Let's Talk About SEX!!!

Okay...now that I have your attention...no, we WON'T be talking about SEX. However, we WILL be talking about DEPRESSION.

I'm sure that I've written on the subject before, but with the recent celebrity suicide, I felt the need to write about it again.

I have heard so many rumors about what the reason may have been for this celebrity's suicide. But the bottom line is...who really knows? I've heard that he may have left a note which could possibly provide some insight, but even then...how much can a note really explain?

Then I got to thinking about myself. My world is currently spiraling faster that I can withstand. And as I've said before, all that I really have to hold onto, is my FAITH. Yes, my faith is the glue that holds me together when my world is falling apart.

I am thankful for my faith, yet realize that so many others don't share in the same, or don't participate in any faith at all. It leaves me to wonder...what holds THEM together when their world is crumbling?

Anyway...I made a bold move today and told a friend about my current situation and the circumstances that led up to it. Immediately, after I told him, I felt like a weight had been lifted. It just felt so good to talk to someone who wasn't being PAID to listen to me. I've been needing that for sooo long. A listening ear. His response, "You're depressed." I was like, "Um, yeah." He asked if I was on "meds" and I told him no. Nor do I want to be. I don't need my mind altered to cope with what I'm going through...I need TIME. And time is what I'm taking.

I wish that others would take the same.

There were lots of Facebook posts yesterday and today about depression, yet the one I found most interesting was between two of my friends...one, a believer in Christ...the other, not.

In a nutshell, the "non-believer" was wondering if believers never get depressed since our answer to everything tends to be: PRAY.
The believer said, "No. We do get depressed. We pray AND we seek help."

For the most part, I would say that's true. Yet there are still too many in the church who are depressed and not telling anyone about it. I happen to be one. NONE of my church members know about my current "life situation". NONE. Why not? Because I fear that they will "look at me sideways" and/or at the very least...think I've flipped my lid. So...I keep a happy face and don't say anything to anybody. Life just seems easier that way.

Mind you, I have no problem admitting that I see a therapist (which I do), who's been helping me develop coping strategies for my job. And every now and then she asks about other life issues, but 90% of our sessions have been work related.

So...I've said all that to say this...if you need help...GET IT. There is NO SHAME in getting help. NONE. Let the weight be lifted.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do YOU handle depression when it hits?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Inhale...Exhale...REPEAT...

I did it. It's been a long time coming and I finally resigned from my job. Most folks say "quit", but that word has such a negative connotation and since I have chosen to be positive, I choose "resign."

I've gotta tell ya...it was the most difficult decision I have ever made...EVER. Yet I knew it was one that I had to make.

Do I have a new job? No.
Do I have new job lined up? No.
Has anyone called me for an interview? No.
Have I applied for a new job? Yes...MANY.
Will I receive unemployment? No.
Am I worried? No.
Do I know how I'm going to "make it"? Yes...by FAITH!

For months now (maybe even longer) my spirit has been so unsettled. I was going to a job that just wasn't a fit for me...at all. Day in and day out I'd go in. I was thankful for the job and God knew that. I prayed daily, and everyday I thanked Him for the job knowing full well that there are so many who would love to have it. I did the best I could at making it work. I really did. "Smile and Dial"...that's what I did. Against every fiber of my being, I "smiled and dialed" as every good little telemarketing cold-caller does. Until...

A position opened up in my department that I was far better suited for. An account management position similar to what I had done at previous companies. A position that I had done successfully well. So when it opened up I decided to apply for it. I had no idea that my request to apply would be denied by my immediate supervisor, yet that is exactly what happened. His reasoning, "Well if you don't like THIS, you won't like THAT." The day was May 21st, and from that day on, a little bit of me died each time I sat in my grey cubicle and picked up the phone to dial. I was having anxiety attacks and wasn't sleeping at night because I knew that if I fell asleep, I'd wake up in the morning and would have to go back and Sunday nights were the WORST! So staying up was my way of avoiding the inevitable. Doesn't make sense, I know. But when one is trying to cope, one does everything they can possibly think of just to "make it."

So...I went away for awhile and during my time away I came to a RESOUNDING conclusion...I WAS NOT GOING BACK. With all of the other uncertainties that I was facing, THAT was the only thing I was 100% sure of. Then came the next realization...I was taking up a seat and needed to give it up so that someone else could have it...someone who LOVES "smiling and dialing." I toiled with that one for a while and realized, it was bothering me because it was something that needed to be done. I had to leave.

Eventually, I let my H.R. manager know, and as troubled as she was by my decision (and the fact that I don't have a new job yet), she respected me decision and moved forward with the process. I may be the only person who's ever left the company voluntarily WITHOUT a new job, and without a husband or significant other to help them with what lies ahead. You see...I...have NO> ONE. And even if I were to tell anyone, they would simply think I'm crazy (which I'm not) or try to lecture me about my "terrible decision". Now THAT...would break my spirit, and I'm just not ready for it yet. Let me get some strength back first.

Bottom line is this, if I soar and land on my feet...I will land alone. And if I fall flat on my face...I will fall alone. That's pretty much been my journey...alone. No one knows what I've been going through and no one knows about this recent decision. There just isn't anyone to talk to. Nobody. Thank God for God though. No matter how many other folks have left me or simply don't want to be bothered with my troubles...HE is ever present.

So today was the day. I went in, packed up my stuff in 15 minutes, said goodbye to my team-mates, then met with H.R. to finalize the process.

Interestingly, I am okay with my decision. I have gone into it "head-first" and eyes wide open. Yet my spirit is at peace...complete and utter PEACE.

You see...I am trusting God. I have trusted Him before with major issues in my life and He has ALWAYS made a way. His track record is IMPECCABLE. Yes, I know that I have a HUGE part in this. I must apply for jobs at breakneck speed from here on out, and believe me, I will.

If I were going through this COMPLETELY alone, I'd be in a world of hurt and trouble. But because I am going through it with Him...and Him alone, I know that I will be okay. The road may be bumpy along the way, and I somewhat expect it to be. But with every bump...He'll be with me.

With that, I've taken the first step...a HUGE step...probably the biggest step I've EVER taken (at least as far as my career is concerned), and I have absolutely NO IDEA where the staircase ends. That's okay though...as long as God knows (and I know that He does)...then I have faith that He will lead and guide me...EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

Now for those of you who believe in Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior, PLEASE keep me in your prayers...'cause I need 'em...in a MAJOR WAY...I need them as I move forward. No turning back, I'm moving ahead...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the CRAZIEST career decision you've ever made?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Money...Don't Mention It!

Ok. So! There have been some MAJOR changes in my household over the past two days, and when I say MAJOR, I mean: ASTRONOMICAL, HUGE, LARGE-SCALE changes.

As a result, some things have had to go, namely Internet service and Cable. And if I can cut anything else loose, I will. We are now at the point where if we don't NEED it, we can't HAVE it. That pretty much means, roof over our heads, clothes on our backs (old...nothing new), and food in our bellies (meaning...whatever is in the fridge and cupboards RIGHT NOW...no buying anything new).

Yes folks, things are about to be EXTREMELY tight in my household for who knows how long. Nevertheless, I have FAITH. Faith in Jehovah Jireh (The LORD Will Provide).

Although I've been in tight situations before, I have NEVER EVER been in one THIS tight...EVER. But if I know anything, it is that there is NOTHING too hard for God...NOTHING. So this GARGANTUAN (and possibly life-changing) thing that I am going through right now is NOTHING for Him. He's got this, and He's got me...so I won't worry.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the tightest financial situation you've ever been in, and what was the end result?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Behind the Mask

So the past few weeks have been pretty tough and quite honestly, no one cares. Mind you...aside from my kids, no one really even knows what's been going on. I'm beginning to wonder if that's a trust issue on my part. I mean, some people tell EVERYBODY their problems. I on the other hand don't tell anybody anything. NOBODY. That's partly because I don't HAVE anybody.

For weeks I've been wanting to talk to my Pastor about what I'm going through, and although I've had MANY opportunities, I just can't bring myself to do it. He has so much on his plate and issues to deal with pertaining to other members that are far more important than mine. So...I simply haven't bothered.

That means that everything I'm dealing with is bottled up inside. We all know that's not good.

I just need somebody to talk to. Not a therapist, but a friend.

Sure, I communicate with God throughout the day by way of prayer (which is ME talking to HIM), and reading His Word (which is Him talking to ME). Yet I still need a HUMAN BEING by my side...just to listen and tell me that everything is going to be okay. And even if it isn't, then to tell me that they are here FOR me and WITH me no matter what happens next. Right now I am alone and lonely. Not a good combination if you ask me. Heck, ask anyone and they would agree as well.

I would say that I'll just keep "putting on my happy face", but I don't really even do that anymore. If people would actually look at me when I speak to them...I mean REALLY look at me, they would see that something's wrong. Not that I go around purposefully moping (because I don't) but because a bit of the usual sparkle that I tend to have has begun to dwindle. I can't see it from the outside, but I feel it on the inside.

What's a girl to do?

The answer: Keep livin'.

So there you have it folks. Oh what I wouldn't give for a REAL hug, or a REAL conversation with someone who genuinely wants to know how I'm doing...and doesn't mind hearing the truth.

Oh well. Today's another day, I'm 39 minutes in. As Psalm 34:1 states, "I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth."

And...it's my Grammy's birthday. She would have been 86 today. I love her and I miss her, EVERYDAY. She was truly my BEST FRIEND. Loved me in spite of my flaws, and didn't expect me to perfect. When I made a mistake, she was still right there by my side. She may have had to correct me on an issue or two...but she was ALWAYS there. Never called me names, and never said things about me behind my back. A grandmother's love is like no other. Oh how I miss it. Oh how I miss her. If she were here, she'd be the one I'd call. She'd be the one to give me a hug. She'd say, "Dee-da, everything will be okay". If she were here.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you took off your mask and let folks know how you were REALLY feeling?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In Other News...

Once again I find myself compelled to write about good ol' Facebook.

I tell ya...the world sure has become a different animal since Fb came along. I actually enjoy Fb and of all the social media sites out there, Facebook is the one that I use most...daily, actually. Over time though, I've given it a little pet-name. I call it "Technological Eavesdropping". I mean really...think about it...that's what it is.

You scroll through your feed and there they are...all of the conversations that your friends are having. You have a few choices. You can either "like" and keep it movin'..."comment" and keep it movin'..."like AND comment", OR...not do any of the above, and keep it movin'. Depending on the post, I do all of the above.

Now...here's what I don't like about Fb...the "stalking function". No...that's not an "official" function, but it's definitely there. Here's what I mean. There's that "ticker" thing that allows you to see what EVERYBODY'S liking and commenting on...even if someone is commenting on posts of people who they're not friends with. For example: If I'm friends with "X", "Y", and "Z", yet "X" and "Z" are NOT friends...if I comment on something that "X" posts and "Z" is watching the ticker, then "Z" can see my comment to "X's" post. Got it? I DON'T LIKE THAT!

Not that I have anything to hide (because I don't) but because it just feels too "stalkerish" to me. Personally, I keep the ticker off. Turned it off on the very day that it became a feature. I find it to be too distracting, AND...I don't need to know what everybody's commenting on. Some folks however, LOVE the ticker feature because they like to be all up in everything. Those folks are called, "busybodies".

So, in addition to stalking a person via the ticker, I have also found Fb to be a place where many narcissists are found. By that I mean this...(as the photo states), "Just because I post it doesn't mean it's about YOU". Unfortunately, people spend waaay too much time trying to read into a post to figure out what it means and if it's speaking directly to them. Hear ye, hear ye! Posting stuff on Facebook that's directed toward other people is CHILDISH. Maybe teenagers go that route, but grown folks...c'mon!

I don't post anything (negative) about anybody on FB, and I don't do that cryptic posting garbage either, where people have to fish and try to figure out what's wrong. In the words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time fa that!" If I have an issue with you, I'll call you, maybe write a letter or send an email...but I WILL NOT send you a text. Too much gets lost in a text. Too much can be misconstrued in a text. There is no "tone" in a text. And if I sense tone, (which I can pretty much do with the first two words)...it gets DELETED. Unread and Deleted. Why? Because I don't have time, nor the emotional energy to spend on trying to figure out someone's "tone". I've got way too much unraveling in more world for that...way too much. So ideally, IF I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH SOMEONE, I CALL THEM.

I guess one can say that I have a "love/hate" relationship with Fb. I love connecting with friends, new and old...but I hate all of the childishness that goes on. Ah...but there is a remedy. It's called "unfollow". Yes sir! I will (and have) click the "unfollow" button IN A HEARTBEAT. Sure, I may check in on a page occasionally just to see what's going on in "So and So's" world, but if they're still spewing anger and negativity...no thanks, I pass.

As I said a little while back...my world has no room for negativity...especially not right now at this place and time in my life. So, I choose not to even see it, and life is so much sweeter that way.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: If you use Facebook, to you keep the ticker on or off. If you keep it on, please tell us why.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

This JOY that I have...

With all of the sadness, anger, and negativity in the world I am learning more and more how to TUNE IT OUT and focus on what matters...JOY, LOVE, PEACE...and ultimately life eternal with Christ. You see, when I think on those things, then the vitriol and nastiness that the world may try to throw my way simply bounces right off. I just don't want any part of it. It's as though I wake up every morning now and spray "negativity repellent" all over myself. To the point where it either doesn't come near me, and/or if it does, it bounces right off...NEVER making contact.

Life is so much sweeter when lived that way. Interestingly enough, it's not the way that "the world" operates. Thankfully...I am not of this world. I am simply a traveler sojourning through. So I don't have to conform to the negative ways of this world because they are not the ways of my Lord Jesus. HIS ways are MY ways, and for that I am forever grateful.

The world wants us to tackle anger with anger...bitterness with bitterness...negativity with negativity.

Nope. Not gonna do it...because Jesus wouldn't do it that way.

Light outshines Darkness...ALWAYS.
Love outshines Hate...ALWAYS.
Silence outshines Angry Speech...ALWAYS.
Forgiveness outshines Unforgiveness...ALWAYS.
The Word of God outshines the ways of this world...ALWAYS.
Faith outshines hopelessness...ALWAYS.
Understanding outshines the need to prove a point...ALWAYS.

There...I've given you seven. Anyone who knows me knows that I do things in sevens.

So here's the deal...when I wake up each morning, I CHOOSE JOY. I really do. With a dwindling bank account and a job situation that's up in the air...life issues that need to be handled, and other things that change like the wind...I STILL choose JOY. I mean really, what benefit is there in harboring anger, resentment, bitterness, and whatever else people hold against each other? This life is so short compared to eternity. Why live it angrily? Again, I say...I CHOOSE JOY.

I still pray for people who've hurt me. Yes, EVERYDAY I pray for them...asking God to BLESS them. Why? (You already know what I'm gonna say) Because JESUS said so! That's why. No, it's not easy in my flesh. But by the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within me, it's totally doable. And That's what I choose to operate from...the power of the Holy Spirit and not my flesh. Too many people (yes, even Christians) are operating out of their flesh. How do I know...because they are so quick to anger, and short on forgiveness. Sorry folks, but according to the Bible that I read, that's completely opposite of how it's supposed to be. Thankfully, in one's very next breath the script can be flipped. But a person has to WANT to flip it. Some people CHOOSE ANGER. Sad, but true. For some strange reason, it makes them feel better...makes them feel like their "winning". Ok. Anywhoo...as I said before and will say once more...I CHOOSE JOY, and so does Yolanda Adams in one of my favorite songs where she says, "This joy that I have, the world didn't give this joy to me..." Amen Yolanda, amen!

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When you wake up tomorrow morning, what will YOU choose? Heck, why wait til then...tomorrow morning isn't promised to any of us. You may only have THIS moment. So...right NOW...what do YOU choose?

Talk to me!

Til next time...