Anywhere But HERE!

Life's gotten pretty heavy (again) lately, and I have found myself on a number of occasions wondering what it would be like to get in my car and just drive away...leaving everything behind.

I want to start over.

I need to start over.

But where would I go?

I have no idea.

Maybe my issue isn't so much that I want to GO anywhere, but moreso that I want to LEAVE some places.

Ok...who am I foolin'? The place that I want to leave is my JOB. Yes...I've only been there a year, but I have that prickling in my spirit that's letting me know that "this ain't it."

From this side of the keyboard I can already hear folks SCREAMING, "Gurrrl...don't you leave that job that you have now! Don't you do it!!"

Yep...I know that's what folks will say. Which leaves me to wonder who I'm really staying there for. I'm NOT happy, and every day that I go in, I fall deeper and deeper into what I know is depression. Yes, I know that's what this is because I've experienced it before. I am absolutely NO stranger to depression.

I'm also stressed, and it's manifesting itself in physical form.

A few years ago my stress manifested itself in the form of alopecia areata. Yep...I developed FIVE quarter-sized BALD spots on my head. Crazy, right?

Well...the stress is back, and this time it has manifested itself in the form of an ugly growing rash on my neck, just under my chin. Have you ever noticed how thin the neck skin is under your chin? Feel it. It's super-thin...which makes it extremely uncomfortable when it's irritated in any way.

Two weeks ago I was on vacation, "footloose and fancy free"...absolutely enjoying life.

I returned to work and the stress was piled on immediately. Like I didn't even get a chance to breathe or re-acclimate myself to the chaos. THIS week has been even worse.

Sadly, even when I try to tell myself to stay calm and NOT stress...my BODY knows better and so...see the pic.

Bottom line is this...I need to get out! I need to get into the career that matches my passion. I need to get into an organization that HELPS others.

I no longer want to be trapped in a cubicle, pushing product that makes others wealthy.

And for me, wealth isn't even the primary motivator. For me, HELPING OTHERS is what matters most.

If I can change the life of a young person for the better...then THAT would mean more to me that ANY money in the bank.

I've gotta figure out how to get there. The tough part is that I've never done that kind of work before. I've always done "cubicle work." But there HAS to be a way in...there just HAS to be. And I am determined to get there, or die trying. After all...what's it gonna hurt? I already feel like I'm dying a little bit each day in my current position. So there's really nothing to lose.

So...how 'bout we Let the DIALOGUE begin: Anybody have any suggestions for what I can put on this rash. It itches and burns. Ouch!

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Two Minutes

Almost every time someone dies, especially celebrities, we who are left tend to remember and say good things about the dearly departed. The same happens at funerals (or as we in my faith call them...HOMEGOING services).

Whenever I hear folks reflect on celebrities or those whose services I attend, I am always Always ALWAYS left wondering, "What will folks say about me after I die?"

Of course, I have my own ideas about what I would HOPE folks would say, but it sure would be nice to know before I go, exactly what would be said.

Would I be described as kind, loving, caring?

Creative, artsy, quirky?

Passionate?

Bitchy, moody, some-timey?

Giving, selfless, Servant of Christ?

Sexy, funny, talented?

In all honesty, depending on who'd be speaking, you very well may hear me described as ALL of those...and many more that I've surely left off.

I often find it unfortunate that the accolades and benevolent statements are made after the person is gone and can no longer hear them.

Oh, I know that there are many who believe that the dearly departed "look down from Heaven" and see all that we do -- which would include being able to hear the kind words that are said.

I however, being the eternal "oddballl" simply do not believe that those who leave this earthly life look down (or up) to see, monitor, protect and/or watch what their loved ones are doing.

Heck, my Mom has been in Heaven for seventeen months now. There is NO WAY that I would want her looking back on ANY of what she left. NO WAY!!! How could she POSSIBLY experience the fullness of JOY, and PEACE if she saw all that was going on here. She WOULDN'T.

So with the recent death of one of our music icons, I've been left again to wonder, "Just what will folks say about me?" Even as I write these words, the song, "Give Me My Flowers" rings through my head.

I believe that if folks would "give others their flowers" and kind words while living, this world would be a much better place, and people would know how much they are LOVED and APPRECIATED when it means the most...while they are still ALIVE and can hear the words.

Anyhoo...That's my soapbox for tonight.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: What word(s) would YOU hope folks use to describe and remember you after your life here is done?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Where Are They Now?

So today's post is one that I have wanted to write since last Thursday, but have been reluctant to do so. My spirit however, has continued to be "prickled" and I know that it won't stop until I just go ahead and write the darned thing.

Since the unexpected death of one of our music icons last Thursday, I've felt a bit "troubled" about where he may be now.

One of my friend's posted something on the day of his death and at the end of her post she wrote, "I pray that he was saved." I prayed the same.

As the days progressed, more information about his faith was mentioned.

According to the Christian faith, Jesus is God, Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

According to Romans 10:9, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

From what I understand, this individual's faith did not adhere to such belief. And that makes me sad, because it means that I (along with other followers of Christ) will never see him again. It also means that he is now experiencing ETERNAL separation from God. Something that I can not even BEGIN to imagine.

As much as I believe The Bible to be the TRUE, INERRANT WORD OF GOD...the bottom line is that NONE of us will ever know what REALLY happens after THIS life until we enter the next.

It's really troubling when I think about it. Not just because of this one artist, but because of the many who have died before him. And not just celebrities, but every-day folks who were once here and aren't any longer.

I have many friends who do not believe that Jesus is Lord, and that He died for our sins. They think that's all just part of a "man made" story, taken from the beliefs of other faiths that came before Christianity.

One thing's for sure...we can't ALL be right.

As much I enjoyed the music of the artist who just passed, and have enjoyed hearing about how generous and kind he was...I know that (according to the Word of God), none of that gets one into eternity with God. Belief in Christ is the ONLY way.

The other thing that's certain is that no one knows what happened in the last moments of this individual's life. Perhaps just before his last breath, he actually DID confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord and believed in his heart that God raised him from the dead. Only he and God know for sure. But I sure hope...with my hope of hopes...that that is how it happened.

With a heavy sigh...Let the DIALOGUE begin: What do YOU think? Do all dogs go to heaven? And people too?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

777-9311

So here's a question for women who are in MY age range:

Remember when you were younger and when a guy would be interested in you and ask for your number, you'd give him what was called a "bunk" number...also known as "the WRONG number" if you weren't interested?"

Yes, back in those days we could do that because there were no cell phones so by the time he'd get home and call...you would be LONG gone (and just have to hope that you'd never run into him again).

With the advent of technology, and everyone having a cell phone at their fingertips now...giving someone one a "bunk" number these days is virtually impossible. Here's why.

Recently I met a guy and we got a bit of a conversation going. Soon thereafter, he had to go his way and I had to go mine. I thought he was a nice enough guy...and good looking...but I didn't think much more than that. I just thought he was a cool dude and we vibed well in the short amount of time that we talked.

As we got ready to part, he suggested looking into some things for me that we had briefly discussed. I found that to be a very kind gesture. He then whipped out his phone and said, "So let me get your number and I'll call you when I have that info." SMOOTH. I thought that was REAL SMOOTH.

I rattled off my number and watched him plug it in.

We said our goodbyes...I went left...he went right, and that was that.

WRONG!!!

That WASN'T that!

Less than five minutes later I noticed that I had a "missed call" that was followed by a text letting me know who the number belonged to. HE is the ONLY person I know in his area code, so it wouldn't have been tough for me to figure out whose number it was, but I had to giggle at the way the whole thing went down. Just like in the days of old...he had to make sure that the number I gave him was good. I gotta admit...I was a bit flattered by that.

Anywhoo...we've sent a few texts back and forth since then, and I'm actually looking forward to a phone CALL one of these days. The texts are nice, but I'm "old skool" and prefer the sound of a voice far more that reading words through a screen.

One of these days (depending on how things go), I'll share who he is, how we met, and all that good stuff.

Til then...Let the DIALOGUE begin: LADIES...When was the last time a man asked for your number? Did you give it to him? Did you give him a fake one? Or did you decline altoghther?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

What Can I Say...and Who Can I Say It To?

Life has been so crazy these past few weeks...THIS week especially. Yes, I know...I just came back from vacation. So how can things be crazy? Believe ME...they are! Just hours after landing back on Cali soil Monday morning, sh!t hit the fan. You know how messy THAT can be.

Times like these are when I really miss having a "Best Friend" to talk to. One that I can tell EVERYTHING to as I used to do when I had a "best friend." I know that I still have friends who are willing to lend an listening ear, but I'm just not at the point where I can tell EVERYTHING...because EVERYTHING includes some pretty crazy "stuff".

Instead, I am left to keep it all to myself, and that's just so uncomfortable. I have no outlet.

As crazy as some of the "stuff" was that I'd been through and done in the past, she never judged me, or threw the "Christian card" in my face (even though some of my choices didn't, and still don't sometimes match up with my faith). Instead, she would just listen and respond with, "Oh D." Even with that though, I never felt judged. I knew that many times her "Oh D" meant, "I can't BELIEVE you did that...or did that AGAIN," but she was always supported ME (maybe not my DECISIONS), but ME in WHATEVER choices I made...good, bad or indifferent. And when the pieces broke, she was there to help me pick them up and piece them back together.

Lately, I have made some choices that would make her hair curl...but I know that even with THESE choices, she'd still just sigh, say "Oh D", and we'd keep it pushin'.

So for now, I guess it's just me & God. I'm certain that I've made HIS hair curl...which isn't anything that I'm proud of...I just know that because He sees ALL...He has SEEN ALL.

In other news...there was a knock at the door tonight...well, more like a call from the front gate. In the past I always knew who it was and automatically pressed the buzzer to open it. Tonight was different. I answered the call, but didn't say anything...nor did whoever was at the gate say anything. About ten seconds passed, I didn't press the buzzer, and finally hung up the phone.

Who was at the gate? I have no idea. Could it have been "Joe?" Maybe. Would I have wanted it to have been "Joe?" Of course. When/if I see or speak to him, I'll be sure to ask. Til then it will remain a mystery.

So...deep breath in...and EXHALE.

Let the DIALOGUE begin: Do you have someone you can tell EVERYTHING to? And I don't mean God. I mean an earthly human being. If so, it sure must be nice.

Talk to me!

Til next time...

And...GO!

My goodness! Seems like it was forever-ago since I last posted.

Part of that is because I was on vacation and out of town last week (WITHOUT a computer), and the other part is that my home internet service has been terribly spotty. Sometimes I have to wait TWO HOURS for the "little light" to come on that lets me know that I can get online. Many times that light isn't on until the wee hours of the morning when I am far into "Dreamland."

I finally decided that my spotty internet service was UNACCEPTABLE so I called my ISP and scheduled an appointment for them to come out and fix it.

Well...wouldn't you know it.

The appointment was scheduled for TODAY, and TODAY, my internet has behaved splendidly. Of course!

Apparently, the technician was able to remotely fix whatever the issue is. Although I am quite thankful for that, I still wonder why that hadn't been done all the other times that I called to report the issue.

Nevertheless...looks like I'm back in business, and I have a WHOLE LOT to catch up on.

So...Let the DIALOGUE begin: How you doooin'?

Talk to me!

Til next time...

Dress That Salad!

A couple weeks ago I attended an event. At the end of the event a very light salad was served. That salad was DELICIOUS. More specifically, the DRESSING was DELICIOUS.

I tried to identify what was in the dressing but came up empty. That's ok though because out of that experience came my decision to EAT more salad and MAKE more dressing.

I've decided to stop BUYING salad dressings, especially since many of them have ingredients that I can't even pronounce, and just make my own.

I found a website that had FIFTY different recipes. I am going to make them ALL.

Tonight I started with the Classic Vinaigrette. Came out okay, and just as I am doing with my church visits...I will make it again. Yes, every dressing will be made twice. That'll give me a chance to change/fix anything that didn't turn out right the first time.

Not sure how this'll go. I might just go down the list and make them in consecutive order, or I may close my eyes and randomly point to one. Either way, I'm looking forward to having much healthier, and tastier salads going forward.

Now Let the DIALOGUE begin: What's YOUR favorite salad dressing? Is it creamy or oil based?

Talk to me!

Til next time...