Securrity!!!

So I took a lil break, celebrated my birthday, went on a quick trip, and now I'm back. 

About that trip...

If you've followed The Dialogue Den for a while, then you're aware of my past "run ins" with airport security. 

If you're new here, I'll catch ya up real quick. 

On my way home from Atlanta a couple years back, I was in the security checkpoint line, all ready to take of my shoes and whatnot, only to be advised that shoes stay on, and instead, my hands would be swabbed. 

Ok. That was new. 

So my hands got swabbed and the agent told me that it would be a few seconds so, "just relax." 

Well...a few seconds later her screen lit UP!

She looked at me and quite sternly said, "You shouldn't relax anymore."

What?!?

Another quick peek at her screen allowed me to see the words, "Explosive Substance Detected." Or somethin' like that. I know for SURE that I saw the word "EXPLOSIVE."

This resulted in me being taken to a tiny lil room where I was given the "extra special" search. AWKWARD!

I kept insisting that I hadn't been in contact with explosives and that WHATEVER was on my hands HAD to have come from the death-grip I had while riding MARTA. There's no telling WHAT was on that pole I was holding onto during that trip to the airport. 

Eventually, the search was over, and of course...I was cleared. I'd be lying if I said that incident didn't have my nerves on edge. It did!

The next incident happened on the way back from Washington D.C. 

My bag went through the scanner, I went through, and proceeded to get my bag. Instead of getting my bag, I was greeted with, "Ma'am is this your bag?"

"Yes, I was looking for that."

"Ma'am, we need you to step this way please."

{Insert Scooby Doo's voice here} "Huh?"

"Ma'am, is there anything in your bag that you'd like to tell us about?"

"No. What's in there?"

"That's what we're trying to find out."

"I dunno. It's a brand new bag. I can't imagine what could be causing alarm."

I'm saying all of this as he's swabbing my bag...goin' through all my "unmentionables," looking for who-knows-what.

FINALLY...he pulls out a can of Sprite.

Oopsie! I'd forgotten all about that. My bad.

He tossed the Sprite in the trash and I was cleared to go. PHEW!!!

No we fast forward to last Saturday. 

I was on my way to Las Vegas, flying out of Long Beach. 

Went through security as usual, calm, cool, collected. 

Nope. Not so fast. 

I go thorough the body scan machine and was about to head toward the conveyor belt to get my bag. 

Until...

The agent on the other side stopped me and said, "Ma'am. Can you take a look at the screen please?"

I looked. Didn't see what the issue was. 

There was a square yellow spot on the screen, but that didn't register anything with me either. 

He could tell that I wasn't understanding, so he pointed to the female agent and said, "She'll talk to you."

So I go see the female and she says, "Ma'am you have a 'warm crotch'. I'm going to need you to go through again."

Warm crotch? What?!?

Then the light bulb went on. The yellow square on the screen was right over my crotch. HOW EMBARRASSING!

I go through the machine again, with feet spread farther apart, and this time my crotch was cooler, but my shoulders were "warm." *sigh*

I said, "Look, I'm a big girl, it's hot outside...so yeah, I've got some "warm spots."

She patted my shoulders to make sure I didn't have anything "suspicious" going on and cleared me to go. As I began to walk away she said, "Aren't you glad that I only had to pat you there?"  Uh, yeah!

I dunno. One more experience like that and I'm gonna start thinking about taking the train or bus to my destinations. In the grand scheme of things, I gotta admit...I'd much rather have a "warm crotch" than a cold one. *giggles*

Now that I'm back, Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest thing that's ever happened to YOU while going through airport security?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

P.S.. - The spelling of this post's title is correct. I meant to spell it with the extra "r."