Anywhere But HERE!

Life's gotten pretty heavy (again) lately, and I have found myself on a number of occasions wondering what it would be like to get in my car and just drive away...leaving everything behind.

I want to start over.

I need to start over.

But where would I go?

I have no idea.

Maybe my issue isn't so much that I want to GO anywhere, but moreso that I want to LEAVE some places.

Ok...who am I foolin'? The place that I want to leave is my JOB. Yes...I've only been there a year, but I have that prickling in my spirit that's letting me know that "this ain't it."

From this side of the keyboard I can already hear folks SCREAMING, "Gurrrl...don't you leave that job that you have now! Don't you do it!!"

Yep...I know that's what folks will say. Which leaves me to wonder who I'm really staying there for. I'm NOT happy, and every day that I go in, I fall deeper and deeper into what I know is depression. Yes, I know that's what this is because I've experienced it before. I am absolutely NO stranger to depression.

I'm also stressed, and it's manifesting itself in physical form.

A few years ago my stress manifested itself in the form of alopecia areata. Yep...I developed FIVE quarter-sized BALD spots on my head. Crazy, right?

Well...the stress is back, and this time it has manifested itself in the form of an ugly growing rash on my neck, just under my chin. Have you ever noticed how thin the neck skin is under your chin? Feel it. It's super-thin...which makes it extremely uncomfortable when it's irritated in any way.

Two weeks ago I was on vacation, "footloose and fancy free"...absolutely enjoying life.

I returned to work and the stress was piled on immediately. Like I didn't even get a chance to breathe or re-acclimate myself to the chaos. THIS week has been even worse.

Sadly, even when I try to tell myself to stay calm and NOT stress...my BODY knows better and so...see the pic.

Bottom line is this...I need to get out! I need to get into the career that matches my passion. I need to get into an organization that HELPS others.

I no longer want to be trapped in a cubicle, pushing product that makes others wealthy.

And for me, wealth isn't even the primary motivator. For me, HELPING OTHERS is what matters most.

If I can change the life of a young person for the better...then THAT would mean more to me that ANY money in the bank.

I've gotta figure out how to get there. The tough part is that I've never done that kind of work before. I've always done "cubicle work." But there HAS to be a way in...there just HAS to be. And I am determined to get there, or die trying. After all...what's it gonna hurt? I already feel like I'm dying a little bit each day in my current position. So there's really nothing to lose.

So...how 'bout we Let the DIALOGUE begin: Anybody have any suggestions for what I can put on this rash. It itches and burns. Ouch!

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Two Minutes

Almost every time someone dies, especially celebrities, we who are left tend to remember and say good things about the dearly departed. The same happens at funerals (or as we in my faith call them...HOMEGOING services).

Whenever I hear folks reflect on celebrities or those whose services I attend, I am always Always ALWAYS left wondering, "What will folks say about me after I die?"

Of course, I have my own ideas about what I would HOPE folks would say, but it sure would be nice to know before I go, exactly what would be said.

Would I be described as kind, loving, caring?

Creative, artsy, quirky?

Passionate?

Bitchy, moody, some-timey?

Giving, selfless, Servant of Christ?

Sexy, funny, talented?

In all honesty, depending on who'd be speaking, you very well may hear me described as ALL of those...and many more that I've surely left off.

I often find it unfortunate that the accolades and benevolent statements are made after the person is gone and can no longer hear them.

Oh, I know that there are many who believe that the dearly departed "look down from Heaven" and see all that we do -- which would include being able to hear the kind words that are said.

I however, being the eternal "oddballl" simply do not believe that those who leave this earthly life look down (or up) to see, monitor, protect and/or watch what their loved ones are doing.

Heck, my Mom has been in Heaven for seventeen months now. There is NO WAY that I would want her looking back on ANY of what she left. NO WAY!!! How could she POSSIBLY experience the fullness of JOY, and PEACE if she saw all that was going on here. She WOULDN'T.

So with the recent death of one of our music icons, I've been left again to wonder, "Just what will folks say about me?" Even as I write these words, the song, "Give Me My Flowers" rings through my head.

I believe that if folks would "give others their flowers" and kind words while living, this world would be a much better place, and people would know how much they are LOVED and APPRECIATED when it means the most...while they are still ALIVE and can hear the words.

Anyhoo...That's my soapbox for tonight.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What word(s) would YOU hope folks use to describe and remember you after your life here is done?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Where Are They Now?

So today's post is one that I have wanted to write since last Thursday, but have been reluctant to do so. My spirit however, has continued to be "prickled" and I know that it won't stop until I just go ahead and write the darned thing.

Since the unexpected death of one of our music icons last Thursday, I've felt a bit "troubled" about where he may be now.

One of my friend's posted something on the day of his death and at the end of her post she wrote, "I pray that he was saved." I prayed the same.

As the days progressed, more information about his faith was mentioned.

According to the Christian faith, Jesus is God, Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

According to Romans 10:9, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

From what I understand, this individual's faith did not adhere to such belief. And that makes me sad, because it means that I (along with other followers of Christ) will never see him again. It also means that he is now experiencing ETERNAL separation from God. Something that I can not even BEGIN to imagine.

As much as I believe The Bible to be the TRUE, INERRANT WORD OF GOD...the bottom line is that NONE of us will ever know what REALLY happens after THIS life until we enter the next.

It's really troubling when I think about it. Not just because of this one artist, but because of the many who have died before him. And not just celebrities, but every-day folks who were once here and aren't any longer.

I have many friends who do not believe that Jesus is Lord, and that He died for our sins. They think that's all just part of a "man made" story, taken from the beliefs of other faiths that came before Christianity.

One thing's for sure...we can't ALL be right.

As much I enjoyed the music of the artist who just passed, and have enjoyed hearing about how generous and kind he was...I know that (according to the Word of God), none of that gets one into eternity with God. Belief in Christ is the ONLY way.

The other thing that's certain is that no one knows what happened in the last moments of this individual's life. Perhaps just before his last breath, he actually DID confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believed in his heart that God raised him from the dead. Only he and God know for sure. But I sure hope...with my hope of hopes...that that is how it happened.

With a heavy sigh...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU think? Do all dogs go to heaven? And people too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

777-9311

So here's a question for women who are in MY age range:

Remember when you were younger and when a guy would be interested in you and ask for your number, you'd give him what was called a "bunk" number...also known as "the WRONG number" if you weren't interested?"

Yes, back in those days we could do that because there were no cell phones so by the time he'd get home and call...you would be LONG gone (and just have to hope that you'd never run into him again).

With the advent of technology, and everyone having a cell phone at their fingertips now...giving someone one a "bunk" number these days is virtually impossible. Here's why.

Recently I met a guy and we got a bit of a conversation going. Soon thereafter, he had to go his way and I had to go mine. I thought he was a nice enough guy...and good looking...but I didn't think much more than that. I just thought he was a cool dude and we vibed well in the short amount of time that we talked.

As we got ready to part, he suggested looking into some things for me that we had briefly discussed. I found that to be a very kind gesture. He then whipped out his phone and said, "So let me get your number and I'll call you when I have that info." SMOOTH. I thought that was REAL SMOOTH.

I rattled off my number and watched him plug it in.

We said our goodbyes...I went left...he went right, and that was that.

WRONG!!!

That WASN'T that!

Less than five minutes later I noticed that I had a "missed call" that was followed by a text letting me know who the number belonged to. HE is the ONLY person I know in his area code, so it wouldn't have been tough for me to figure out whose number it was, but I had to giggle at the way the whole thing went down. Just like in the days of old...he had to make sure that the number I gave him was good. I gotta admit...I was a bit flattered by that.

Anywhoo...we've sent a few texts back and forth since then, and I'm actually looking forward to a phone CALL one of these days. The texts are nice, but I'm "old skool" and prefer the sound of a voice far more that reading words through a screen.

One of these days (depending on how things go), I'll share who he is, how we met, and all that good stuff.

Til then...Let the DIALOGUE begin: LADIES...When was the last time a man asked for your number? Did you give it to him? Did you give him a fake one? Or did you decline altoghther?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

What Can I Say...and Who Can I Say It To?

Life has been so crazy these past few weeks...THIS week especially. Yes, I know...I just came back from vacation. So how can things be crazy? Believe ME...they are! Just hours after landing back on Cali soil Monday morning, sh!t hit the fan. You know how messy THAT can be.

Times like these are when I really miss having a "Best Friend" to talk to. One that I can tell EVERYTHING to as I used to do when I had a "best friend." I know that I still have friends who are willing to lend an listening ear, but I'm just not at the point where I can tell EVERYTHING...because EVERYTHING includes some pretty crazy "stuff".

Instead, I am left to keep it all to myself, and that's just so uncomfortable. I have no outlet.

As crazy as some of the "stuff" was that I'd been through and done in the past, she never judged me, or threw the "Christian card" in my face (even though some of my choices didn't, and still don't sometimes match up with my faith). Instead, she would just listen and respond with, "Oh D." Even with that though, I never felt judged. I knew that many times her "Oh D" meant, "I can't BELIEVE you did that...or did that AGAIN," but she was always supported ME (maybe not my DECISIONS), but ME in WHATEVER choices I made...good, bad or indifferent. And when the pieces broke, she was there to help me pick them up and piece them back together.

Lately, I have made some choices that would make her hair curl...but I know that even with THESE choices, she'd still just sigh, say "Oh D", and we'd keep it pushin'.

So for now, I guess it's just me & God. I'm certain that I've made HIS hair curl...which isn't anything that I'm proud of...I just know that because He sees ALL...He has SEEN ALL.

In other news...there was a knock at the door tonight...well, more like a call from the front gate. In the past I always knew who it was and automatically pressed the buzzer to open it. Tonight was different. I answered the call, but didn't say anything...nor did whoever was at the gate say anything. About ten seconds passed, I didn't press the buzzer, and finally hung up the phone.

Who was at the gate? I have no idea. Could it have been "Joe?" Maybe. Would I have wanted it to have been "Joe?" Of course. When/if I see or speak to him, I'll be sure to ask. Til then it will remain a mystery.

So...deep breath in...and EXHALE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have someone you can tell EVERYTHING to? And I don't mean God. I mean an earthly human being. If so, it sure must be nice.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And...GO!

My goodness! Seems like it was forever-ago since I last posted.

Part of that is because I was on vacation and out of town last week (WITHOUT a computer), and the other part is that my home internet service has been terribly spotty. Sometimes I have to wait TWO HOURS for the "little light" to come on that lets me know that I can get online. Many times that light isn't on until the wee hours of the morning when I am far into "Dreamland."

I finally decided that my spotty internet service was UNACCEPTABLE so I called my ISP and scheduled an appointment for them to come out and fix it.

Well...wouldn't you know it.

The appointment was scheduled for TODAY, and TODAY, my internet has behaved splendidly. Of course!

Apparently, the technician was able to remotely fix whatever the issue is. Although I am quite thankful for that, I still wonder why that hadn't been done all the other times that I called to report the issue.

Nevertheless...looks like I'm back in business, and I have a WHOLE LOT to catch up on.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: How you doooin'?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Dress That Salad!

A couple weeks ago I attended an event. At the end of the event a very light salad was served. That salad was DELICIOUS. More specifically, the DRESSING was DELICIOUS.

I tried to identify what was in the dressing but came up empty. That's ok though because out of that experience came my decision to EAT more salad and MAKE more dressing.

I've decided to stop BUYING salad dressings, especially since many of them have ingredients that I can't even pronounce, and just make my own.

I found a website that had FIFTY different recipes. I am going to make them ALL.

Tonight I started with the Classic Vinaigrette. Came out okay, and just as I am doing with my church visits...I will make it again. Yes, every dressing will be made twice. That'll give me a chance to change/fix anything that didn't turn out right the first time.

Not sure how this'll go. I might just go down the list and make them in consecutive order, or I may close my eyes and randomly point to one. Either way, I'm looking forward to having much healthier, and tastier salads going forward.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR favorite salad dressing? Is it creamy or oil based?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Another Visit Down...MANY More To Go!

Last Sunday I visited another church.

I gotta tell ya...I am REALLY loving this "Season of Visitation" that I am in.

Although I got the urge to visit YEARS ago...it wasn't until this January that I FINALLY decided to be obedient to what this is that God wants me to do and just DO IT already.

My visits have been absolute BLESSINGS and my worship just feels so FRESH now. I believe that God is pleased.

As I have written before, I have a bowl full of churches that I will be visiting. On my designated Sundays for visiting, I reach into the bowl on the Friday before and whatever I pull is where I go that following Sunday.

This time around I let my daughter Lauren pick. Wouldn't you know it...she picked a church that I've already been to before. You may be wondering, "If you've already been before then why is that church in the bowl?" I'm glad you asked.

You see...I've attended 6:00 EVENING service there before, but had never attended MORNING service. Now that I have attended BOTH, I can say that the experiences are similar, yet different. One HUGE difference is that evening service is only an hour long. Morning service (I now know) is MUCH longer.

I went last Sunday to their 9:00 am Easter Sunday service and had a great time in the Lord. Because it was Easter (which I prefer to call Resurrection Sunday), they did a theatrical production which showed the love of Jesus to ALL...no matter WHAT one's past or present situation is. At one point I found myself in tears because the performance was so moving.

As the performance went on I began to get just a wee bit concerned as I wondered if the theatrical production was going to be the WHOLE service. I hoped not, but wasn't sure.

Well...my curiosity was quickly quelled when I saw Bishop come out and take to the podium. Soon thereafter he directed us to the passage of Scripture that he would be coming from and I realized that YES, there WOULD be a sermonic message given on that day. The service was great and I looked forward to returning on today.

Although the preaching and teaching are great, one thing that I noticed in all the times that I had visited during evening service, and again LAST Sunday, was that visitors were not acknowledged. I guess I noticed that because at MY church, we go to great lengths to make sure that visitors are GREETED and made to feel WELCOMED.

As I returned this morning to 11:00am service, we sang, praised, worshipped, and again I wondered, "What about the visitors?"

Well TODAY, visitors WERE acknowledged and it turns out that the church even has a special song that the choir sings directed SPECIFICALLY toward the visitors. That warmed my heart.

After all was said and done, it was time for the Word. That's where things got a bit interesting. Apparently, everyone was expecting Bishop to preach except...Bishop didn't make it to service today. From what I understood, he's not feeling well and/or has back pain of some sort. Let's lift him up in prayer.

I was curious to see what would happen next.

Well...God ALWAYS has a "ram in the bush" and one of the other ministers had a sermon prepared and ready to go. Praise God!

One thing I found interesting was when he said, "Well...I know that y'all came to hear Bishop, but you're gonna get ME today instead."

You see...THAT is where spiritual maturity comes in. The "mature" saints go to service to simply hear the Word, no matter WHO'S delivering it. Yet some folks will LEAVE service as soon as they hear that the person they EXPECTED to preach, isn't preaching. THOSE folks need a bit more GROWTH. Thankfully, pretty much EVERYONE stayed. That was great to see.

It used to happen all the time at my church. Folks would come to church, see that Pastor's car wasn't parked out front, and they would drive themselves RIGHT BACK HOME. That doesn't happen anymore, but boy I sure remember the days when it did.

Anyhoo...back to TODAY'S visit.

All in all I can say that I have enjoyed my visit to City of Refuge. I've got LOTS more churches to visit but I am glad that I stopped by that one.

Oh...and at the end of service (I don't know if this happens EVERY Sunday, or if it's a sporadic thing), the church was giving away FREE pies. Apple, Pecan, Pumpkin. YUM! I knew that I didn't need one, but I stood in line for a Pumpkin ('cause y'all know I LOVE me some PUMPKIN pie). The gentleman handing them out gave me TWO and that just seemed gluttonous (even though he was giving EVERYONE two), so I found someone in line to give my extra one to. I thought that was very nice of the church though. And you didn't have to be "low income" or anything to get a pie...you just had to go out there and get one.

One other thing I enjoyed was the sign language interpreter. Gosh, I wish my church had them! Today, I learned how to say HALLELUJAH in ASL. That makes THREE words that I now know as a result of my church visits.

Ok...that's it for now. You never know...one Sunday I just may show up at YOUR church. I'm looking forward to it.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: How far, by car would YOU travel to visit a church?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Outgrowing My Comfort Zone

It's been a little over two months since I visited the magical city of New Orleans. I brought back so many memories that I will continue to reflect on until I find myself there again. YES...I am going back!

One memory to speaks to me quite loudly, and often, is that of the street performers. Oh, how I loved their amazing talent. They were EVERYWHERE. One night I found myself enjoying the music so much that I stood on a corner in POURING RAIN, and listened for about an hour. I figured, "Hey...if the rain isn't stopping them from playing, it's certainly not gonna stop me from listening."

Although the various groups played different styles...similar, yet still subtly different, one commonality was their BOLDNESS in soliciting money from the crowds. As fantastic as they were, these performers were not entertaining "for their health." This was their LIVELIHOOD. And just as I get PAID for going to work each day...THEY expected (and DESERVED) the same.

So they all had a box placed in front of them on the ground for folks to toss in some cash. That box didn't stay on the ground for long though. Nope. Somewhere between songs, WHILE STILL PLAYING THEIR MUSIC...a member of the group (sometimes two or three) would pick up the box (or boxes in some cases) and take it TO the audience...practically FORCING folks to give. I LOVED THAT!!!

You see...these performers understood their worth...and if the audience was not going to voluntarily acknowledge that worth in the form of a monetary contribution, then they would be MADE to acknowledge the worth.

Don't get me wrong...the perfomers weren't holding guns to folks' heads and DEMANDING money, yet going around the audience and TAKING the box TO THEM, versus WAITING for folks to make a decision that they may not have made otherwise, is a much subtler approach, yet yields better results than just waiting for folks to contribute in their own time.

Seeing that happen, time and time again, made me realize that I must become as BOLD as those performers with regard to my blog, The Dialogue Den. I have been BEGGING folks to 'Like' the page on Facebook and STILL haven't reached 200. It's been so difficult for me to understand because in MY case, I'm not even asking for MONEY...I am simply asking for SUPPORT.

No...I may NOT be someones FAVORITE writer/blogger...but if we are FRIENDS (which I can say for ALL of my Facebook friends, because I don't accept nor send requests unless I know you in some way, shape or form)...then your SUPPORT toward my writing efforts should come easily. At least I would hope so. After all...friends support friends, right?

Writing is what I love to do...so why would anyone hesitate so encourage me in that...especially when it doesn't cost a PENNY to do so.

Even though I've wanted to make this bold move since my visit to New Orleans, I've been reluctant. Wondering what will happen if I do this and NOTHING happens. Then what? What I now realize is this...I will NEVER know that the results COULD be if I don't try.

So..."What's the bold move?" you're asking.

I have decided to select the option on Facebook that says, "Invite Friends to Like This Page." You have NO idea how far out of my "comfort zone" it will be for me to do that, but as the quote states:

"If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done."

I'll never grow if I don't do something different, so...here goes.

Oh, but before I go and "push the button"...

Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you made a BOLD move in an effort to get something you wanted, and how did it work out for you?

Talk to me...

Oh...and if YOU like The Dialogue Den, I'm gonna make another bold move and ask you to please spread the word for me. I would appreciate that more than you can imagine.

Til next time...