So I go to visit my Dad, and although I knew I needed to be there, I hated being there at the same time. It's the same hospital where my Mom was before her last days. It's the same hospital that I drove to when I got the call telling me, "Your Mom fell, and she's in the hospital."
I made my way to the hospital only to find her in the Emergency Room, sedated, on life support, and with tubes coming out of everywhere. All this because of a fall?
Turns out that my Mom had fallen as a result of many things. She had a stroke, heart attack, kidneys failed, and had a severe clot in her leg that was pretty much cutting off circulation from her knee down to her toes.
The day that my Mom fell at home and was rushed to the hospital, was the last day that she ever walked.
After many days of sitting by her side in that hospital room, waiting for her to be strong enough for surgery, waiting for her to be prepped for surgery...waiting for her to come out of surgery...waiting for her to be strong enough to breathe on her own...waiting for her to be able to open her eyes and acknowledge me...waiting for her to learn how to swallow again so that she could enjoy a simple cup of water...waiting for her to be strong enough to get out of her bed and into a wheel chair...waiting for her to be well enough to go home...only to realize that she would NEVER go "home"...waiting...
Yes, those are the memories that come to me every time I turn onto the hospital lot, check in at the visitors desk, press the button on the elevator and head toward my Dad's hospital room. THOSE...are my memories...and I can hardly stand them.
Today though, when I pulled into the lot, it was as if God knew that I needed just a little something to lift my spirit. As soon as I parked my car, I saw it...the lovely flower that's pictured here. I got out of the car and it was as though I heard God say, "Look."
There were four flowers. He said, "Look at them all." So I did.
Then He said, "Which one do you like the best?"
And I took a picture of the one that was closest to perfect. I looked at the color, the intricate detail, and was reminded of how creative God is, and how thoughtful He is to stop me before I went into that hospital, so that I could enjoy a few moments of beauty first.
I thanked Him, and then I went in.
As I was leaving, a smile came over my face as I remembered my beloved "Joe", and how loving and caring he was with my Mom when she was there. I will always remember the day that she had her amputation. Before she went in, she was agitated. We could tell. I didn't really know what to do. But Joe...
He always knows what to do.
He got a washcloth, wet it, and gently wiped her forehead to cool her off and calm her down. I believe that should could feel the love in his touch, and in an instant, her nerves were settled. She still wasn't able to speak at that point, but you could see the change come over her face. As if I didn't already love him, my love for him grew exponentially in that moment, with that small gesture.
All in all, I'd have to say that the visit today wasn't all that bad. There were some sweet moments mixed with the bitter.
As for my Dad, he's still there and will probably be moved to another hospital before he gets to go back home. That other hospital is another tough one for me to visit, for similar reasons. That's where we were told that her remaining days were very short...and they were.
Just thought I'd share that. I miss my Mom. Tomorrow will mark the 10 month mark since she left this earth. She came to me in a dream last night. She was her old self. She was healthy, and she was well. I welcomed the visit.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do you cope when you have to visit a place that doesn't bring the fondest of memories?
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