Something's Gotta Give!

Something has happened to me lately and I can't quite figure out what it is.

Yes, I've been overwhelmed.
Yes, I've been dissatisfied with work.
Yes, we can even say that I've been depressed (as much as I really don't want to own up to that one).

Whatever it is, I just haven't been me.

Quite honestly, if I could, I would simply get in my car and drive.

Drive to where? I don't know.

Drive away from here. That much I do know.

I simply want to go away and start over.

No, I'm not unhappy with my children, nor my friends, and if I were to "go away" I would miss them terribly. Yet they are all that I'd miss really.

I want to go someplace where I can start living in my purpose. That just doesn't seem to be happening here. I have a heart for serving others. I have a desire to serve others, yet agencies don't look twice at my resume submissions because I don't have a degree in that area. It's absolutely disheartening.

What I can NOT do is go back to a cubicle. Every day I die a little bit more, and more from working in a cubicle. Some people are okay with cubicles. I'm just not. I need to interact with people. I've been trapped within beige/grey cubicle walls for the majority of my professional career. I just can't do it anymore.

I. SIMPLY. CAN. NOT.

Yes, I am grateful to even have a job. Yes, I know that many would love to be trapped in there very same cubicle that I sit in each day. Yes, I get that, so please...don't lecture me.

None of that negates fact that I long to operate in my created purpose. I WAS NOT CREATED TO WORK IN A CUBICLE! Nothing, and no one can convince me otherwise.

Who am I reaching from a cubicle? NOBODY. Whose lives are being positively impacted by me working from a cubicle? NONE.

My heart is ready to reach the people. Take their calls. Listen to their stories. Help them to have HOPE.

Yes, THIS is what I was created to do. Dear God, PLEASE help me get there. PLEASE!

So what will I do?

I don't know.

I've prayed. Yes, I've prayed. Yet at the same time I know that I have a part in this and if I am going to get to where I desire to be, I must put in the effort. And I've been doing just that. Yet NOTHING is happening. NOTHING is changing. And I am tired.

Mentally, I've "checked out".

Physically, I'm still functioning. But that's only the "shell" of me.

I am functioning on the outside, empty on the inside.

WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME...PLEASE!!!

There HAS to be SOMEONE in the social services field who can help me get in. There just HAS to be. Someone who can say, "Yes, she's a good person. Yes, she has a heart for serving others. Yes, we would benefit greatly by bringing her onboard. YES!"

I just need some help.

I've done everything else by myself. I've lived the majority of my life by myself. And right now, I need help. THIS, I can not do by myself.

I don't like being "checked out". It's not me. But facing the reality of what is lately has simply been too much. So I guess it's been my coping mechanism, if you will.

So...enough about me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever "checked out" mentally. If so, what led you to that point?

Talk to me (somebody PLEASE talk to me)!

Til next time...