I've gotta tell ya...it was the most difficult decision I have ever made...EVER. Yet I knew it was one that I had to make.
Do I have a new job? No.
Do I have new job lined up? No.
Has anyone called me for an interview? No.
Have I applied for a new job? Yes...MANY.
Will I receive unemployment? No.
Am I worried? No.
Do I know how I'm going to "make it"? Yes...by FAITH!
For months now (maybe even longer) my spirit has been so unsettled. I was going to a job that just wasn't a fit for me...at all. Day in and day out I'd go in. I was thankful for the job and God knew that. I prayed daily, and everyday I thanked Him for the job knowing full well that there are so many who would love to have it. I did the best I could at making it work. I really did. "Smile and Dial"...that's what I did. Against every fiber of my being, I "smiled and dialed" as every good little telemarketing cold-caller does. Until...
A position opened up in my department that I was far better suited for. An account management position similar to what I had done at previous companies. A position that I had done successfully well. So when it opened up I decided to apply for it. I had no idea that my request to apply would be denied by my immediate supervisor, yet that is exactly what happened. His reasoning, "Well if you don't like THIS, you won't like THAT." The day was May 21st, and from that day on, a little bit of me died each time I sat in my grey cubicle and picked up the phone to dial. I was having anxiety attacks and wasn't sleeping at night because I knew that if I fell asleep, I'd wake up in the morning and would have to go back and Sunday nights were the WORST! So staying up was my way of avoiding the inevitable. Doesn't make sense, I know. But when one is trying to cope, one does everything they can possibly think of just to "make it."
So...I went away for awhile and during my time away I came to a RESOUNDING conclusion...I WAS NOT GOING BACK. With all of the other uncertainties that I was facing, THAT was the only thing I was 100% sure of. Then came the next realization...I was taking up a seat and needed to give it up so that someone else could have it...someone who LOVES "smiling and dialing." I toiled with that one for a while and realized, it was bothering me because it was something that needed to be done. I had to leave.
Eventually, I let my H.R. manager know, and as troubled as she was by my decision (and the fact that I don't have a new job yet), she respected me decision and moved forward with the process. I may be the only person who's ever left the company voluntarily WITHOUT a new job, and without a husband or significant other to help them with what lies ahead. You see...I...have NO> ONE. And even if I were to tell anyone, they would simply think I'm crazy (which I'm not) or try to lecture me about my "terrible decision". Now THAT...would break my spirit, and I'm just not ready for it yet. Let me get some strength back first.
Bottom line is this, if I soar and land on my feet...I will land alone. And if I fall flat on my face...I will fall alone. That's pretty much been my journey...alone. No one knows what I've been going through and no one knows about this recent decision. There just isn't anyone to talk to. Nobody. Thank God for God though. No matter how many other folks have left me or simply don't want to be bothered with my troubles...HE is ever present.
So today was the day. I went in, packed up my stuff in 15 minutes, said goodbye to my team-mates, then met with H.R. to finalize the process.
Interestingly, I am okay with my decision. I have gone into it "head-first" and eyes wide open. Yet my spirit is at peace...complete and utter PEACE.
You see...I am trusting God. I have trusted Him before with major issues in my life and He has ALWAYS made a way. His track record is IMPECCABLE. Yes, I know that I have a HUGE part in this. I must apply for jobs at breakneck speed from here on out, and believe me, I will.
If I were going through this COMPLETELY alone, I'd be in a world of hurt and trouble. But because I am going through it with Him...and Him alone, I know that I will be okay. The road may be bumpy along the way, and I somewhat expect it to be. But with every bump...He'll be with me.
With that, I've taken the first step...a HUGE step...probably the biggest step I've EVER taken (at least as far as my career is concerned), and I have absolutely NO IDEA where the staircase ends. That's okay though...as long as God knows (and I know that He does)...then I have faith that He will lead and guide me...EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Now for those of you who believe in Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior, PLEASE keep me in your prayers...'cause I need 'em...in a MAJOR WAY...I need them as I move forward. No turning back, I'm moving ahead...
Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is the CRAZIEST career decision you've ever made?
Talk to me!
Til next time...
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