So I'm in the middle of an amazingly good book, Room by Emma Donoghue and as I am reading I can actually feel my heart race. I am so incredibly nervous for the mother and son in this story...Wanting to yell, "No...don't do it!", and at the same time wanting them to take the chance that's making me ever so nervous.
I read everyday at work during my lunch break and have to set an alarm or else I'd be reading until folks came to find me.
Folks always ask what I'm reading and I sometimes wonder if I should tell them ALL of the books that I'm reading at a particular time...or just the ONE that they see me with.
I love books sooo much that I have to have one with me AT ALL TIMES, which means that I read a variety of formats.
I am reading Room in the most traditional sense, as in, a bound book with PHYSICAL pages that I have to turn.
I am also reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. That one is on CD and I listen in my car while driving. I gotta tell ya...audio books make these L.A. commutes so much more bearable.
And then there's, Handbook for an Unpredictable Life: How I Survived Sister Renata and My Crazy Mother, and Still Came Out Smiling (with Great Hair) by Rosie Perez. That one I listen to via Overdrive which I just recently discovered. Still audio format, but I connect my phone to my blue tooth speaker in the house and listen while I'm cleaning, cooking, or whatever I'm doing around the house. LOVE IT!
So yeah...at any given time I am READING at LEAST three books.
I capitalized reading because some folks don't consider AUDIO books as actual READING. Pfft! I beg to differ, and will continue READING my audio books as long as they are available.
I haven't gotten into "e-reading" and I'm not sure that I want to, nor am I sure that my "special" eyes can handle reading from a screen. So...to keep my eyes happy, I think I'll pass on e-books...at least for now.
That ends my short break from the book. Gonna make some home-made chicken soup (yes...on a Thursday night. Who does that?!?), and then go back and let my heart race a bit more.
Before I go...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite format for reading books?
This past Valentine's Day I visited a church and was introduced to the book, "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary D. Chapman.
I don't know how I'd never heard of the book before, but for whatever reason, I hadn't until that day.
Of course, I read it.
In doing so I discovered something about myself, and about "Joe." Yes...sorry folks, but this is yet another post about "Joe." What can I say? I love the dude.
Anywhoo...
As I read the book it was extremely easy for me to identify my primary and secondary love languages...quality time and physical touch.
Even more interesting was identifying "Joe's" primary love language, and realizing that the other 4 all pretty much tie for secondary. His primary language is acts of service.
The funny part is that he's never said this out loud, but in watching what he does and listening to the comments he makes, I have discovered what things please him.
He LOVES a clean house and food in the fridge. SIMPLE.
He never comments on anything else but those two things...and they are the two things that I don't have.
Although my place is not "Hoardsville" (he would beg to differ though), it's not Good Housekeeping tidy either.
He actually called me a hoarder recently and I quickly corrected him. I told him that in hoarder homes, there is barely space to walk through halls in order to get from one room to the next. My home has PLENTY of walking space. He wasn't convinced though. He still called me a hoarder. His reasoning is because I have piles of things in various corners. No...they're not knee-high STACKS, or anything taller than that. They are simply old papers that I need to go through before throwing them out...or better yet...before I shred them.
His response to that was, "Just throw the stuff away. What are you worried about?"
My response, "Identity theft."
His response, "Nobody wants your identity. Throw that stuff away."
One day, he actually threatened to throw it away and I think I felt my heart race. The thought of it caused me a bit of anxiety. It's not that I mind parting with the stuff, because I don't. I just it discarded of safely and securely.
More recently he said that he was gonna take pics and post them on Facebook.
To that I replied, "Fine. Wouldn't matter to me since we're not friends on Facebook, so no one will know who I am."
That silenced him.
But tonight...I sat down next to one of the piles and went through it. Shredding what needed to be securely discarded and tossing what could simply be tossed. That's ONE pile down and about ten more to go.
I gotta admit, that one little corner does look a LOT a better.
My goal is to do a pile a day and surprise him with my tidiness the next time he comes over. I can already see the big beautiful smile that'll spread across his face when he sees it. Heck...he might just ask me to marry him after that!
As for food in the fridge...sometimes we have it, other times we don't. If you catch me between the 15th and 22nd of each month, there's a good chance of finding some pretty delectable dishes around here. Between the 1st and the 15th though...you can hang it up. During that time it's "whatever is in the cupboard," and that's pretty slim pickins.
When it comes to "Joe" though, I think that old adage about, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," rings pretty true for him. I'd better get cookin'!
Ok...gotta get back to those piles now, but in the meantime...
Let the DIALOGUE begin: How do YOU define hoarding?
Sad about the financial crunch that I'm in right now. Not understanding how a person who works everyday doesn't even make it from paycheck to paycheck. I make it from paycheck, to a week before the next paycheck, and my savings account carries me through that last week. Yes, I'm thankful for the savings account, but it hurts to watch it depleting, just so I can "live."
Sad at times because I miss my Mom. No, our relationship was not the best, but that doesn't negate the fact that she was my Mom, nor does it negate the fact that I love and miss her.
Sad over the fact that my Dad is really ready to finally get home after MONTHS of being in hospitals and rehab facilities, yet he's still at least 3 weeks away from being released.
Sad about my friend who I said I wouldn't write about anymore, yet the longer that time passes and she doesn't reach out to reconcile our relationship, the more I realize that our friendship didn't mean all that I thought it did to her. And for those who are coming in on the tail end, saying, "Well if it means that much to you then why don't YOU reach out?" I did. Three times. And for an offense that was not my own doing, I think that three times are sufficient.
And then of course, there's "Joe."
As I mentioned in earlier posts, he'd gone to Houston the Wednesday before last and I hadn't heard from him since. Had no idea if he'd gone for good and just didn't have the heart to tell me, or what? I hated not knowing.
So yeah...my heart was feeling a bit heavy.
Friday night, before I went to sleep, I changed the wallpaper on my phone. I changed it to the picture that's here in this post. It's a depiction of Psalm 56:8 which states:
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
That gave me comfort. Knowing that every tear I have cried -- God has bottled, because they mean something to Him.
So I changed my phone wallpaper and went to sleep.
Woke up yesterday morning, started on my weekend chores, and in the middle of all that, God made it very clear to me that He has heard my prayer, AND...He answered, at least one.
That was all I needed.
That was enough to assure me that my prayers are not in vain. God is hearing, and He is answering them in the time that He sees fit. Sometimes He makes me feel as though I am about to hit rock bottom, yet He never lets me get that low. I may get a foot away from the bottom, but He never lets me hit it. This is what I need to remember, because trials, heartaches, and sorrows will continue to come. But as long as I know that God is going to catching me...not matter how long or far down the fall seems, I will be okay.
Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time God answered one of YOUR prayers?
Today is Good Friday and for ME, it's doubly good.
Today is my son's 18th birthday and it is an absolute blessing to be his mom. Yeah, he's made me sprout a few more grey hairs than I'd like to have, but...I imagine that comes with the territory of parenting a male teenager.
On a global scale, to day is "Good Friday" because it's the day that Christians remember Christ's ULTIMATE sacrifice for us. On that day some two thousand plus years ago, He was pierced in His side, had nails hammered into His hands and feet...had a crown of thorns jammed onto His head...and much much more. And he felt ALL OF THE PAIN...ALL OF IT! He endured pain that I simply can not imagine. And He did it for ME...as unworthy as I am...yet He loved me enough, and deemed me to be worthy enough, that He would die FOR ME.
Just thinking about that, brings me to tears. Especially at a time when I'm not feeling very "worthy" to certain folks. Christ's death on the cross, ASSURES ME that I am.
WHEW!!!
Something about today made me think back to when I first accepted Christ, and as a young girl of only ten years old, I asked Him to "come intomy heart."
I began attending church at a very young age with my grandparents, as members of Trinity Baptist Church in Los Angeles.
I still remember how we would stop by the little store next door (not even sure if it's there anymore), and I would be allowed to either get a roll of Life Savers or a box of Luden's Wild Cherry Cough Drops (which were really just cherry flavored CANDY). I think I'd go through an entire box of those through service. Awful...I know.
As the years went by, the Lord began moving upon my heart in the way that He sees best suited for a child.
I remember going to a play, I think it was called "The Great White Throne Judgement," and something in that play made me want to know God. I wanted Him to LOVE me, and I wanted to be with Him in heaven one day. That's a whole lot to process for a ten year old child, but I knew that those things were what I wanted.
Then one day I heard a song on the radio. That song spoke to my heart like no other song ever had before. I listened to it, and my heart was ready. Ready to tell folks that I loved Jesus and wanted to be baptized.
And so it was.
On that first Sunday in January, 1979...I was BAPTIZED, as an outward showing of my inward faith in Christ.
So much has changed since that day.
I wish I could say that I have lived a life that reflects my decision so many decades ago, but the truth of the matter is...I haven't. I know that none of us are perfect, nor will we ever be...yet some of us have strayed further off the "Christian path" than others. I am one of the "some."
That's a huge part of what makes "Good Friday" so important.
On my own, and with the life I've led...there simply would not be a chance for me to see heaven. My life has been one that, without Christ, would have me heading straight to hell after this life is over.
Oh, but the blood. The precious blood of Jesus.
Because of Him, I have been redeemed...bought for a price that I could NEVER afford to pay.
Because of the blood that Christ shed for me...when I close my eyes for that last time in this life...I will open them in the presence of God in the next...for ALL ETERNITY. And THAT is worthy of a HALLELUJAH!!!
Now I would be remiss if I failed to say that Christ's death on the cross was not the end of the story. Yes, it is mind-blowing to think about the fact that He loved me (and YOU) enough to endure the agonizing pain that He did...even unto death. But what makes me lift my hands in worship and open my mouth with praise, is the fact that His death on that cross was not THE END. Nope. Not in the least.
Three days later...early one Sunday morning, He rose...with all power in His hands. He walked amongst the people and proved to them that He was who He told them he was before His crucifixion. You see...I don't serve and worship a DEAD Savior. I serve and worship a Savior who LIVES. That fact gives me more comfort than most folks can imagine.
I could go on and on about how THANKFUL I am, and how GRATEFUL I am...but we'd be here all day, and then some. The beauty though, is that God knows, and He is all who matters.
So...I'll leave you with the song that moved me to accept Christ, and still moves me every time I hear it. I wish I could say that it was a powerful sermon that grabbed me, but MUSIC has always spoken to my soul when words could not. So it's no surprise that God chose MUSIC to be the path which ultimately led me to Him. I'm not sure that this song has EVER been played or sung in a church, and I don't care. God, in His OMNIPOTENCE can make ANYTHING and EVERYTHING work for His good. So even though this was a song sung by a "secular" group, it still gives God His glory...and brought THIS soul to Christ.
Enjoy...and remember...Jesus is LOVE.
After the song, let the DIALOGUE begin: How were YOU led to Christ? Through song, a sermonic message, missionary work? Or something else?
For some reason, this phrase (the one in the picture) popped into my head today...and it stuck.
It really has me wondering if it truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At this particular moment in time I would have to disagree.
Yes, you've guessed it...this is another post about "Joe."
I just can't stop thinking about him. I'm always wondering.
Wondering if he decided to stay in Houston after he flew there last Wednesday. Wondering if it was him who sent me the awful text message on Monday telling me that the pic I sent was "scary." Wondering if "someone else" got to his phone and sent the message in an effort to make me think it was him. Wondering what he what he was calling about after he sent the awful message. I missed the call, and he never leaves messages...so I still have no idea. Sure, I could pick up the phone and call him, but just this once...I want him to make the effort to show me that he's thinking about me and cares. I can't keep being the only one. Wondering if he's actually back here in Cali, and if so...does he plan on staying. Wondering if he's back in Cali, but only came to pack his things and head back to Houston...permanently. Wondering if we will ever be more than we've ever been.
Wondering.
Now you see why I'm on the side of it being better to have not loved, than to have loved and lost.
I have loved, and I have lost...sooo much. In a variety of ways, I have lost.
I sometimes think about all that I would still have, had I not loved "Joe."
And then I think about all that I have had, as a result of loving "Joe."
I imagine that at the end of the day it comes down to this:
Did loving him and having him in my life bring me more joy than I now have with him being gone?
Tough question, and not one to be answered easily or quickly. Definitively something to think about.
What say you?
Let the DIALOGUE begin: How would YOU answer the question? Do you believe that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?
Lately I haven't been getting much sleep. Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say that I haven't been getting much REST.
I go to bed tired and wake up tired, as if I never slept.
I'm sure that this is a result of all that's going on in my world.
The busy season is soon approaching at my job and already I'm on edge.
My Dad's been in hospitals and rehab facilities since November (as in...he hasn't been in his own home since then).
And there's "Joe." Wishy-washy, flaky, only God knows where he is right now, "Joe."
There never seem to be enough hours in a day for all that I need to get done.
And money has become extremely tight.
I just have TOO MUCH GOIN' ON!
A few weeks ago I was out with friends and I don't know how the subject came up but we somehow got on the topic of our phones and how we don't turn them off, which means that we are "technically" always "available."
My problem was that long after I'd turn in, text messages and phone calls would still come through. clearly, my bedtime hours are different from those of my friends.
I mentioned how I can't turn my phone off because my kids are away and I need to have my phone on in case there's ever an emergency and they need to get a hold of me.
One night, about a month or so ago...I was upset with THE WORLD and actually DID turn my phone off. Do you know that when I turned it back on the next morning I actually thought it was broken because the text message notification went off EIGHTEEN times in a row!!!
Had my phone been ON that night, that would have been EIGHTEEN times that I would have been wakened, and had my sleep disturbed.
Nevertheless, I didn't feel comfortable doing that on a regular basis.
Then my friend told me that she sets her phone to "DO NOT DISTURB" mode.
What's that???
She told me that in "DO NOT DISTURB" mode, she can specify who she WANTS to receive calls from, and BLOCK OUT everyone else. Basically, if anyone who's not on the "exceptions" list calls or texts during the "DO NOT DISTURB" hours, they will not "get through" until the "DO NOT DISTURB" period is over. SWEET!!!
Since then, I have specified my "DO NOT DISTURB" hours and my nights have been MUCH more quiet.
I also tried a new feature yesterday which was the "Auto Reject Call" option. I knew that it would reject any calls from coming in by designated contacts, but what I didn't realize was that when "said contact" calls, I am not even aware of it. I love that because it keeps me from being tempted to answer when I know I shouldn't.
I also discovered that the rejected calls DO show up in my call log, and that's okay. Doesn't mean that I have to call back...and I didn't.
So anywhoo...that's my lesson in technology. Once you know the options that are available, you can make 'em start workin' for ya.
Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you recently discovered any new features on YOUR phone, and if so, have you tried them?
Talk to me (but not during my DO NOT DISTURB HOURS)!
As much as I am a lover of words, I also know how damaging words can be when used in a negative context.
I won't sit here and lie by saying that my words toward others have ALWAYS been kind...because they haven't.
I have uttered hurtful words, and I have been hurt by uttered words.
Today, was one of those "I have been hurt by uttered words" days.
This past Saturday I got my hair done and was feelin' kinda cute. So...I did what every woman does these days when she's feelin' an extra dose of cuteness...I took some selfies.
After my "selfie photo shoot" I went through and picked the ones that I that were worth keeping...and ONE, I thought was worth sharing.
"Joe's" been out of town for the past five days, scheduled to return today.
As a "here's what you have to look forward to when you return," I sent him my favorite of all the selfies. No...they weren't "nude selfies." I don't do that!
I especially liked this particular one because it was primarily my FACE, and not much else. Very little hair, and very little of my shirt. Simply a GREAT shot of my FACE.
So, I sent it to him.
a few minutes later came his shocking reply: "Did you just do cocaine? Looks scary"
WOW!!!
How does one respond to that?!?
I had no idea, so...I chose not to respond.
I couldn't tell if he was joking -- although if he was, it was a TERRIBLE!
Or if he had become mean-spirited after his five days out of town, and truly meant what he said.
The only way that I'll know is when he calls or comes over, I'll have to ask. Til then, I'll just have to wonder.
For those who are curious about the pic -- if we are friends on Facebook, it'll be my new profile pic tomorrow. You can judge for yourself if you spot a cocaine-induced scariness.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever thought that you looked FABULOUS only to have someone bust your bubble?
Yesterday I attended an event filled with empowering women who shared their stories of love, loss, healing, and lots more.
Every woman's story was different. Every woman's story was POWERFUL.
As one woman got up to tell her story though, one of my "pet peeves" kept distracting me. You see...even though she was handed a microphone, she RARELY spoke into it.
She held it...right at about stomach level and left it there. URGH!!!
Now this may have been okay if her voice had carried through the room...BUT IT DIDN'T!
There were even times when she spoke in a soft whisper...the microphone would have REALLY come in handy then. But no.
I took what I could from her story, and it was in fact quite touching. I just wish that she had used the microphone that she had been given.
And this isn't the first time that I've strained my ears to hear a speaker while they held the mic way down low. It's happened numerous times. All I can say is...I just don't get it.
Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: When was the last time you attended an event that motivated you and pushed you into action?
I've never been much of a "fashionista." Clothes just aren't my thang. Truth be told, I wear the SAME clothes to work every week. Sure, I mix 'em up...but for the most part, the outfits are the same, just worn on different days.
No one comments on my attire, and I don't expect them to.
But when I wear THIS SHIRT (the one in the pic)...I am showered with comments, compliments, and smiles. I LOVE THIS SHIRT!!!
I don't wear it every week because I don't want it to lose its effect. I probably wear it once a month, maybe once every two months. If I could though...I'd wear it EVERY DAY.
I love the way that it gets people to so freely open up.
It genuinely makes them feel and think that they "LOOK AWESOME TODAY." Ninety-nine percent of the time, folks read the shirt, smile, say "thank you" to me, and then respond with, "You look awesome today too!"
It just doesn't get much sweeter than that!
What really tickles me is that I got this shirt for about five bucks from one of those stores that sells cute stuff, but the quality isn't made to last. I know that going in. This shirt (although stretched out with letters fading) is hangin' on...and I hope it KEEPS hangin' because it sure does bring joy to a whole lotta folks. Who knew that a simple little five dollar shirt could do all that???
Now it's YOUR turn...
Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do YOU have a favorite outfit or article of clothing? If so, what made you like it so much?
Talk to me!
Til next time...oh, and by the way...in case no one's told you...YOU LOOK AWESOME TODAY!
Back in January I came down with whatever had been going around in my office and was sicker than I could remember being in a VERY long time.
Congestion, fever, persistent cough...it was awful!
One Monday it got so bad I decided to seek medical treatment.
I called my doctor's office to see if I could go in THAT DAY and was told that I couldn't be seen until the FOLLOWING TUESDAY. What?!?
I said, "Ok. How 'bout ANY of the doctors in the office. I'll see whoever is available."
The receptionst responded by telling me that ALL of the doctors were unavailable and the SOONEST I could be seen by MY doctor was EIGHT DAYS away.
WOW!!!
I was super sick and needed to be seen PRONTO. Eight days wasn't gonna cut it.
Ultimately, I ended up going to urgent care. It took about a month for whatever I (and the rest of my office) had to FINALLY go away COMPLETELY, but it did.
Now we fast forward to TODAY.
Although I am overweight, I am blessed with good health.
No DIABETES.
No HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.
No HIGH CHOLESTEROL.
Just in overall good health.
I don't take good health for granted though, so I decided to call and make an appointment for my annual physical, just to make sure that everything is still functioning as it should.
Well...here we go again!
I called to schedule my appointment and the EARLIEST that my doctor can see me is TWO MONTHS from now...TWO MONTHS!!! That's CRAZY!!!
This caused me to wonder.
What in the heck is going on?
Why are the waits so long now?
Is this a result of the Affordable Care Act?
I am simply BAFFLED and BEFUDDLED.
Anywhoo...I'm thankful that nothing is ailing me at this time. Although if it were, I'm sure (or at least I would HOPE) that I could be seen before two months time.
Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have YOU noticed longer wait times for appointments with YOUR doctor? If so, what's the LONGEST you've had to wait to get in?
Out of all the various social media platforms, Facebook is my favorite and the one that I am on DAILY.
I've often heard folks say that Facebook is filled with a lot of garbage and negativity which has driven them away. I've always said that Facebook is as good as the people in your news feed...also known as your FRIENDS.
If your news feed is filled with garbage and negativity, it may be time to delete some friends. I'm jus' sayin'.
Thankfully, MY news feed is often filled with humor, encouragement, and positivity.
One thing that I particularly enjoy are the strong Men of Faith who I have as friends. There aren't many, but for the few that there are, I am thankful.
These men, who I have named the "Magnificent Seven" (y'all know how I am about sevens), boldly proclaim their faith in Christ and strive to encourage others. Although I would LOVE to mention them by name, I'm not sure how they'd feel about that, so I will simply list them by initials. Hopefully, if they EVER read my blog, they will recognize themselves in this post.
Anywhoo...here they are:
JS
EB
KH
TD
MP
EB
VC
Yes, two of them have the same initials, so no...that wasn't a mistake.
As thankful as I am to have to receive encouragement from my sisters in Christ, it's an extra blessing to know that I have these strong men as well who I can look to for spiritual encouragement. I wish I could link them all together because they would be one POWERFUL force if they all knew each other.
JS knows TD, VC and KH.
TD knows JS and VC, however KH does not know TD nor VC.
The two EBs know each other. And MP doesn't know any of the others.
Sounds like a math word problem, doesn't it?
Like I said, in my perfect world they'd ALL know each other because "iron sharpens iron."
That's it for now.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: For the Christian women who are reading this -- how important is it for YOU to have strong men of faith as part of your spiritual circles. Do you need them at all, or are your sisters in Christ enough?
Every now and then I do something that makes me shake my head.
I did such a thing about six weeks ago.
As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I have worked at my present job for ten months now.
I'm a "brown bagger," so everyday at lunchtime I go into the kitchen with a book and make the most of my 45 minutes.
For the longest time, I'd go into the kitchen and have to wash my hands with dish soap...DISH SOAP. This made NO sense to me that the kitchen would not have HAND soap, but hey...I must wash my hands before I eat, so I made-do with the DISH soap.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the 99 cent store and purchased HAND soap for the kitchen.
For the first couple of days it seemed that I was the only one using it. The level didn't go down much at all.
A few more days passed and I could finally tell that it was being used. YES!!! Clearly, my fellow officmates had been longing for HAND soap as much as I.
One bottle got used up and I replaced it with a new one.
I really felt good about my "good deed" and that others were benefiting from it. I never told anyone that I was the one bringing the soap, and it wasn't necessary for anyone to know.
Some time passed and I could see that the second bottle would soon be empty. I made a mental note to bring more.
As I stood at the sink and washed my hands, I saw this skinny little nozzle thingy attached to the sink. Hmmm. I'd never seen that before. I pressed it in an attempt to see what it was, and...YOU GUESSED IT...it was a SOAP DISPENSER! WHAT?!?
I stood there for a minute. You mean to tell me that this soap dispenser has been here ALL ALONG???
Clearly, it HAD been. I just didn't recognize what it was because MY home doesn't have one so it never registered in my mind to even look to see if the office kitchen sink had one.
Well...this left me to wonder if perhaps I'd CREATED a problem versus SOLVING one?
What if folks had gotten USED TO the soap I'd been bringing? What if OTHERS (like me) haven't yet realized that there's a soap dispenser connected to the sink. What if NOW, folks ARE using DISH SOAP to wash their hands because the HAND SOAP is gone? *sigh*
Now every time I go in the kitchen I utter a small giggle. Can't believe how I missed that, but...I did. Maybe I should make a sign pointing to the dispenser. Nah...maybe not.
How 'bout you...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Have you ever done something that you thought was SOLVING a problem, only to find that it actually CREATED one?
Since that whole November 5th debacle, I've actually seen him more lately. Not nearly as much as I used to before November 5th, but more than I did in the one or two months after.
Things are not 100% what they were back then, but they are better than I thought they'd be -- at least up until last night when I did something that probably has him upset with me now. But if history is any indicator, he'll be upset, and then eventually, he'll cool off.
So anyway...back to the dream.
I dreamt that he had a brand new car. It was actually the same model as his current car, but it was brand new shiny.
I hopped in and we drove around for a bit.
Next thing I knew, we were at a house somewhere. It may have been OUR house. Like in the dream we were either married or living together.
So we're at the house, talking in one of the rooms. I leave that room and go into another where I pick up our two day old son who's swaddled on a beautiful turquoise blanket. His eyes were closed and he had a head full of hair.
I picked up the baby -- which had been the very first time since the baby was born, and I took him to Joe.
I don't even think Joe looked at the baby. He just said, "I don't want it."
I said, "What do you mean, you don't want it? This is the baby we've both been wanting."
Again, Joe said, "I don't want it."
I asked, "Well what are we supposed to do with him?"
Joe told me to get in the car. So I did.
He then proceeded to drive until we found an adoption agency to take the baby to. I couldn't believe this was happening. And I couldn't believe how easily I went along with what he wanted. I mean, this was MY baby too. I didn't want to give him up, but I also didn't want to raise Joe's son without Joe.
I'm not sure exactly how things turned out because I woke up.
I saw Joe this morning and meant to tell him about the dream. Didn't get a chance. But I will. I'm curious to hear what he'll think about it.
Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's the oddest dream that you've had recently?
Eleven months ago I interviewed for the position that I now currently hold with my employer.
In the interview I was informed about the "Profit Sharing Bonus" that employees are eligible for after two years of employment. That was exciting to hear!
I began my employment in May. Soon thereafter we entered our "busy season" which was INSANELY BUSY! As a result we started a record breaking streak, and at the end of the streak, we ended up with a HISTORY MAKING YEAR!
You know what that means...MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY, MO' MONEY!
Now I realize that I was being EXTREMELY optimistic, however...I felt that with such a HISTORY MAKING year, the two year employment requirement would be lifted, and we would ALL get to share in the profits. My take was this...If you were here to help make it happen, then YOU TOO should be rewarded. Even if the bonus for the newer employees had to be prorated to the amount of time that they'd been employed...at least they would get SOMETHING.
We even had a Q&A session with the owner of our company a few months back, and I threw my suggestion into the hat. Not surprisingly, he never read my question...at least not during the session.
When the session was over, he mentioned that he would be answering ALL of the questions that he wasn't able to get to during the allotted time and that the answer would go out in a company email.
Well...you can probably guess what happened next.
The email came out, and AGAIN...MY question was not answered.
Ok. I get it. My "Utopian" suggestion wasn't gonna happen. No biggie. I saw how it was. Didn't like it, but hey...it is what it is, right?
So a few weeks ago, I noticed a sign in the lunchroom announcing that "Bonus Day" is coming. What??? Bonus Day? Oh Dear!
A couple weeks ago our Supervisor went from person to person asking if they were "eligible for the bonus."
Now, was that REALLY necessary???
Surely, HR could have told him who was eligible and who wasn't. It's based on your hire date. EASY. There was absolutely NO NEED to go around the entire office asking that question. No need AT ALL.
Now here I'd been thinking that the eligible folks were gonna discreetly get their bonuses in their checks.
Nope!
Turns out that "Bonus Day" is a big PRODUCTION. There's a theme, and folks are encouraged to come dress in costume. At this news, I've gotta admit, I became a bit "salty."
You mean to tell me that folks are gonna get to parade around that day...amidst all of the folks who were NOT eligible for the bonus? Oh no! That ain't right!! To me, that's equivalent to being invited to a birthday party, taking a gift, and then being told that you will not be able to have any cake. You can sing "Happy Birthday" if you want...actually, you are ENCOURAGED to sing...BUT...do NOT expect to have a piece of cake, because at THIS party...there's NO CAKE FOR YOU!
Yeah, I realize that I'm thinking with my "inner 5 year old" brain, but REALLY...that's what this is.
Again though...to all of this I said, "No biggie."
Although I am happy for my co-workers who are eligible and will be partaking in the festivities, I am simply not mature enough to be there when it's all going down. So...I've requested the day off.
Problem solved...right?
WRONG!!!
Today at work, all of the eligible folks got badges that they are to wear ALL WEEK long that shows how many years they've received the bonus. Yep...Instead of this being a one-day event, it's actually a WEEK LONG AFFAIR. As you can imagine...it's gonna be a LOONNNGGGG week.
Anywhoo...perhaps when next year's "Bonus Day" rolls around, I will have the maturity level of at least a teenager with regard to this matter. It'll still seem wrong, but at least I'll deal with it better, and perhaps I'll actually come to work that day. As for this year...I'm just not there.
And for everyone out there saying, "You should be THANKFUL that you even HAVE a job...bonus or not." Yes, I get it, and I am. This is not that. This (at least for me) is a totally separate issue. I am quite thankful for my employment and don't take it for granted. There's just somethin' about the way that this whole bonus thing goes down that just doesn't sit well with me. That's all.
Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: Does YOUR company give bonuses? If so, do you have to wait a certain amount of time before you are eligible to receive it?
Today I had the wonderful opportunity to visit another church (pulled from my bowl).
This was the 2nd that I've visited this year during my "Season of Visitation."
Pretty much ALL of the churches that I will be visiting are churches that my Christian friends attend. As I scroll through my Facebook feed on Sunday mornings, I make note of who's checked in where, and in the bowl it goes. I make it a point to not tell anyone that I'm visiting their church. That may sound odd, but I just want my experience to be as organic as possible...so if they happen to be there when I visit...great. And if not...that's okay too.
The church I visited this morning begins worship service at 9:00. A little early for my taste, but before my church had our own church home, we held service at our "sister church" and began at 8:30. So 9:00 isn't that much of a stretch.
I arrived, walked in and was immediately and warmly greeted by a woman whose name I now know is Doris.
She asked if I was a visitor or a guest. I said visitor.
She asked how I'd heard about the church and I told her that I have a friend who attends with his family.
She told me that she hadn't seen them yet, but encouraged me to go on in, have a seat, and join in as they worshiped the Lord.
I did just that.
Found a place to set my things and joined right in with Praise and Worship. I immediately sensed the presence of the Lord in that house and my spirit knew that this would be a great experience.
One thing that particularly moved me was the sign language interpreter. She signed those songs TO THE GLORY OF GOD! It was BEAUTIFUL!!!
At one point, we sang a song that had alto, tenor and soprano parts to it. To my wonderful surprise, there was not just ONE sign language interpreter, but THREE...each singing and signing their own part. Can you say POWERFUL! That's exactly what it was...POWERFUL!!!
I kept watching trying to catch words here and there. I learned "forever" and "Jesus (which is pictured here)." Just watching them made me want to learn. They did so much more than just stand there and move their hands. Their facial expressions showed their awe for God. The way they moved their bodies to emphasize certain words showed their awe for God. They were simply AMAZING.
After Praise and Worship was over, the Pastor took to the pulpit, greeted the congregation, covered some things pertaining to various ministries in the church and ultimately got into the message. One thing I noticed while listening to him discuss the ministries within their church was that they are a Bible-believing, Bible-led church. And if anyone is in a ministry leadership capacity there, they MUST devote time to studying God's Word. In hearing that, once again, I knew I was in the right place. This Pastor's stance on ministry leadership matches that of my own Pastor. How can one lead spiritually, if they don't have God's Word in them? The short answer is...they can't.
The message came from Matthew 6:31-33, and the title was "Seek first the kingdom."
In a nutshell, there are so many things that we desire, and none of them are a surprise to God. But if we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then those things we desire will be added unto us, as long as they are according to His will.
So that was my visitation experience this morning to Victory Institutional Baptist Church. I am happy to say that God was truly glorified.
Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you know how to speak American Sign Language?
This post should have been written YESTERDAY, but I got home so late that I wrote and posted before I realized what happened.
You see...YESTERDAY'S post was the 555TH post here at The Dialogue Den. That's a fairly major accomplishment, and I'm gonna take this moment to pat myself on the back.
I started posting back in 2010 and I've gotta be honest...there have been MANY discouraging moments.
Wondering WHEN my sweet little blog will develop a LARGE following...
Wondering WHEN folks will DIALOGUE with me on EVERY post...
Wondering if my writing is in vain.
Nevertheless, even with all of the unknowns, I have continued to write, because it's what I have to do FOR ME.
WRITING IS WHAT I DO. WRITING IS WHAT I WILL DO.
I'm not a political blogger.
I'm not a food blogger.
I'm not a faith blogger.
I'm not a love and relationship blogger.
I'm not a women's issues blogger.
I'm not a parenting expert blogger.
I'm not a career blogger.
Yet on any given day, I can be ANY and ALL of those. It just depends on what's swirling around in my head at the time.
What I have recently discovered is that The Dialogue Den is not a "field of dreams" where...once it's built, followers will come. No...I've got some work to do...a LOT of work toward developing a consistent following. Where I'll find the time for that...I have NO IDEA. But I've gotta find it if I want The Dialogue Den to become what I had envisioned when I wrote the very first post on June 10, 2010.
Some may be wondering why I chose to celebrate the 555TH post. I dunno. I just felt that it needed to be celebrated.
At this moment I would like to acknowledge THREE of my very faithful readers. Their support means the world to me and I just want them to know how much I appreciate them. I won't list them by name, but I will list their initials. They'll know who they are. *smile*
So to KC, TH, and WN...I want you three to know that I TRULY appreciate your support and encouragement toward my writing efforts.
And to my recent commenter, Rebecca...all the way from Mississauga, ON, Canada...I would also like to say THANK YOU. Your comment made me aware of the fact that The Dialogue Den is reaching places that I was unaware. I'm not sure if you found the blog online or on its Facebook page. However you found it, please know that you've put a grand smile on this blogger's face.
Now...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What are some of your favorite blogs, and what do you like most about them?
Three years ago today, I walked into a barber shop, hopped in the chair, showed the barber a picture of Solange Knowles with a VERY short hair cut, and said, "That's what I want."
The barber looked at the picture, then at me...with hair past my shoulders, and said, "Are you sure?"
I said, "Yep."
"Alright then. Let's do this."
I still remember the faces of the other men in the shop. They sat in wonderment waiting to see what was about to happen to my flowing head of hair. After the first buzz...they knew EXACTLY what was about to go down.
If there had been any second thoughts, they all went out the window after that first buzz. There was NO turning back. I wasn't sure what to make of the barber's excitement. It almost felt a bit uncomfortable...kinda awkward.
Once he was finished he handed me the mirror and I sat in awe at the fact that my hair was now about a quarter of an inch long...if even that. I LOVED IT!
It was as though I were starting all over again.
I had to learn how to care for my new short cut. As time progressed, I had to learn how to care for it during the "transitional" phases. And ohhh...there were MANY transitional phases.
By the time March 1, 2014 rolled around, I was HATING my hair. It was four different textures, and the patch in the middle of my head was noticeably shorter than the rest of my hair. I couldn't understand what was happening.
My hair was pretty decent BEFORE I'd cut it all off. But the way it grew back was TERRIBLE. My fellow "naturalistas" suggested product after product to try. NOTHING WORKED.
Finally, July 1st rolled around and I couldn't take it anymore. I went to a local salon and asked the stylist to cut my hair down to its healthiest length. She did, and I walked out with my hair about an inch long.
After that I continued to try various hair products in the search for what would work with MY hair.
A couple years later, I have now discovered that my hair LOVES the Cantu line of products, and just this morning (Yes, I'm still trying stuff out), I learned that my hair also loves COCONUT OIL. Who knew?!?
After months of hating my hair, I am now at a point where I absolutely LOVE it. I love the versatility most of all. I can "wash and go" and love it, or get it pressed at the salon, and love it. Either way I wear it works for me.
So for all the women out there who are considering the "big chop," I would say, "DO IT!" Just know that there will be many phases and transitions during the "growing back" process...some you'll love, and others...not so much.
In case you were wondering...that's the back of my head in the pic, taken on 3/1/13.
Now, let the DIALOGUE begin: What is YOUR favorite hair care product?
Welcome to the "The Dialogue Den", a cozy little blog where I share my random thoughts and greatly welcome YOUR comments! This is a collaborative effort people, so don't make me do this all by myself :-)
I want to hear from YOU. I NEED to hear from YOU!
As for who I am...someone very recently described me by these words, "author, writer extraordinaire, poet, publisher, scholar, etc." I wholeheartedly agree with all of the above. Even though some of those descriptions have not yet come to fruition, I BELIEVE that one day they ALL will. I'm also a mother of 3, who loves to sing, spend time with my close friends and family, and serve those in need. I strongly believe that our greatest blessings come when we are a blessing to others. I will soon begin development of a non-profit organization that I have envisioned for years and look forward to sharing its progress with you here as well. My topics here aren't too deep (that's not what I do). They're all pretty random (which is totally me). I hope you visit often and are ready to be entertained, intrigued, enlightened, and who knows what else, here in "The Dialogue Den". Thanks for stoppin' by and please "LIKE" the page on Facebook!
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