Still Tired

Although I'd love to post a new blog everyday, one of the reasons why I don't is because I'm not sure if YOU are ready for everything that I have to say.

I realize that it really shouldn't matter. After all, these are MY thoughts, however...I want YOU to chime in and add your feedback, so I can't go runnin' you off. The more that I write though, the more I realize that I haven't been as authentic as I'd like to be.

So today, I'm doing something a little different. Today, I'm being completely transparent...puttin' it all out there .

I've got two things on my mind. One I'll just briefly mention and will blog about more in depth at a later date. The other, I'll speak on today.

The first one pertains to "reaching out"...again. When will I learn? Will I ever learn? When will I stop giving to a person who's not giving back to me? Twice, within the last month I've reached out to a particular individual and both times, my arms have been left empty. Leaves me wondering...does this person even REALIZE that I'm reaching out? Certainly they're not so "cold" to KNOW that I'm reaching out, yet they are purposefully not reaching back...certainly that's not the case. At least I hope not. That would just be too hurtful to accept. So I'm going to pretend that they just don't know. You know...give 'em that whole "benefit of the doubt" thing. And...I'm not reaching out anymore until this person reaches out to me for a change. So...we'll just have to wait and see if that happens.

***

Today though, my focus is (once again) on being tired. And tired I am. I don't mean tired in the sense that I need more sleep, but tired in the sense that I feel like a hamster on a treadmill going absolutely nowhere.

Shouldn't I be a little farther in life than I am now?

I'm tired. Tired of struggling. And no...this isn't meant to be a "pity party", it's simply ME...being transparent and authentic, as I said I would.

In most of my posts I try to put on a happy face. But if you could see the face as I'm writing you'd realize that it's far from happy most times. I'm tired. Tired of going to work everyday, only to pay bills (and even those aren't getting paid because there's just not enough money). And before you start lecturing me on how I should be thankful to have a job...YES...I get it, and I am. Although it makes me wonder sometimes how it is that people who are out of work are doing better than I am and I go to work EVERYDAY. I know people who've been unemployed for years yet they're always "vacationing". Either something's very wrong with our unemployment system or these people know something that I don't. Seems like working people should be just a smudge better off than those who are unemployed. Yet, I can't tell the difference.

My children and I live very humbly. We have a very modest home, drive the least expensive car on the market, don't go out to movies, don't go out for dinner, don't go on vacations, or shop regularly for clothes. We just don't have the funds for any of that.

I get paid twice a month. It takes one whole check and a portion of the 2nd just to cover rent. That leaves very little for utilities, car payment, gas, groceries, and phones. Very very little. And what little there is goes to those things and not much more. It's not supposed to be this way.

Every now and then I go out with my friends for dinner & a movie. But that's not often. Most times if I'm out with friends we are at one of their homes. Thankfully, we know how to have fun with each other without having to spend a penny. That's when you KNOW that a friendship is true...when just being in each other's company guarantees a good time. If the two of you are reading this...you know who you are :-)

Yet I'm often led to wonder...what am I doing wrong? Why aren't I further ahead? Why does it seem like I'm going backward instead of forward? This isn't what I'd planned for myself but I'm trying to make the best of it. At the same time, I know that I was destined for better. I can't believe that God put me here to go through life alone. I can't believe that God put me here to live my life "paycheck to paycheck", with nothing left over. Yet I understand that my ways are not His ways, so I have to trust that He's working things out for my good even though I'm not there yet.

Yes, I'm tired.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Are you where you want to be at this point in your life?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Thanksgiving...today and EVERYDAY

Today is the day that our country celebrates Thanksgiving. Has something to do with Pilgrims, Indians, turkeys and all that stuff.

That's all well and good, but for me Thanksgiving is more than just a day filled with too much food. It's even more than the time that I spend with my family.

Thanksgiving is a state of mind. In my mind, Thanksgiving is every day of the year. Every morning when I wake up, the first words out of my mouth are THANK YOU. Yes, I thank God each and every morning.

I thank him for opening my eyes and being able to see. For those who know me, eyesight is not something that I take for granted. After being threatened with the idea that my eyesight may one day be gone, I am truly thankful for every new day that God allows me to see.

But it doesn't just end there.

I'm thankful for every day that He gets me through at work. My job is mentally and emotionally challenging. If I had to do it alone I wouldn't make it. But because He's with me everyday, I am able to make it...one day at a time.

I'm thankful for Him being my provider when there isn't enough money (and there's never enough money. No, I'm not being greedy, and I'm not trying to have you feel sorry for me...I'm just keepin' it real and there's NEVER enough money).

I'm thankful for my children. All healthy, intelligent, and down right good people.

I'm thankful for relationships restored. I could go on and on about this one. In this area I can only say "Nobody but God". After hating and being hated by a particular individual, I realized that I had to give that person up and over to God. As soon as I did, I received such a sense of peace about that relationship. Didn't know what would come of it and had accepted the fact that it was just "over".

What I didn't realize until a year later was that God was working in that situation all along. And once I stepped out of it and gave it over to Him, He worked things out in a way that only He can.

Today, that person and I can actually speak to one another, be in the same room together, and even laugh together. Neither of us would have ever thought those things to be possible if it were up to us. But because we had nothing to do with it, and God had EVERYTHING to do with it, the impossible became reality.

Interestingly enough, that person invited me to have Thanksgiving with their family. I haven't done that in over 10 years and never dreamt that I'd be there again. I went, and had a great time. I could tell that I was more happy to be there than the person was to have me there, but that's okay. Just being there was more than I ever imagined would be.

So yes, on this day, I could go on and on about all that I'm thankful for. But because Thanksgiving is EVERYDAY for me I don't have to cram my thanks all into one day. I've got 364 more, and that's a good thing.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What are you MOST thankful for on this day?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Heavenly Dream

Last night I had a lovely dream about Heaven. I was there.

Not the Heaven that I've imagined but very peaceful nonetheless.

I don't know how I got there but the first recollection of the dream began with me waiting in line. I was waiting in line to get to the desk where I was to "check in" so to speak.

I get to the desk and there's a box with 3x5 index cards in it. One these cards were written the names of everyone who was allowed in. I went through the cards the first time and didn't find my name. Uh oh. So I went through the cards again. Still...nothing.

Then, a woman walks up to me and asks if she can help. I tell her yes...I can't find my name in the box.

She tells me that my name isn't in the box. BIG uh oh.

Then she directs me to another table. On that table is a plaque with my name on it and a home made button that someone made for me to wear. Wow! A plaque and a button...how 'bout that! Although at that point I really didn't care. My name could have been written on a square sheet of toilet paper...as long as my name was in Heaven SOMEWHERE...that's all that really mattered.

So I proceed with my tour through Heaven and I spot my children. All 3 of them were there, and I was so relieved.

Then I asked about their Dad. Was he there too? They told me that he was and they pointed toward where he was. He was hanging out with some other men discussing ways to make money. Didn't make much sense to me. After all...why would they need money in Heaven?

Then I thought, well...in his Heaven it would make total sense. He's an "entrepreneur at heart" and making money would definitely fit into his Heaven. I was just glad to see him there.

Then came God. Yes...God. And in my dream, God was a woman. She resembled Yolanda Adams (for those familiar with Gospel music).

She welcomed me into Heaven and showed me a snippet of my life. She knew how sad I had been at many times in my life and she wanted me to know that she was with me each and every time. I was never alone...even during the times when I'd felt completely alone.

She showed me a time when some crazed man kicked me in my stomach. It was a hard blow. And more than the pain that came with the force of his kick, was the pain that came from my children who were right there when the man kicked me. They should not have had to witness that. Then the snippet stopped and God said to me, "Yes...even then, I was right there with you."

Then the dream switched to a party seen. Although it wasn't the actual party, it was the clean-up that came after the party. There was so much food left over. And on a table was a HUGE bowl of marinated artichokes. Whoa! I LOVE marinated artichokes. So I went over to ask one of the servants if I could have one...just one. The servant told me NO. Wow. So I started to walk away.

Then the servant stopped me and said, "I was just kidding. Take as many as you'd like. Here, take the whole bowl." Really? So I did. With the huge bowl in hand I headed off to my Heavenly room. I had my own room in Heaven.

I've heard many people get excited about the fact that they'll have their own MANSION in Heaven, but I could care less about that. I don't NEED a MANSION. I'd be happy with just a room. And to be quite honest, even if I had to share that room, I'd still be fine...just as long as I'm there...in Heaven.

Okay...so back to the dream (I know, it's a long one, and I can't believe that I've remembered so much. Usually they fade away the minute I wake up).

So I'm heading to my room, and on the way there I pass by God. And all of a sudden I was just overcome. The tears just ran down my face. I told God how thankful I was. I thanked God for being with my all my life. I just cried and cried and felt so much at peace. Real peace. Peace like I'd never felt before.

God nodded and just said,"I know".

And then...I woke up.

Let the DIALOGUE begin(you can probably guess the topic)! Have you had any interesting dreams lately?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Where's the SERVICE in Customer Service?

I have had it with my DSL "service" provider. And every time I use the word "service" please know that I am using the term loosely...VERY loosely.

Somehow, my DSL service got disconnected. Not because I asked for it to be, but because of some stupid glitch on the carrier's end. Since November 12th I've been dealing with these people to get the issue resolved. I swear, if I have one more person at this company tell me that the disconnect was "due to an error, and they don't know how to fix it, so I have to set up brand new service...", if I have one more person tell me this I am going to FLIP.

I've spoken with more people than I can count (on both hands and feet). There is absolutely no "sense of urgency" with these people. Half the ones I've spoken with have sounded like they're chowing down on a sandwich (totally unprofessional), and the others are simply reading off of a script. I've heard the spiel so many times now I can recite it by heart. I mean REALLY...is there ANYBODY at this company who can think "outside of the box" and use their brains to solve a problem? Is this what we've come to? Is this the new "normal" when it comes to "service"?

Needless to say, I'm still without DSL and have contacted another provider to set up new service as I simply can not continue to give my hard earned money to the people who I've been dealing with. Nope...not a penny more will go to that company.

The sad part is...they won't even miss me. I'm just one out of millions of customers which is why they've been so lackadaisical about resolving my problem.

So at this point, all that I can do is cancel my account with them (which I've done), and write letters to anybody and everybody I can who's in management at the company. Maybe, just maybe...someone there will realize that there's a better way to treat customers and the way that I've been treated is simply not it.

You can hear me now...right?

Let the DIALOGUE begin! What's the WORST service you've ever received from a company. Did you continue to do business with them afterward?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Say Cheese!

Let's face it...pretty much everybody who's anybody is on one of the popular social networking sites. I'm on one myself. Only one though. I can't manage being on more than one, so I chose the one that suits me best (at least for now), and that's where you'll find me.

I must admit though...I'm a bit of a voyeur. I love looking at other people's pics. Doesn't matter if I know you or not. If your pics are out there and your profile isn't private, I'm lookin! And man, have I seen some crazy stuff!!!

One of the common things that I've found (which is also one of my pet peeves) are all of the "self taken" pictures. Now, I must admit...I'm guilty of this myself, HOWEVER...I've HAD to take the pics myself because no one else can get the correct angle of my face in order to get a good picture. In other words, I'm not very photogenic and it takes a LOT of snaps & clicks to get a decent photo of me. Am I ugly? No. Just not one of those people who takes nice pictures naturally. If you find a good picture of me, just know that there were 100 more taken in order to get to that ONE.

One thing that I'm very mindful of though is to try not to make the picture LOOK LIKE I took it myself.

In other words: I don't take pictures of myself with the camera facing the mirror so that you end up seeing me and the camera IN THE MIRROR!!!

No...there are very strategic ways to position the camera so that you don't get the mirror shot.

I mean really...am I the only one who thinks that self taken pictures in the mirror look a little vain (for one), and just a tad bit "tacky"? If it's just me then I'll stand alone. I'm just wondering.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Have you ever taken a picture of yourself (in a mirror or not) and posted it on one of the networking sites? Can we tell that you took it yourself?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

My Babies...such BLESSINGS!

Tonight was parent teacher conference night and I think I was the proudest parent there. Not so much because of the grades that my son has earned (although 4 As and 2 Bs are nothing to sneeze at), but because of the comments that every teacher had about him. These are the same comments that I've been hearing throughout his entire education (he's in 7th grade right now). But it doesn't stop there. The same comments that I heard tonight about my son, were the very same comments that I've always received about my 2 daughters also (one currently a senior in high school and the other in her 3rd year of college).

Here's how the conversation usually goes:

Teacher: Oh my goodness! I can't tell you enough what a pleasure {insert child's name here} is in class. So mannerable, so pleasant, such a hard worker. Such a joy to have in my class. I wish I had an entire classroom filled with students just like {insert child's name here}.

Me: Thank you. I'm glad to hear that. He/She really is a blessing. Not just at school but at home also (or something along those lines).

Tonight, was even more moving. Tonight, his math teacher actually gave me a hug when I walked in the door, and was tearing up the whole time that she talked about my son. Wow! She said that she told herself she wouldn't get attached to any of the students this year, then in walked my son. It's difficult to not get attached to a child as special as he is.

Tonight's experience reminded me of something that I have always said about my children. I've always said that if they weren't my kids, I'd wish that they were. Does that make sense?

If they weren't mine I'd always look at them and think, "Awww...it would be so cool to have children like them". Or, "When I have kids I hope they turn out just like...".

Have you ever met kids who make you feel that way?

And I thank God right then and there (as I've done since the day each one was born), for blessing me with them. Some parents may get 1 out of 3 who are exceptional. If they're lucky, they'll get 2 out of 3 who are exceptional. ME...God blessed me with 3 children who are absolutely exceptional people, inside and out. I couldn't have asked for better, I couldn't have chosen better, yet God gave me the BEST.

They are true examples of what it means to "let your Light shine". They don't hide their Light under a bushel. They let their Light shine brightly for all to see. THAT is what we are ALL supposed to do.

And on this night I want to world to know how blessed I am to be Lauren, Jordan and Terence's mom. There!!! Now you know.

Let the DIALOGUE begin! Do you know any cool kids, yours or someone else's? What makes 'em so cool?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

In my "Perfect World"

Is it just me, or does it seem as though there are some people who have an abundance of wealth and others who don't have two nickels to rub together. Seems a little unbalanced if you ask me. Some struggle, others don't know the meaning of. Why is that?

Do the people who have an abundance and live in excess really appreciate all that they have? And would they miss anything if they were to give just a little?

On the flip side, how life-changing would it be if those who are struggling, and have struggled all their lives, could simply get a break?

I've asked myself these questions many many times and...I have the solution.

One day, for just ONE day only, I wish that each country would implement a policy where all of the residents of that country pool their money together and then equally divide it amongst all of the citizens of that country. Ideally, I wanted to include all the money in the world and have that distributed evenly, but I thought I'd keep it simple and just have each country distribute the money amongst the citizens of that country.

Now, think about that for a minute.

And please, don't go killing the dream by figuring out all the ways that this would NOT work. No, this is my "perfect world" scenario, so it works.

You see, those who live in excess won't miss anything. Most people who have an abundance of money just waste it anyway on frivolous junk. Not using that money to help enhance the lives of others, but typically used to buy useless junk, just for the sake of being able to buy it. I think that's sad.

Take the United States for example. One of the wealthiest countries in the world, yet look at all of the unemployed and homeless people we have here. Now look at how many celebrities we have in this country who only seem to be concerned with how much "bling" they can buy. Almost as though they are truly living by the motto: He who dies with the most toys wins.

I've got news for you though...you can't take those toys with you when you die. But the money can live on long after you're gone if you put toward something that can help others. I mean really. Do you want your legacy to be that you had a bunch of "stuff" when you were alive, or do you want it to be how many people in your lifetime?

Don't know about you, but I opt for the latter.

So back to my "perfect world"...in one day, with the money of this country equally distributed, I know or a fact that it would change my life dramatically, and I'm sure that many others would reap the same positive benefits.

Does this mean that I don't want to work hard to become financially secure? No! I've been working since I was 16 years old. So I'm well aware of what it means to work hard and...I don't believe in "a free ride". I'm just saying that people are tired. People need a break. People need something good to happen to them. ONE DAY in my "Perfect World" would accomplish all of these things.

So there you have it. Let the DIALOGUE begin! What do you think about my "Perfect World", or, do you have a better idea?

Talk to me!

Til next time...