Nothing to Hide

So tonight I did something that's always been VERY difficult for me to do. I let people into my world. The world that I hide behind my smile. The world that really isn't as "together" as folks typically think.

It came by way of my following Facebook post:

"God is sooo good! I'm about to cry. I had to stop & get my oil changed because I've gone too long without getting it done (not in the budget.) I pull up and ask them to do the oil change and NOTHING ELSE because I simply can't afford anything else. They tell me that my right headlight is out (which I already knew) and proceed to tell me how much it'll cost to repair. The could've said $1.00 and it would've been more than I can afford. So I told them that I can't do it today. Then a very kind gentleman in the next car over gets out and asks them, "How much to fix the headlight?" They tell him and he gives them the money for it. I am sooo THANKFUL! Just one less thing for me to figure out as I try to come up with money for the rent in a few days.
No matter how bad things are, I will bless the Lord at ALL times, and this too shall pass."

For the most part, it truly was a testament to God's goodness! I can't tell you how long I have been driving around with my headlight broken. It's been about as long as I've driven around with expired tags...which by the way expired in September. Although I've paid the registration fee, I can't get my tags until I get the smog check, and considering the fact that the "check engine" light has been on for a while, there's just no telling how much the smog check and/or necessary repairs will cost me. Sooo...I haven't gotten it done yet.

In another way, I imagine my post was a subtle cry for help. I'm just kinda tired of struggling in silence. Feeling ashamed about the fact that I'm in the financial mess that I'm in. And the crazy part is that I have a JOB. I actually go to work everyday...yet I'm still in a mess. "Working Poor" is what folks like me are called. We have jobs, yet still can't get ahead. Like hamsters on a treadmill. Going nowhere.

Out of 100+ folks who "liked" the post, 3 offered to help. And I have another friend who has offered to help me even before tonight's post. So in total, that makes FOUR. I am ever so grateful for EVERY offer, yet I struggle with accepting help from folks who I know could used the help as much as I do. On the flip side, I have a LOT of friends who are doing VERY VERY well. Sure, they may have "liked" the post, but they're not trying to reach out and help. That, I must admit, stings a bit. Knowing full well that they CAN help, yet at the same time, knowing that they WON'T.


This whole situation got me to thinking and wondering just why it is that I have such a hard time accepting assistance. One reason is the fact that I can not repay anyone for what they give me, yet I think that most folks would expect to be repaid. So I just don't bother because I'll only end up disappointed.

Others might want to lecture, criticize or judge me for being in the position that I'm in. With that, THIS thought came to mind:
"Don't JUDGE me for being IN this situation, but LOVE me THROUGH it." That's what I need right now...LOVE, SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT...NOT judgment.
Over the past few months and based on some other things that I've previously posted, I've learned that sadly, I have a LOT of judgmental friends. I still love 'em, but I know not to EVER ask them for help. Thankfully though, my compassionate, loving, caring, understanding friends, FAR OUTWEIGH the judgmental ones...THEY are truly blessings.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you had to ask for help from your friends/family, would you be met with LOVE or JUDGEMENT?

Talk to me!

Til next time...