Very few folks know my current situation yet one thing I can say with certainty is that it in NO WAY resembles what I'm supposed to be doing and where I want to be in life. At this point, my current situation and my PURPOSE are polar opposites. That's heartbreaking.
During the event there were so very many things said that made me want to burst into tears. Somewhere along this journey of mine I have become a bit stoic, so I suppressed pretty much every tear that tried to fall. That was until...
The event ended, thanked the host Shannon Yvette and headed to my car.
As soon as I got in the first tear was allowed to fall. That one was followed by countless more.
I started my car, turned off the radio and began my tear-filled chat with God.
The gist of the conversation was around my disappointment at where I am at this point in my life. How I am desperately seeking a career opportunity that will allow me to help others as my heart so greatly desires, yet I feel that I am failing because it just hasn't manifested itself yet and I am simply LOST.
So I'm having this heartfelt talk with God and get on the freeway.
Once I get on I realize that I need to quickly moved into the lane to my left otherwise I will end up exiting the freeway. Not what I wanted to do.
So I'm still pleading with God, tying to figure out why nothing I've done thus far has had any meaning or value. No one's life has been positively changed as a result of my interaction.
The tears fell even quicker.
And no one was letting me get over.
So...I angrily ended up exiting the freeway. Great! Now I'm crying and angry at the same time.
I get to the bottom of the off-ramp and there's a homeless person standing there with a sign. I reached over to my passenger seat and gave them the prepared "blessing bag" that I keep in my car for such occasions. Then I circled the block so that I could get back on the freeway.
About thirty seconds into my circling the "light bulb" went off and I said, "Ok God. I see what you did there."
Even though my plan was to get on the freeway and go straight home...God's plan was for me to get off at the "wrong" exit so that I could be a blessing to someone who otherwise may not have been. It was as if God was saying, "I hear you and YES...you ARE living in your PURPOSE...even NOW. No, this isn't ALL that I have destined you for, but as long as you keep doing what you can with what you've got...even though you feel LOST and that NOTHING is making an impact...the little things that you do 'in the meantime' ARE making an impact."
At that point the tears stopped falling.
I get it.
I need to keep working toward where I'm trying to go, and I need to be patient in the process.
Am I where I want to be yet in this journey called "life"? NO.
Am I doing little things along the way as I strive to get there? "YES.
What exactly is it that I ultimately want to do with this life of mine? I'm glad you asked. Here's the list:
- Write books
- Become a Motivation Speaker (with a specific focus)
- Create a Non-Profit Organization that promotes literacy
- Work for (or create) an organization that provides services to homeless youth and their families
That all sounds pretty well and good, right? The interesting thing is that "career wise," I have never done any of the above, yet my heart SCREAMS to do them all. I pray that one day, I will. Dear Lord, PLEASE!
Now...it's late, so Let the DIALOGUE begin: What (if anything) is holding you back from doing what you know you were created to do? Let's work on it together.
Talk to me!
Til next time...
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