A Fond Farewell

So here we are...with just a few hours left of the year 2014.

This is the first time in a very LONG time that I have not gone to a "Watch Night Service" at church. I'm a bit bummed about that. I typically go to one that starts at 7:00 and that same church has another that begins at 10:00. Since I missed the 7:00 I really should try to get to the 10, but I try to avoid driving at night so that I won't get pulled over. My tags are expired (well...I've paid the registration, but still need a SMOG check), and one of my headlights are out. So...I'm thinking I'd better play it safe and stay home. As much as I love being in fellowship with other Believers on New Year's Eve, I know full well that I can praise the Lord right here in my own home and He'd be just as pleased. My daughters and my niece went though, and that makes me happy. They're all grown yet still go to church willingly and with glad hearts. That's the best that I could ever hope for for any of my children and/or family members.

So yeah...2014 coming to a close.

What a year it has been!

Let me say that again...WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN!!!

The first half was rocky and as a result I made some DRASTIC changes in the second half. 99% of folks who know me don't know that in June of this year I resigned from my job...WITHOUT HAVING A NEW JOB TO GO TO. Who does that?!? I do...and I did. After being in a position that didn't suit me, and being denied by my direct supervisor the opportunity to apply for a position that was a better fit, I just couldn't take anymore...and walked away. The handful who knew what I'd done all pretty much thought I was crazy. In a sense, they were right. To be quite honest...my head wasn't on completely straight at the time and I realize now that I was in a pretty deep depression. So my choices weren't that of a "clearheaded thinker".

Although that decision has cost me dearly by way of my bank account, where funds are practically non-existent (even as I type, I don't have enough money for tomorrow's rent), it did things for me that money just can not buy.

My decision to leave gave me PEACE. It gave me FREEDOM. It gave me TIME. It gave me JOY. And it gave me weeks to spend with my Mom that I will cherish FOREVER.

Had someone told me on January 1st of this year that my mother would not be here to see January 1st of 2015, I would have covered my ears, closed my eyes, shook my head and demanded that they take the words back.

Then again...maybe I would have accepted the words and made sure that EVERY DAY from January 1st through November 9th would have been the happiest days of my Mom's life. Maybe. Who knows?

I'll tell you who knows. GOD...in His omniscience. He knows.

He knew on January 1st of this year that He would call my Mom home on November 9th. Her departure from this life may have been an unwelcomed reality for those she left behind, but it was no surprise to God. I can imagine Him whispering in her ear as she lay in bed that night, "Rebecca, My daughter. Rebecca, come with Me now. I'm taking you home." That was the day that my Mother LIVED for...the day that she would go home to dwell with the Lord ETERNALLY.

Yet with all of the trials that life has put me through this year, the bitter was ALWAYS overcome by the sweet. God's Word is the sweetest of all, and because of that, I was able to get through EVERYTHING. Even in the loneliest and saddest of times, I had the assurance of knowing that He's with me.

And He was kind enough to give me someone in the physical sense to hold me up during the most difficult of times. He sent "Joe", and Joe has been my ROCK. My shoulder to cry on. My hand to hold. My tear-wiper. My encourager. My support. When things got to be too much, he was there to take over and handle what I couldn't. When I became irritable and lashed out and the most trivial of things, he understood where it was all coming from, and instead of getting angry with me, he became that much more patient. It takes a special kind of person to react that way. Joe...IS that special person for me. An absolute blessing he has been, and I make sure that he knows it.

So...less than 4 hours left. How will I spend it?

Well...I'm home alone (Joe is working tonight...*insert sad face here*), so I will probably spend it meditating on the goodness of God. Why? Because He deserves ALL of my praise, honor and glory. That's how I choose to handle the lemons that life hands me. He got me through this year, knowing all along that it would be one of the toughest ones of my life. All I can do is lift my hands and say, "Hallelujah!"

Like David, I will bless the Lord at ALL times!
Like James, I will count it ALL joy when I fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of my faith produces patience.
Like Paul, I will be confident in knowing that NOTHING can separate me from the love of Christ.
So you see folks, no matter what...it's all good! God is good!! Life...is good!!!

Just as I didn't know what 2014 had in store for me, I have no idea what's to come in 2015. But God knows...and that's ALL I need to know.

Quick question before I end tonight's post: If your Mom left her earthly life this year, raise your hand. *** Now for everyone who raised their hand, I give you the LARGEST, LOVING-EST, MOST SINCERE HUG that you can receive via computer. I know how you feel, and it's a feeling that no one else understands unless and until their Mom's are no longer here. Stay encouraged, and hold tightly to the memories. They'll get you through the tough times. This, I know.

Goodbye 2014. It's been real.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the BEST thing that happened to you in 2014?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

A Boy and His Dog

For the majority of my professional career I have worked for fairly large corporations in corporate cubicled offices. The rules within those corporations tended to be fairly stringent and there wasn't a whole lotta room for flexibility.

Well...on October 27th I began working for a new company. Although their name is big within the industry that I am now in, my actual office is VERY small compared to what I'm used to. VERY small. Because it's so small, the rules are a lot more lenient. EVERYDAY is casual day...which I LOVE. And...dogs are allowed in the office, at ANY time. No pre-approval needed. Just bring your pooch. I'm cool with that too (even though I'm allergic).

So...yesterday one of our contractors came in with his son. A rambunctious, yet very sweet little 10 year old OVERFLOWING with energy. Loud energy! Along with the boy, was his dog.

They were there all day and their presence was undeniable. When the boy, (who I'll call Edgar) introduced me to his dog "Bandit", he told me that the Bandit bonds by feeding him. So Edgar gave me some kibble and Bandit ate from my hand. At that point, we'd bonded.

Throughout the day Edgar and Bandit would walk by my desk...sometimes stopping...other times not.

THEN...out of nowhere, Edgar walks by, picks up Bandit and puts him RIGHT IN MY LAP. Ok...did you read the part earlier where I said that I'm ALLERGIC.

So I pet Bandit for a bit, put him down, and immediately head to the bathroom to wash my hands and get as much fur off of me as possible. Otherwise I would have sneezed FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!

Now mind you, I love little kids, and I love dogs. I just know my limits when it comes to dogs. If I know that I can quickly get to a change of clothes, then I'll play with a dog for as long as my allergies will allow. But at work...knowing that there are HOURS left before I can change...that's just no bueno.

So...yesterday came and went and I headed back to work this morning.

Lo and behold...Edgar, Bandit (and Edgar's Dad) were back for another day. OK!

THIS day however, was much different than yesterday.

Yes, Edgar was still rambunctious and Bandit was all over the place, but today, I got to know Edgar's story...and it changed everything for me.

As I said earlier...Edgar is 10.

Edgar's Mom passed away from a heart attack 10 months ago. *Right there is where I just about lost it. It seems that no matter how old or young a person is, as SOON as I learn that their Moms are no longer here, I immediately connect with them. Like we're all members of this exclusive club that nobody really WANTS to be in, yet somehow, we get thrown into.*

Edgar was the one who found his Mom.

Edgar is bi-polar and has ADHD.

Edgar now lives with his Dad and Grandma, and while school is out for winter break, he's been hanging with his Dad at work. There were times today when I could see how exasperated Edgar's Dad was, so I'd hang out with Edgar for a bit, to give his Dad a break.

Bandit was a Christmas gift from Edgar's Mom...just 2 months before she passed away. *Are you crying yet? I am.*

Edgar needs Bandit, and in some crazy way...I think that Bandit knows that.

As I posted earlier today on Facebook, "Everyone has a story that is worth being told...and heard." You see...Edgar has a story. I didn't know his story yesterday so I thought he was just some "wild and out" kid who needed a bit of discipline. But after HEARING his story I realized that all Edgar really needs is LOVE, SUPPORT, (medication to balance out his levels), and his buddy BANDIT. As long as he gets all of that, Edgar will be A-Ok.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you find yourself pre-judging folks, or do you ALWAYS hear their story first?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Simple Reminders

This evening I was cleaning my cupboards, getting rid of stuff that's expired and just trying to get a sense of order in my life.

As I was tossing stuff, I came across a bag of prunes...and almost began to cry. Almost.

Why would a bag of prunes make me cry? Well, if you've been following the blog since September 17th, you already know. These weren't just any old prunes. These prunes were my mom's.

Shortly before she became ill and hospitalized she had MAJOR dental work done. She had all of her teeth removed and was going to get a nice new set of "pearly whites".

But all of those plans were changed on September 17th when she went into the hospital. She went from being on a feeding tube, to being on a "puréed" diet, since she didn't have teeth to chew anything.

At one point she because so frustrated with the tastelessness of her puréed diet that she almost didn't want to eat anything at all.

Then one day she ran down a list of things she'd like to have. PRUNES were on that list. The very next day I went to visit her with a bag that included 8 individual packs. She asked me to only leave one pack at a time and that she would tell me when she was ready for another. So I left one and brought the bag home.

My mother never got to ask for a 2nd pack, and she never got to go in for the last fitting of her new set of teeth. They were ready, but she never even got to see them or try them out.

So anyway...I have these prunes now, and yet another memory of my mother. Just like with rainbow sherbert, prunes will never be the same to me again.

*Sigh*

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there anything "unusual" that triggers memories of one of your loved ones who's no longer here?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Cup Runneth Over

Today is Christmas. My first one without my Mom. She left this life just 46 days ago and began her eternal life on the other side.

Since she's been gone (I still can't get myself to say the "D"-word), I've made it through Thanksgiving and her birthday (12/12). And now...Christmas.

How am I doing?

Pretty darn good.

I had a moment of sadness yesterday, but that quickly passed once I realized that she is now WITH the One who Christmas is all about. She now LIVES in the presence of the Lord! WOW!!! As I began to think about that, all I could do was rejoice.

With all of the uncertainty about the ACTUAL day of Jesus' birth, I was telling my daughter Lauren this morning, "Wouldn't it be funny if on Christmas morning, Jesus gathers all the "newcomers" around and says, 'Look y'all...let me clear this up. No, I was NOT born on December 25th. The real date of my birth was {fill in the blank}."

Like seriously...HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?

I can hear the deep sighs now as everyone FINALLY learns the REAL date. I've always said that it doesn't matter to me WHAT day Jesus was born, all that matters is that He WAS born (and I believe 1000% that He was), and that He died, and on the 3rd day He rose again. Oh, but it doesn't end there...ONE DAY He is coming BACK to get ME, and ALL who believe. Ooh Wee!!!

So yeah...things like that keep me from becoming (and/or staying) sad for too long.

And then there are friends. Special friends.

One sent me a message yesterday, just to see how I'm doing. And get this...he and I have NEVER met...NEVER spoken on the phone. We just happen to be in this AMAZING group together on Facebook where EVERYBODY is like family. The connection in this group is SO genuine. Before joining the group I knew ONE person in it, and was acquainted with two others. The one I know well is the one who added me. BEST group on Facebook...HANDS DOWN! Since being in it I've met many more of the members, and just as we do virtually, we connect in person as though we've all known each other forever. So...one day I will meet my friend who's been checking up on me. In the meantime, I am simply thankful for folks like him who just randomly check in.

Then there was an old school friend. She also sent a note, simply to say that she was thinking about me today. Such a small gesture...yet it means the world to me. Others sent text messages, and one actually sang a song.

Last, but certainly not least, is "Joe" who made sure that I was not alone on this day. Even though he worked last night and was tired this morning, he STILL came by just to hang with me and keep a smile on my face. And in the brief moment when the smile almost turned into tears, he turned it around and had me smiling again. Not that I'm not expected to cry (because I am), but it hurts him to see me hurt, so he turns it around whenever he can. And I appreciate that.

It's amazing how life works sometimes. In the areas where today could have felt EMPTY...LOVE filled them up. For that...I am so very grateful.

So for those who celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus...to YOU, I say: Merry CHRISTmas!

And for those who simply see today as a day to spend with friends & family...to YOU too, I say: Merry CHRISTmas!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What was the BEST thing that happened to YOU on this Christmas day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Toes Socks and Candles

***Today's post is dedicated to my mother Rebecca. She passed away 33 days ago and never got to see this day...her 64th birthday.***

On November 9th when my Mom's Earthly life ended and her Heavenly life began, it seems that a flood of questions entered my mind that I'd never given any thought to before. I knew that soon after November 9th the holidays would begin to rush in. First up was Thanksgiving, which came and went...without my mother's presence. Soon after Thanksgiving I knew that one of the most difficult "firsts" was right around the corner. December 12th...my mother's birthday...without my mother.

As often as I've wondered what she's doing in Heaven, who she's met, who she's reunited with...did it all happen the day she got there or do the "meet & greets" take place over the span of eternity...I've been so very curious about THIS day...the day of her BIRTH.

I've wondered...are birthdays celebrated in Heaven? Or is the day that you ENTER Heaven (in my Mom's case, that would be November 9th) the day that is celebrated? Or is there NO celebration at all? I just don't know. Sure wish I did though.

Anyway...my mother's birthday has always been an interesting one. Challenging is probably a better adjective.

With some folks, friends and family have a fairly good idea of what to get that individual as a gift. With my mother...not so much. She didn't really have a "favorite" anything.

No favorite color.
No favorite food (or at least I thought, until I read her Auto-obituary).
No favorite musical artist.
No favorite actor.
No favorite author.
No favorite fragrance.
No favorite song.
No favorite TV show.
Nothing.

Yet, even without a "favorite" anything...she always loved whatever I would get her. Perhaps that was just her being my Mom. But anything I got her, she cherished.

Over the past 10 years or so, I came to learn that there were 3 things she particularly liked...one of those three, she LOVED.

She liked scented candles.

She liked toe socks.

And she LOVED chihuahuas...especially her own. Agape, Lazarus and Sarah were her babies. Of the three, Agape was MY favorite. I cried like a baby when he died. He was the sweetest dog I'd ever known.

Sarah died a couple years ago, and she was truly my "Momma's girl". Sarah and my Mom were BFFs. When Sarah died, my Mom was crushed. Even in casual conversation if Sarah was mentioned my Mom's whole demeanor would change and I could actually SEE the sadness come over her. Eventually, I learned not to mention Sarah.

And then there was (and still is) Lazarus. My Mom called him her "Baby dog". Sweet sweet Lazarus. He now waits for my Mom to walk through the door again...not understanding that she never will.

So...as I said, my Mom loved her dogs, scented candles, and toe socks.

Although I couldn't get her a new dog each year for her birthday, I could (and DID) get her toe socks and candles. She never wanted or asked for anything, yet she was always so happy when I'd walk in with my simple little gifts. Yet what she enjoyed MOST OF ALL was the fact that I was THERE. Most days I wasn't able to stop by until after work. When I'd get to the house she was ALWAYS sleeping. My mother slept more than anyone I've ever known. But as soon as I'd get there, within minutes she'd be rounding the corner, find her spot in the living room, and would sit with me & the kids for as long as she could before she'd get tired again. I will always remember the words she would say as we'd get up to leave, "Thank y'all for coming over. I love ya, and I had a wonderful birthday". Even as I write these words I can still see her in the chair she sat in, and I can hear the words as if she's in my ear right now. Right now.

So...I may not have any idea about what her day was like today, when I said my morning prayer I asked God to give my Mom a special hug. I never ask Him to hug her FROM me, because honestly, I don't think she knows or remembers who I am. She won't know or remember me until I get to Heaven. At least that's what I believe. In my mind, knowing and remembering are forms of looking BACK here to Earth, and since Heaven is PURE joy, there's no way that anyone THERE would EVER want to look back HERE at all of the sadness, and evil that goes on in "the world". I don't really care to argue the point or convince me otherwise. In that regard I'm pretty set. And for that reason, I just ask God to give her a special hug. HE knows who it's from and for me, that's all that matters.

So there you have it. My Momma's birthday in a nutshell. Oh, and in case you were wondering...her favorite food was "grits and eggs".

As you can imagine, this has been a difficult day for me, and I sure could've used a hug or two...or three or four...

I miss my mother more than I ever imagined I would. And on THIS day, and EVERYDAY, I just want to see her face, hear her voice, and give her another hug. I miss my Mom greatly, and I look forward to the day when we are reunited...in Heaven, where we will NEVER have to say goodbye again...EVER.

To my Mom:
Thank you so much for giving me life and loving me!
Happy 64th Birthday!!
I LOVE YOU!!!


Let the DIALOGUE begin: What ARE (or WERE) YOUR Mom's 3 favorite things?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

N-Oh Christmas Tree

So it's December 6th and folks are getting into the Christmas spirit. I imagine that I am too, I just show it differently.

Yesterday at work two of my co-workers went out and got the office Christmas tree. I gotta admit, it was beautiful and smelled amazing. Wouldn't you know it...I ended up helping to decorate. I didn't mind though. I just found it odd that I was decorating the office tree and couldn't remember the last time we had a tree at home. I think I've lived at my current residence for 7 years and we had a tree that 1st year. Nothing since then. And yes, my kids were with me so I'm sure that I did them a disservice by not having a tree.

Bottom line...my funds have always been (and still are) extrememly low. The price of a tree could buy groceries. I opt for groceries.
Additionally, we don't have any ornaments and there's no way that I'm gonna buy any BEFORE Christmas when I know that they'll go on sale the day AFTER. Then the day AFTER comes and I don't wanna deal with the "After Christmas" crowd. So...looks like we'll be having another Tree-less Christmas.

Again though, I do LOVE Christmas and all that it stands for...the birth of our Lord Jesus. Yeah, I get that no one REALLY knows the date of His birth, and not of that matters. Heck, for all I know He may have been born on July 14th like me. All that matters is that He WAS born, was crucified, died, and on the 3rd day, He rose again. That's ALL that matters to me.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you get (or put up) a tree every year?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Lazarus come forth! (It's not what you think)

Although my Mom left her earthly life and those who love her just 22 days ago there's someone/something else who has missed her for even longer.

On September 17th one four-legged furry little pooch lost his best friend...and he's been waiting for her ever since.

I don't know how a dog's memory works. I've heard that they have no concept of time, so if my Mom had returned home on the 18th of September, or a year later, he would've been just as excited to see her.

Unfortunately, he has no idea that he'll never see her again. And that makes me sad.

I can tell that he's depressed. He pretty much stays in the bedroom where my Mom spent 23 hours of her day (if not more), and he only comes out to eat, drink & poop.

When I go by the house I'm at least able to coax him out of the room for some socialization. I can't tell if he's coming out because he thinks I'm my Mom (since we looked so much alike), or if he really knows that it's me and he knows that I'll spoil him up and rub his belly. I just don't know.

I just know that he's sad. I would be too if my best friend went away and never returned. Heck, my best friends DID go away, and have yet to return...so in more ways that one, I understand Lazarus' sadness.

So for as long as I can, I will stop by and do my best to show Lazarus the love the my Mom showed him. I know that it won't be the same...he'll never sit on my lap for hours to be rubbed and fall asleep. With my Mom, he did that ALL the time. The most I get is having him sit on the couch with me with his body wedged between me & the side of the couch. He may sit on my lap for 5 minutes but after that he repositions himself. And when I say goodbye, he heads right back into the room.

Lazarus and my Mom were buddies for 13 years. She was all that he knew. Although he's 91 in dog years, I pray that he has many years left here with us. But if not, I pray that "All dogs DO go to Heaven" and that he & my Mom will be reunited. Mind you, I don't think there's any Scriptural evidence that dogs (or any other animal) go to Heaven, but I can hope, right?

By the way, in case you're wondering what kind of name is LAZARUS for a dog...well...my Mom has had well over 20 dogs in the past 10+ years (she used to breed chihuahuas) and they ALL had Biblical names. That was her rule. When the doggies had puppies she would sometimes allow us to name them, as long as the name came from the Bible. And no...we never named a dog God or Jesus, or after anyone evil.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do YOU think animals go to Heaven?

Talk to me!

Til next time...