"Come ye disconsolate, where’re ye languish your mind..."
Those were the words that Francis heard the choir singing as she stepped inside the doors of the church for what was the 1st time in 30 years.
She wasn’t even sure how she'd ended up there. Life for Francis lately had become a blur. One day blurred right into the next. She hadn’t been living, she’d only been functioning. Not much of an existence there, Francis thought.
And on more than one occasion, she’d thought about giving up on existing altogether. Just didn’t see the point anymore.
The life that Francis was living was far from the life she’d planned.
She’d never been married (not by choice).
She’d never had any children (not by choice either, she was simply waiting for the right order which meant having a husband first).
She lived in a small studio apartment, by herself. Couldn’t even have a pet because the property management company wouldn’t allow it.
She had a job that was just that…a “j-o-b”. Nothing thrilling about it. Nothing lifechanging , neither for herself nor her company’s clients.
She knew that she was created for more and just couldn't find a way to get there.
Life had gotten in the way of Francis’ dreams and goals. Life was suffocating Francis. Life, didn’t seem to be much of a friend. So she decided to end the friendship.
“Who will even miss me when I’m gone? If anyone really cared, they’d be here. Life wasn’t meant to be lived alone and since I’m alone and probably will continue to be, then why bother with living.”
Francis had made the ultimate decision to leave this life that had been so unkind to her. Today was going to be the day.
She stepped out of her front door, felt the heat of the sun against her face and for a brief moment, actually smiled. It was as though the sun was giving her one last hug, knowing that it would never shine on her face again.
She started walking toward the Esparanza Bridge. Not nervous. Not distraught. Focused.
These were the last 8 blocks she would ever walk. No turning back now. She put one foot in front of the other and off she went.
Along the first block she passed by Gionelli's, her favorite restaurant.
Block number two, the elementary school that she had attended as a young girl.
Along block number three was the museum where Francis spent countless hours admiring the lovely oil paintings, sketches, and sculptures.
Block four was where she spent her childhood. The home where her family used to live was on this block.
As soon as she crossed the street to block number five she could smell the freshly cut flowers displayed outside of her favorite flower shop.
Block number six contained the market where she shopped. So convenient and the walk was always a great way to get in some exercise.
And then...block number seven. Just one block away from what would be the last.
As soon as she stepped foot on block number seven, she heard those words resounding from the church. "Come ye disconsolate, where’re ye languish your mind..." It was as if the choir was singing just for her...only TO her.
"Come ye disconsolate, where'er ye languish your mind.
Come to the mercy seat, fervently kneel;
here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish,
earth, oh, has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal..."
At that moment she realized that her journey was over. No, not her life's journey, but the journey to end her life. She stepped inside the church doors and let the words of the song pierce her heart, her "saddened, lonely, been hurt too many times by too many people" heart. What seemed to be an endless stream of tears flowed down her face. And as she sat there in her seat a woman came over, didn't say a word, and just placed her arm around Francis. A loving, caring arm. A gesture that said, "you're not alone. Someone DOES care."
Many times that's the difference between whether someone feels that this life is worth living, or if they decide to give it all up. Most times, someone just needs to know that somebody else CARES.
***
Phew! That was another toughy. My 5th post inspired by the book "642 Things to Write About" Another creative challenge that I had to take head on. The instructions were: Put you iPod on random shuffle, write down the lyric of the first song that comes on, and use it as an opening line.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: How'd I do? Did you think Francis wasn't gonna make it? How 'bout YOU give it a try and let me know what you come up with for the first song that comes up in YOUR shuffle.
Talk to me!
Til next time.
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