If you had a friend who needed a place to stay for just SEVEN days (wouldn't be able to pay you anything though), would you allow them to stay with you?
*The friend is a good person, not a drug user or drinker. Recently out of work (but unable to collect unemployment), and diligently seeking employment.
I was saddened my some of the comments but encouraged by many others. What my friends didn't realize when I posted this was that I was the friend that I was referring to. Although I am not in that situation at this time, due to my current financial situation, I very well may end up there. So I was checking out my options. If nothing else, I now know WHO I can ask in a time of need and who NOT to ask. For the sake of anonymity I have only used initials. Here were the responses:
"(I): Friends have stayed with me off and on through the years, it can get tricky. I'd want to know what their plan is for the 8th day and what (not if) they will be contributing while there (cooking/cleaning/etc).
9 hours ago · Like · 1
(A): No. Sorry... But there is a law in California that once a person has stayed with you for a certain period of time they have as much right to remain in your home (if not more) as you...
I would also look from the perspective that if someone says 7 days, that means 37.
9 hours ago · Like · 1
(C): I have had friends and family stay with me over the years. Never been in the no money to contribute situation. Just know 7 days could be 6 months! Hopefully this person can feed themselves. Can you afford the utilities that are going to increase? Give it some thought. Where are their family members!
9 hours ago · Like · 2
(G): I'm curious. Where is the person staying now and why can't they stay there for 7 more days?
8 hours ago · Like · 1
(S): I would do it. Praying that someone would do the same for me. With that said, I would do what Iris suggested. Maybe a contract?!?!
8 hours ago · Like · 2
(S): Good question.(G).
8 hours ago · Like
(G1): Honestly? No. Because they will get to comfortable and when you tell them they can't stay any longer then suggested. Then you become the bad friend and lose a friendship over it.
8 hours ago · Like · 1
(A): I agree, G1... not to mention a rental contract is useless... You still have to go through the eviction process if and WHEN things do not go right.
8 hours ago · Like · 1
(ME): In this particular case, SEVEN days means SEVEN days. The person is not trying to be a burden on anyone, so she'd hardly ever be at your home. Just there at night for a place to sleep and shower. She'd find a way to feed herself so that she's not eating your food. On the 8th day, she'd move to the next willing friend's home. And again, all the while very diligently seeking employment so that she can get back to being self-sufficient. She only has one set of family that she could stay with, but would only stay for SEVEN days. If she needed to sign a contract stating that she will leave in SEVEN days, she would gladly do that.
8 hours ago · Like
(A): Chile, all I can say is do it with caution. The next willing person is not guaranteed and once you let the person in you have to do it with zero qualms and knowing this COULD possibly turn into something that is long term.
8 hours ago · Like · 3
Remove
Glenna McDaniel Would do and I have done it for longer periods. Just set ground rules and make sure you both understand the situation. Plus be sure you know them to be someone who keeps their word.
8 hours ago · Like · 4
(C1): I would have to agree with (A)comment .I see this everyday where the kindness of someone's heart is taken advantage of and it ends with law enforcement having to get involved and legal assistance to get them out Just food for thought.
8 hours ago · Like
(S): I did it and had a positive experience. You just have to follow your heart.
8 hours ago · Edited · Like · 5
(T): I agree with almost everything thats written here. I'd just remember that life never really follows the exact road that WE plan, so her intentions may be to move out in 7 days, but so much can happen within those 7 days which could prevent that. Nothing malicious, like trying to claim ownership on your place...just the norm - a job falling through, an apt not quite ready, illness, etc. I'd just expect the worst while hoping for the best. I'd do it because of what Sharon mentioned as well - it could be anyone of us in that situation. Good luck!
8 hours ago · Like · 3
(G1): There are shelters they can stay long term!! I would not put myself in a situation that is so uncomfortable for the ones that take me in. Because people talk and I wouldn't want to be the one to be talked about!! Three days is even to long!! Contract or not, go with family and don't be a burden to someone else.
8 hours ago · Edited · Like
(ME): (G), she has her own place now but doesn't know how long that will last with no income coming in.
8 hours ago · Like · 1
(G): If she's a good friend and you trust her, I say go for it.
8 hours ago · Like · 4
(G1): Just remember, you asked and we all warned you. Don't want to hear later that you should have taken our advise because then it's too late.
8 hours ago · Like
(P): For as long as I can help them. My door is always open to those in need. If you come in in the middle of the night and I find you on my couch in the morning. Breakfast duty is on you. Giggles.
8 hours ago · Like · 5
(P) Oh Lawd. I just read 1 comment. I swear none of my friends better not let me know they went to some shelter. I'd go get them and give them a tongue lashing. Don't do that. As long as I have a roof over my head. ... so do you. And I don't care if it's uncomfortable. Key word is (friend) though.
8 hours ago · Edited · Like · 5
(D): You must have "THE TALK"
8 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2
(K): That friend is not leaving in 7 days...believe that.
7 hours ago · Like · 1
(E): I can tell from the comments here which people I would want as friends. Not judging or anything. I never find myself in need. But any true friend of mine is welcome in my place. I needed a place to stay in the bay area for a conference and something fell thru. I got the phone number of a distant cousin who put me up and treated me like she knew me all her life, and I had never met her. I use her as an example. Well, her and Jesus, right?
7 hours ago · Like · 14
(P): Amen (E).
7 hours ago · Like · 2
(M): Sure! What are friends for... 7 days...even 14 days...won't break the bank!
7 hours ago · Like · 3
(G1): Well if (J) needs a place to stay, I suppose I would let her stay as well!! Lmao
7 hours ago · Like · 1
(M): Yes, I would accommodate a "friend" of mine during their time of need.
7 hours ago · Like · 2
(J): um... what did i just walk into?!?
7 hours ago · Like · 1
(M1): Yes and I've done it before and have been on the receiving end
7 hours ago · Like · 2
(D1): Yes cause I'm sure she will contribute something to the house cleaning it up cooking for you if you're at work running errands if you needed it I'm sure this person would definitely make it a point if you do for her she'll do for you or if you do for him he'll do for you
7 hours ago · Like · 2
(M1): (G1) your kinda mean. I get the things you said but come on . Life happens if this person ends up needing more than 7 days is that such a bad thing? From the information the person is looking for work the person seem to be a decent person down on their luck. Obviously there should be a time limit but helping someone in need especially a friend of yours should come with open arms otherwise what the point of having friends? What if it was you??? I'm just saying
7 hours ago · Like · 3
(M): I pray I'll never be in that position, but I hope that my family and friends will have a sofa and a blanket and pillow for me if I ever needed them! I did have to move back in with my parents after a layoff and a new baby, then again after another new baby and becoming chronically Ill. And both times it was longer than either of us had planned, and difficult at times....but it wasn't for forever and we made the best of the time together.
I bought a house with a bedroom and bathroom downstairs, because I thought my mom was going to move in with me at the time. She didn't move in and this extra space has become a place of refuge quite a few times. And it hasn't always been easy, but you make things work...it cost a little extra having another person in the house, but you compromise with maybe yard work or help with the garage...or just being in a place of being a blessing to someone in need...God sees if no one else does ...and He will honor your sacrifice and He will ultimately repay your kindness!
7 hours ago · Edited · Like · 3
(D): I have been on both ends as well and I remember having THE TALK both times! As long as there is an understanding of the arrangement!
7 hours ago · Like · 1
(G1) M1, actually a friend took advantage of my kindness. Since then I said never again but I do help if I can with money, food and clothes. It's an awful feeling when you have to tell the friend, it's time to leave. It hurts bad, but it's either my family or friends and we all know that family is first.
7 hours ago · Like · 1
(L): I know that I would help them because lord knows I would not want to be that position and if I was, I would really hope that my friends and family would be there for me in my time of need. I've allowed several family members to stay with me when they needed it and yes one stayed a year longer than they said (it was suppose to be 4 months and it was 16 months) but you know what I would do it again in a heartbeat. Everyone has hard times and we need assistance and to think we won't is really not a good idea. Things happen in life that we can not control and no matter how well you think you are prepared you can not be prepared for everything that happens in life. My sofa is always there if someone needs it...
7 hours ago · Like · 5
(G1): Thanks M, sometimes there are decisions that are hard to make.
7 hours ago · Like
(M1): G1 some friends are family right? Family isn't always blood. I am sorry someone took advantage of you but don't give out hope that there still good people out there. Again I get what you said. Just don't make it seems everyone will do the same to take advantage of people. I have to believe that there still good people in the world who do things because it's the right thing to do.
7 hours ago · Like · 4
(M2): Yes, but only after consulting with a landlord/tenant attorney and getting the length of stay and circumstances in writing. I've heard too many horror stories.
7 hours ago · Like
(G1): Sorry if I sounded mean, I really am not. I guess I was speaking based on my own experience and never gave it a second thought.
6 hours ago · Like · 3
(M1): I get you bro..what you said is valid too. But there still good people out there and sometimes we all just need a Lil help from our friends.
6 hours ago · Like · 1
(Y): Key word is friend/family and my door is open because there but for the grace of God go I. (As a child, my mom used to say: "Remember, you may meet some of the same people on the way down as you met on the way up. Therefore, treat them as you wish to be treated.") As a child, I have been homeless before and family took my mother and her children in. Thank God, I was pretty young and didn't even realize that we were homeless; as I got older and I realized what happened to us, I was so deeply appreciative of the aunt and cousins that took us in. As an adult, I have opened my home before and would do it again. No time limit but you must contribute. If you don't have money, you can help to clean and/or cook..and of course, clean up behind yourself. I only had to put one cousin out (I gave her no time limit) but that was because one day when I came home from work, she had moved another friend of hers in without consulting me (a female friend of hers) AND that particular friend was running around in a negligee without a robe. When I came home, she was ironing in the living room with most of her ass out and her breasts partially exposed. Its early evening; she had been sitting around like that most of the day was the way it looked to me. I have a husband. I told my cousin she could stay but Miss Ass and Tits Out had to go. My cousin chose to leave with her. (I would also make it clear that you cannot live with me FOREVER. You must have a reasonable concrete game plan.)
6 hours ago · Edited · Like · 6
(ME): My goodness! This has been quite the rollercoaster of a post. Saddened by some comments, encouraged by others. I totally understand that the choices are individual and everyone must do what's best for themselves and/or their families (regardless of how good and decent the person in need really is. Yes, even the best of folks fall on hard times, sometimes). Thank you all for your honest input!
6 hours ago · Like · 5
(R):Yes
6 hours ago · Like · 1
(M3): Yes
5 hours ago · Like · 1
(R): I didn't read a comment before I responded. Yes there are exceptions to every rule. I've done it 2 times and I really don't regret either. But for the grace of God
5 hours ago · Like · 4
(D2):Yes, but u need to set ground rules, expectations, and time limit, but yes!!!!!!
5 hours ago · Like
(L1): A friend yes a foe no
5 hours ago · Like
(T): If you have to ask then you have your answer.
5 hours ago · Like
(ME)T, I don't understand. What does that mean?
5 hours ago · Like
(T):It's means that you seem to be hesitant or have second thoughts......go with your gut
5 hours ago · Like · 2
(A): Now, you know you need to pray about this, however.....I would do it but don't be shocked if it's more than seven days :) unless a job is soon secured.
5 hours ago · Edited · Like
(S) is this just a hypothetical?
Either way, kudos to you for having the courage to read the comments of your friends...some of whom seem to be heartless and ungrateful.
If my blessings are not meant to be shared then perhaps I don't deserve them. I have had people live with me and my family over the years and even though things didn't always work out as planned, I didn't lose any friends over it.
Communication up front and throughout the stay should mitigate any misunderstandings along the way.
5 hours ago · Like · 1
(S): Curious to know which folks consider themselves spiritual/Christian/religious/holy.
5 hours ago · Like · 1
(S): I will add this, if someone is my friend, then they are not selfish, lying, lazy, people looking to get over on me. I would not get an agreement,a lawyer, or a contract. I would take them as sincere. I would believe they were humbled if not embarrassed to ask me for help. Those are my friends.
5 hours ago · Like · 4
(R1): Yes! You did say friend, right? :-)
5 hours ago · Like · 1
(D4): Yes bcuz the bible says when u give shelter to feed and clothe the homeless, He will answer you when u are in need. And you will be healed quickly of any disease or sickness.
But mostly becuz of the internal rewards of helping others. I've been there for a friend once same situation, and it was worth it.
5 hours ago · Like · 1
(S2): Yes! If you invite her to stay due to her situation she probably does not have money for food as well. I would feed her. Matthew 25:35-40
4 hours ago · Like · 2
(K): I've taken in friends, family and even a neighbors daughter over the years so I know I would do it in a heartbeat. There's always room on my couch and a plate if your hungry.
2 hours ago · Like · 4
(P): Love D1's answer!
about an hour ago · Like
(J1): I would and I have. Most have been positive experiences. once a girl from church started tripping amd tried tp commit suicide. 1) She was not MY friend, but the troubled teen dtr of an acquaintance at church. 2) I did not have THE TALK. BUT, my friends have been cool. and i stayed at two friends with my children. paid my way & helped clean, cook, etc. all went well. so follow yr heart.
about an hour ago · Like · 1
(P): I have been taken advantage of TWICE... I would do it again and again and again... They have to deal with God and so do I. I will NOT turn away a friend in need because of what some OTHER person did to me. And FTR... I'm not sorry I helped the people who burnt me. I'd roll back the tape and help them again.
about an hour ago · Like · 1
(P): My heart is warmed by all the kind folks in this post. I still believe we have more good people in this country than bad. God bless you all!
about an hour ago · Unlike · 1
(R2): Yes, I would do it. I've done it for years for others, have had to kick one out before(for drug use and she keyed my car when she left) and been on the receiving end of such kindness. The Lord has his reasons for the storms of life. We are here to be a blessing to each other, but you may be the one receiving the blessing.
16 minutes ago · Like"
***
Unfortunately, do to the latest happenings in the news surrounding the nanny who won't leave her employer's home, some of my "not-so-welcoming friends" have been proven right. So if I ever get to the point where I actually DO need help, that nanny has made my chances exponentially more difficult.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: In you adult years, have you ever had to stay with a friend or family member until you could get back on your feet?
Talk to me!
Til next time...
(Day 16/21)
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