In a relationship and/or friendship, when one person always has to be right, BOTH people lose.
And here's why I say that.
Last year, around this time I had plans to celebrate my birthday with the two people who at that time were my "best friends". We were going to ride in the Beach Babe Bicycle Classic which was happening ON my actual birthday. I thought it would be fun and something different for us to do. So we all registered for the ride.
Sometime after registering I decided that I would rather celebrate my birthday at church because my church family, after 18 months, had finally found a new "church home". I didn't want to miss being there so I told my two friends that there was a change in plans and, that I no longer wanted to do the ride, and that I would reimburse them for their race fees since they weren't refundable. Mind you, I make the least amount of money of the 3 of us, and Lord knows I could not afford to reimburse them their fees, but I did it anyway and thought that would be good enough.
Well...one of the friends got so upset about the change in MY OWN birthday plans that she hasn't spoken to me since. Can you believe that. I changed MY birthday plans and that was enough for her to end our friendship. To this day, I still don't understand it, and if it was for any other reason, she won't talk to me to tell me.
Mind you...I did what I truly believe was the "right" thing. Gave her her money back, and asked..."What did I do wrong?" I value friendship enough to want to make things right when they go wrong. Clearly, it didn't mean as much to her because she has yet to respond. So...I was discarded like yesterday's garbage. Didn't feel good, but what can I do.
Now we fast forward to THIS year. A few weeks ago, my remaining "best friend" did something that upset me. I didn't tell her what it was because there really was no point. She wouldn't have understood my viewpoint, and I'm not one to get into a shouting match, or texting war...or whatever. That's not my M.O. When texts start rolling in, I delete them without even reading. Arguing via text message is what kids do. Grown adults, speak via phone, or meet face to face (as I attempted to do).
As I've said before, when someone upsets me, I just close up, and don't say a THING until I'M ready. I do this for two reasons. One...if I speak too soon it is pretty much a guarantee that I am going to say something that's not very "Christ-like" because I will be speaking from my flesh, and not from the Spirit of Christ. So...I wait for my feelings to cool off.
Two...I don't say anything because it's pointless to try to argue a fact when you KNOW that it will be misunderstood. You know this with 100% certainty. So why bother. I didn't.
Once I was ready though, and had HUMBLED myself enough to reach out, I did. I guess I'm being "taught a lesson" because now SHE'S not responding. And to that, I say fine. Be stubborn. Be "right", if there even IS a "right" in this situation, which there's not.
So going back to my first point, when one person ALWAYS has to be right, both people lose. That's how I feel right now.
I valued the friendship enough to HUMBLE myself and reach out even when I wasn't the offender.
So what's the lesson that I've learned? It's this: One can not resolve a "worldly" issue with Biblical principles. You see, I was trying to resolve the matter the way that Jesus tells us to in Matthew 18. However, that chapter is addressing "Division within the "CHURCH". This issue is OUTSIDE of the church but because we are both followers of Christ, I thought the application would be the same. I was wrong.
Oh well. I still love her just as I love the other one who kicked me to the curb last year. Why? Because it's what Christ, my Lord and Savior has COMMANDED me to do in Matthew 5:44-48,
"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."
It seems the older I get, the lonelier the road that I travel. That's alright though, Jesus is with me whether I have 1000 friends or none. And He LOVES me UNCONDITIONALLY. Even when I get angry at Him (which isn't too often, but it has happened), He STILL LOVES ME, and FORGIVES ME. He gives me more than ONE chance. He doesn't hold grudges, and as Christians, we are not to hold them either.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the most hurtful thing that a good friend has ever done to you? Have you addressed it with them or are you harboring the hurt inside?
Talk to me!
Til next time...
(Day 15/21)
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