So tomorrow is my running group's end of the month "all-group" run. That's where the various groups from different cities all meet up in ONE city and run together.
As much as I want to go, there's a big part of me that doesn't. That's the shameful part that doesn't want everyone to see how much weight I've gained. One of the women who will be there tomorrow actually helped me to lose 26 pounds back in 2012 (has since unfriended me) and I'm sure will look at me with disgust tomorrow...as if all of her efforts were for naught.
That's really not the case. It's just that life and depression got in the way of my weight loss efforts and as a result, I'm fat again.
But I love being out with my group, and even though I'm sure that I will come in LAST, I still want to be there.
So we'll see how it goes. Either SHAME will win and I'll end up staying home (again), or I will no concern myself with what others think and I'll get my fat butt out there. I'll let you know tomorrow.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: Is there anything that you are ashamed of?
Talk to me!
Til next time...
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No need to be shameful...about that anyways. I think everyone had their turn with the roller coaster of weight loss. You've been around for my ups and downs, so I can not in good conscience pass judgment or make anyone feel bad for gaining weight. We've lost it before dagnabit and we will lose it again!
ReplyDeleteYou're right Kyra! And the funny part is that I went to the group run and the person I was ashamed to have see me WASN'T EVEN THERE. Even though she had clicked on "join", at the last minute she must've changed her mind. I know that it shouldn't matter, but I just feel like I let her down by gaining all this weight back. Oh well...back to square one and losing it all over again. Difficult...but POSSIBLE.
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