Please Be Patient, God Isn't Finished With Me Yet.

My plan today was to write about Southern New Year's Day culinary traditions in honor of something I made yesterday that I'd never made before, and probably won't ever make again. I pretty much made it just to see if I could. I did, and it turned out well. Now I know.

Instead though, I find myself at these keys with a heavy heart.

Living life misunderstood is difficult, and quite tiring. Yet once again, I (or at the very least, my words) have been misunderstood.

I really don't get it. I try to be kind to all I come in contact with, however...I AM NOT PERFECT. I am HUMAN and have human FEELINGS. My life is not all "flowers and butterflies." Yes, I have hurt people (and probably will again at some point in my life), and I have BEEN hurt considerably MORE. I know I will sound like a broken record here, but -- when it has been brought to my attention that I have hurt someone, I have made every effort to right the wrong. In return however, that correction is not typically made toward me. Maybe it's my soft-spoken demeanor, but folks think they can commit any offense against me, and we are simply to go on in the mode of "business as usual."

Perhaps I allowed that to go on for too long when I should have stopped it -- as far back as my childhood. Instead, I have only recently begun standing up for myself and speaking my mind. As a result friendships have ended. Pretty sad when you think about it. Because I have finally begun to command respect, I am no longer deemed worthy of having as a friend. My circle is growing smaller and I will simply have to be ok with that. I won't be anyone's "doormat", nor should I have to be.

So anyway...I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do at this point. My writing is my voice. No one hears me otherwise. If I stop writing (or only write what I think folks want to hear), then I stifle my voice, and that's simply not an option.

I try to mix things up here. Sometimes the posts are light and funny. Other times, they are my feelings being poured put here in words. I don't have a therapist (perhaps I need one), so this is it for me. Keeping my feelings in has no benefit (at least not for me), yet I understand that my "realness" may come off as harsh or depressing at times. Again I say, my life is not all "flowers and butterflies." Although there are far MORE flowers and butterflies in my life than there are "weeds and roaches",every now and then a weed sprouts and a roach crawls through. I am dealing with those the best way that I know how -- through my writing.

I realize that there a MILLIONS of blogs, and I'm sure a good number of them are solely POSITIVE. My hat goes off to those folks who can write positively ALL the time. Perhaps my writing still needs to mature in order for me to get to that point, yet if my blog is about my life and experieinces (which are not always POSITIVE), then what do I do with the ones that are not-so-positive? To leave them out would be a not-so-honest view of the life I'm actually living.

I dunno.

As with all things, I shall pray and ask for God's wisdom with how I am to handle those things which I don't understand.

I am human. I am not perfect. I am doing my best.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have any New Year's Day culinary traditions that you and/or your family honors?

Talk to me!

Til next time...