Miracles DO Happen!

So...

Last Tuesday I wrote about the horrible experience of finding that my car had been towed. So as not to leave you all on a cliff-hanger, I'll let ya know how that whole thing turned out.

After walking home from the library, and then to the Sheriff's station, I was advised where my car was and that they were closed for the day so I'd have to begin the process of reclaiming my car on the following day.

I wake up on Wednesday morning, and walk to the tow company. They advise me what needs to be done and I realize that I am in for a VERY Long day. My next stop was to walk to the "top secret" location so that I could get my registration (although expired) out of my car so that I could then take it to the DMV.

I arrive at the "top secret" location where I am greeted my a gentleman who ONLY SPEAKS SPANISH. GREAT!!! Thankfully, I know a bit of Spanish but have never had a full-on conversation with anyone. Getting my paperwork was important though, so I made it work. After about 20 minutes, I was inside my vehicle and was able to get the registration.

On my walk to the DMV all I "had a little talk with God", and thanked Him for giving me the words to say IN SPANISH that I didn't even know I knew.

I arrived at the DMV minutes before they opened. I stood in the line that wrapped AROUND THE BUILDING in the hot morning sun. As I stood there, DMV employees came out to advise is that the computers were down STATEWIDE and there was NO ETA as to when they would be back up. GREAT AGAIN!!!

My whole reason for even being at the DMV was to get a "One Day Permit to Move the Vehicle" or something to that effect. Every 20 minutes or so, a worker would come out to update us, with the SAME information. Computers were STILL down, with NO ETA. I was determined to stay, no matter how long it took because I HAD to have my car THAT DAY in order to get done what needed to be done.

Thankfully, after about an hour and a half the computers came up and we were IN.

I got my permit and shortly thereafter, my niece very kindly picked me up to take me to my next spot...the Sheriff's station.

We arrive at the station, I show them my "One Day Permit" and they give me "the clear" to go get my car. So...back to the tow company we go.

There, I paid the RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED FEE to get my car back and we headed to the "top secret" spot once again, this time to retrieve and drive off with my car. Phew!!! Thank God!

Next stop was to get my smog check.

I arrived at the place, the guy looks at my paperwork and says, "I can't do the test here. You have to take your car to a 'Star Certified' station."

What??? What's that?? And WHERE is it?

He told me where the nearest one was and I headed that way, only to get THERE and be told that the gentleman would not do my smog check there because my "check engine" light was on.

Are you kidding me?!?

He told me to take my car to a mechanic, get it fixed and come back. I was about to crumble. I had no money to get ANYTHING fixed on my car...and everything needed to be completed THAT DAY. *TEARS*

So I hop in my car and head home, not knowing what to do next, but knowing that it was HOT and I needed to change clothes.

I get home, changed into something cooler and decided that after all my poor little car had been through, she deserved a bath. So I took her to the drive-thru car wash.

When the wash was over I drove forward and happened to glance at the dashboard. Would you believe...the "check engine" light was OFF! What?!? YES!!!

So I hopped on the freeway, making my way BACK to the smog check station and praying the entire way for the light to STAY off.

I pulled into his shop and said, "Look. The light is off now. You can do the test."

He looked at me and asked, "What did you do to the car?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Who touched it?"

"I didn't touch it. The light went off by itself. Now please, do the test."

"If I do the test and it fails, I'm still charging you."

"Fine. Just do the test. It won't fail."

He did the test, and it PASSED! Thank You LORD!!!

I was so happy! After all that had gone wrong, SOMETHING finally went right.

I drove my clean little, newly smog-checked car home and as I pulled into the driveway I heard an odd noise. I parked the car, got out, walked around the car and found...A FLAT TIRE.

Yep. Flat as a pancake.

At that point I was spent. Didn't even bother to deal with it at that moment. I went inside the house, thanked God for making the "check engine" light go out (HE was the one who 'touched' the car), for getting me home safely, and called it a day. Oh but that's not the end of it...I'll tell you the REST next time.

Now it's your turn. Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do YOU know how to change a flat tire?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Life, My Life, My Life, My Life...

Yeah...sooo...

Earlier today I posted about my experiences at the library and all that jazz.

Well, once I had completed my task at the library, which was to search and apply for jobs, I packed up my computer, picked up two books that had been on hold for me, and headed to my car.

Well...as I headed toward where my car HAD BEEN parked, I noticed that another car was now occupying the space. WHAT?!?

WHERE WAS MY CAR?!?

I headed back into the library and let the librarian know that my car was missing. She responded with, "Hmmm...it may have been towed." I then let her know that I had specifically parked in the area that did NOT have a time limit so I couldn't understand why it would have been towed. Hmmm again. So she called the police department, gave me the phone, and they proceeded to tell me that they car had been towed due to expired registration. GREAT.

Interestingly, the registration HAS been paid, I just don't have my tags because I still need a smog check and because the "check engine" light has been on I figured that that would mean something needs to be repaired in order for my car to pass the smog. Basically, one thing has snowballed into another.

So...I head home from the library so that I can drop everything off, then I head back OUT to the Sheriff's station where they tell me that they tow company now has my car and they proceed to tell me what I need to do to get it. Oh...but the tow company had already closed today so there's nothing I can do until tomorrow morning. And you know what all that means...MONEY. Money that I don't have. What little I do have was going to next month's rent. So much for that.

It's all quite a mess I've gotten myself into. No job. Now, now car. And possibly...not home. This is more than I can bare...TRULY it is.

But, God's grace is sufficient and if He brings me TO it, He'll bring me THROUGH it. That's really cliche, I know...but it's what I have to hold onto for now before I crumble. And I can't crumble because I have to make my son's birthday cake tonight. Can't go gettin' tears all in the batter, right?

I'll bet you can guess what tonight's question will be, can't ya?

Here goes...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Has your car ever been towed and if so, how much did it cost to get it back?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Shhh...

Most folks who know me know how much I LOVE the public library. Why? Because there are sooo many goodies there and they are absolutely FREE.

Aside from books, audio books and movies that are available, lately I've been taking the most advantage of the library's FREE Wi-Fi. It's come in quite handy since I no longer have internet at home.

Now that I am a "regular" there's one thing that I've noticed. Well...actually, I've noticed a FEW things, but the one that sticks out most is that THE SAME PEOPLE ARE AT THE LIBRARY EVERYDAY! Some of them even sit in the same spot.

I'm thinkin'..."Don't these folks have somewhere to be?" Then I think, "They are probably wondering the same thing about me."

I pray that SOON I WILL have somewhere else to be...as in A JOB. But until then, I shall find myself planted at the library continuing my job search, and of course...posting The Dialogue Den's daily entries.

Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: How often do YOU go to your local library?

Talk to me (quietly though...'cause I'm at the library)!

Til next time...

I AM My Hair

Today I did something bold and daring (at least by MY standards).

I went on a job interview and wore my natural hair...in an AFRO.

I know this might not be a big bold move for most folks, but for ME it was HUGE.

Normally I would go to "the shop" and get my hair straightened (all nice and Corporate-European looking), but since my budget is down to ZERO...that just wasn't an option.

I could have straightened it myself but that just takes sooo much time...and it never comes out very nice when I do it anyway, so I figured, "Why bother?"

The REAL reason why I wore my "Natural" (as my Mom used to call it) was because I am tired of Black women THINKING that we have to go into the interview looking like someone we are not. Sure...I get that there are some Black women who truly do prefer to wear their hair straightened because that is what they like. I get it...and I ain't mad at 'em. But I'm talking about the rest (of us). Why do WE feel that we have to go in "looking' a certain way? Why have we allowed society to do that to us?

So, perhaps in a small act of rebellion against "the establishment", I decided to go in as God created me. The interviewers should have had NO problem with that. My hair was CLEAN...I washed it this morning, and it was NEATLY combed. So...like I said before...there should be NO issue.

As I told my friend Judy yesterday, "If Heidi and Buffy can wear THEIR natural hair to an interview, then why can't I?"

So there...I did it!

As for the interview...I think it went well. The office is a lot further than I prefer to drive though, and once I'm hired (how's that for thinking optimistically), I will probably take public transportation to work because there is NO WAY that my car will be able to handle that drive on a daily basis. So...we'll see.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest thing you've ever experienced in an interview?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Tap...Tap......Tap

It's another night at Starbucks and I'm tryin' a lil somethin' different. Tonight's post is being "single finger tapped out" from my lovely Samsung tablet. I've had this thing for well over a year now and RARELY use it. I didn't feel like lugging my laptop out again so thought I'd give this a try. It's strange because I'm a pretty fast typist on a standard sized keyboard...but THIS thing??? I'm only as fast as my index finger.

So...I'll keep this one short and sweet.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you own a table? If so, what kind and how often do you use it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

P.S.-The music in this here Starbucks is jammin'! Donny Hathaway,Al Green...the oldies. Lovin it!

Blah Blah Blah...

Sitting here in Starbucks (using their Wi-Fi because mine is out again at home...but hey...I DO purchase an inexpensive beverage so it's not like I'm stealing), and I'm overhearing one of the most BORING conversations ever. As I listen I realize that this isn't the first boring conversation I've overheard. There've been many. Often leading me to think, "Well THAT was a waste!"

And as boring as the call is from MY earshot, I can only imagine what must be coming through on the other end of the line.

I guess some folks just like to talk for the sake of talking.

I dunno. My thing is, if we're gonna be on the phone let's at least make it interesting...otherwise...just sent me a text. ;-)

Ok...no, I'm not that bad, but really...sometimes I wonder.

Anyhoo...that's my Starbucks experience today. Who knows...depending on how long the internet is off I may be stopping in more frequently, and with more "exciting" stories to share.

On a separate note...they sure do keep it COLD in here. Brrr!!! I think that's to keep folks from postin' up in the place ALL DAY LONG. But I've gotten "hip to the game" and I always bring a jacket now.

Ok...enough of that...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the CRAZIEST conversation you've ever overheard?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Time Flies...

On this day 25 years ago I received a welcomed surprise.

At 5:59 a.m. I got the meet the little baby I'd been calling "Matthew" for the previous 9 months. I had only had ONE ultrasound during the pregnancy and that was VERY early on...so in my mind, we were having a BOY.

"It's a girl!", the nurse announced.

I was like, "Huh???"

So they said it again.

Hmmm...

As I was processing the fact that my "Matthew" was actually a GIRL...the next thing I hear is, "Look at this baby's hair!"

What? What about her hair? What's wrong with her hair? Can I see it???

They actually took her OUT of the delivery room to show her hair to the other nurses.

I'm still laying there waiting for MY TURN to see MY BABY that I had just given birth to.

So...they bring her back in and I see what all the fuss was about. I had a little "readhead." A BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE little REDHEAD.

That was another thing for me to process.

Where did the RED hair come from? NO ONE in the family had red hair...at least no one living. And there hasn't been anyone since.

I gotta tell ya...that hair has been quite the attention-getter...from day one even until now. EVERYWHERE Lauren goes, that hair turns heads.

I still remember the STUPIDITY of people who would come up to me, holding my brand spanking new baby in my arms, or pushing her in the stroller and they'd ask, "Is that her NATURAL color?"

I would just look at them with a face that said, "Are you SERIOUSLY asking that question? SERIOUSLY?!?"

They'd soon get what I was givin' and would realize the ignorance of their question.

This went on for years! Now she gets women who wanna know "What box number" her hair color is...as in DYE. Folks still don't get it.

Anyhoo...my little redhead is 25 years old today and she has made me EXTREMELY proud over the years.

She's a really sweet young lady, loves the Lord, loves children...especially those with special needs. She's a hard worker and just got accepted to Grad school. Yep...my kid's pretty cool, and it is an absolute BLESSING to be her Momma.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: For those of you who are parents, did you get any "surprises" with any of YOUR children?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And...HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY LAUREN!!!

Sweet Serenade

The older I get, and the longer my Mom is away, I realize that I am more like her than I ever knew. I find that quite interesting because other than the fact that I look JUST LIKE HER, I always thought that was where the similarities ended.

The first realization came when she was in the hospital and kept a spiral notebook so that she could write. I never even knew that she liked writing. That realization became very clear as I read her "handwritten obituary." So detailed and filled with emotion.

I also learned that she liked to sing (as do I). She would often joke about her "frog voice" but she sang anyway.

Last night, there was nothing "froggy" at all about her voice. It was STRONG and CLEAR as she serenaded me with just ONE verse from a song I'd often hear her sing:

"Run away child, running wild
You, better go back home where you belong
Run away child, running wild
You, better go back home where you belong..."

She sang that over and over and over...

I woke up wishing that that the song would continue. If she kept singing then that meant she was still here with me. I didn't want the song to end.

As I look at the rest of the lyrics they speak so loudly to me, especially the last verse:

"Mama, mama, please, come and see about me!
But she's much too far away; she can't hear a word you say
You're frightened and confused; which way will you choose?"


I miss my Mom...yesterday, today...EVERYDAY.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR Mother's favorite song?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Gimme A Dah-lah

The other day as I was pulling into my driveway an older Asian lady walked in behind me. She was mumbling something but not directly at ME, so I proceeded to park.

Today as I was leaving she was here again. This time she comes right up to my window and says, "Gimme a dah-lah." Ok. I get it now. She's either homeless or lives nearby and still needs money.

At first I was a bit annoyed. Not so much by the fact that she asked, but by the rude way that she did it. I encounter many people throughout the week who ask for money and typically they are very polite and humble about it. Not this lady though.

As I felt myself being annoyed (while I rummaged through my wallet for a dollar), I caught myself and realized just how close I am to being in her position.

For days I've been considering creating a "Go Fund Me" campaign, because I am getting down to ZERO. The only reason why I haven't done it yet is because I've got some things "in the works" and I'm hoping that they'll come through SOON and will hopefully have me generating income again. I have a staffing agency who is submitting my resume for 2 positions that I am VERY qualified for, and a friend who pretty much has a GUARANTEED job for me...he just needs to work things out with his business partner to figure out how to pay me & bring me onboard. It's a GO...as soon as the light turns green.

Another reason why I haven't done it is because I recently read an article that described such campaigns as "e-begging." That stung a bit.

So...as I've said before...it's not like I'm at home eating Bon-Bons. I am working things out, they just haven't come to fruition yet.

Nevertheless...until those things come through I am not much different from the lady asking for the dollar.

If I see her again (which I probably will) and she asks for another "dah-lah" (which she probably will)...if I have one to give, I'll give it.

"There but for the grace of God, go I."

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What are you thoughts on Go Fund Me accounts? Is it e-begging, or helping folks who are truly in need?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...

So I was going through my computer deleting files in an attempt to make some space and since I have TONS of pictures stored I thought I'd start with those. The very first folder of pics was from a "vacation" that I took the kids on in July 2010. For Terence & Jordan that was their first time on an airplane. They were excited!

So...the four of us boarded our plane for the one hour flight to SAN FRANCISCO, where we "vacationed" for 2 (maybe 3) days. My kids had a blast! Actually...we all did.

Looking back on the pics today made me just a wee bit melancholy as I realized that after all these years (my kids are 25, 21 & 17)...that was the ONLY vacation they've ever been on.

Many children their ages have multiple stamps in their passports from all of the luxurious and exotic places that they have traveled to with their families. Mine haven't had that luxury...yet.

So as I reminisced on the great time that we had on our "mini-vacation", the fire under my butt has once again increased in heat as I realize that I really need to to better so that I can give my children better. They've missed out on so much.

Let the DIALOUGUE begin: When was the last time YOU went on vacation, and where did you go?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In Sickness and In Health

I wasn't able to focus at home so I decided to work at one of the local coffee spots. Everyone here is pretty much doing what I'm doing..."working on the next great novel, screenplay, script."

Actually...that's not ALL I'm doing. I'm primarily here using the free Wi-fi so that I can submit job applications online. Next week my plan is to actually go to the agencies IN PERSON, drop off my resume and HOPEFULLY meet with someone to discuss job opportunities.

But for now...here I am.

So I'm minding my own business (freezing, because they keep these places so darned cold!) and in walks an "older" couple. At least in their 60s...maybe older. HE looks ok. SHE does not. She's frail, fragile, delicate.

They sit down at the table with me (it's a long family style table), she pulls out her tablet...he whips out a paper back...they just sit and read. Not saying much of anything to each other. Just "hanging out."

As I often do with most couples, and especially older ones, I wonder..."What's THEIR story?"

Have they been together since they were young?
Did they go through a marriage or two BEFORE they met each other?
Is she really sick, or does she just look sick?
What do they do for fun other than chillin' at the coffee spot?
Is this their fun?
Sooo many questions.

Whatever the questions...whatever the answers, I still find it a blessing to be with someone at their age to share life and grow old with. I pray that I will be as blessed...one day. Really, I do.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How old is the OLDEST couple you know?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

From Slow Simmer to ROARING BOIL

Lately I've been thinking about my life...a LOT. Trying to figure out why things seem to flow so smoothly for other folks while I encounter so many bumps and potholes along the way.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody, or that my life shouldn't have any difficulties...we all know that that is simply unrealistic. Yet I do have a lot of "WHYs?" and "HOWs?"

Why haven't I found a job that makes me happy?
Why do I keep ending up in situations that don'

t fit me?
Why do I keep making the wrong choices?
Why am I just "existing" when I should be "LIVING"?

HOW did I end up here?

On most accounts, I'm a pretty decent person. I don't have any drinking or drug habits. I eat too much, but that'll soon be remedied as I can no longer afford food. I'm fairly intelligent, yet I haven't found an outlet yet that matches my abilities. I'm stifled.

With regard to work, I am simply lost.

I have things "in the works" but nothing has come through yet. Like a pot a stew...I have all of the ingredients in the pot on a slow simmer...waiting for things to finally start BOILING. Unfortunately, I don't have a LOT of time. Praying that the fire doesn't go out.

So for anyone who might think I'm at home eating Bon-Bons...nope...far from it. Everyday I am scrambling to figure out where to turn next. It's become quite dizzying...really, it has.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU have on SIMMER that you need to start BOILING?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

It is Better to GIVE...

How many times have you exited a freeway and there at the end of the off-ramp was a person with a sign reading, "Hungy. Please Help", or something to that affect?

My answer to that question is: MANY

As a result, back in June of 2014 I began preparing what I call "Blessing Boxes" that I keep in my car, ready to be handed out whenever the need presents itself.

Basically, I take empty shoeboxes and fill them with things like: bottled water, granola bars, new pair of socks, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, hand wipes, roll of toilet paper, and a 211 card. The items in each box vary, depending on what I have on hand or what has been donated to me.

Today, I am happy to announce that I handed out Lucky Box #13.

Today's box was special. This was the first box that I've handed out that made me realize just how easily I could be on the receiving end. I pray that my situation NEVER comes to that, but with NO job and NO income, one never knows. My faith tells me to keep doing what I'm doing, keep giving, and that God WILL provide. He has never failed me before and even in my current situation, I don't believe that He will fail me now...or ever.

So...my prayer today isn't so much for MYSELF as much as it's for the woman I gave the box too. She, right now, needs God's blessing just a bit more than I do.

If you know anyone in need, please have them call 211. The call is free and hopefully they'll be able to receive some help. Or they can visit the website: www.211.org


Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite charitable organization to give to?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

It ALL Adds Up

So today I bagged up my bottles and headed over to the nearby recycle center.

Today's visit was a bit different from those past.

I used to take my bottles and regard the money as "spending cash"...a little "treat". And I would often look at the other folks there and wonder, "What's their story?"

Not today.

The money collected today was NECESSARY and will either go toward gas (to get me to interviews) or groceries. What it will NOT go toward are my toes that so desperately need to be done. Nope...these toes of mine will simply have to go undone until I am once again "gainfully employed". Til then...it's "close-toed shoes" for this girl, and as hot as it's been here, that'll be difficult. Most folks who know me know that I LOVE my flip-flops and sandals. *Sigh*

The perspective today was also quite different. Instead of wondering what "their" story was, I wondered if their story happened to be the same as "mine". Of course, I'll never know. What I do know though is that I am THANKFUL for the $13.92 that today's lot was worth. Until I begin receiving an income again, every dollar, quarter, dime, nickel AND penny WILL COUNT.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you recycle your cans & bottles?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Endings and Beginnings

Tonight I finished a 9 week course in learning how to handle my finances "God's way" and ultimately become "debt-free". I found it a bit ironic that my LAST class would fall on my FIRST day of being unemployed.

It's kinda difficult to manage money when one has NO income...and I mean NO INCOME. I do not qualify for unemployment benefits so I am COMPLETELY on my own this time.

I wish I knew what to say but nothing I say will make sense to anyone so I simply haven't said anything at all, and probably won't. At this point all I can do is PRAY (I do believe that prayer works) and VERY ACTIVELY pursue new job opportunities.

Perhaps in a separate post I will write about how I arrived at this point, but for now, I am simply drained and just don't have the mental energy to type the words.

Am I afraid? Not yet.
Should I be? Probably.

But for now, I will pray, then lay my head down, go to sleep, and if the Lord sees fit to wake me in the morning, try again.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How close are YOU to being debt-free?

Talk to me (and pray for me if you will...in the name of Jesus)!

Til next time...

Everybody Sing Along...

Last Tuesday I went to see "Wicked - The Musical."

Although I enjoyed it, I gotta say, it wasn't my FAVE.


I don't know if it's because I didn't know any of the songs, so I wasn't able to sing along. Or if it was because the songs weren't really "my kinda music"...I dunno.

I did enjoy the story though, and the comedic lines that were thrown in. THOSE were funny. But aside from that, it was just, "meh" for me. I got a GREAT deal on the tickets though...only $40, so for THAT, I'm definitely NOT complaining.

Two musicals I've seen in the past and really REALLY enjoyed were "The Lion King" and "Shrek - The Musical". Loved, loved, LOVED those two.

I loved singing along to both, and with "The Lion King" I was especially overjoyed to see so many "people of color" onstage. You just don't see too many of "us" in Broadway musicals, so anytime there IS one, I'm gonna support.

Next up, I'd LOVE to see "Motown - The Musical" but I've really gotta get my budget together for that one. As it is right now, my budget doesn't have room for ANYTHING other than next month's rent. Sad, but very very true.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite Musical?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

119 Days...and Counting

So I've been a bit behind in my writing yet I didn't realize just HOW far behind I was until now. My goal is to to write 365 posts in 365 days. Today is the 67th day of the year and this is post# 48. I'd better step it up. Thankfully, the goal was NOT to write 365 CONSECUTIVE posts in 365 days or I'd be in BIG trouble. So...there'll be some "doubling", "tripling" and who knows...may even "quadrupaling" in the upcoming days, because I am DETERMINED to reach my goal.

With that said, let's jump right into it.

A whole lot has been swirling around in my head lately.

Today, as you can probably guess, my Mom is in my thoughts. Today marks the 17th week that she has been gone. 119 Days. I miss her terribly. I really really do. There is an emptiness in my heart that simply will NEVER be filled. An emptiness that no one can really understand until they lose their own mother. I think about her all the time.

An acquaintance of mine lost his dad yesterday. He was there at the very end, holding his dad's hand as his dad took his last breath. I read that and cried. I cried because HE got to be there at the end with HIS dad, and MY MOM took her last breath alone...in a room...all by herself. If I could undo any part of her departure from this earth, I would undo that.

Even though I sat by her side just seven hours earlier, had I know that seven hours later she would no longer be here, I would have stayed. God, I would have stayed.

My acquaintance said that he had "no regrets" and I wished so badly that I could say the same. For the rest of my life...I will regret not being there WITH MY MOM at the end.

A friend of mine celebrated her Dad's birthday today and posted a video of him dancing. I cried. Cried because I couldn't remember the last time I saw my Mom dance. Cried because she's not here to dance anymore. I cried.

So anyhoo...It's been 17 weeks, and they haven't gotten easier. Yes, I'm still living...still functioning, but I miss my Mom like crazy. I know that she is happy in Heaven. I know that she is no longer sick. I know that she has reunited with my grandparents and other loved ones. And most importantly, I know that she is with God. For all of those things, I am glad.

So even though tears are streaming down my face as I type these words, my heart is glad...not for me, but for my Mom.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have any regrets about anything?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

*This, Not #That*

With the advances of technology and social media I have found that some things simply annoy me. The thing that annoys me the most are #HASHTAGS.

Urgh!

I mean, I understand what they're used for (I by the way NEVER use them), but some people get way too carried away, as in...they will put a # in front of EVERY word. REALLY?!? Do you REALLY need a # in front of EVERY word???

Urgh!

So in my act of passive rebellion, I instead use the beloved asterisk. Yet even still, I don't put an * in front of EVERY word. I simply enclose the thought with *s.

For example, some folks might post something like THIS in reference to Chocolate:

#ILoveChocolate
or
#iLoveChocolate (so that the i can be differentiated from the upper case L)
and then there's this...
#I #Love #Chocolate

WHAT IS THAT?!? Why do people feel the need to do that?!? I just don't get it.

HERE is how I would do it:
*I Love Chocolate*

I mean really folks, did you expect anything less from me?

Ok...that's my rant for the day.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What annoys you most about social media?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

16 Weeks

Heart's kinda heavy today. Wasn't really sure what to write about so since my Mom is in my thoughts EVERYDAY, I decided to write about her. Today marks week 16 since she left this life on Earth. Everyday hurts. Most people see me smiling and overall I am a genuinely happy person. But in those quiet moments (and I have LOTS of quiet moments), thoughts of my Mom occupy the empty spaces.

I just miss her.

I remember sitting by her bedside during those last months...sometimes just to watch her sleep. Many of those times she didn't even know I was there. She was sedated a lot...but I still just wanted to be by her side. Sometimes she'd open her eyes, see me, smile, and then go right back out. That was enough for me. I just needed her to know that I was there.

I remember her arms and how terribly bruised they were. Purple, black, blue...from being poked so many times. I was almost afraid to touch her because I knew that those bruises had to be painful. And she got so thin. My mom had always been a full-figured woman, but in the end...she was so small. Frail.

Sometimes I'd be visiting and nurses would come in to run tests, take another sample, do another poke...and they'd announce themselves to my sleeping mother, letting her know what they were about to do. I found that odd and considerate at the same time. She wouldn't respond and they'd then proceed to poke & prod her, while she remained asleep through it all.

I also remember putting on gown after gown, gloves and more gloves each time I went to see her. The very first time I had to "suit up", I felt like I was gonna melt. Everything made me so hot. Interestingly, after months of "suiting up" my body adjusted and the gloves and gowns just became additional pieces of clothing. No one should have to get used to that, but I did.

I always wonder what my Mom is doing in Heaven. I realize that I'll never know until I finally get there myself. I just know that she's happy, an she's not sick. Those two things are all that matter.

On Facebook I posted some pictures of my ancestors and her pics were of course included. Many pictures were of her as a little girl, about 5 years old...so sweet, so cute...my Momma.

Anyway...it's been 16 weeks and I'm beginning to realize that this just isn't something that one "gets over". At times I wonder if I should see a therapist, but I doubt that would do me any good. Seeing a therapist won't bring my Mother back, and I don't know that I'd really want her back anyway. Not here. Not in this messed up world we live in filled with hatred and injustice. I'd much rather get to where SHE is than to have her be back here. Although I am thankful for each day that God gives me, this life is HARD...so if I close them one night on THIS side and open them on the OTHER side...it will be well with my soul...really...it will be. Not trying to do anything to rush the process, but if the Lord so chooses, then so be it.

Now before I sign off, I'm gonna pat myself on the back and say CONGRATULATIONS TO ME for this being my 400th post!!!

. Although my blog hasn't taken off nearly the way that I had hoped when I began writing it in 2009, I do have a HANDFUL of faithful followers and for them, I am THANKFUL. Not sure what it's gonna take to gain WORLDWIDE RECOGNITION, all I know is that I must keep writing, because writing is what I do. Praying that I don't have to DIE in order to be discovered. I'd like to have my flowers while I yet live so that I can enjoy them. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there something that YOU'VE been doing for years that you're just waiting to take off yet it just hasn't happened yet?

Talk to me!

Til next time...