Tired

I'm back.

Made it through another day at work, and as I do everyday before I walk into the office doors, and as I'm walking out, I thanked God. It is ONLY through the strength that He gives me that I am able to make it through each day.

My job is technical. I'm not.

From the day I was hired I pray every morning before I step foot through those doors asking God to give me what I need for that day. Lead me, guide me, direct me, and be with me. These are what I pray for EVERY morning. And at the end of the day, I thank Him for getting me through. I'm truly not doing this by myself.

Most days, like today, I end the day completely exhausted. Now I realize that most people are tired after a days work, but I am exceptionally, abnormally tired. I really need rest.

Here's a typical day for me:

Wake up at 6:00 a.m.
Get kids up and out the door between 6:45 and 7:00
Hop on a crowded freeway to drop my daughter off at school that's about 15 miles North West from where we live.
Head over to my son's school that's about 10 miles South of my daughter's school.
Then I hop on another freeway and head West toward work (in bumper to bumper traffic).
Finally, I make it to the office at 8:30

From the minute I sit down at my desk it's "all systems go". I answer a slew of emails and phone calls while responding to my customer's Instant Message requests. And oh, did I mention our "work flow management tool" where our customers also enter their quote requests that they expect to have answered within 4 hours. It's waaay too much.

About once every 3 hours I get up to use the restroom (thank God for my bladder, otherwise I'd never get up), and I eat my lunch at my desk. Every now & then I try to get away from my desk for lunch but when I get back I always regret it because a 1 hour lunch break sets me back about 3 hours. Just not worth it.

5:30 p.m. rolls around (slowly) and I should be wrapping up. Usually don't leave til @ 6 though.

Hop on the freeway to go get my kids from their grandmas house.
Hop on another freeway to get home (in bumper to bumper traffic).

Get home, wash hands, start dinner.

Log back onto work to catch up on all of the work that couldn't possibly get done in an 8 hour work day. Does the 8 hour work day even exist anymore?

Help with homework.

Eat dinner.

Sit on the couch wishing that I could stay home from work the next day. Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

Work til who knows when and eventually go to sleep between 12 and 1:00 a.m.

Starts all over again in 5 hours.

Like a hamster on a treadmill, I'm running but not going anywhere :-(

And I'm tired.

What I just outlined is just a template of my day. It's rare that I get to actually come straight home from work. On Tuesday nights we have Bible Study. Thursday nights my daughter has choir rehearsal. And on the other days, there's just no tellin' what stop we'll have to make before heading home.

I'm not trying to complain (again, I get that many of today's unemployed would love to be in my shoes...I totally get it), I just feel sometimes that people "don't get me". Maybe if they understood a "day in my life" they'd understand me a little better.

Everyone has a limit. I think I've reached mine. I'm tired and really need to rest. No...I'm not talking a good night's sleep...I mean real rest, away from the stress and the demands of life. I just need a break. But a break is no where in sight.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you as tired as I am? What's a typical day like in your life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Dressing on Purpose

After 4 days of mind clearing, stress relieving bliss, I had to go back to work today :-(

For 4 days I got to be a Mom to my kids, and a friend to my friends. I got to be me. I wasn't worn out, frazzled and exhausted as I usually am from being overworked. For once, in a very long time I felt rested.

I realize that in today's economy it's pretty much "taboo" to complain about one's job because there are so many people who would love to be in my seat. So let me say from the jump: I am thankful for having a job. HOWEVER...the stress that I am placed under each day is NOT normal. Many of coworkers cry on the way to work (me included). Some of us cry while at work. Is that normal? I think not.

We come in, sit down and GO. Barely having time to even bid each other a "good morning".

We remind ourselves to breathe throughout the day because most of the time we are suffocating. We are drowning. It's bad...really really bad.

And it's finally gotten to the point where I have come to realize that no matter how much I do, no matter how late I work...it will NEVER be enough, because there are simply too few people in my office to get the job done. Waaay too few. Sadly, it's not going to change. Understaffed and Overwhelmed has become the "new normal".

So as I prepared to get dressed for work this morning, trying to let go of the depression that sets in before the beginning of each work week, I decided to dress to match the way I felt. I wore ALL BLACK. Today, I dressed on purpose. Everyday that I go into that office I feel like a little piece of me is dying. This can't be normal. It just can't be.

Again...I am thankful to have a job because I need a way to provide for my family and right now, this is it. But the price that I am paying, both in my physical and emotional health is more than I can afford, and can never be repaid.

I sometimes feel like an victim of abuse. People say to me, "Why don't you leave if it's so bad"? But it's not that easy. Where I am supposed to go? Who's hiring? I feel trapped. It's ver similar to an abuse victime. They want to leave. They know that they need to get out. They know that the longer they stay, the worse it'll get. And so, they stay. Playing out the escape in their minds, but never quite able to make the actual getaway. No one should ever feel this way. Not in a personal relationship, not at work. This is so unhealthy. I call it "workplace abuse syndrome". Not sure if that's an actual diagnosis, but it certainly the name that I would go with.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you feel trapped in your job? What's keeping you from leaving? Do you think you'll ever get out?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Questions, Your Answers

Tell me this...

How many times, and how long do you reach out to someone who doesn't reach back?

How much giving do you do before you realize that what you get in return (if anything) will never equate to all that you've given?

How many times do YOU have to take the first step toward forgiveness, knowing that the person you're forgiving will ultimately hurt you again?

Just wondering.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you one who reaches out, gives, and forgives...or are you the one who doesn't reach back, always takes, and creates the hurt?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

C-Sections...as common as changing socks (urgh!)

I'm sure that I won't make many friends with this post but this topic has been on my mind for a while and since it seems like no one visits the blog anyway, I'm pretty much free to say what I want...right?

So what's on my mind tonight??? C-Sections. I just don't get 'em. Why do so many women opt to have C-Sections. I mean, even without TRYING to have a natural childbirth they just make the decision to "have the drugs, and get the C-Section". How lazy! I mean really ladies...what would you do if you didn't have the luxury and "easy out" of having a C-Section. Oh...I know...YOU'D ENDURE THE PAIN AND HAVE THE BABY NATURALLY!!! Just the way women have been having babies since the beginning of time. Suck it up and push it out!!!

Now I get that some women HAVE to have a C-Section for medical purposes, but come on now...are there THAT many women who have the medical need? Let me answer that one for ya...NO, there are not!!!

So when I say that I don't get it, I mean just that. I've had 3 babies, and I had all 3 NATURALLY and WITHOUT drugs. I had my babies the same way that Eve had hers.

Yeah, it hurt like heck, but I had a great coach by my side to help me through the pain. And with only the two of us in the room (no doctors, no nurses, not a bunch of other people in the room tellin' us what to do), we got through it and delivered 3 healthy babies as a result. And we must've gotten something right because each delivery was faster than the one before.

So what am I trying to say? I'm saying this: LADIES...give natural childbirth a try before you throw in the towel and decide that your baby isn't worth the pain so you're just gonna take the easy road.

Life is painful. Why should childbirth be any different? Now breath in, breath out...deep cleansing breaths, and have that baby...the natural way!

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Sorry guys, this one's for the ladies...Have you ever had a C-Section, and did you have it because it was medically necessary, or because it was convenient. Be honest.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Rated "R" (for a REASON)

So I went to the movies last night and in line behind me were a handful of teen aged girls chatting as teen aged girls do, and cursing like sailors (sadly, as many teenagers do). It was just so unbecoming. So unlady like. Really disturbing.

So as the line moved along they continued their cursing and unlady-like language and were pointing out people in the line who they were going to ask to buy their ticket to a rated "R" movie.

As we were just about to get to the window they finally decide on ME. ME! Little did they know, I was NOT the one.

So they proceed to ask me to buy their ticket and I very politely told them NO. I'm sure that I became the subject of their next unlady-like conversation, but there was No Way that I was going to contribute to the continued degradation of their development.

Was I being prudish? Probably. Do I care? Not at all.

First of all...I would not want somebody buying a ticket for my under aged children to get into an "R" rated movie. Movies are powerful. They place images into our minds that can not be removed. I wouldn't want someone to help those negative images to be placed in my child's mind, and I will not be responsible for jackin' up the mind of someone else's child. Yes, my friends...it truly takes a village.

After I told the girls no, the cool lookin' dude who was ahead of me in line asked me what they wanted. I told him that they wanted me to buy them a ticket to an "R" rated movie. To my surprise, he agreed with me. He said, "Ahhh nahhhh...that's right. Some things they just need to wait for".

I was already feeling okay about my choice, and to have this dude agree with me just confirmed my decision.

In my opinion, children/teenagers are exposed to waaay too much too soon. I believe in letting them be youthful for as long as possible. They have all their lives to do and see adult things. But while they are children, they need to be just that...children.

Maybe I'm on a mission all by myself. Or maybe me and the guy in line in front of me are the only two on this bandwagon. But please people...stop exposing your "children" to adult situations...especially if you're gonna turn around and complain about them being "too grown".

Let's help our kids be kids. And stop sneaking them into "R" rated movies. Afterall...the movies are rated R for a REASON (Sex, drugs, language, adult themes,violence, etc.,etc). They may THINK they're ready for adult situations at 14, but how 'bout WAITING until they're 17 to know for sure. Even at 17 I think there are some things that they're not ready for. But that's just me.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever paid for a ticket to allow a child (not yours) into an "R" rated movie? If so, why? If not, why not?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

What's the Rush?

Clocks.

I've never been too fond of 'em.

In my opinion, clocks are the primary reason for so much unnecessary rushing. Clocks (and calendars) create the need for deadlines, and needing to be in a certain place by a certain time.

Rushing to go here. Rushing to go there. Just rushing.

Don't believe me? Let me ask you this then...what happens when you set your alarm and it doesn't go off? Ever had that happen to you? I have.
You wake up in a state of panic...heart racing...forgetting to do half the things you'd normally do had your clock gone off on time.

When the alarm doesn't go off, you're whole "internal clock" is thrown out of whack.

If you didn't have to wake up by a clock then your body would simply wake up to it's natural rhythm and you could go about your day as you were meant to.

Me, I've just never been one to be ruled by a clock. I don't even wear a watch. I like to go with the flow. Wake up when my body says it's time. Get to where I have to go in the time that it takes me to get there. After all...what's the rush?

Yet everywhere I go, people around me are rushing.

I watch cars on the freeway swerve in and out of lanes just to get ONE car ahead of where they were. Doesn't make much sense to me.

I watch drivers illegally enter the carpool lane because they are too impatient to wait for the lane to open up where they may enter legally. Doesn't make much sense to me. Is it worth the ticket when you get caught?

I listen to people complain in lines at the grocery store (or any other store) when there aren't enough registers open. I mean people get really nasty if they have to wait in line for more than two minutes. They start talking negatively about the store and about the cashiers and I just think to myself, "If you think the store sucks that badly, then WHY are you shopping here"? I just don't get it.

And then there are the cashiers who rush me at EVERY store that offers a savings card. Before they even say hello, they ask for my "club card". Time and time again I tell them that I have it and will swipe it once I find it. This drives them nuts.

Tonight's cashier was truly about to crawl out of his skin because I was taking waaay too long for his liking. He starts with asking for my card. I couldn't find it so I started shuffling through the zillions of savings cards that I keep in my wallet. Couldn't find it on the first go round. So I started over. While I'm looking he's firing a series of questions at me...anything to get my info keyed into the computer so that we could move forward. None of my answers were sufficient for him though and I kept telling him to just be patient and I'd find it. He wasn't hearing that.

So guess what I did. I slowed down my search even more...on purpose this time. I wanted to teach him a lesson. He was going to slow down, even if it was only during his forced 3 minute encounter with me. He continued to rush me. Now it wasn't like there was a line full of people behind me, because there wasn't. I wouldn't be that rude. There really was no need to rush. Yet he has been conditioned to do everything quick, fast and in a hurry. I don't work that way. I take my time. And that's in everything that I do.

I eat slowly. Always the last to finish my meal when I'm eating with others. And I'm typically the last one to arrive at events, gatherings, get-togethers, etc. Most of my friends know this and have accepted the fact that that's just me. I get there when I get there. So don't wait up.

I guess in a nutshell, I'd put it this way:

Life is meant to be lived...at its own pace.

YEP! That's it! Don't know if anyone's ever said that before because for me, it's an original thought. Simple, yet profound. Just like me.

There's only one reason that I can think of that's worthy of being in such a rush. That would be to be by the side of a loved one who is about to transition from this life into the next. Being there in time to say a final goodbye...the last "I love you". Yet even if you didn't make it in time...if that person knows how you feel about them BEFORE they're about to go, then even at the end it wouldn't matter if you didn't get there in time because your feelings were known to that person during the times that you shared with them. Even then, it would be okay if you got caught up in traffic. That's why it so important to tell those who mean the most to you exactly how you feel about them...while they are here...LIVING...so that you don't have regrets if you get caught in traffic at the end.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you one of those who rush through life? If so, why? Would you like to live life more slowly, or does the hurried pace work for you?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

p.s.- If you're ever in my home, you'd enjoy the sound of my living room clock that chimes every hour on the hour from 6:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m.
Westminster Chimes. So you see, I do enjoy the look and sound of a clock...just don't like LIVING by one.

The Things We Say

Wow. I've really gotta get better at this. I have sooo much that I want to write about, but my life doesn't allow me to make time to get here often. I can't tell you how many times in a day I think of something that I want to write about. But when I get home from work I am absolutely SPENT, and don't want to do much of anything except clear my mind of the days happenings.

Now today is Sunday, so my head is a whole lot clearer than it is Monday through Friday. Nevertheless, there was still plenty to keep me from getting here to the blog. FINALLY, I had to say enough is enough, and here I am.

I wanted to talk today about the Church School (some call it Sunday School) lesson from this morning. The lesson today came from Psalm (no "S" on the end), 46:1-7. In the lesson we learned that God IS our refuge. That is a blessing in itself. Not only does he provide refuge, but there is so much comfort, joy and peace that comes from knowing that He IS our refuge. He is in the midst of everything that we go through, so we NEVER have to feel like we're "in it" by ourselves.

As the day progressed, I began to think about some of the "catch phrases" that we use about God. And one that came to mind was "When God shows up, He shows out". You've heard this before, right? And I admit...I'm guilty of having uttered these very words myself a time or two.

But today I realized...God doesn't "show up". You see, when someone "shows up", it means that they weren't there already. It means that they've just arrived. So surely, this doesn't apply to our God Who is Omnipresent. He's everywhere, all the time. That's another comforting FACT.

Now, I understand why we say what we say...it's because at times, we don't FEEL like He's present. At times, we FEEL like we are in the circumstance by ourselves. Then, when the way is made for us, and we are brought out of that circumstance, we feel that THAT is when God has shown up. Hopefully after reading this, you will realize that He was with you ALL the time, and ALWAYS will be, because He promised.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What "catch phrases" have you heard being used to describe God, and do you feel that they are accurate or inaccurate?

Talk to me!

Til next time...