What Are You Wearing?

Today was pretty heavy for me. I wish I could share all that the day has dealt, but the fact of the matter is at (A) no one really cares, and (B) everybody is dealing with something, so what makes me special. I already know the answer: NOTHING.

So I thought I'd write about something light. PAJAMAS.

I don't get pajamas. I mean, like really, I don't understand them.

To me, pajamas are like wearing clothes in bed. How can anybody possibly be comfortable with clothes on??? I even know some people who refer to pajamas as "bed clothes". In my mind, those two just don't go together.

Take "pajama sets" for example. You know, with the button up shirt and pants. I couldn't wear that. The shirt is like something I'd wear to work, and the pants...well, they're just that PANTS. Pants don't belong in bed.

Oh, and there's the nightgown option.

Nope, can't do those either. Feels like I'm wearing a dress and I get all tangled up in 'em.

Yes, I know that some "pajama sets" are more of a comfy t-shirt style, and in that case, I would wear half of the set (you've probably figured out which half that would be).

So...what do I sleep in?

I can tell you that it's NOT my "birthday suit", nor is it a pajama set. So think of something in between those two and you've got what I'm wearing to bed.

Now...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU wear to bed?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

I Took a Jump!

Sometimes I amaze myself. I've just done it once again.

As I am beginning my third week of "career cloudiness"...knowing that I can no longer stay in my current position because it is literally draining the life out of me, I also know that I greatly desire to move into a career that more closely lines up with my God created purpose. That desire is what is fueling me these days.

Without giving away too much information, I will say that I just wrote the "letter of my life". I wrote to an organization that I strongly want to work for. In THIS organization I will have my career. The career that I was purposed to operate in. THIS is where I want to be.

Interestingly, there were no available jobs posted, heck, I don't even think that they have a "careers" button on their website. Didn't matter. God inspired me to write a letter to the organization telling them all about me and how I would be a valuable asset to their team. This was by far the most compelling letter I have ever written. Wow!

I sent it about 10 minutes ago and now, I prayerfully wait for their response.

For the first time in my life I feel like I have taken control of my career...and it feels GREAT. I feel so empowered. I mean, sure, I still have to wait to hear back from them, but what a leap of faith I have just taken. This was HUGE. Today, I can actually say that I am proud of me. I don't have many days where I can say that so to be able to say it right now, at this moment feels absolutely WONDERFUL.

So for those of you out there who pray in the name of Jesus, please say a prayer for me if you will. I really need this opportunity to come through. Notice that I didn't say "want", I said "need". I NEED this to happen.

Thank you in advance for your prayers. I'll let you know what happens next.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the biggest Leap of Faith you've ever taken?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Help Needed

Today, I feel like this picture. I feel like I'm drowning.

In a funk that I can't seem to shake.

Applying for positions in the field that I so desperately want to get into. Praying that I'll hear back from them SOON. Wondering what my next step should be.

The clocking isn't just ticking for me...it's ringing LOUDLY in my ear.

Sadly, I think I'm going to have to go back to what I dread. I mean, I seriously start to hyperventilate when I consider what I more than likely have to go back to.

If I lived alone and only had myself to take care of, I wouldn't go back. I'd live on a wing and a prayer. I would take chances and allow myself the time that is needed to get to where I'm going. I'd live in my car if I had to. Rent a motel room from night to night if need be.

But that's not my life. I have people who depend on me. People who need to know that they have a roof to call "theirs" to sleep under. I owe them that much. I am obligated to provide them with that much.

So once again, as I have had to do for most of my life, I have to put self aside and put the needs of others before my own.

Even as I type these words, I am praying that there be another way. Praying that someone will call, not just to say, "come in for an interview", but to say, "YES, we want you to start right away."

Until that happens, I will continue to drown into this abyss of disatisfaction.

How did I get here? Where did the turn go wrong?

I need to find my way back to the right track. It seems that I've strayed so far away I can only pray that I find it. And pray that someone will help me along the way.

At this point, I am ever so grateful for my faith.

This is the place in many folk's lives where they decide to stop going. I can't do that. Nor do I really want to. I've always been the curious type and quite honestly, I wanna see how this whole thing is gonna play out. Good, bad, or otherwise...I need to know the ending.

So even though I'm drowning in a sea of uncertainty, I have just enough strength and mental fortitude to come up every now and then for the breath of air that I need to keep going just a little long.

Sure could use some help though. Yet it seems that my pleas don't really go much further than the tips of my fingers.

God hears them from my heart though. So in that, I will find comfort.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do you wish someone would help you with? Have you put out a cry and yet no one seems to be hearing or answering?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Something's Gotta Give!

Something has happened to me lately and I can't quite figure out what it is.

Yes, I've been overwhelmed.
Yes, I've been dissatisfied with work.
Yes, we can even say that I've been depressed (as much as I really don't want to own up to that one).

Whatever it is, I just haven't been me.

Quite honestly, if I could, I would simply get in my car and drive.

Drive to where? I don't know.

Drive away from here. That much I do know.

I simply want to go away and start over.

No, I'm not unhappy with my children, nor my friends, and if I were to "go away" I would miss them terribly. Yet they are all that I'd miss really.

I want to go someplace where I can start living in my purpose. That just doesn't seem to be happening here. I have a heart for serving others. I have a desire to serve others, yet agencies don't look twice at my resume submissions because I don't have a degree in that area. It's absolutely disheartening.

What I can NOT do is go back to a cubicle. Every day I die a little bit more, and more from working in a cubicle. Some people are okay with cubicles. I'm just not. I need to interact with people. I've been trapped within beige/grey cubicle walls for the majority of my professional career. I just can't do it anymore.

I. SIMPLY. CAN. NOT.

Yes, I am grateful to even have a job. Yes, I know that many would love to be trapped in there very same cubicle that I sit in each day. Yes, I get that, so please...don't lecture me.

None of that negates fact that I long to operate in my created purpose. I WAS NOT CREATED TO WORK IN A CUBICLE! Nothing, and no one can convince me otherwise.

Who am I reaching from a cubicle? NOBODY. Whose lives are being positively impacted by me working from a cubicle? NONE.

My heart is ready to reach the people. Take their calls. Listen to their stories. Help them to have HOPE.

Yes, THIS is what I was created to do. Dear God, PLEASE help me get there. PLEASE!

So what will I do?

I don't know.

I've prayed. Yes, I've prayed. Yet at the same time I know that I have a part in this and if I am going to get to where I desire to be, I must put in the effort. And I've been doing just that. Yet NOTHING is happening. NOTHING is changing. And I am tired.

Mentally, I've "checked out".

Physically, I'm still functioning. But that's only the "shell" of me.

I am functioning on the outside, empty on the inside.

WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME...PLEASE!!!

There HAS to be SOMEONE in the social services field who can help me get in. There just HAS to be. Someone who can say, "Yes, she's a good person. Yes, she has a heart for serving others. Yes, we would benefit greatly by bringing her onboard. YES!"

I just need some help.

I've done everything else by myself. I've lived the majority of my life by myself. And right now, I need help. THIS, I can not do by myself.

I don't like being "checked out". It's not me. But facing the reality of what is lately has simply been too much. So I guess it's been my coping mechanism, if you will.

So...enough about me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever "checked out" mentally. If so, what led you to that point?

Talk to me (somebody PLEASE talk to me)!

Til next time...