Goodbye MMX! Hello MMXI!!!

Here we are. The last day of 2010. And oh what a year it's been.

There is so much that I am thankful for in 2010:

*My continued health (and eyesigt)

*The health and well being of my children Lauren, Jordan and Terence

*My restored friendship with Terry (after a HORRIFIC 2009, he and I both thought this was impossible and would NEVER happen again. Just goes to show that "it ain't ovah, til God says it's ovah").

*A roof over my head, and my own bed to sleep in everynight.

*A car that works everytime I start it.

*Two absolutely WONDERFUL best friends, Judy & Viv. Seriously...if you have 1 person in your life who you can confide in, laugh with, cry with, and just have a good time even when you're doing absolutely NOTHING...you're doin' pretty good. But when you have TWO such people in your life, as I do...then you are TRULY Blessed.

*Family. My family's not very big. We're not even very close. But at the end of the day, "We Are Family", and that means a lot.

*The new gray hairs in my head. What! Yes, I am even thankful for the gray hairs in my head. For 2 reasons:
1. Because I am able to SEE them.
2. Because it means that I HAVE hair. So much of my hair fell out in 2010 due to the overwhelming amount of stress that is placed upon me at work. My body's way of dealing with the stress was loss of hair. And I lost a LOT. Bald spots everywhere. But I've since learned how to manage the stress by realizing that it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for me to meet the demands of my job as it is currently. There are way too few people to the the job of way too many. So all that I do now is all that I am able to do, and no more. Seems to be working. The hair is growing back.

*The Dialogue Den. Yes...this, my beloved blog was created in 2010. Even though nobody's reading (or at least commenting), that's not gonna stop me from writing. This is what I was meant to do. And so, this is what I Will do.

So yes, 2010 was good to me.

Before I go, I'll share with you my personal motto for 2011. I'll write about it more tomorrow, but for now, here it is:

In 2011, I will BE Better, DO Better and HAVE Better!

Let the DIALOGUE being (for our last time in 2010)! How was 2010 for you? What are you hoping for in 2011?

Talk to me!

Love and Prayers, Til next time...

Recyling - "Being Green" or "Needing Green"?

Today I took a trip to our neighborhood recycling center.

I tend to do this when the cans and bottles take over my balcony.

Every time I go, I can't help but wonder WHY the other people are there. Everybody just looks so down and out. And I wonder...do I look that way too?

I'll admit, I used to go as a way of "doing my part" for the environment. You know...this was my way of "being green".

Yet for most of the people there, it's not about "being green", it's about needing more green to put in their pockets. Times are hard, and if you can get a few extra bucks just for recycling cans & bottles, well...why not?

While I was there today I realized that even MY purpose for being there has shifted, just a bit. My reason is now less for "being green", and more for "needing green".

Yes folks, times are pretty hard these days, for way too many of us.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you recycle? If so, which are you..."being" green, or "needing" green. Be honest!

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Lady Tee

My girl is gone.

Lady Tee. Teena Marie.

Anyone who knows me knows that she was my all time FAVORITE singer. I've seen her in concert sooo many times, and had a blast every time.

From the Budweiser Superfest, to Universal Amphitheatre, The Grove of Anaheim, The Greek Theatre, and even at a little elementary school where she performed at The Concert By the Canyon. That was my girl.

On our long trips to Palmdale I would load up the car with all of my Teena Marie CDs and would sing all the way up there and all the way back home. The kids hated it, but that's just the way it was. Over time they actually began singing along.

My friends used to joke with me and call me her stalker. Wherever she was, I wanted to be there. Sometimes I'd make it. Sometimes not. They know...if they're with me and a Teena Marie song comes on, don't even TRY to stop me...I'm singin' it!

My phone has been going crazy with everbody checking to see if I'm ok. I am.

I'm so grateful for the things that I have to remember her by:

My Lady Tee T-shirts
My Pics WITH Lady Tee
My Pics OF Lady Tee
and...most of all...the MUSIC of Lady Tee.

The choir in Heaven just got a whole lot stronger.

950,400 Seconds

I am FINALLY on vacation!

YES!!!

I do not have to go back to work for 11 whole days. 11 WHOLE DAYS!!!

I've been counting down for weeks, then days, and now I'm here. Now...I will have rest. Rest for my body. Rest for my mind. Rest for my spirit. Rest.

If you could see me today, I look at least 10 years older than I really am. That's not good. Just a year ago people thought I looked 20 years younger than my age. Not anymore. I look bad, and old, and I'm huge from all of the stress that I've been carrying around.

Yes, I need rest. And it's finally here. Much needed. Long awaited. Rest.

For 11 days I get to be a momma to my kids. A full time mom. So much of what they should have from me ends up going to my job. It almost feels neglectful. I'm at work so that I can support them yet they are neglected because the time that they deserve to have with me ends up being spent in a drab gray cubicle for hours and hours on end. Then when I finally do come home, I'm so wiped out mentally and emotionally from the battering that I take from my customers, all that I have energy to do is plop myself on the couch and "decompress" as I call it.

Sometimes I "decompress" for a few minutes. Sometimes hours. Sometimes, all night.

Why is it that the things that I love most, get the least of me, and that which I love the least, gets the most of me. Something's definitely wrong with that picture.

So for the next 950,400 seconds I get to be what I want to be. I get to be myself. I get to be their mom. I get to be happy.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you running on empty? What will it take to fill your tank up again?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Today is a week before Christmas. We don't have tree.

I can't remember the last time we had a tree for Christmas. It's been a few years.

I feel bad sometimes because I know that my kids would like a tree, but I figure, what's the point. Their gifts won't be under any tree here. Their gifts will be at their Dad's house. And that's where their tree is.

I play Christmas music to help usher in the season (mostly Gospel, but every now & then I play some of the "traditional" stuff as well), but when the music's not playing it looks like just another day in my home.

I know that Christmas isn't about a TREE, it's about the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus. Still...a tree would be nice. Just makes the home look like something special is going on. Like we're celebrating.

Tree or no tree, I pray that my babies understand. One day...things will be different, things will be better.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Has it been a while since you last had a Christmas tree in your home for Christmas?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Friends...how many of us have them?

Back when I was in high school there was a song called FRIENDS by Whoudini that went a little somethin' like this:

Friends, how many of us have them?
Friends, ones we can depend on.
Friends, how many of us have them?
Friends, before we go any further let's be friends...

Today someone "unfriended" me on the social networking site that I'm on.

The nerve!

How do I know this? Well, because I only had 71 "friends". Yep. 71. That's all.

Some people have thousands of "friends". Me...only 71. Oh, wait...I mean 70...now.

When it comes to my "friends" I pretty much have 2 rules that I go by:
1. I only "add friends" when I receive a request
and
2. I KNOW my friends. I mean REALLY know them. I've either gone to church, school, or work with them or...they are members of my family. If they don't fall into any of those categories then I've actually met them at one time or another. Either way...I know these people and they know me. None of this befriending strangers business.

So...like I said...someone "unfriended" me today.

My first reaction was to scroll through my 70 remaining "friends" and find out who it was. Then I thought...what does it matter? Does it really matter? Not really.

After that, I wondered WHY someone would "unfriend" me.

Could it be my openness about being a follower of Christ? Maybe that's rubbed someone the wrong way. If so, oh well.

Maybe it was the fact that I've been posting a new Christmas song each day since the 1st of December. Most have been Gospel Christmas songs, and every now & then I throw in a secular Christmas song. Maybe they just got tired of my DJ-ing.

Maybe it was the person who did me wrong a couple months back and hasn't had the decency to apologize for what they did. Little do they know, I've already forgiven them for what they did. I've prayed for them and wish them well. And if the "friendship" were ever to present itself again, I'd be open. I don't hold grudges. That's too much hurt to harbor.

Maybe it was someone who just deleted their account because they decided that the site wasn't for them anymore. I've done that on some of the previous networking sites that I've had profiles on. After a while, I just decided that one profile on one site was enough for me, so...profile deleted.

After going through each of those scenarios I found myself right back where I started...does it really matter? No,not really.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you know exactly how many "friends" you have, and would it bother you if someone "unfriended" you? Would you want to know why?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Cubicles (b.k.a. Dream Stealers)

What do you do for a living? Are you working in your dream career, or do you simply "have a job"?

If you just "have a job", you probably sit at a desk in a drab grey or beige colored cubicle.

At least I do.

And everyday that I sit in that cubicle I feel like small pieces of my ideal career dream are being shaved off. Little by little. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day. Month by month. Year by Year.

Cubicles are dream stealers. I mean really...whose grown up wish as a child is to work in a cubicle. Never once have I heard a child utter those words..."When I grow up I wanna work in a CUBICLE". Nope, never heard it.

So why are so many of us glued to one? And why can't we get out? Is there a way out? I feel like my cubicle is just a cloth covered cage.

And before you lecture me...I already know...I should be grateful for my cubicle job...it's a job...and hundreds of thousands of people would love to have it. I get that! Yes, I'm grateful. Yet at the same time...I'm stifled.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you have a "cubicle job"?

Talk to me...

Til next time!!!

Maybe

Maybe.

Such a non-commital word.

If I had my way, I would eliminate the word MAYBE from our vocabulary. Let your yes be your yes and your no be your no, but none of this "maybe" stuff.

I'm guilty of using the word myself. When I don't want to deal with conflict by saying no to someone, I simply say "maybe". Just seems so much easier that way.

Rarely do I say maybe when I really mean yes. I think that's how it is with most people.

So if maybe REALLY means no, then why not just eliminate maybe altogether.

What do you think?

Let the DIALOGUE begin! When you say maybe, do you really mean yes or no?

Talk to me...

Til next time!

12.11

Today is a friend's birthday.

Somehow though, "friend" seems just a wee bit inadequate.

We met in 1984.

I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior. Way to cool to give me the time of day or even look my way. Every now & then we'd pass each other in the hallway, he'd give me the "what's up" nod, and we'd be on our way.

Time went by. He graduated and we met up again 2 years later.

Two years after that we had a home together.

Two years after that we had a child.

Three years later, another.

Five years after that...one more. Our last.

Twelve years later, here we are.

The road hasn't been the easiest for the two of us. There've been many bumps. All in all though, there've been far more smooth patches than rough if you really had to weigh the two.

And today is his birthday.

When we met he didn't really celebrate his birthday. WHAT? That's right. Not that he didn't find his birthday to be a special day, but being born 2 weeks before Christmas meant that his childhood birthdays were always combined WITH Christmas. That was...until he met me.

According to my calendar, December 11th and December 25th are two TOTALLY separate days. So why should they be celebrated together. They shouldn't be.

The first year that he and I were in our own home together was the first year that the tradition of me making him a birthday cake began. Chocolate cake with Chocolate frosting. His favorite.

I'm not any fancy pastry chef or anything even remotely close. No, my cakes are from a box. But everytime he eats one he makes me feel like it was flown in from wherever fancy cakes come from.

And so, I will make a cake on his birthday for as long God allows me to.

Yes, at some point later on today I'll find myself cracking eggs, mixing cake batter & opening a can of chocolate frosting. And I'll enjoy every step in the process. Everybody should feel special on their birthday, regardless of how close it is to Christmas. This is my way of letting my "friend" know that HIS special day is important too.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you born in December? If so, were your birthdays combined with Christmas when you were a child or were the days celebrated separately?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

"+1"?

Ahh, the holidays. With holidays come holiday parties. And with holiday parties come decisions about who to take as a guest to those parties.

My company party is coming up in a few weeks. To keep it "P.C." they never call it a Christmas party and they always have it in January so that no one is confused (or insulted).

It's going to be at a really nice spot this year and I feel like getting "dressed up". For those who know me, that's a very rare occurence. I'm a "jeans and flip-flops" kinda girl, so to get a "doodied up" is a big deal for me.

For the past 10 years, I've either gone to the parties alone, or took one of my best friends as my "+1".

Most of the women at my job attend the party with their "significant other" or spouse. Me...I'm either by myself or with one of my friends.

So the mystery question is this: Will I go solo this year, take one of my friends again, or...will I...just maybe...take along a "+1" of the male persuasion? Only time will tell.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! For those of you who are single, who do you usually take as your "+1" to the company party, and or weddings?

Talk to me!

Til next time...