Behind the Mask

So the past few weeks have been pretty tough and quite honestly, no one cares. Mind you...aside from my kids, no one really even knows what's been going on. I'm beginning to wonder if that's a trust issue on my part. I mean, some people tell EVERYBODY their problems. I on the other hand don't tell anybody anything. NOBODY. That's partly because I don't HAVE anybody.

For weeks I've been wanting to talk to my Pastor about what I'm going through, and although I've had MANY opportunities, I just can't bring myself to do it. He has so much on his plate and issues to deal with pertaining to other members that are far more important than mine. So...I simply haven't bothered.

That means that everything I'm dealing with is bottled up inside. We all know that's not good.

I just need somebody to talk to. Not a therapist, but a friend.

Sure, I communicate with God throughout the day by way of prayer (which is ME talking to HIM), and reading His Word (which is Him talking to ME). Yet I still need a HUMAN BEING by my side...just to listen and tell me that everything is going to be okay. And even if it isn't, then to tell me that they are here FOR me and WITH me no matter what happens next. Right now I am alone and lonely. Not a good combination if you ask me. Heck, ask anyone and they would agree as well.

I would say that I'll just keep "putting on my happy face", but I don't really even do that anymore. If people would actually look at me when I speak to them...I mean REALLY look at me, they would see that something's wrong. Not that I go around purposefully moping (because I don't) but because a bit of the usual sparkle that I tend to have has begun to dwindle. I can't see it from the outside, but I feel it on the inside.

What's a girl to do?

The answer: Keep livin'.

So there you have it folks. Oh what I wouldn't give for a REAL hug, or a REAL conversation with someone who genuinely wants to know how I'm doing...and doesn't mind hearing the truth.

Oh well. Today's another day, I'm 39 minutes in. As Psalm 34:1 states, "I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth."

And...it's my Grammy's birthday. She would have been 86 today. I love her and I miss her, EVERYDAY. She was truly my BEST FRIEND. Loved me in spite of my flaws, and didn't expect me to perfect. When I made a mistake, she was still right there by my side. She may have had to correct me on an issue or two...but she was ALWAYS there. Never called me names, and never said things about me behind my back. A grandmother's love is like no other. Oh how I miss it. Oh how I miss her. If she were here, she'd be the one I'd call. She'd be the one to give me a hug. She'd say, "Dee-da, everything will be okay". If she were here.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you took off your mask and let folks know how you were REALLY feeling?

Talk to me!

Til next time...