Around the World in 365 Days (or so)

An acquaintance of mine announced today that she is resigning from her position at work, has sold her home, and has decided to travel the world with her husband for the next year.

I think that is FANTASTIC!!!

SHE, has chosen to follow her dream.

When she broke the news she thought we would tell her that she was crazy. Boy did we surprise her. We had nothing but encouraging words.

I mean really...how many us have dreams of things we want to do but never make those dreams a reality. This lady, is throwing caution to the wind and she's goin' for it! Around the world in 365 days (or so). No shoulda, coulda, wouldas for her. She is on her way to creating memories that she will cherish for a lifetime. So so cool!

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever done anything "crazy" like packing your bags and leaving everything behind so that you could fulfill a dream?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Lid

Tall
Dark
Handsome
Makes me smile
Intelligent
Articulate
Sings beautifully
Accepts me for me, just as I am, and thinks I'm beautiful...just as I am
Christian - Follower of Christ
Ambitious
Makes me laugh
Congenial
Thoughtful
Accepts the fact that I have children

YES...he exists. He really does.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Since there's a lid for every pot, how would you describe YOUR lid?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Simma Down

Have you ever wanted something so badly but found that you had to wait a very long time before you could have it? I'm not talkin' minutes or hours. Not even days or weeks. I'm talking YEARS!

Well, I'm at that point. There's something I've been waiting for, even had it in my presence a few times, but it always went away.

Now, it's back and I have an opportunity to keep it this time, if I can just learn to be patient and "simma down".

Can I do this? I have to, because I don't want this to go away again.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you good at waiting for things? Or do you rush them only to find that they've gone away before you knew it.

Talk to me!

Till next time...

PROTECT THE RETINA!!!

Those who know me well know me well, know about my experience that I had back on January 29, 2009 with "Dr. Bad News", the retina specialist.

Before I saw this man I'd never even heard of a "retina specialist".

Anyhoo...I go see him. He takes a zillion pictures of the inside of my eyes, he grabs a sheet of paper with an eyeball on it and starts scribbling away. "You have one of these, and one of those, and a few of these, yadda yadda yadda".

He throws me a bunch of bad news, tells me there's NOTHING that can be done to repair the damage, and sends me on my way.

Boo "Dr. Bad News"!!!

Well, I don't give up that easily. As a matter of fact, I don't give up. I took his bad news and went straight to the CREATOR of my eyes. I laid my need out to Him, then gave it to Him because this was waaay bigger than ANYTHING that I could fix on my own.

I need Him to sustain my eyesight, today, tomorrow, forever. And I believe He WILL!

Now I have changed some things becasue I know that I have a part in my HEALING. I eat dark leafy greens, take lutein and bilberry supplements, and I always...did you hear me...I said I ALWAYS wear sunglasses. ALWAYS.

I believe that these things, along with lots of prayer, are keeping these eyes of mine working. Thank You LORD!

Kinda bothers me though that the medical world doesn't seem to be making much effort in retinal research. It's as if they feel that losing one's eyesight is "no big deal". HELLO!!! It's not a "big" deal, it's a HUGE deal!!!

Eyesight is MAJOR.

I mean really. I heard on the news that there is research being done to stop hair from turning gray. I just had to shake my head. SERIOUSLY?!? People can get by with gray hair. Do they have ANY idea how difficult it is to live in a world without one's eyesight. Come on people...PROTECT THE RETINA!!!


Okay, so there's my soapbox. Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is there anything that you think the medical field should be researching that it's not? I'd LOVE you if you said retinal repair/regeneration. But I will respect whatever YOU feel is just as important.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

The PaST has PaSSED

For those who know me, you would agree that I am a fairly positive person and choose not to dwell on the wrongs that have been done to me.

Just as Christ has forgiven me for my wrongdoings, I am to forgive others in that same manner.

I realize though that most people just don't get this concept. I know one such person and as much as I love this individual (we'll call "Chris"), the one point of contention that I have with Chris is the way that Chris brings up negative experiences of the past.

When I was young, I had a friend who we'll call "Casey". I hung out with Casey, had sleepovers with Casey...simply had fun, as kids do.

Casey had one minor flaw. Casey wasn't very nice and spoke negatively about a lot of people. But to me, Casey was alright. If not, I wouldn't have hung around.

Now we fast forward a few decades. My friend Chris has this thing for bringing up the past and telling me that even though I used to hang out with Casey, Casey would talk badly about me, just as Casey did with everyone else. Chris has brought this up on a number of occasions and my response all these years later is this: I DON'T CARE!!!

What good does it do me now to know that Casey spoke as badly about me as everyone else?
How does that help me? IT DOESN'T!
What am I supposed to do about it all these years later?
Doesn't matter...there's nothing I CAN do.
It didn't bother me back then and as an adult I'm certainly not letting it bother me now.

So to my friend Chris, I say GET OVER IT...I have. The paST has paSSED. Time to move forward.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Would you want to know NOW that someone from your past whom you regarded as a friend, actually spoke negatively about you to others?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

May I choose my own "friends" please?

Something odd happened recently. Maybe you've experienced the same.

Someone (we'll call this person "Alex") "confirmed me as a friend" on FB, yet I never sent a "friend request". How does this happen?

I could understand if maybe I had peeked at Alex's profile and accidentally clicked on a button, but I have purposefully avoided Alex's profile because I don't like surprises.

I don't want to see Alex's status change from "single" to "in a relationship" to "engaged" then "married". Nope, I wouldn't handle any of those well, so I've NEVER peeked at the profile. Although I care greatly for Alex, I don't need to know the intimate details of what's going on in Alex's life. At least not when it comes to relationships. With regard to any other aspect of Alex's life, I'm all ears.

I was talking with friends who asked me how I feel about Alex seeing my posts. To which I replied, "it really doesn't matter". I don't have any relationship changes taking place, and even if I did, Alex wouldn't care. So there aren't any issues there.

But I'm still perplexed by the question, "HOW did Alex confirm me as a 'friend' when I did NOT send a 'friend request'?"

I just don't get it. Is Facebook choosing my "friends" for me? {insert Twilight Zone music here}

Hmmm???

Let the DIALOGUE begin! If you're on Facebook, have you ever had someone confirm a friend request that YOU did NOT send?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Gossipmongers

Recently I was at a meeting and the topic came up about a situation that I am very close to.

There were three people sitting at the table with me and when they realized that I know firsthand information about the situation, they began asking me questions. My answers were very minimal as I don't feel that the situation is any of their business.

They must have caught on because they stopped asking me questions and decided to just create their own theory amongst themselves. What they came up with was a theory that was so off base and far from the truth, all I could do was shake my head, and leave the table.

I realized then that this is how rumors get started. These three people have devised a story that sounds good enough to them to be true and so this is what they will choose to share with anyone who asks.

Bottom line is this...the little bit of information that I provided (the truth), wasn't "sensational" enough for them, so they didn't want to buy it. Instead, they chose to come up with their own truth (called a lie), because that is what fits all of the gossip that's been swirling about. So so sad, but far more common that we realize.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever been the subject of gossip? If so, did you try to clear it up so that people would know the truth?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Family

Today my youngest daughter Jordan graduated from high school, WITH Honors!

All of the stress from senior year finally paid off in just a few short hours. She was so happy, and sad at the same time. Happy to have "made it", and to now be moving on to college. Sad because she's leaving the friends that she's known for so long. Some from as far back as elementary school. Some, she only got close to in this past year.

After the ceremony came one of my favorite activities...taking pictures...capturing memories.

I took many pictures of Jordan and her friends, along with lots of pics with family. I LOVE family pictures. I'm not sure if it's because we are a "family divided" and I long for together-ness restored, of if it's just me being "sappy".

Whatever it is, today was a great day, with...my FAMILY.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you have a favorite family photo? If so, what makes that one your favorite?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Religion vs. RELATIONSHIP

Recently, someone I knew passed away. We'll call this person "Sam".

I wasn't close to Sam, but I should have been.

Even though we weren't close I was still saddened by the news of Sam's death. In all my years, I can recall being around Sam maybe 5 times. And that's a big maybe. Yet I can still say that I had love for Sam, simply because of our connection (yes, there was a connection). If you were to play a recording of Sam's voice right now among 100 others, I would know Sam's voice. Strange, isn't it?

When I inquired about the service that would be held I was told that there wouldn't be one because Sam "didn't believe in organized religion".

That made me kinda sad. At that moment I really did wish that I had been around Sam more so that I could let Sam know that it's not about "religion", it's about RELATIONSHIP.

See, God isn't looking for us to follow a "religion", He's wanting us to have a RELATIONSHIP...with Him. I understand though that for most people, "religion" (as we know it), is what leads people to RELATIONSHIP. So when used for good, and for God's purpose, "religion" can be beneficial.

Somewhere along the line, Sam must have had a bad experience with "religion" and from that point on decided to simply not believe.

So what's the difference? I'm glad you asked. Here's my example:

RELIGION:

I have 3 children. By law, my job as their mother is to provide food, clothing and shelter. So, as long as they are eating, even if it's the SAME menu every day of their lives, as long as that menu is nutritionally sound, I'm doing my job. As long as they have clothes to wear, they could be the same pair of pants and shirt EVERYDAY...as long as those clothes are clean, and they fit...I'm doing my job. As long as they have a roof over their heads and a place to sleep each night...doesn't matter if we're crammed into a 1 bedroom apartment in the hood...I'm doing my job. And a very important key to this example is that there is no EMOTION. There's only "goin' through the motions".

You see, "the rules" told me what to do, and I did exactly what the rules said. Didn't do any more. Didn't do any less.

If you ask me, it all sounds pretty robotic. These days, with the advances in technology, you could probably program a machine to do 2/3 of the duties. But who wants to be raised my a MACHINE? I certainly wouldn't!

RELATIONSHIP:

I have 3 children. By law, my job as their mother is to provide food, clothing and shelter. I feed them nutritious foods, but I also know what their FAVORITE foods are. So on special occasions, or sometimes "just because", I make their "favorite".
I make sure that they have the clothes that they need. But every now & I get them something that they WANT. Maybe for a special occasion, or maybe "just because".
I provide a home for them. We're still not in the home that I would LIKE to have them in, but I've done my best to make our little humble abode "home". When they're home they know that they are safe and loved, because love is in our home. We talk to each other. We laugh. At times we've all cried together. I encourage them, and they encourage me. When there's a situation...we deal with it...together. So, just like the RELIGION example, I'm "doing my job", but in everything that I do for them I add the L-O-V-E factor. And THAT makes a WORLD of difference.

Okay...long examples, I know. But hopefully, you get it.

See...God doesn't just want us to follow a bunch of rules, going through life like robots. He wants a CONNECTION, to Him. Yes, He'll do His job when it comes to taking care of His children, but what He really wants is to show you His LOVE in the things that He does for you. And when you LOVE Him in return, EVERYTHING that He does for you is exponentially better.

Even in your lowest moment, when you have a RELATIONSHIP with Him, that's enough. Because His love will carry you through.

How do I know? Because I have a RELATIONSHIP with Him, through His Son. I've had low moments. Very low. I've been put out of my home. I've lost jobs. I've had 10 cents in the bank. Only 10 cents! With days to go before more money was coming in. But I was never "broke", never empty. Because my RELATIONSHIP with God kept me FULL.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! If you've simply been following a "Religion", just "goin' through the motions", what's keeping you from having a "RELATIONSHIP" with God?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Happy 1st Birthday to The Dialogue Den!!!

Yes, my friends, exactly ONE Year ago today The Dialogue Den was birthed.

I wasn't sure where it would go, I just knew that it needed to get started. Much like a newborn baby, it needed to be nurtured and tended to so that it could develop. At times, I've been a most attentive caregiver. Other times, my poor little baby blog suffered from neglect. Nevertheless, I will do better.

Gotta tell ya, 99% of the time this has felt much more like a monologue than a dialogue, but I refuse to stop writing...I will not quit.

With only 3 followers and an amazing anonymous commenter (or commenters), I continue to press on, sharing my thoughts and anxiously awaiting YOURS.

So if this if your first time in "The Den", get comfy and take a look around. There's a little somethin' here for everyone. Then tell me what you think. Let's get some DIALOGUE goin'!

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What have you begun than just hasn't quite taken off yet? Will you stick with it or are you ready to move on to something else?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

You're Welcome

Today is Father's Day.

If you were in "The Den" on Mother's Day, you'll recall the gifts/sentiments that I received.

From my children, I received wonderful gifts. A candle, 2 poems, a picture frame. Really really nice.

From their father, I received a text message. That's it. That's all. A text. Nothing says "Thanks for being the mother that you are to our children" like a text.

So a month later rolls Father's Day. And what did I give him to convey my sentiments. A text. Right? Surely. After all, what's wrong with sending an ever-so-impersonal text? The answer...EVERYTHING!!!

You see, somewhere in that great book that I read...let's see...what's the name of that book...oh yeah...The Bible...it says, "Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will bless you for it."

Now I'm not saying that sending me a text on Mother's Day was "evil", but it was very impersonal and insulting.

Nevertheless, I made sure that our children got something nice for their father for Father's Day. And instead of a store bought card, I had them write their own sentiments in cards of their own. And I...well, I did the same.

Well...he sent them a text, thanking them for their cards and gifts. And I...well much like Mother's Day...I got nothing. No thank you, no..."I hated your card"...nothing.

Leads me to wonder...would it have been worse to get nothing on Mother's Day...not even the text, or should I just be happy with the impersonal gesture?

And should it matter that he hasn't thanked me for the card and probably never will, or should I just let it roll off like everything else I've had to. All I wanted was a "thank you", but once again, I guess that was expecting too much.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Is it better to not give anything, or to give something...knowing that it more than likely will not be appreciated?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

18 and Over?

Today is one of those days where my heart is kinda heavy...full. It's holding a lot.

My daughter Jordan came home with her yearbook today. As I was flipping through the pages I would ask about this friend and that friend, and then came to the picture of her prom date. Some of the seniors had quotes underneath their pics. He had one underneath his. It said something like "Turn negatives into a positive picture".

I commented that I liked that quote. Jordan said, "Yeah, that sounds like somethin' he would say. He's had kind of a tough life".

I asked her what she meant and she explained that he grew up in a foster home and now his Mom (not biological) is about to move out of state into a trailer somewhere.

WHAT?!?

I asked her what he was going to do. Is he moving with her? Is he going to college? What?

She said she didn't know. He's trying to get into college out here but he's not sure yet just what he's going to do.

That just broke my heart.

I've only met him once, the night of the prom, but I could sense even in that short amount of time that he's a good kid. I want him to have a chance!

Since that conversation with Jordan I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to him.

If he's not 18 yet, he will be soon. Technically, an adult. Technically, his "mom" will no longer be legally responsible for him. Technically, if she picks up and moves, leaving him behind, she can. But WHY would she do that? HOW can she do that?

As a parent, I realize that the job of "parent" doesn't end when the child turns 18.

THIS is probably the time when he needs family most. He needs direction, guidance...a HOME. Sadly, our society doesn't accommodate the needs of a young men his age who are transitioning from 18 to adulthood. It should. The lack of accomodation and guidance is what leads these young men to crime and ultimately, jail. Jail is no place for this young man. College is!!!

What do I do? What can I do?

I want to reach out to him and let him know that I'm here to help, but how do I do that without him thinking I'm weird. I'm not weird, I just see him as though he were my own son. He deserves a chance at opportunity as much as my own son does.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What would YOU do?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Thought Vomiting

When is enough enough? When is too much too much? When it comes to FB and all this social media, I'll quote my kids by saying "T.M.I."!!! And if I had to sum it up in ONE word I'd say this...BLEHK!!!

It really is too much. Don't people know anything about filters? Is there REALLY a need to share EVERYTHING???

Do we really need to know what you ate today, with pics included?
Do we really need to watch the online argument taking place between you and "friend X"?
Do we need to know that you just burped or farted?
Do we really need to know that you've gone from being "in a relationship" to "single"? And then watch you pour your heart out and mourn ON FB?
Do we???

Interestingly, every one of the updates mentioned above would be sure to ring in a string of comments. But post something that could change a person's life for the better, and there won't be a comment in sight. Crickets.

Maybe I'm too private of a person. Maybe I need to open up more. Then again...maybe not.

Just seems to me like people are gonna get themselves in a whole lotta trouble if they keep airing their dirty laundry for all the world to see. How much is too much?

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you hooked into any form of social media? If so, do you share EVERYTHING, or do you keep SOME things to yourself?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

To Hide or Not to Hide...

Today I had to hide another "friend" on FB. I'll call this "friend" Sam.

I didn't want to, but I was uncomfortable with Sam's posts. Sam has chosen to go through a therapeutic healing session on FB and I don't know how to respond. I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to respond. I mean really, what is the response to someone who's opening up the closet of their life ON FB???

Perhaps I'm just waaay too private of a person and choose to only share my most private feelings with my closest friends. I have two such friends with whom I can share anything and everything, without judgement, and they are still my friends. But that's it. There are ONLY two!

Now I totally get the fact that what one posts on FB is purely their choice. There really aren't any rules or guidelines. After all, the question is "What's on your mind?" So...people answer the question. Sometimes, all too honestly.

I imagine that posting one's feelings on FB and getting feedback from "friends" is a whole lot cheaper than going to an actual therapist, but geez Louise. Is FB really the place?

I guess it all boils down to how one chooses to use their page. Me, I keep it positive. I'm there to uplift, encourage, make people laugh every now and then, share the good things that are happening in my life. I rarely (if ever) use it as a tool to bring people down. The world will do that on it's own.

So to Sam who has chosen to publicly work through issues of Sam's childhood, I wish you well and hope that your journey leads you to a place of wellness, I really do. I'm just a bit uncomfortable being along on the journey. And therein lies one of the benefits of FB...I can "hide" someone when I need to, and "unhide" when I think it's "safe to go back into the water".

Who knows...maybe some of my "friends" have hidden me. Not everybody can handle positivity. Some people find it downright boring. And you just don't find any "drama" on my page, which is what a lot of people tune in for.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you had to hide anyone on FB? If so, why?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

TO Me, FROM Me, With LOVE

Today at work I received a very yummy box of chocolate covered strawberries. Dee-lish!

Was I surprised when they showed up? Not one bit. Why not? Because I sent them to myself.

No, not as a ploy to make people think that there's a "special someone" in my life. I sent them because I've always wanted them.

So...instead of waiting for someone to send me chocolate covered strawberries, I decided to send them to myself.

Now if you've followed the blog for any time at all, you know that I am a single woman who would love to no longer be single, yet, there aren't any prospects, therefore, there's no guarantee when or even if that special someone will come along.

So until he does show up, I'm going to love myself the way that I deserve to be loved.

And you know what...who better to love me, than ME.

I know what I like.
I enjoy my own company.
I appreciate me for me.

And it got me thinking about all of the women (an possibly men also) who are wasting their lives waiting for someone to come along and shower them with gifts, make them feel valued, take them to the places they like, etc. But what if that person never shows up? Why deprive yourself of the things that make you happy just because you don't have anyone to share those things with.

Me...I've gone to concerts alone, and have enjoyed myself immensely. I've dined alone and savored the meal completely. I've seen movies alone, and enjoyed every scene because there was no one for me to talk to throughout the movie (those who've seen movies with me know how much I talk through movies). And for the first time...I've sent myself chocolate covered strawberries. Shared them with the kiddies, and enjoyed every bite.

You see, my friends...I am living a live with NO regrets. No could've, should've, would'ves for me. God gave me this life, and I am going to LIVE it. Do I want to live it "companion-less"? Of course not! Does life go on even if a companion (a.k.a. husband) never comes along? Most certainly, yes!

And for all of you out there who are journeying through this life "solo", to you I say this...LIVE your life! Enjoy it! Treat yourself to the things that make you happy. You're worth it!

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever sent anything to yourself? Flowers, candy, chocolate? Did you send it and tell others that it came from someone else, or did you proudly reveal that the goodies were "self sent".

Talk to me!

Til next time...

HopeFULL

This one is pretty long, but well worth reading. So grab a cup of coffee if you must, and get comfortable. You're gonna be in The Den for a while.

***

On Monday, one of my coworkers told me that her son's former Spanish teacher died. It was very sudden and no one knew yet what had happened.

Later that afternoon it was confirmed that she had committed suicide.

We all just shook our heads. Regardless of whether we knew her or not, it's just so sad when someone is in such despair that the only way out (at least in their mind) is to end it all.

Many would look at my life and possibly decide that it is a life not worth living. At the very least, no one's lining up to trade their lives for mine. I'm single, raising 3 kids on very little money, living in an apartment that is far too small, driving the cheapest car on the market. I'm fat. I'm Black. And the possibility of anyone loving me is slim to none. No my friends, not many people would trade their lives for mine.

Yet I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's, and I surely wouldn't end it.

Yes, I'm single and although my choice would be to journey through this life with that special man, I'm well aware of the fact that I entered this life alone, and I'll exit alone. So in the meantime, I'm going to do all that I can to make this a life worth living.

Yes, I have very little money. But I know what it's like to have even less. I truly know what it means to have 10 cents to my name, because I've had days where all I had (in the bank and in my pocket) was only 10 cents. But I lived that day with 10 cents, went to sleep and woke up the next day. Not any richer, but ALIVE. And in the end, that's really all that matters. Money will come and money will go, but LIFE can not be replaced.

Yes, my apartment is small and although most of my friends live in homes far bigger and much prettier than mine, I am thankful each and every time I step foot in MY home. Many would love to have this tiny place to call theirs. I, am blessed to be able to do so.

Yes , my car is the cheapest one on the market. Not European made. Not Japanese. Not American. It's just a car. But it gets me where I need to go each day, and for me...that's really all that I need it to do. Yes, a nicer car would be nice, but I'm not trippin' over the fact that I don't have one.

Yes, I'm fat. And I seem to be getting bigger by the day (stress and lack of time for fitness). This alone would cause some to want to "check out", because FAT (according to society's standard) is the worst thing a person could be. A person could be a liar, a cheater, a thief...and people would overlook those characteristics. But to be FAT...WHOA!!!

Yes, I'm Black. And you know what...I can't change that. You wanna know somethin' else...I wouldn't change it even if I could.

Yes, I am journeying through this life alone and would love to be loved, yet love doesn't seem to be heading in my direction. Oh well.

So as you can see, it appears as though the cards are stacked against me. Yet even with those cards, I still find reason to wake up every morning. And I thank God for each and every day that He gives me. With each new day I have new hope. You see, I...am hopeFULL, not hopeLESS.

Regardless of what life throws at you, and life will throw plenty at you...you MUST know that there is ALWAYS hope. ALWAYS. In Christ Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope.

So for anyone who's feeling down and out, feeling like they can't go on...to you my friend, I say this...give tomorrow a chance. Please. Be hopeFULL, not hopeLESS.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What (or Who) gives you hope?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Pretty Pretty Prom Princess

Yesterday was Jordan's prom. She was gorgeous!
In 2008, Lauren went to the prom. She, was also gorgeous!

Every time they get all "doodied up" it makes me wonder what I would look like if I were ever "doodied".

What's it like to be the "belle of the ball" and have all eyes on me?

I didn't go to my prom, so I don't know what that's like. And I've never been married, so don't know what that "special day" is like either.

I realize the my prom dream has long since past, but maybe...just maybe...there's hope for me in a wedding dress...maybe.

Then I'll be able to say that I know what it feels like to be the "Pretty Pretty Princess".

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have YOU ever been the Pretty Pretty Princess? Either at the prom, a Quinceañera, wedding, or other special event? What was it like?

Talk to me!

Til next time...