the primary reason why I keep 99% of my posts positive and upbeat. A)Because that really IS how I am in life, and B)Who wants to look back on a bunch of angry, bitter, negative, sad posts? That's NOT how I EVER want to be remembered. So you will find VEERRRYYYY little of that on MY page.

Interestingly, I've often wondered if folks WILL post anything on my page after I'm gone, and if so, how much of it will even get through. After having one too many hideous photos of myself posted, I quickly learned how to set my page to where I have to review most stuff in order for it to show up on my timeline. So...if I'm not here to review it...hmmm...

Enough about me though.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Would you want someone posting on YOUR behalf after you're gone?

Talk to me (while I'm alive)!

Til next time...

https://www.facebook.com/help/1568013990080948

My Bi-Polar Life

Lately my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Actually...not lately, but for a very long time now...YEARS.

But just recently I've noticed how so many aspects are polar opposites of each other.

When it comes to my career...I'm down...waaaay down.
When it comes to love...I'm up...waaay up (and so very happy).
When it comes to my finances...I'm down. Abymsally down.
When it comes to my friends and family...I'm up.

As you can see...all of those things are part of my daily life. So throughout the day I can be up one minute...down the next...up again. It's crazy really.

But anyway...at THIS very moment in time, I am UP and happy.

That's all for now. Lots to do.

Oh, and for the record...I did NOT say that I am bi-polar...I said that my LIFE is. There's a difference...a HUGE difference.

But before I go...Let the DIALOGUE begin: How stable is YOUR life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I Pray for You, You Pray for Me...and Watch God Change Things

This one's gonna be short and sweet tonight because my heart is simply too heavy for anything more. For those of you who pray IN THE NAME OF JESUS, please, if you will...say a prayer for me. No need for me to go into detail...God already knows. Please and Thank You.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What can I pray for on your behalf?

Talk to me!

Til next time...