May I choose my own "friends" please?

Something odd happened recently. Maybe you've experienced the same.

Someone (we'll call this person "Alex") "confirmed me as a friend" on FB, yet I never sent a "friend request". How does this happen?

I could understand if maybe I had peeked at Alex's profile and accidentally clicked on a button, but I have purposefully avoided Alex's profile because I don't like surprises.

I don't want to see Alex's status change from "single" to "in a relationship" to "engaged" then "married". Nope, I wouldn't handle any of those well, so I've NEVER peeked at the profile. Although I care greatly for Alex, I don't need to know the intimate details of what's going on in Alex's life. At least not when it comes to relationships. With regard to any other aspect of Alex's life, I'm all ears.

I was talking with friends who asked me how I feel about Alex seeing my posts. To which I replied, "it really doesn't matter". I don't have any relationship changes taking place, and even if I did, Alex wouldn't care. So there aren't any issues there.

But I'm still perplexed by the question, "HOW did Alex confirm me as a 'friend' when I did NOT send a 'friend request'?"

I just don't get it. Is Facebook choosing my "friends" for me? {insert Twilight Zone music here}

Hmmm???

Let the DIALOGUE begin! If you're on Facebook, have you ever had someone confirm a friend request that YOU did NOT send?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Gossipmongers

Recently I was at a meeting and the topic came up about a situation that I am very close to.

There were three people sitting at the table with me and when they realized that I know firsthand information about the situation, they began asking me questions. My answers were very minimal as I don't feel that the situation is any of their business.

They must have caught on because they stopped asking me questions and decided to just create their own theory amongst themselves. What they came up with was a theory that was so off base and far from the truth, all I could do was shake my head, and leave the table.

I realized then that this is how rumors get started. These three people have devised a story that sounds good enough to them to be true and so this is what they will choose to share with anyone who asks.

Bottom line is this...the little bit of information that I provided (the truth), wasn't "sensational" enough for them, so they didn't want to buy it. Instead, they chose to come up with their own truth (called a lie), because that is what fits all of the gossip that's been swirling about. So so sad, but far more common that we realize.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever been the subject of gossip? If so, did you try to clear it up so that people would know the truth?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Family

Today my youngest daughter Jordan graduated from high school, WITH Honors!

All of the stress from senior year finally paid off in just a few short hours. She was so happy, and sad at the same time. Happy to have "made it", and to now be moving on to college. Sad because she's leaving the friends that she's known for so long. Some from as far back as elementary school. Some, she only got close to in this past year.

After the ceremony came one of my favorite activities...taking pictures...capturing memories.

I took many pictures of Jordan and her friends, along with lots of pics with family. I LOVE family pictures. I'm not sure if it's because we are a "family divided" and I long for together-ness restored, of if it's just me being "sappy".

Whatever it is, today was a great day, with...my FAMILY.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you have a favorite family photo? If so, what makes that one your favorite?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Religion vs. RELATIONSHIP

Recently, someone I knew passed away. We'll call this person "Sam".

I wasn't close to Sam, but I should have been.

Even though we weren't close I was still saddened by the news of Sam's death. In all my years, I can recall being around Sam maybe 5 times. And that's a big maybe. Yet I can still say that I had love for Sam, simply because of our connection (yes, there was a connection). If you were to play a recording of Sam's voice right now among 100 others, I would know Sam's voice. Strange, isn't it?

When I inquired about the service that would be held I was told that there wouldn't be one because Sam "didn't believe in organized religion".

That made me kinda sad. At that moment I really did wish that I had been around Sam more so that I could let Sam know that it's not about "religion", it's about RELATIONSHIP.

See, God isn't looking for us to follow a "religion", He's wanting us to have a RELATIONSHIP...with Him. I understand though that for most people, "religion" (as we know it), is what leads people to RELATIONSHIP. So when used for good, and for God's purpose, "religion" can be beneficial.

Somewhere along the line, Sam must have had a bad experience with "religion" and from that point on decided to simply not believe.

So what's the difference? I'm glad you asked. Here's my example:

RELIGION:

I have 3 children. By law, my job as their mother is to provide food, clothing and shelter. So, as long as they are eating, even if it's the SAME menu every day of their lives, as long as that menu is nutritionally sound, I'm doing my job. As long as they have clothes to wear, they could be the same pair of pants and shirt EVERYDAY...as long as those clothes are clean, and they fit...I'm doing my job. As long as they have a roof over their heads and a place to sleep each night...doesn't matter if we're crammed into a 1 bedroom apartment in the hood...I'm doing my job. And a very important key to this example is that there is no EMOTION. There's only "goin' through the motions".

You see, "the rules" told me what to do, and I did exactly what the rules said. Didn't do any more. Didn't do any less.

If you ask me, it all sounds pretty robotic. These days, with the advances in technology, you could probably program a machine to do 2/3 of the duties. But who wants to be raised my a MACHINE? I certainly wouldn't!

RELATIONSHIP:

I have 3 children. By law, my job as their mother is to provide food, clothing and shelter. I feed them nutritious foods, but I also know what their FAVORITE foods are. So on special occasions, or sometimes "just because", I make their "favorite".
I make sure that they have the clothes that they need. But every now & I get them something that they WANT. Maybe for a special occasion, or maybe "just because".
I provide a home for them. We're still not in the home that I would LIKE to have them in, but I've done my best to make our little humble abode "home". When they're home they know that they are safe and loved, because love is in our home. We talk to each other. We laugh. At times we've all cried together. I encourage them, and they encourage me. When there's a situation...we deal with it...together. So, just like the RELIGION example, I'm "doing my job", but in everything that I do for them I add the L-O-V-E factor. And THAT makes a WORLD of difference.

Okay...long examples, I know. But hopefully, you get it.

See...God doesn't just want us to follow a bunch of rules, going through life like robots. He wants a CONNECTION, to Him. Yes, He'll do His job when it comes to taking care of His children, but what He really wants is to show you His LOVE in the things that He does for you. And when you LOVE Him in return, EVERYTHING that He does for you is exponentially better.

Even in your lowest moment, when you have a RELATIONSHIP with Him, that's enough. Because His love will carry you through.

How do I know? Because I have a RELATIONSHIP with Him, through His Son. I've had low moments. Very low. I've been put out of my home. I've lost jobs. I've had 10 cents in the bank. Only 10 cents! With days to go before more money was coming in. But I was never "broke", never empty. Because my RELATIONSHIP with God kept me FULL.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! If you've simply been following a "Religion", just "goin' through the motions", what's keeping you from having a "RELATIONSHIP" with God?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Happy 1st Birthday to The Dialogue Den!!!

Yes, my friends, exactly ONE Year ago today The Dialogue Den was birthed.

I wasn't sure where it would go, I just knew that it needed to get started. Much like a newborn baby, it needed to be nurtured and tended to so that it could develop. At times, I've been a most attentive caregiver. Other times, my poor little baby blog suffered from neglect. Nevertheless, I will do better.

Gotta tell ya, 99% of the time this has felt much more like a monologue than a dialogue, but I refuse to stop writing...I will not quit.

With only 3 followers and an amazing anonymous commenter (or commenters), I continue to press on, sharing my thoughts and anxiously awaiting YOURS.

So if this if your first time in "The Den", get comfy and take a look around. There's a little somethin' here for everyone. Then tell me what you think. Let's get some DIALOGUE goin'!

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What have you begun than just hasn't quite taken off yet? Will you stick with it or are you ready to move on to something else?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

You're Welcome

Today is Father's Day.

If you were in "The Den" on Mother's Day, you'll recall the gifts/sentiments that I received.

From my children, I received wonderful gifts. A candle, 2 poems, a picture frame. Really really nice.

From their father, I received a text message. That's it. That's all. A text. Nothing says "Thanks for being the mother that you are to our children" like a text.

So a month later rolls Father's Day. And what did I give him to convey my sentiments. A text. Right? Surely. After all, what's wrong with sending an ever-so-impersonal text? The answer...EVERYTHING!!!

You see, somewhere in that great book that I read...let's see...what's the name of that book...oh yeah...The Bible...it says, "Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will bless you for it."

Now I'm not saying that sending me a text on Mother's Day was "evil", but it was very impersonal and insulting.

Nevertheless, I made sure that our children got something nice for their father for Father's Day. And instead of a store bought card, I had them write their own sentiments in cards of their own. And I...well, I did the same.

Well...he sent them a text, thanking them for their cards and gifts. And I...well much like Mother's Day...I got nothing. No thank you, no..."I hated your card"...nothing.

Leads me to wonder...would it have been worse to get nothing on Mother's Day...not even the text, or should I just be happy with the impersonal gesture?

And should it matter that he hasn't thanked me for the card and probably never will, or should I just let it roll off like everything else I've had to. All I wanted was a "thank you", but once again, I guess that was expecting too much.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is it better to not give anything, or to give something...knowing that it more than likely will not be appreciated?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

18 and Over?

Today is one of those days where my heart is kinda heavy...full. It's holding a lot.

My daughter Jordan came home with her yearbook today. As I was flipping through the pages I would ask about this friend and that friend, and then came to the picture of her prom date. Some of the seniors had quotes underneath their pics. He had one underneath his. It said something like "Turn negatives into a positive picture".

I commented that I liked that quote. Jordan said, "Yeah, that sounds like somethin' he would say. He's had kind of a tough life".

I asked her what she meant and she explained that he grew up in a foster home and now his Mom (not biological) is about to move out of state into a trailer somewhere.

WHAT?!?

I asked her what he was going to do. Is he moving with her? Is he going to college? What?

She said she didn't know. He's trying to get into college out here but he's not sure yet just what he's going to do.

That just broke my heart.

I've only met him once, the night of the prom, but I could sense even in that short amount of time that he's a good kid. I want him to have a chance!

Since that conversation with Jordan I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to him.

If he's not 18 yet, he will be soon. Technically, an adult. Technically, his "mom" will no longer be legally responsible for him. Technically, if she picks up and moves, leaving him behind, she can. But WHY would she do that? HOW can she do that?

As a parent, I realize that the job of "parent" doesn't end when the child turns 18.

THIS is probably the time when he needs family most. He needs direction, guidance...a HOME. Sadly, our society doesn't accommodate the needs of a young men his age who are transitioning from 18 to adulthood. It should. The lack of accomodation and guidance is what leads these young men to crime and ultimately, jail. Jail is no place for this young man. College is!!!

What do I do? What can I do?

I want to reach out to him and let him know that I'm here to help, but how do I do that without him thinking I'm weird. I'm not weird, I just see him as though he were my own son. He deserves a chance at opportunity as much as my own son does.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What would YOU do?

Talk to me!

Til next time...