Fear...yeah, I have one.

So what most people don't know (because I'm very private and don't like putting all my business "out there"), is that my life is in a bit of a whirlwind. Has been for a couple of weeks now. And I could really use some help. Really, I could. But, who do I go to? Where do I go? Everybody has problems of their own, so who's gonna help me with mine? Answer: NOBODY.

For the past two weeks I've been frantically looking for a new job. I mean...I need a new job like PRONTO. But I don't want just any ol' job. I want one with PURPOSE. One that will be fulfilling. One that means something...not just to me, but to others. I want...no, correction...I NEED for my work, my career to MAKE A DIFFERENCE...A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE.

If you ask most people what their biggest fear is, their response will probably be, "dying". Interestingly, that's not my answer. Because I have salvation through Jesus Christ who died on a cross for me and three days later He rose again...and now He LIVES...well, because He lives, I too will live (even after death). That's what I believe. So no...dying is not MY biggest fear.

My biggest fear however, is that I will die BEFORE I am able to fulfill the purpose for which God created me. Every day that I've lived so far has been a day that has not yet been lived in my purpose. 45 years and I'm still not there. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?!? It's extremely frustrating, and far from fun.

So...I'm on a mission...a frantic search to find a career that matches my purpose. And I need to find it quick. The clock is ticking and time is running out. No seriously, I am on a time limit and with each day I am getting closer to my deadline. So something has GOT to come through soon.

Unlike most, I'm not worried. You see, prayer and worry can not coexist. So, I have chosen to PRAY. I do however, wonder. I wonder when the next thing will come through. Where it will be? What will my role be? So yes...I do wonder.

Today was different. After praying and searching and wondering, I heard God tell me to just "be still". Stop moving. Stop searching. Just "be still." So I did. I trust Him enough to know that if I'm "still" He's not. So I gave myself a day off. Many (if they knew my situation would say that I've already had days off. But today was different.) Today, I picked up a book that I've been meaning to read for I don't know how long...and I decided to READ IT...from cover to cover. And that's exactly what I did. I woke up, started reading and finished around 6:00 p.m. Can't remember the last time I read a whole book in a day. As an adult, I don't think I ever have. The book by the way, was "The Leap" by Rick Smith. And I highly recommend it, especially for anyone who is in a career and/or life rut. Highly recommend it.

So...I gave myself the break today. Tomorrow, God willing, I will start back at it.

Something is gonna come through. This I believe. This I must believe, otherwise I may well fall apart.

Times like these I just wish I had a shoulder to lay my head on or someone...no not someone, but a HUSBAND to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be alright. Living this life alone sure ain't easy. Not quite the life I thought I'd be living, but...here I am and it is what is is...at least for now and/or until God says otherwise.

Ok...that's enough from me. Now it's your turn.

Let the Dialogue begin: Are you in a career/life rut? If so, what are you doing to get out of it?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

(Day 2/21)