119 Days...and Counting

So I've been a bit behind in my writing yet I didn't realize just HOW far behind I was until now. My goal is to to write 365 posts in 365 days. Today is the 67th day of the year and this is post# 48. I'd better step it up. Thankfully, the goal was NOT to write 365 CONSECUTIVE posts in 365 days or I'd be in BIG trouble. So...there'll be some "doubling", "tripling" and who knows...may even "quadrupaling" in the upcoming days, because I am DETERMINED to reach my goal.

With that said, let's jump right into it.

A whole lot has been swirling around in my head lately.

Today, as you can probably guess, my Mom is in my thoughts. Today marks the 17th week that she has been gone. 119 Days. I miss her terribly. I really really do. There is an emptiness in my heart that simply will NEVER be filled. An emptiness that no one can really understand until they lose their own mother. I think about her all the time.

An acquaintance of mine lost his dad yesterday. He was there at the very end, holding his dad's hand as his dad took his last breath. I read that and cried. I cried because HE got to be there at the end with HIS dad, and MY MOM took her last breath alone...in a room...all by herself. If I could undo any part of her departure from this earth, I would undo that.

Even though I sat by her side just seven hours earlier, had I know that seven hours later she would no longer be here, I would have stayed. God, I would have stayed.

My acquaintance said that he had "no regrets" and I wished so badly that I could say the same. For the rest of my life...I will regret not being there WITH MY MOM at the end.

A friend of mine celebrated her Dad's birthday today and posted a video of him dancing. I cried. Cried because I couldn't remember the last time I saw my Mom dance. Cried because she's not here to dance anymore. I cried.

So anyhoo...It's been 17 weeks, and they haven't gotten easier. Yes, I'm still living...still functioning, but I miss my Mom like crazy. I know that she is happy in Heaven. I know that she is no longer sick. I know that she has reunited with my grandparents and other loved ones. And most importantly, I know that she is with God. For all of those things, I am glad.

So even though tears are streaming down my face as I type these words, my heart is glad...not for me, but for my Mom.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have any regrets about anything?

Talk to me!

Til next time...